


Bad Romance

by Lollipopgang71, smoresies



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Community Service, Delinquents, F/M, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-03-01 19:06:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 92,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13301307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lollipopgang71/pseuds/Lollipopgang71, https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoresies/pseuds/smoresies
Summary: Due to unfortunate circumstances, teens Sasori, Kisame, Itachi, Kakashi, Gai, Hidan and Deidara are forced to do 500 hours of community service under the watchful eye of Jiraiya.None of this is a good idea.





	1. Introduction 101

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone~! So welcome to my new fic! It's being co-written with Lollipopgang71! 
> 
> This is just a bit of fun. I like these characters so I wanted to do something more with them so my boo and I decided to essentially write crack.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy and let me know if there's anything you'd like to see them do!

Itachi didn’t want to be here. It was stupid. Why in the world did he take the fall for his older cousin he will never know…oh yeah. It’s Shisui, master of will bending. What in the world was Izumi thinking daring him to try and steal a car? If he ever had a moment to think between his job, his schoolwork and now this, he’d pull out every single one of Izumi’s leg hairs for making him be in this current situation.  
He looked up and took in the company he was keeping, all of these men looked like common criminals. He shut his eyes in annoyance ‘I shouldn’t be here’ he all but whined. 

"What the hell are you looking at?" Itachi heard from behind him. He turned to see a tall pale man who was very muscular and had almost a swindler’s look to him. There were three ‘v’ shaped scars under each eye, and high cheekbones Itachi could cut himself slapping. 

"Whatever I want shark-boy." This voice was much cockier than the deep one he just heard behind him.

Curiosity got the better of him and he looked for the source, only to find it in someone who looked to be his age with slicked back white hair, purple eyes and what looked to be cultist robes. Itachi groaned internally. This headache is what he would be subjected to…for 500 hours minimum. 

"I wouldn’t do that kid, keep on walking, trust me, you don’t want this." The man behind him said warningly. 

"Oh _I don’t want none of this_ huh? Who the fuck do you think you are talking to? I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission." The white haired man mocked him. He was a snide one, though Itachi almost liked him for his shamelessness. 

"That’s it you little troll." He stood up to his full height and Itachi couldn’t help but feel like a hobbit. Damn.

"You guys are noisy, keep it down! Some of us are actually trying to do their homework before this stupid community service, un!" This was a new voice Itachi’s head whipped to the new sound and looked to find a blonde haired blue eyed art student by the looks of it. A thought crossed Itachi’s mind and was out before he could stop it.

"Wait…are we all students here?"

"Yeah, duh. Did you not notice every single one of us came in with backpacks? Well everyone besides es cargo back there."

"That’s it!" the taller man lunged at the white haired kid. Almost landed a punch before Itachi held his wrist, and looked at him apologetically. 

"What the? Get off me!" 

"Come now, let them fight! Let them settle their differences in a passionate hot-blooded battle! We are in the prime of our youths, let them settle it!" a guy in a green jumper piped up from the back of the class. 

"This is exactly why we’re hear Gai. Shut up." said the person next to him whom Itachi would’ve never known existed, he was so quiet.

"I’m sorry but you guys cannot fight, if you do we all might get more hours added onto our sentence. If you must fight, don’t do it here…some of us are trying to get through med school." He said calmly, the man in questions eyebrows rose as if impressed and then nodded, if nothing for else than for this polite kid. 

"What, that’s it? You’re gonna let some dollface with big eyes stop you? Pft. Pathetic." Itachi glared at him. 

"This _doll face_ knows all eight vital points on the human body, one if I hit will cut off blood supply to your intestines, giving you an infection, and causing you to die of dysentery. Still think I’m one you want to pick a fight with?" he watched the other’s face redden a little at the thought of dying of shitting himself to death. 

"You both are fucking creeps." He walked away. 

"Yeah, go pray to whatever idol you have, freak." The older man said with a smile over Itachi’s shoulder. All the other did was make a face and flip them both off. 

"Well…that’s a way to make friends…" Itachi mumbled to himself as he sat down back at his desk, they were still waiting on the coordinator to come and tell them their task for this week was, roll call was in two minutes. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around 

"Hey, thanks. Sorry for almost blowing it for everyone." He smiled and Itachi had to stop himself from staring at the unusually sharp canines. Suddenly there was a hand in his face. 

"Name’s Kisame Hoshigaki. Yours?" Itachi took the hand that was offered, it made his own tingle. He smiled and replied. 

"Itachi Uchiha." Kisame's expression brightened at the introduction and Itachi couldn't help himself from asking, "So why are you here?"

"Aggravated assault and battery." Kisame said sheepishly and scratched his chin. Itachi blinked, he should've figured. "What about you?" Itachi couldn't help the sagging of his shoulders.

"Grand theft auto..." Kisame just stared and then a grin stretched across his face.

"Yeah? No shit?" Itachi opened his mouth to respond when suddenly the door was pushed open and he directed his attention to the front of the room. 

"Alright everybody sit down." The loud voice boomed. "My name is Jiraiya and I'll be the most important person in your life right now. Why? Because I sign off on your hours." Jiraiya sat on the table at the front of the room and everyone stared at him. He perked an eyebrow. "Huh, I thought there would be more of you."

Not too long after that, the door opened again and a red-head entered the room and awkwardly brought himself to the back and Jiraiya watched him sit.

"Okay, still not as many people as I assumed but whatever..." He picked up his list. "Let's do this. Roll call. Alright. We got... Deidara." The blonde art student waved his hand with a frown. "Gai."

"Yes, I am here and ready to fulfil my duties as a most youthful-"

"Hidan." Jiraiya continued flatly and the crass white haired man raised his arm and mumbled something. "Itachi." Itachi raised his hand embarrassed. "Kakashi." Jiraiya looked at the gray haired student and couldn't help but smirking at his choice of book. "Nice reading material." He complimented and Kakashi gave him a thumbs up, assuming Jiraiya was being facetious. "Kisame."

"Hey." Kisame leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, smiling. 

"And I'm guessing you're Sasori." The red head frowned and nodded. "Great. Lively bunch you all are. I'm excited for this. That was a lie. I don't know why I'm here. In any case, for the next... however many hours you got sentenced to, I am going to make your lives miserable by forcing you to do things for your community. Today, we will be organizing a car wash."

"But... why?" Hidan asked. "Who the fuck wants a bunch of delinquents rubbing their shit all over their car when there's a perfectly good machine powered car wash down the fuckin' road in less than half the time?"

"Because we're washing cars for a good cause!" Jiraiya said happily.

"Which is?" Deidara asked with a scowl on his face at the prospect of getting his hair wet.

"I... I can't remember exactly, but fear not! I will figure it out. For now, I need everyone to collaborate on how to advertise this car wash and when you get back tomorrow we'll be all set to do it."

"Tomorrow?" Kisame asked incredulously. "How the hell are we going to organize and advertise a carwash in less than a day?"

"Well, I guess let's hope one of you is popular on social media." Jiraiya said flippantly and smiled.

"Fuck this." Hidan groaned and sunk in his chair.

"I will make sure this is the best carwash fundraiser ever! Even if I have to wear skimpy clothes to do it!" Gai announced, standing up with a glimmer of determination in his eyes. Kakashi grabbed him by his jumper and yanked him down into his chair, all while reading his book.

"Ah, no offense but I don't think anyone wants to see you in skimpy clothes." Kisame said with a frown.

"All the offense, no one wants to see you in skimpy clothes." Hidan amended and Deidara snorted. "This one though, we might get somewhere with him." Hidan said, nudging Deidara. "Maybe the black haired one too-not you monster-brow." Gai crossed his arms and Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"You expect us..." Itachi gestured Deidara, "to wear skimpy clothes and wash cars?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'll totally go shirtless." Hidan said and Deidara glared at him.

"My man, you're practically shirtless now." He said and Hidan pulled his robe off his shoulder a bit and winked. "Why are you so fucking weird, un?"

"There's literally no one else that could've been caught doing something wrong to be in this group, huh?" Kakashi said with a sigh.

"There's literally nothing else their parents could've done the night they were conceived, huh? Like watch a movie or literally kill themselves." Sasori said dryly.

"I'm a fucking peach." Hidan declared. "You take that back, Chucky."

"Chucky?" Kisame questioned.

"Doesn't he look like a murderous doll? What the hell did you get in for? Attempted murder?"

"Wow, he must've had the most lenient judge ever." Kisame chuckled at his joke.

"As fantastic as this is," Jiraiya cut in, "it doesn't aid us with our goal of a carwash."

"How about this." Hidan started. "Carwash, if it sucks dick, Deidara will suck your dick."

"Oh piss off, I don't suck dick like that, yeah." Deidara said and threw a crumpled up paper at Hidan.

"But you do suck dick? Asking for a friend." Deidara's face burned with anger and he stood up, only to be yanked back down by Sasori.

"I will literally fucking murder you!" Deidara threatened and Jiraiya covered his ears and pretended not to hear.

"Oh, do you promise?" Hidan raised his eyebrows suggestively. "You're kind of a flirt, aren't you?"

"Oh my god." Itachi rubbed his temples and Kisame was nearly giggling behind him.

"Well I personally don't know how dick-sucking is relevant to washing cars, but you do you." Kakashi said airily, still reading his book.

"It had nothing to do with a car-wash." Gai said seriously.

"Gai... I know..." Kakashi looked at Gai funny. 

"I was just letting you know, rival." Gai said softly. "You were confused, I was just helping." Kakashi stared at him for a moment, then went back to reading.

"Okay, does someone helpful want to offer advice?" Jiraiya asked and the room stayed silent. "There's no one useful in this entire room? Sounds about right."

"Hey, screw you! I had some solid gold plans." Hidan said and then looked at Deidara and winked. "As gold as his hair."

"After I kill you, I will piss on your grave." Deidara said factually and Hidan chuckled.

"You're fun. I like you." Deidara crinkled his nose.

"No."

"This would be a lot more helpful if you actually told us what the fundraiser was so we could put it online." Itachi said, sighing.

"Oh right..." Jiraiya picked up his list and scanned through it. "Okay looks like this fundraiser is for the Girl Scouts. I don't entirely know why."

"Oh shit, can we get paid in cookies?" Kisame asked, seriously.

"Kisame, we aren't getting paid, it's part of the community service deal." Itachi said and Kisame frowned.

"So no Girl Scout cookies?"

"Fuck. I want some cookies." Hidan mumbled.

"It isn't even the time of year they sell cookies." Deidara retorted.

"Oh, and you know their schedule, why, Girl Scout?" Hidan said smirking and Deidara sighed.

"Walked right into that one, yeah..."

"But don’t they make a killing of those cookies? Why on earth would we need to send money to them of all things? Why not something for the arts?" Sasori wandered out loud

"While I can agree with that, I don’t know why. Look guys, I just work here part time so I could get out of the house, I’m driving my partners crazy and I may or may not have been threatened at knife point to do something outside of office work in our compound." 

"Compound? Partners? Jesus, what the hell?" Kisame asked.

"Awright! So how does that work for you? I mean is it all at once or do you take turns or go in-" Hidan asked genuinely.

"Fundraiser! You have 2 hours starting…NOW."

They all turned to look at each other, all but Kakashi who was sitting with his feet up on the desk in front of him reading his book. Itachi rubbed his temples for what seems like the fifth time that day. 

"Okay, let's get started." He pulled out one of his many notebooks "How do we want to do this?"  
"How the fuck should I know? I mean, it doesn’t matter as long as we put in the hours right? The whole thing can eat a dick for all I care." Hidan crossed his arms and closed his eyes. "Besides, like Chucky said, these little THOT’s don’t even need the funding."

"You sure do talk about dick a lot, something you wanna share with the class?" Kakashi mused from behind his book.

"Why you interested?" Hidan winked suggestively which caused Kakashi to roll his eyes. 

"As if my noble rival would choose someone as crass as you to have sexual relations with!" Gai shouted and stood out of his seat in a challenge which caused Hidan to snort.

"You ‘noble rival’ ain’t so noble if he’s here now is he, monster-brow?"

"You really have a hair up your ass about everybody don’t you? Don’t you realize you are the one everyone wants to punch in the face?" Kisame muttered through teeth, Hidan just began to laugh. 

"You all keep on threatening me with a good time." 

"You’re not even all that good looking, un." Deidara scrunched his nose up. 

"Bitch I’m adorable." Hidan stated with a smile of triumph.

"Actually, my dear rival Kakashi did nothing wrong. I fear it is because of me he is here so please, refrain from adding him into your sights as something to prove yourself on. If you must pick one of us, pick me." He was so sincere about it, Hidan was more disturbed by it. 

"Gai I can take care of myself, thank you." He said tugging on the other mans jumper to put him back in his seat. He looked over his book at Hidan finally making eye contact with someone in the room “As for your question, no. You’re not my type.” he smiled. 

"Guys, please. We have to get this started or we’re never getting out of here." Itachi reminded them.

"Who wants to be in charge of putting up signs over town? I don’t know if I even like this, yeah."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, every dollar you get is a minute off your sentence." Jiraiya called from his desk in the front and looked them all over with a grin "Still wanna half-ass it?"

"This has to be the best fucking car wash known to man." Sasori said so seriously that Deidara choked on his on laugh.

"Well shit, you should have said so before." Kakashi finally put his book down and pulled out his phone and looked up at the group "Where are we having this bitch?" he asked tiredly 

"In front of the community center?" Sasori offered

"Hell no! Again, nothing screams shady like a bunch of delinquents rubbin up cars, let alone in front of our jail cell." Hidan whined and sunk lower in his chair "That’d be the biggest cock block ever."  
"Okay what about outside the town’s park? Tomorrow is a weekend so there will be lots of people out and about right?” Kisame asked adjusting in his seat “Little league's playing I think."

"Whoopdie fucking doo, ooh goodie you can go back and join your carnival." Hidan snapped showing teeth.

"One more time you mother-" Kisame was going to finish his sentence when he realized Itachi’s face darken, he looked worried. "You okay there kid?"

"Huh? Yeah. Sorry, just have to move around some scheduling." He didn’t want to admit he had to find a babysitter 

"Doll eyes wins again. When you two getting married?" Hidan grinned mockingly at Kisame who was about to answer but then Kakashi interrupted his thought process. 

"Okay we currently have at least 300 people coming tomorrow, I told them around noon. So that means we get there around 9 and start setting up. Who wants to man the money and how much are we charging?" Kakashi asked uninterested. 

"Jesus fucking Christ how the hell did we get that many, un! That’s a lot of cars, there are only six of us!" 

"I’m with Princess, what the actual fuck dude?" Hidan agreed. 

"It didn’t take long." Kakashi held up his phone as if that explained everything. 

"That’s my rival! Everybody loves you, only you could have so many connections like that!" Gai beamed at him and Kakashi shrugged. 

"So how much are we going to be charging?" Sasori asked the question once more almost feeling ignored.

"If I’m washing a car, it better be for at least $10, yeah." Deidara was adamant.

"I don’t even own a car, this is bullshit." Kisame pouted and looked as his phone and smirked "I managed to get 20 to 25 people to come tomorrow."

"No! That’s it, no one post another fucking thing about this, un! This is too many cars already!" he actually looked stressed out. "Next one who invites more people I will fucking murder you!" 

"Okay seriously what the fuck did you get in here for? You seem almost as psychotic as me." Hidan laughed.

"None of your damn business, un." Deidara said, surprisingly coolly. He must already be freaking out about the amount of cars they had to deal with. 

"Attempted arson." Jiraiya piped in and Deidara looked at him with a narrowed gaze.

"What the fuck, my man?" 

"Oh shit! You are crazy aren't you, ya little firecracker!" Hidan laughed loudly. "Fuck, that's good."

"What the hell are you here for then, un?" Deidara scowled.

"Harassment." Hidan said with a cheeky grin.

"What a fucking surprise." Kisame muttered and Deidara had to agree with the sentiment.

"Fuck you shark-boy."

"Oh wow. Very imaginative." Itachi said dryly.

"What should we be doing now?" Sasori asked, effectively cutting off the argument.

"We need to get materials for the car wash." Jiraiya said and Hidan grinned.

"Hell yeah. Let's go." He said, jumping up.

"Who here has a car?" Kisame asked awkwardly. He sure as shit didn't.

"Fuck, I got a van, let's go." Hidan grabbed his bag and Deidara sighed.

"I don't know if I feel comfortable riding with you." He said warily.

"Oh yeah? How about on me?" Hidan gave Deidara a crude wink and Deidara frowned in disgust. 

"I'll pass, actually."

If there was one thing Itachi didn't want to do, it was to get into a car with all of these delinquents but whatever. The quicker this got over with, the quicker he could go about his day.

"Why am I not surprised you have a stoner van?" Kakashi asked flatly and Hidan just grinned.

"Come on, gang." He ran over to his terribly beat up van and Kisame sighed.

"I feel like we're in Scooby-Doo." Itachi chuckled next to him and they opened the back door and blinked.

"Wow, Hidan. The car is actually quite clean." Itachi praised and climbed in while Hidan buckled himself in.

"Duh. My cult-sacrificing van is in the shop. This is my normal van." He said with an eye roll and Deidara winced at that.

"I'm actually afraid because I don't know if that's a joke or not, un..." Deidara went to get in the back to discover it was full. Even Jiraiya was sitting back there. "You're fucking kidding me, right?"

"Come on up, sweet-cheeks. I got a seat for you to sit in." Deidara slammed the back door and got to the passenger seat and gave everyone his best glare. Kakashi just waved at him innocently and he huffed and turned around. "Put your seatbelt on, babe. Safety first."

"Don't fucking call me babe!" Deidara snapped and put his seatbelt on and crossed his arms and stared out the window.

"I'm placing bets they're gonna fuck." Kakashi said quietly and Jiraiya leaned his head in.

"I give them a month." He said quietly.

"Pft. I give 'em two weeks. Tops." Kisame said and soon enough, Kakashi had his book out writing down everyone's bets. 

"I don't mean to be a downer, but how will we know if they actually have sex?" Itachi asked and Kisame chuckled.

"You say that like the first thing Hidan won't say when he sees everyone is how he slept with Deidara." Itachi accepted the answer easily.

"Say? I'm pretty sure he'd find us on social media and tag us in the video." Kakashi said seriously.

"Oh god." Kisame looked disgusted. "I hope not but really, that sounds like something he would do."

"Where the fuck are we goin' teach'?" Hidan asked and Jiraiya excused himself from the quiet conversation.

"Go to the dollar store."

"Which one? There's like 7."

"I honestly couldn't care less which one you picked, Hidan."

"Pick the closest one." Itachi requested and Hidan raised an eyebrow in the rear-view mirror but continued to drive. Itachi wondered if Hidan would heed his request or not. 

Deidara was fiddling with the radio, but more impressively, Hidan wasn't saying anything about it. 

"Why isn't Hidan talking?" Gai whispered.

"Are you upset?" Kakashi replied boredly.

"No. I'm concerned. What could he possibly be thinking of that's rendered unable to speak? Especially with Deidara messing with his radio." Kakashi glanced up and wondered what had Hidan so quiet.

"Maybe Deidara is giving him a hand-job." Jiraiya said with a grin.

"Fuck, I hope not." Kisame said, frowning. "I don't need him crashing into anything.

"We're here." Hidan announced and Itachi looked out of the window and was actually pleasantly surprised to see that he actually picked the closest dollar store.

They piled out of the car and Itachi held up his list of things they needed to get for the carwash. Buckets, sponges, rags, wax, soap. All that fun stuff.

"Don't forget a skimpy outfit for yourself." Hidan said with a wink at Itachi and Itachi frowned at him.

"Leave the poor kid alone." Kisame scolded and Hidan glared at him but dropped the issue, surprisingly. 

They all walked through the aisles of the store until they felt like they had an efficient amount of things in the cart. Sasori and Deidara had an arm full of energy drinks, Kisame grabbed some snacks and Hidan tossed Deidara some Vaseline and winked. 

"You'll need this later, babe." Deidara sputtered indignantly and threw the Vaseline at Hidan and stopped off. "Aw come on, hot-stuff. Don't be like that." Hidan said, grinning and put the container back on its respective shelf. 

"So I know how everyone is betting that they're going to have sexual intercourse..." Gai began. "But, did anyone start a bet on when Deidara would eventually murder him in cold blood?"

"I want in on that bet." Itachi said flatly and Kisame gave a toothy grin.

"Come on, I bet it's all just pent up sexual frustration."

"Pent up? They've known each other for like an hour, if that." Kisame shrugged.

"Maybe time works differently on psychopaths." He offered and Sasori snorted.

"We're ready to go you two." Jiraiya called and Deidara showed himself and was silently fuming next to Itachi.

"Why don't you try flirting back?" Kisame offered and Deidara looked confused. "You may throw him off. If you flirt with him then he might not flirt with you anymore because he wants to see you flustered." Deidara frowned at the thought but couldn't help but admit the appeal of it. He gave a nod and Kakashi leaned towards Kisame and Kisame bent down to listen.

"Are you changing your bet?"

"A week." The wolfish smile on Itachi's face made Kakashi smirk and he nodded and changed Kisame's bet.

"You're evil." Itachi said simply but there was humor in his eyes. Kisame chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "I'm going to go with a week and a half." Itachi said to Kakashi and Kisame grinned down at him and Itachi just smirked. Kakashi softly snorted and began scribbling on his notepad.“A week and a half it is.” 

***

"Teach, why the fuck didn’t you warn us it had to come out of our pockets for financing this shithole?" Hidan asked slamming the bags down on the table back at the community center

"What, you really thought that this was funded by something? It just means you have to work twice as hard to make sure you earn that money back." Jiraiya laughed. 

"That’s impossible because all proceeds must go to the foundation of the programs choosing." Sasori piped up.

"Ah, good point. Well brats, that just means you need to learn how to make a little with a lot." He said rubbing his chin.

"What the hell you expect us to do my man? Perform fucking miracles? Ridiculous, un!" Deidara glared at Jiraiya.

"Oh no, do blame me. You little shits got yourselves into this mess with whatever caused you to be here. All of you though, with 500 hours. You think this is easy on me?" Jiraiya dramatically pointed to himself "I would give anything to be able to let you guys go so I can get back to my research! But no, the whole lot of you had to go and break the law at the same time. Thanks kids." He stomped off to his desk. 

"He acts like he’s the one who is on probation, un." Deidara whispered to Sasori who only nodded. 

"We still have a half hour left…now what?" Gai asked lightly kicking the chair in front of him absentmindedly. 

"We need signs." Itachi said as Deidara and Sasori perked up. 

"Leave that to us, yeah! We’re not going to Art college for nothing." He said with determination .

"Why go and learn about yourself princess?" Hidan grinned leaning over Deidara’s shoulder who smacked him in the forehead. 

"To prepare me for the unsightly meeting of you, un." He mumbled.

"You’ll change your tune, sweet cheeks." He laughed going back to his seat. 

"I think it’s fair if we rotate who gets to man the money." Kisame said looking up. "That way we don’t have just one of us on their asses the entire day. Suffer like the rest of us."

"It should be my rival! He’s a genius after all!" Gai bellowed.

"Your rival is the reasons all of us almost went bankrupt over fucking supplies!" Hidan yelled and Kakashi just shrugged at him.

"Think of the money. Money equals minutes, minutes equals hours and hours equals freedom. Sacrifices must be made." Kakashi said simply.

"Ooh you’re a sadistic and shrewd bastard. I like you, we’re going to be friends" He nudged Kakashi in the arm who looked even more bored while Gai looked indignant. 

"Alright, sounds like you guys have this figured out. We’ll meet in the morning around 9am, don’t be late. If you are text one of your fellow delinquents, you guys are as close to family as you all are going to get. You can make this either fun or hell, you choose. After you exchange numbers, pull out your homework and work on that for the next twenty minutes. No talking."Jiraiya announced. 

"Fucking A!" Hidan said excitedly. Everyone just looked at him warily.

After numbers were exchanged Hidan had five new contacts in his phone **Monster-Brow, Shark Boi, Princess <3, Chucky, Sadist, and Doll Face.**

***

"I’m home!" Jiraiya called as he entered his house. He would never get tired of this place, it was his castle. 

"Oh good! You’re in time for dinner!" a feminine voice came from behind him, he turned to see Tsunade still in her scrubs. "It’s going to be a good one." She said walking over and he met her half way for a kiss. "Oro’s cooking tonight." She said with a smile. Jiraiya’s eyes widened.

"He’s not in his lab? Oh this means tonight we can…" he kissed her again and she laughed while swatting his arm. 

"After dinner you whore." She pulled away and led him to the kitchen where the table was already set.

"Ah, Jiraiya. How was your first day of chaperoning?" Orochimaru asked with amusement clear in his eyes as his partner groaned and rubbed his face while him and Tsunade took their seats.

"They’re psycho’s. Fucking. Psychos. One kid wants to fuck the other, one kid just wants to read, one kid wants to blow things up, one kid wants see everyone fight, the other kid wants to do everything he can so he can focus on his med school, and the last one is Chucky’s incarnation." He looked up at his partners and noticed amusement on Tsunade’s face while Orochimaru seemed intrigued as he sipped his wine.

"Sounds like quite a day. Please, continue." Gold eyes lit up looking into black ones.

***

"And here we are rival!" Gai said with a smile.

"Gai, I told you, I could walk myself home." Kakashi sighed putting his book away. 

"I know Kakashi, I just still feel so bad that you got caught up in all of this." Gai frowned and was very serious. 

"If I had a problem with it I would have told the judge otherwise. It’s fine, really."

"But rival!"

"Seriously Gai, it is. I’ll see you tomorrow okay? Do you have a ride?" Gai shook his head and Kakashi’s face remained bored but his eyes had a smile in them. 

"I’ll pick you up at 8:30 then, okay?" Gai frowned and nodded again, turned and started walking down the pathway to the sidewalk away from Kakashi’s house. 

"Gai?" He whipped around and faced his friend expectantly.

"Goodnight." He said lightly and Gai smiled broadly. 

"Goodnight my dear rival!"

***

Itachi parked his car in the driveway of his house and sighed. He could fall asleep in the car, he really could. From inside his car he could hear Sasuke wailing inside though, and that did not sit well in his gut. His little brother was giving Shisui quite the attitude it sounded like. He reached in the back seat, got his backpack and got out of the car. 

As he got closer to the door Sasuke’s wails got louder and he could hear Shisui’s voice too. He slowly opened the door and saw his cousin trying desperately to calm down his little brother even though Shisui himself looked on the verge of tears. 

"Please Sasuke, he’ll be home soon, give your Shishi a break." He whined as he bobbed Sasuke up and down. 

"Shishi?" Itachi asked with a smirk, causing Sasuke to temporarily stop crying, and then began to cry louder reaching for his brother. 

"Oh Sasuke, what have you done to your cousin." Itachi said picking up Sasuke who fell silent as soon as he did. 

"That kid is the devil." Shisui declared seriously. Itachi shielded Sasuke’s ears and moved away in mock horror. 

"Don’t listen baby brother, they're lies. Don’t worry, Ani will protect you." He looked down into the infant’s eyes and saw he understood his words. Sasuke stopped fighting sleep and rested his head further into his brothers neck, falling asleep quickly.

"And, he’s out. Honestly Shisui, it’s not that hard." Itachi grinned wickedly as he headed for the nursery knowing his cousin would follow. 

"I swear he only does things for you, you know like eat, sleep, be bathed. The kid hates me." Shisui watched as Itachi laid Sasuke in the crib that he was fighting to get out of just an hour earlier.

"He’ll get over it, especially because I need your help tomorrow." Itachi said in a hushed voice leading Shisui out into the hallway and carefully closed the door. 

"Oh no. Come on man, I have a test on Monday and I…" he trailed off looking at Itachi’s glare. Shit. "Is it because of community service?" Itachi nodded. "Damn it. Well…hopefully he doesn’t mind being put in the pack and play for a couple of hours with a bottle, his wubby and the TV on." Itachi smiled. "What do they have you doing on the weekend anyways? I thought it was Monday through Friday?"

"Well, we had to organize a car wash…some kid in the program sent out an alert on social media and now we’ve got a couple hundred guaranteed tomorrow. I’m going to need you to babysit all day tomorrow, I picked up a 5 hour shift at the restaurant, I start at 4." He explained and Shisui winced. 

"I can’t believe all that money your parent’s left you and you can’t touch it until you’re 25. At least they put down payments on all your utilities."

"It’s only a few more years, but at the same time, I need those tips tomorrow, especially after pitching in for supplies at the community center. Those tips help feed us, put gas in my car and pay for student loans. I wouldn’t be asking you if it wasn’t needed"

"I know, I know…maybe me and Izumi can take shifts tomorrow. Do you need time to study at all?" Itachi winced and nodded, he had a test in Anatomy and Physiology on Monday. 

"Well then, let’s get to studying kid." Shisui grinned pulling Itachi towards the living room.

He just wanted sleep.

***

Sasori and Deidara were the only two that didn't go home. Instead, they went to Sasori's studio to get the posters set up. Hidan was adamant that he joined but Deidara was adamant that he didn't. In the end, Hidan said he needed to go to work anyway. Deidara and Sasori were confused as to what job he had that would've allowed him to skip in the event that Deidara allowed him to tag along, but they thought better than to ask.

Deidara was impressed by the studio but kept the opinion to himself. It was nice if you were a painter or... a puppet maker? That was kind of creepy. Well, it was nice, yeah. But not what Deidara would set up since he specialized in pottery and such. 

Laying his portfolio and bag on the back desk, Sasori grabbed several large poster boards that Deidara was surprised he had just laying around, and much to Deidara's appreciation, Sasori also pulled out a rather large box filled with artist quality markers. 

They worked in silence for the most part until Deidara's phone started buzzing on the desk. Sasori raised his eyebrow and Deidara grabbed the phone and frowned.

"Hello?"

"Hey gorgeous." Deidara groaned for ten minutes. "I can make you make different kinds of groans if you want."

"Hidan. Why are you calling me? I thought you were at work, yeah." Deidara said flatly.

"Aw are you worried about my employment status?"

"How else will you buy me things, un?" Deidara deadpanned and gave Sasori a look of boredom. 

"So you're a materialistic girlfriend, huh? I can dig it." Deidara scowled at the prospect of being called a girlfriend. Sasori smirked and wrote something down and showed it to Deidara.

_Remember what Kisame said. And put it on speaker._

Deidara rolled his eyes but put the phone on speaker. His face was flushed, not really fully knowing how to flirt with Hidan unless he was set up for it so he wanted for a comment that would give him an opening.

"So what are you doing with Chucky?" Sasori stared blankly at the phone and Deidara snorted.

"Posters. Remember? I knew you were stupid, but not forgetful, yeah." Deidara said with a sigh.

"Ouch. You hurt me, Girl Scout." Deidara scowled but through his irritated expression forced a flirt out.

"I could kiss it and make it better." He said and gagged after, but holding the phone away so Hidan didn't hear him. Sasori smirked and covered his mouth.

"Well if you insist, your comment really hurt my dick, I'm sure you can kiss it real good, right?" Deidara's face burned with irritation and embarrassment and he hung up.

"That didn't fucking work, my man!" Sasori was texting and Deidara glowered at him. "Who are you texting, un?!" Sasori looked up innocently and Deidara grabbed the phone. "YOU'RE TELLING FUCKING KISAME!?"

"It was really funny to be completely fair." Sasori responded calmly but Deidara saw he was holding back a chuckle. "I can't believe you actually said that though. That is the greatest thing I've ever heard, personally."

"You are a dick. So is Kisame. In fact, I'm going to text him and tell him he's a dick right now, un." Deidara said with a huff and text Kisame from Sasori's phone. "And what the fuck does this mean, I change my bet to a week??"

"When you're going to murder Hidan." Sasori lied easily and that was enough to ease the tension in Deidara's shoulders. 

"Right, yeah. I'm gonna kill that sonofabitch." Sasori examined Deidara's tense posture and just had to laugh at it. He was actually sure it was going to last less than a week. Especially when Hidan called again. And Deidara answered the phone instead of ignoring it.

***

Kisame was almost asleep when he heard his phone go off, he rolled over and tried not to blind himself with the light from hell. 

_He took your advice. I change my bet to a week_

_YOU’RE A DICK. –D_

Kisame could not help the snort that came out abruptly. Damn it, he missed it. He exited the conversation and started a group message with Sasori, Itachi, Kakashi and Gai and said. 

**Kisame** : _According to Sasori, we missed Deidara flirting with Hidan. Also Kakashi, Sasori wanted to change his bet to a week_

He wasn't expecting the automatic replies he was getting. 

**Gai** : _WHAT AN UNFORTUANTE THING TO MISS! I BET IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!_

**Sasori** : _It was a train wreck honestly_

**Kakashi** _Your bet is currently changed, I upped mine to 3 days_

**Itachi** : _This is hilarious and we're too easily amused. Lord help us._

Kisame laughed heartedly at the last text from the kid. He couldn't have been more than 17 or 18…whatever he was, Kisame liked him. He was a great person to model yourself after, smart and calm…Grand Theft Auto? Maybe there was more to Itachi than what he had thought. They'd all have plenty of time to get to know one another better, Itachi would eventually open up to the group.

And that thought thrilled him.


	2. Workin' at the Car Wash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The car wash and some time at a restaurant!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Vivi** : Thank you! We try!  
>  **lazylurker** : Haha We're glad! It was fun to write.  
>  **Narutard** : Don't you worry, my dear! We will! Lolli and I will talk about potentially adding that to the story. Thank you for your idea!  
>  **oxohunnyoxo** : Thank you dearie~! That means a lot :)  
>  **Sunny** : Luckily for you, I update rather quickly (in turn, so does lolli since she'll have me pestering her) so you'll never have to wait long!

Chapter Two:

Hidan woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. He shut it off and ran his fingers through his hair tiredly. It was 5 in the morning and he was fucking beat. Working until nearly midnight, he hadn't gotten home until 1. Now he had to start his day like normal. All while doing community fuckin service.

Hidan had half the mind to go to those stupid fucks he apparently harassed and show them some real fucking harassment. All he was trying to do was get more of a following for Jashin. Apparently religion is now seen as harassment.

Okay, maybe he was being pretty forceful with his words.

And maybe there may have been a fire involved and some threatening.

But seriously, they're drama queens.

Hidan went through his morning ritual of getting ready and taking a shower, praying to his god, meditating (why was everyone so surprised that he did this? How else was he to stay so calm through the day!) and finally breakfast where he text Deidara until the blond responded. He wasn't very happy.

_What?_  
What the fuck??  
Do you want from me???  
You heathen? 

_Heathen!? I'll have you know I'm very religious, babe!_

_I am shocked. Why the fuck are you texting me at SIX THIRTY IN THE MORNING!? I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP_

_Beauty sleep?_  
Please.  
You're gorgeous. You don't need any more sleep ;) 

Deidara sat on his bed blushing furiously with a frown.

"I am not going to let this get to me, un." He mumbled to himself and put his phone down, rubbing his face tiredly. He might as well get up and get ready.

Him and Sasori had spent a lot of time making the posters and Deidara left them in Sasori's care. He could only hope that Sasori could remember to bring them to the park today. Deidara sighed and ignored the vibrating phone, not ready to listen to whatever the fuck Hidan wanted to say to him in the morning.

***

"Oh wow! This must be my lucky day!" Deidara's eyes closed I frustration. He was waiting at the bus stop and Hidan happened to drive by. "Come on babe, get in the car."

"You idiot! You're not allowed to be in the fucking bus lane!" Deidara scolded and noticed a bus was getting closer.

"Then you better get in now. I already have community service, you think I give a fuck about another ticket?" Hidan said grinning. Deidara made a loud noise of irritation and stomped to the van and climbed inside. 

"I'll have you know, everyone is taking bets on when I finally fucking kill you." Deidara said scowling and Hidan gave a cheeky grin.

"Oh? I thought the bet was for when we finally fuck." Hidan said lecherously and Deidara's face burned and he glared at Hidan.

"Abso-fucking-lutly not, my man." Deidara said seriously. "I'd rather get type II Diabetes than go anywhere near your dick."

"...Why type two? Is type one too easy and type three too much?" Hidan asked and then shook his head. "Whatever. Forget that. So how about a date?"

"Have you not BEEN LISTENING TO ME!?" Deidara all but shrieked and Hidan grinned.

"You're so cute when you're mad." Deidara crossed his arms and stared out the window, effectively ignoring Hidan until they got to the park.

When they finally made it, Sasori was already there putting up signs. He'd already put signs around in other areas, Deidara noticed and smiled happily when he saw the signs he made. 

Hidan parked the car and Deidara climbed out of it and ran over to Sasori, much to Hidan's displeasure and that's when Jiraiya showed up, apparently in a bad mood. 

"Yo teach' what's-"

"Not now, Hidan." Hidan pouted. Was no one going to humor him today? Was this ignore Hidan day? 

Kisame arrived at the same time as Itachi and Hidan couldn't help his grin. Surely Kisame would have something to say to him. Hidan was itching to get a rise out of someone.

"Hey freak show, glad you could make it!" Hidan said cheerfully and Kisame's face darkened. 

"I swear to fucking god, you are testing the shit out of me." Kisame said and clenched his fists. Itachi watched with curious eyes but stayed close to the man in case he needed to step in.

"Which god are you referring to?" Hidan asked and that confused Kisame, not really a question he would've thought about.

"Whatever fucking god you believe in." Kisame said flatly.

"Based on his necklace, I'd say Jashin." Itachi supplied and Hidan's eyes lit up.

"You know of Jashin?" He almost sounded like an excited child.

"What the fuck is a Jashin?" Kisame asked with a frown.

"It's the religion that psychopaths follow." Kakashi said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

"Hey! Fuck you! Don't disrespect my god!" Hidan said angrily.

"Rival, maybe you shouldn't-"

"His god says he needs to sacrifice a certain quota of life each month." Kakashi said blankly. "I'm hardly being funny when I say it's a religion psychopaths follow."

"What the fuck?" Kisame looked to Hidan. "You're a murderer?"

"Would you honestly be shocked if he was?" Sasori asked, walking up to the group.

"That would explain so many questions, un." Deidara added and Hidan frowned.

"Aw, princess, I thought you were warming up to me. You did ride in my van with me this morning." Hidan purred and Deidara's face turned red again and somehow this was effective enough to stop everyone from questioning Hidan's apparent monthly murder quota and everyone made faces at Deidara.

"Fuck you! I only got in the car cause you're fucking nuts!" Deidara yelled, trying to save face. It didn't work to well and Hidan stuck his tongue out suggestively. "Let's just do this car wash, yeah..." Deidara stomped off and Hidan eyed him as he left and Itachi shook his head and sighed. 

"Do you really like him or is he just another notch on the bed post?" Itachi asked quietly, he was the first person today who hadn't ignored, fought, or insulted him and honestly Hidan was taken aback by the lack of emotion; all that was in Itachi's eyes was blatant curiosity. Hidan shrugged.

"He is fun…and a looker too. Not sure at this moment, why? You have plans for him later?" he flirted though he didn't like the way the thought made him feel. It was weird. 

"Oh no, trust me, I have way too much in my life to be trying to date anyone. Don't worry, he's all yours." Itachi laughed and left to join the group leaving Hidan to mull over what he said. 'All yours'…he smiled. Maybe he liked the blonde more than he thought. He shook his head and caught up with the group who gathered around Jiraiya. 

"Alright, listen up. Its Saturday morning/afternoon, the temperature in direct sunlight is going to be in the upper 80's lower 90's, I won't say this more than once. Stay. Hydrated. I don't feel like calling an ambulance for any of you. Remember, more money means less time with me." He winked to them and left to sit under the tool booth tent. 

"We need music, yeah. It will definitely help the time pass quicker." Deidara nudging Sasori who wordlessly went to his car started the engine and rolled all four windows down. 

"What genre?" He asked and winced knowing this was a loaded question. 

"Metal!" Hidan yelled excitedly. Deidara glared at him and before anyone could say their favorite Jiraiya cut in. 

"Just put on the top 40's or today's hits. It'll cut back on arguments." 

"Awe, come on Teach…" Hidan pouted and Jiraiya held his hands up defensively. 

"I don't do well in heat, and I sure don't do well in heat with a headache. You'll manage and thank me later." And with that he began writing in the notebook he brought with him. "You guys need to figure out, are you all tackling one car together, going solo, or are you teaming up into pairs?" he asked over his reading glasses. 

"Why the hell didn't we think this part over?" Kisame said smacking his forehead. 

"Because we're students who have actual important things to worry about…" Itachi said under his breath but Kisame heard it and snickered. 

"It looks like we have enough room for 3 vehicles…so pairing up while one group has 3 people instead of 2?" Kakashi offered. 

"RIVAL! You and I shall be on separate teams and see who can clean the most cars today! Are you up for it?!" Gai asked holding his hand above his hand waiting for Kakashi's acceptance. Kakashi sighed and lightly high-fived Gai.

"Fine. Itachi you seem smart, I'm teaming up with you." Kakashi said walking over next to the brunette. Kisame frowned slightly, he wanted to be able to talk with the kid today. 

"Alright! Excellent choice rival! Kisame! Please be my teammate today so we can beat them! I ask you because you have a long reach and can probably cover more surface area!" Gai looked at him with such determination it made Kisame feel weird. 

"Wait, did you just nicely say that I'm tall as fuck and you're gonna use it to your advantage to beat your friend?" Gai nodded his head eagerly. Kisame laughed and nodded and clasped hands with Gai. "Alright partner." Deidara's face paled and his eyes shifted nervously to the three that were left, Sasori, Hidan and himself.

"What? No! Kakashi my man, trade with me please?" Deidara asked in a whisper to the older teen. Kakashi gave a wolfish grin and shook his head. 

"Sorry Dei, I promised my rival even grounds, if I go to that group it'd be three against his two…not very fair now is it?" he grinned and feigned helplessness. 

"You're enjoying this…sicko." Deidara accused.  
"Kisame was right, maybe you just have to flirt with him in person…it'll really shock the hell out of him." He offered with his hands up in defense. "Over the phone is one thing, he can't see your face plus it gives him time to react. One up him Dei, I have faith in you." He said smiling at the blonde. 

"Where's your bet at?" the blonde asked suddenly. Kakashi's eyes snapped open. 

"For you two to kill each other? I put my money on three weeks." He explained and Deidara nodded. 

"I'll try for you my man. Thanks." And he walked away to join the other two on his team. Kisame came up behind Kakashi and chuckled. "You smooth sonofabitch." He said which caused Kakashi to turn and look at him with a full toothed smile. 

"Well mine and your bets are very similar, it if goes according to plan you and I can share the money." His smile was infectious and Kisame had to agree.

"You sure you're only here because of being guilty by association? You're a shark, a hustler." The taller man admitted which caused a glint in Kakashi's eye. 

"Gotta pay them student loans somehow…don't tell Gai, please?" He asked seriously and Kisame nodded. "Don't worry kid, you have my word. I may be a hot headed punk, but I'm not a liar. Our little secret's safe." He patted the smaller man on the back and left to join up with Gai who was doing stretches while waiting. 

Kakashi met with Itachi who looked as tired as he felt. "Long night bud?" he offered the brunette one of the coffee's that Gai insisted they brought to help them 'perform at top speed', he took it gratefully. 

"Yeah, test on Monday and I work a double tomorrow. It'll all be fine, just have to move my schedule around a bit." he admitted as he put his backpack under the tree they were next too. Kakashi nodded in understanding.

***

"We've been out here for two fucking hours, where the hell are these people sadist?! Huh?!" Hidan called across the field to where Itachi and Kakashi were sitting reading in silence. 

"I told them noon, remember! Why don't you three go with the signs and try and get some customers before the rest start coming in?" He called back still not looking up from his book. 

"You suck balls." Hidan grumbled and got off the ground and looked at the two who were still seated. "Are ya coming or not? Come on Chucky, Princess." He held out his hand and the two artists looked at each other and then simultaneously accepted it. Deidara opened his mouth to affectively tell Hidan off when they heard a horn honking, all three of them turned to look.

"Nevermind! You may not need too!" Kakashi called putting his book next to Itachi's bag, Itachi then picked it up and put it in his backpack. Kakashi just looked at him and Itachi shrugged as if to say 'its protected from the water in there' and he nodded in understanding.

The group looked up to see two vehicles headed their way. One was a Chevy Silverado covered in mud, and the other was a black Dodge Viper. When Jiraiya groaned when he looked up to see what was approaching. He laid his head in his hands, could this day get any worse?

"That poor truck…and it has a grill from hell…I want one." Kisame pouted and laughed at Gai and Kakashi trying to signal the drivers to choose their spot instead of the other one. The truck pulled up to Gai's and Kisame's spot while the sports car picked Itachi's and Kakashi's. Naturally Hidan said something about the three of them not being good enough. 

The truck's door opened and a voluptuous blonde came emerged causing a few wolf whistles. She smirked at them and walked over to the toll booth. The Dodge Viper's door opened and a pale man with extremely long black hair came out holding what appeared to be a lunchbox. He looked at the group and nodded at them in greeting and took the same path as the blonde. 

"Tsunade, Orochimaru, what the hell are you two doing here?" Jiraiya groaned running his hands over his face. 

"Well hello darling, we came to support you at work, seeing as we both have today off." The blonde said as she went around the table and gave Jiraiya a kiss on the cheek. "Besides, Betsy needs a cleaning."

"You weren't joking, quite the group of misfits you got here." Orochimaru said while handing him the lunch box. "Couldn't help but noticed you forgot it this morning…you do tend to be forgetful after certain activities." He slightly mocked Jiraiya. 

"Teach!! These are your partners?!" Hidan asked running up to the booth to get a better look, he grinned when he noticed Sasori and Deidara followed, also intrigued. Orochimaru turned towards them and looked them over with a grin. The three of them came to a stop and looked at him with surprise, taking in the man's yellow serpentine like eyes.

"Ah, if it isn't the follower of Jashin, the arsonist and the vandalizer. 'afternoon." And chuckled as their reactions turned even more surprised. 

"Woah, you're good. You know of Jashin?" Hidan asked excitedly again and almost squealed when Orochimaru nodded.

"How could you possibly know our crimes, un. We didn't even tell you our names." Deidara asked suspiciously "Are you psychic?" he asked seriously. This question caused an actual laugh to come from Orochimaru.

"No, he's not. He's just fucking observant…too observant sometimes." Jiraiya said before Orochimaru could mess with the blonde.

"Could I use your eyes as a reference for one of my puppets? I model them after actual people." Sasori asked almost star struck with the older man. Jiraiya held back a laugh, he knew where Sasori was coming from, his male partner was definitely an artist's muse. 

"Only if you make one of that madman over there. He looks like he walked straight out of a Kabuki play." He chuckled as Jiraiya pouted. Sasori nodded entranced.  
"Where did you get such realistic contacts, un? They're impressive." Tsunade laughed at the question.

"Oh dearie, those aren't contacts, those are his actual eyes." She added playfully as she left them and approached the duo that was cleaning Orochimaru's car. Sasori just looked on fascinated. 

"Done!" Itachi yelled as him and Kakashi finished drying the car. Kakashi grinned at him, not expecting him to be competitive in the least but was happy he chose him to go against Gai. 

"My, you two did such a good job on it. He'll be very pleased." Tsunade praised as she walked towards them. They looked bashful to the complement. She locked eyes with Itachi. 

"You're the med student, correct?" She asked and Itachi nodded. "Here, this is my card. When you're ready to go on your clinical trials, consider our hospitals resident program. Not to brag but we are one of the top five surgical programs. Do you know what you want as your specialty yet?" it was Itachi's turn to be in awe. He knew she looked familiar. 

"Ms. Senju, it's an honor, thank you. I didn't think you would want a delinquent like me in your program but thank you. I am still unsure of which specialty, though I do love cardio." He took the business card gratefully. 

"Itachi, right? I know there's more to you than what we are seeing, when you know, you know. Remember that going forward. Besides, why would you try to steal a car when you clearly have an awesome one?" she said nodding towards his Escalade truck. She winked in knowing and left him gawking. 

"So… she's a big deal?" Kakashi asked patting Itachi on the back.

"The biggest. She's the top surgeon in the country…and she doesn’t idly give references." Itachi's hands were shaking, he felt he could faint. He rubbed his eye for what seemed like the thirteenth time today. He opened his eyes to see Kakashi looking concerned at him. "What?"

"Your eye is so red right now, do you need eye drops?" He asked seriously and Itachi nodded. "Yes, please. I think I got some soap in my eye…" he took the bottle of eye drops that was offered and applied it to his open eye and hissed. "These aren't the ones for contacts are they?!" he asked Kakashi through gritted teeth. The other pitifully answered "…no?" Itachi wasn't mad at him, he was just in pain and somehow he could tell Kakashi knew it.

"Oh man. Okay, excuse me a second" and turned towards their belongings. With one eye he pulled out his contact case and his glasses next to them. He quickly took the contacts out and reached for the glasses for a quick transition. He didn't want everyone to know he was almost legally blind. His eyes felt better immediately and he shoved the contact case back into his backpack, he didn't realize that when he did you could temporarily see a rattle and a bib before he zippered it back up. Kakashi stared at him with a questioning look but he didn't want to push it. Itachi looked up at him and Kakashi couldn't help the light laugh that escaped Itachi narrowed his eyes. "Now what?"

"Nothing…nothing…its just….you look like an owl." He said hiding his smile behind his hand which was covering his mouth. He ducked when Itachi threw one of the wet towels at him. "It was a compliment!" he laughed.

As time went by, more cars began showing up and Hidan was beaming. Deidara was actually worried with how excited he was.

"Do you need like a Xanax or something?" Sasori asked and Hidan just laughed and punched Sasori's arm playfully which was strange.

"Nah, I just want to get this shit done." Deidara rolled his eyes and pulled off his outer shirt to be left with his white tank-top. "Oh you getting naked for me already, princess?" He purred and Deidara frowned at him.

"I will literally kill you." He threatened and stomped off to the car with a bucket and sponge in his hand. Sasori followed him to talk to the customer about what they wanted done with the car and if they wanted wax or extra cleaning on the tires. 

Hidan walked over shortly after and Sasori charged the woman and she walked away to sit somewhere. Sasori gathered the money and put it away and went to help his two partners. He sighed. This day wasn't going to be easy.

"Oh shit, I love this song!" Hidan said loudly in the middle of them washing their second car. 

"... This isn't metal." Deidara said seriously and Hidan grabbed Deidara and yanked him into his soaking wet chest.

"So honey now! Take me into your loving arms! Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars! Place your hand on my beating heart!" Hidan was screaming the lyrics completely out of tune and Deidara's eye twitched at the loud terrible voice in his ear.

"Are you purposefully making yourself sound this terrible or do you just suck, un!?" Deidara yelled and Hidan held him closer just to piss him off and all it did was make Deidara completely flustered.

"Baby we found love right where we are!" Deidara eventually shoved a laughing Hidan off of him. "Aw come on babe, don't be like that."

"I'm not your babe! My name is Deidara! Dei-da-Ra!" He enunciated and huffed, now ignoring Hidan and scrubbing the car.

Kisame rolled his eyes, amazed with how loud those two could be. He realized he was washing the car pretty close to Itachi when they both reached into the same bucket. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were back to back." Kisame apologized.

"No, it's fine." Itachi said softly and looked at Kisame with a small smile. Kisame grinned back at him. 

"I didn't get to tell you that I like your glasses." He said and Itachi sighed.

"I don't. So that makes one of us." Kisame chuckled.

"You look good. In the glasses, I mean." Kisame flushed and quickly busied himself with washing the car tires. 

"Thank you." Itachi gave Kisame an awkward shy smile. Kisame felt the back of his neck prickle with sweat. When had the outside gotten so hot? Kisame felt like he couldn't breathe all of a sudden. 

"Hurry up Kisame, my friend! We are ahead of them only by half a car! We cannot fall behind now!" Gai announced and Kisame nodded, even though Gai wasn't looking in his direction. He began to clean faster and hurried away from where Itachi was standing. Hopefully he could level his thoughts more away from the kid.

A half an hour later Hidan took his shirt off and rung up real tight and whipped Deidara with it and laughed. Deidara was livid and threw the entire bucket of soapy water on Hidan and Hidan bit his lip suggestively.

"If you wanted me naked all you had to do was ask." He sand and tugged his pants off.

"No!" Deidara yelled but when Hidan removed his pants he was wearing swimming shorts under it so it wasn't as if he would get in trouble for indecent exposure. However, now that Hidan was shirtless and wearing pretty tight shorts, he was getting leers from people around them.

"Oh man." Kisame nudged Gai and Gai glanced at the situation. "How much you wanna bet that Deidara's going to freak when one of those chicks hit on Hidan." Gai actually chuckled at the thought.

"Itachi, look." Kakashi whispered and gestured the scene that was unraveling. Itachi took his glasses off for the umpteenth time to wipe them off from excess water in order to see through them properly. 

"Hey." Two teenage girls from the park, probably about 16-17 years old walked up and giggled while they talked to Hidan. Hidan stopped cleaning the car to look at them and smirk.

"Hey sweet-cheeks. How you doin?" He said with a suggestive eyebrow raise. The two girls giggled at each other and eyed him like candy.

"We're okay. Couldn't help but notice you when we were over there." One twirled her hair while the other gave him her best seductive look. Hidan had them eating out of the palm of his hand and he was loving it.

"Well go back over there then!" Deidara hissed. "We're kind of fucking busy! Hidan! Stop slacking off you dick!" Hidan couldn't help the smirk that bloomed on his lips.

"Oh Deidara, don't use that foul language, you're in the presence of ladies, they don't need to hear that." He said as sweetly as he could and Deidara's gaze intensified. 

"Since when the fuck do you call me by my name?" Hidan blinked.

"Sorry, Dei-Da-Ra, I'm afraid I don't understand." He said as honestly as he could. He then turned to face the girls. "How about I talk to you two later. I really should help my friend here finish these cars. We are raising the money for the Girl Scouts." He said and they melted.

"That's so sweet of you!" They cried. 

"We'll be waiting for you, Hidan~." One said with her voice lowering and she winked and they sauntered away. Hidan eyed the way their hips swayed as they walked while biting his lip.

"Hidan!" Deidara practically screeched. "Can you fucking pay attention and stop trying to fuck everything that moves for 5 goddamn minutes?!" Hidan was loving the way he could manipulate Deidara's anger.

"I'm sorry, Deidara." He said seriously and started to work on the car. He noticed how tense Deidara got and he grumbled and scrubbed the car with way too much force than what was necessary. 

Behind him, everyone was trying to stifle their laughter. Kisame had tears in his eyes and Kakashi turned to him.

"I think I'm gonna win with my 3 days." He said and grinned lazily. 

"It does not surprise me if my rival would win a most intense betting game!" Gai said happily and they continued scrubbing the cars.

***

At some point, Deidara was sick of being in the clothes he was in. He didn't want to take off his clothes but they were soaked and his body was pruning. His hair was destroyed and he hated everything. 

Deidara tugged his tank-top shirt off and kicked off his shoes to remove his pants. He also had insight to actually wear swimwear. He took his hair and put it all up in a bun and put his shoes back on. He walked back over to the car he was cleaning and cleaned with less aggression than before. He was feeling slightly calmer. 

Sasori eyed Deidara just to see him twitch. It was humorous with how much he kept glancing at the now aloof Hidan. He seemed extremely irritated at the prospect of not being Hidan's prime focus of flirtations. It was hysterical. Since Hidan removed his shirt he'd been getting looks and gave out winks and blew kisses like any tease would.

"Hidan, my man your fucking technique sucks." Deidara said eventually.

"What?" Hidan looked up confused, he honestly wasn't paying attention. He loved getting under Deidara's skin, it was hysterical.

"Your technique is shit and you aren't even cleaning the car!" Deidara shouted hysterically. "I keep having to go over what you clean because you don't clean it correctly!" Deidara said and angrily walked over to Hidan and grabbed the hand that held the sponge and showed Hidan the proper movement to clean the dirt off. 

Honestly Hidan was doing a completely fine job, Deidara was just getting antsy with how Hidan was acting, not really sure why. At some point, Deidara pressed his hand on Hidan's lower back and Sasori watched Hidan's entire face turn red and had to stop himself from laughing. Who knew Hidan could get flustered?

"There." Deidara said quietly. "Congratulations, you can clean a fucking car now." Hidan stayed completely stiff and awkwardly watched Deidara walk away to clean the headlights and he swallowed thickly.

"What do you know?" Itachi turned to Kisame. "It worked. You actually gave Deidara advice and it flustered Hidan." Kisame glanced up and grinned. Hidan still looked completely shut down. It was hysterical. He made eye contact with Kakashi who gave him two thumbs up and an impish smile. 

They had this in the bag.

***

The sun was drifting more and more into the west, they were finally done with the last car around 3:15. Itachi groaned, he wouldn't have enough time for a shower before he had to be at work. He got his things and made his way over to the table Jiraiya was sitting at counting the cash. 

"Alright guys lets see, you managed to raise a total of $1,569. Great work folks. Go home and get some rest." He said getting up from where he'd been the majority of the day.

"But how much time do we get off our sentence? Does that correlate with the fact that we've also been here from 9?" Kakashi asked earnestly.

"25 hours." Hidan said absentmindedly gaining him a shocked look from everyone in the group."Oh fuck you guys, I can be good at math, so what." 

"I'll check with the judge tomorrow if the hours you were performing the car wash can also be taken off. I'll let you all know Monday. Oh, and you guys should really treat that sunburn." And with that he took the envelope that had the money in it and headed to his car and left the seven of them standing in realization. They just spent six hours in direct sunlight…not one of them thought to bring sunscreen. Deidara looked to Hidan and pressed a spot on his shoulders and the other man winced and swatted his hand away 

"Ouch, what the fuck Princess?!" he whined and Deidara just smirked. 

"Kakashi, be honest, how bad is mine?" Itachi asked when he took off his glasses. "I mean you can't even tell unless you're looking at your face." Kakashi said and Itachi groaned. Why him? 

"What's wrong doll face?" Hidan asked noticing Itachi's mood change. 

"I have to go to work looking like a freaking lobster. To make matters worse I had my glasses on because soap got onto my contacts and now I have to wear them until this shit fades away." He let out in one breath. 

"Um…Itachi…he's over there. Maybe you should put your glasses back on, yeah." Deidara said softly and Itachi's face flushed even more as he placed the glasses back on. "You look good with anything Itachi, un. It'll be okay." The group was shocked at Deidara's more compassionate side. The others got the cue.

"I told you earlier you look good in them." Kisame offered. 

"Owls are adorable. That’s why you reminded me of one." Kakashi said and ducked again. "But they're also wise and intelligent!" 

"They make you look most youthful! So does your sunburn, almost like you're constantly blushing." Gai smiled at him.

Itachi became more embarrassed with all the reassurances from the group, not expecting it at all. He looked up at them gratefully "Thank you." And he meant it. 

"Well! I'm starving! Anybody wanna go grab a bit to eat?" Hidan asked loudly as he put his pants and tank top back on. 

"As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm starving, yeah." Deidara said holding his stomach which growled on cue. 

"You guys could come to my work? I mean if you don't mind seeing me in peasant clothing." Itachi said with a smile. "I mean we did do something pretty cool today, especially with knocking off 25 hours of community service…" he trailed off. 

"I'm down for it!" Hidan yelled. One by one they agreed to it and Itachi couldn't help but feel like he was actually making friends outside of his family. 

This was either a really good idea or a really bad one.

"Come on, I can drive whoever doesn't have a car." Hidan offered and walked over to his car and opened all the doors to cool it out. He grabbed a bag where he had his extra clothes and glanced back at Deidara whose arms were crossed looking embarrassed to even consider taking a ride from Hidan. Hidan just smiled at him. Deidara frowned deeper.

"Please tell me you have a brush in there, un..." Deidara said finally and Hidan shuffled through the things in his bag and pulled out a brush. Deidara took his hair down and tried to get the kinks out of his hair but at this point, it seemed for naught. "Whatever..." Deidara sighed and put his hair back into a messy bun. Hidan continued to smile at him. "What?"

"Nothin'." He tossed the brush in the bag after fixing his own hair and noticed Itachi climb into his own car and wait for everyone to get into their cars so they could follow Itachi. Kisame eventually walked over and Hidan smirked at him and gestured with his hand for Kisame to climb in. Deidara actually closed the back door and sat in the passenger seat and Hidan couldn't help the grin on his face getting into the car. Kisame sat in the back of the car and messaged the group about their progress. Kisame planned on going with one of the others but they had to send him with Deidara and Hidan to spy so he totally got that.

The drive to the restaurant was uneventful and Kisame wished the two in front would interact but Deidara seemed hell bent on getting his shirt to be dry. It wasn't happening but he tried. Hidan just laughed at the blond and finally they pulled into Itachi's job.

Hidan was first out of the car and opened the back door for Kisame and shuffled through his bag and threw a shirt at Deidara.

"There you go Deidara." He said and Deidara frowned.

"Thanks..." He pulled off his own shirt and replaced it with Hidan's. Kisame gave Kakashi and Gai a look and they laughed. Sasori shook his head and the group congregated by Hidan's car while Itachi got his things together. Afterwards, Itachi rushed inside to avoid being late and the group finally walked inside the restaurant.

"Oh thank god." Kisame relished in the cold air. "I really should've brought extra clothes." He said and glanced to the others. It looked like the only person smart enough for that was Hidan and he gave them to Deidara. Kisame sent another look to the other half of the group and they all chuckled. Deidara didn't pay attention.

The six of them were brought to a corner booth. Everyone made sure Hidan and Deidara sat next to each other in the very center of the booth. Kisame and Gai got the outsides, Sasori sat next to Deidara and Kakashi sat between Gai and Hidan. 

"I don't even know what the fuck I'm hungry for." Hidan said with a sigh and looked over the menu.

"Wow, I'm surprised you didn't make a perverted joke." Kakashi said dryly and Hidan gave a faux lust filled grin. 

"I'm sure I could eat you up, Kakashi, but you aren't on the menu." Kakashi blinked.

"Not exactly what I had in mind." 

"Alright. What does everyone want to drink?" Kisame grinned when he looked up to see a very dorky looking sunburnt Itachi in his server uniform and glasses. His hair was also pulled back in a neat bun, unlike Deidara's massive mess. Once they ordered Itachi walked away to grab them drinks and Sasori flipped his paper place setting over and began to draw on it. This made Deidara follow suit and they kept drawing different things and trying to mess up each other's pictures. 

"Yo, no shit." Hidan said, glancing up with a grin. "It's the teach'." Everyone looked in the direction Hidan pointed in and they saw Jiraiya, Tsunade, Orochimaru a blond man with messy hair and a red headed woman all sitting in a booth. "Should we say hi?"

"Let's write him a note and make Itachi deliver it." Kakashi said and flipped his place mat over and stole Deidara's pen and then scribbled on the paper. It got passed around and by the time Itachi came back with the drinks, Kisame had the paper folded up. 

"Think you can deliver this to Jiraiya for us?" He asked with a grin and Itachi raised an eyebrow and glanced over and sighed.

"I didn't think everyone and their mother would be here." He mumbled and pocketed the note. 

"Thanks, you're a doll." Hidan winked and Itachi rolled his eyes and walked away. Kisame frowned. Was Hidan flirting with everyone but Deidara on purpose now? Whatever it was, it was funny as hell to see Deidara look so irritated. Kisame pulled out his phone and sent a text to Gai. Gai was already fiddling with his phone so got the message right away. He raised his eyebrow at Kisame and Kisame nodded with a grin. Gai colored but cleared his throat. 

"Deidara, you look good." Gai said awkwardly. "Very... youthful." Kakashi raised an eyebrow and Gai just sat there kind of mortified. Kisame covered his face and tried not to laugh out loud.

"Thank you...?" Deidara said slowly and Kisame gave Kakashi a look and Kakashi understood it instantly.

"Oh yes, you look very good indeed." His voice dropped down to a purr. Deidara increasingly looked confused but just nodded. 

"I could paint you all day." Sasori said emotionlessly and Deidara flushed. What the hell were they doing?

"I would too, but only if you were a nude model, and I can't promise I'd actually paint anything." Kisame said with a grin.

"Oh yeah. I can see it." Kisame looked up to see Jiraiya. He was holding the note but apparently knew enough of what was going on to continue on it. "At least, I'd like to see it." Kisame gave Jiraiya a subtle fist bump and they looked at Hidan expectantly. Hidan looked completely fine, but Kakashi was sitting next to him and felt the death grip he had on the bench. 

"What are we doing over her?" Itachi asked, walking over and seeing Jiraiya standing there with the note.

"Hitting on Deidara." Kakashi said simply. "Want to join?"

"I can't. I'm at work. Maybe later tonight." The face Itachi made was hysterical. "I didn't mean for that to sound so suggestive." He said awkwardly and quickly walked off. 

"So Deidara, who wooed you with their flirt the most?" Gai asked loudly.

"Yeah, who do you want to take home?" Kakashi asked after and Deidara stiffened in his seat.

"What the hell is going on, un?"

"We're just trying to-"

"Leave him alone!" Hidan snapped and Jiraiya snorted but played it off as a cough. "He's not interested in you losers!" Hidan crossed his arms in a huff and Deidara just stared wide eyed. "He'd much rather a stud like me, right princess?" Hidan's tone was completely changed and his grin was charming. Deidara smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question time!
> 
> 1) Who do you think will be the first couple to get together?  
> 2) Any act of community service you'd like to see them partake in?  
> 3) Who is the most entertaining character to read?  
> 4) What do you think should be their first "non" community service hang out?
> 
> Thanks for reading! I will post some pictures on my tumblr if you'd like to see them!  
> https://smoresiesfanfic.tumblr.com/  
> -Smoresies


	3. Kakashi and Kisame win

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: there is smut in this chapter
> 
> I bet you can't guess who.
> 
> That's a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Vivi** : Thank you! Glad you loved it! Hidan is my bb so I'm glad you like hearing from him :)  
>  **oxohunnyoxo** : Haha yes me too I adore them <3

Chapter 3

The night was beginning to come to a close and the six of them kept getting glances from the restaurant manager, it was making Gai uncomfortable and Hidan kept winking at him anytime he'd come and ask if they needed anything else.

"Well my youthful companions, we should probably call it a day…we don't want to get Itachi in trouble or anything…" Gai said ducking a little when he made eye contact with the manager again. 

"Yeah, you're probably right, un. I have some work I have to get too." Deidara said gingerly rubbing his eye, his whole face hurt. 

"Hell yeah you do." Hidan nudged against him with a grin. "And you're going to love every single bit of it." he said wiggling his eyebrows, which made Deidara blush despite himself. 

"Hell no, yeah!" 

"Which one is it princess?" He asked with a laugh and then poked Deidara's sunburnt cheek with his finger. "You're blushing. Boop."

"No I'm not you psycho, it’s the sunburn, un." He mumbled hiding his face in his folded arms. 

"Who needs a ride home?" Kakashi asked stretching and staving off a yawn. Gai raised his hand and Kakashi smacked it down, he already knew he did. 

"Well, I don't have a car, I rode in with Itachi…" Kisame admitted looking up at the brunette who was apparently making a couple laugh as he took their order. He didn't want to leave, he felt like he didn't see the kid all day.

Just then a group of buzzed teenagers came in…and then a second group. There looked to be about 15 of them. Kisame noticed Itachi's face pale, a look of agitation and then quickly replaced by a smile as he showed them to their tables. Afterwards he made his way back to them mouthing 'What the fuck?'

"Seriously my man? It's 10 minutes until you guys close…that’s not fair, un." Itachi shrugged. 

"They're drunk which means they're more likely to over-tip, that is the only reason I'm not quitting right now…that and I need the job." He hung his head pitifully. 

"You want one of us to stay? I mean some of them look shady." Kisame asked and noticed everyone look at him with wide eyes and Itachi laughed. 

"No, that won't be necessary but thank you though. You guys be careful getting home—oh. Could one of you give Kisame a ride?" he looked over his shoulder at them and Kakashi nodded his head and Itachi was grateful he felt horrible having someone else do it, he liked the other mans company. 

"Alright fools, let's go." 

"Deidara you're going to have to ride with Hidan, I can't take you. Grandma needs me at her house and its practically in the boondocks." Sasori said pointing to his phone. Deidara looked betrayed and turned to Kakashi with wide pleading eyes. 

"Sorry Dei…I have Gai and Kisame, there's hardly any leg room as is, plus I'm low on gas." He lied which Deidara believed immediately because somehow he was under the impression Kakashi was someone who he could trust. 

"Alright then, un. Try not to molest me." The blonde said getting up from the table with a huff which caused Hidan to look at the group with his mouth open, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. He noticed Kisame and Kakashi giving nodding at him with thumbs up with devilish smiles. 

He almost blew their cover. 

***

"Was it wise to let them go alone? I mean…they just may kill each other in the middle of driving…" Sasori mused watching them drive off in Hidan's van. 

"Mah, they'll manage." Kakashi shrugged. 

"Kakashi, you really are so smart. How do you know just what to say rival?" Gai praised next to him and the other man just rolled his eyes. 

"You think there will be an update?" Kisame asked and Sasori nodded. 

"We're going straight to hell." Sasori smiled. 

***

"This left here, yeah." Deidara directed Hidan who nodded in silence. Something was wrong, Jashin was trying to tell him something and he couldn't figure it out. 

"And it's this house…" Deidara's voice trailed off noticing the police cars out in front of his house, Hidan looked over confused and slightly concerned. 

"The ones with the cops?" he asked attentively not wanting to upset the other man on the matter, he noticed how Deidara looked embarrassed. 

"…Wanna get out of here?" Hidan offered, for once not trying to flirt with the other man but was genuinely concerned. 

Deidara put his head down and nodded. 

And Hidan drove.

***

"Kakashi, why are we at your house?" Gai asked from the back seat confused. 

"Because if I keep driving I'll get us all killed. I almost fell asleep at the wheel like six times. I think my eyes are sunburned." The shorter man said from behind the wheel forcing his eyes open. He turned and looked at Gai and then at Kisame. 

"I can call you a cab if you want, but if not do you mind crashing here?" he offered, Gai shook his head. 

"I am very thankful of your maturity Kakashi! Better to be safe than sorry!" Gai yelled from the back seat and Kisame winced. Kakashi sent him a text message 

_You can use this to see Itachi again if you want._ He looked up at the silver haired teen in shock. 

_You really are a shark, I'll text him later, and I'm actually pretty tired myself._

"It's the carbs. I'm going into a carb coma." Kakashi said out loud as if it was a moment of pure realization. 

"I don't mind crashing here. Thanks man." Kisame laughed and with that they got out of the car. 

"I didn't expect you to live in a house." Kakashi gave him a weird look and he elaborated "I honestly thought you were in the dorms or something." 

"This is his late father's house. Sakumo was an Officer General for the Marines, one of the three in the country with four stars, he was most admirable." Gai informed and Kisame looked at Kakashi shocked. 

"I didn't know you were a military brat." And the other shrugged. Somehow part of the pieces were starting to fall in place about the more quiet man. 

"Come on, I've got a theater room he installed before he got deployed, if you like games you're welcome too it. The couch also pulls out into a queen size bed, you and Gai can fight over who gets that one and who has to sleep in the guest room." He said unlocking the door. What Kisame was NOT prepared for was the hoard of dogs that came scrambling at them when they entered the house. 

"Holy SHIT!" Kisame said as he shielded himself from the now barking dogs around him. He looked over to Gai who was cuddling one that appeared to be a husky. 

"Heel." Kakashi said simply and not very loudly and in an instant all of the dogs listened, all of them going into a submissive stance. "I'm sorry, they're just protective." He explained picking up the smallest one that was a pug. "This is Pakkun, the one you'll have to worry about the least. He's the omega of the pack. He's smart and if you need up at a certain time he'll wake you, I have him trained since I hate alarm clocks."

"If that little guy is the omega, the second in the pack…who's their alpha?" Kisame asked looking at the big bull dog suspiciously. 

"Heh, you're looking at him." Gai said nodding towards his rival. "They're friendly, but if you turn on him they can shred you in a second. They're retired military dogs. That and my rival tends to seek company of animals rather than people, they won't hurt him purposefully." Kisame nodded in understanding reaching his hand out to the tan colored one with long floppy ears. "That my friend is Biscuit, he's actually one of the more guarded ones other than Pakkun. Feel honored my friend." Gai explained. 

"I see. What are their names?" 

"There's Pakkun, Bull, Urushi, Shiba, Biscuit, Akino, Uhei and Guruko." Kakashi said while taking off his flannel and quickly picking the pug back up. 

"Oh, only eight dogs. No big deal." Kisame laughed. 

This was definitely more entertaining than being at his lonely apartment.

***

"Why in the hell are we at a Sheetz, yeah? Deidara asked confused. Hidan chuckled and said nothing. 

"Fine, ignore me, un." He pouted. 

"Oh stop bitching, it’s a surprise." Hidan said and got out of his van and entered the store. It was about ten minutes when he emerged holding two chocolate milkshakes and handed one to Deidara who took it confused. "Surprise." He said with a smile. 

"We're having chocolate milkshakes at 11 at night?"

"Oh shut up, chocolate milkshakes make everything better. For me at least." He said and began to drive out of the parking lot. It hit Deidara like a ton of bricks, Hidan was trying to cheer him up. 

"Thanks my man." he said with a smile. Hidan only nodded and tried to drink his shake. 

***

Itachi finally made it home and momentarily fell asleep at the wheel once he parked his car. His face hurt, his eyes hurt, his feet hurt…everything hurt. And again he could hear Sasuke crying before he even got out of the car. He literally dragged himself up the stairs and tried to find the keyhole in the dark for almost a minute, and then entered his home. 

"It's about time! Where have you been!?" Shisui yelled at his younger cousin who looked unamused and soundlessly took Sasuke and headed straight for the couch. Shisui followed wanting answers as to why his little cousin was almost three hours late. 

"We got a last minute group, they were drunk, I was the only server…I'm sorry. I'm sorry Sasuke." He explained more to the infant than he did Shisui.

"I'm sorry Itachi but I can't take him on Monday, we had a group project we had to work on tonight but I couldn't leave here with him and it got pushed back, its due on Wednesday." He informed the younger brunette who looked at him unbelieving. 

"What am I supposed to do then? I have to go to YOUR community service!" he didn't know where this second wind came from but he was furious. 

"I know and I am so thankful, especially because I am in school for a law enforcement degree and if I had taken the fall…well all your dad's hard work and connections would have been for naught." He admitted ashamed. 

"But I looked over the details of the commitment, it states that if the child is under a certain age which was five I think, you can actually take them with you. They legally cannot turn you away for having a child in your care at the same time while continuing your community service…I wasn't trying to drop a bomb on you weasel, I did my homework on the situation before I told you, I wasn't going to leave you out there drowning in my mistake."

Itachi stared Shisui down for almost a minute and then started to calm down and nodded taking in his cousins words. "And it's only when you can't babysit?" he asked and Shisui nodded. Itachi made a sound of in thought and looked down at Sasuke with a smile "Well, we both are going to be happier with this new arrangement now aren't we?" he asked hugging his infant brother. 

"About that, I still don't understand how the little devil calms you down…it's usually the opposite with most people dude." And Itachi smiled while still rocking Sasuke.

"Don't judge my Prozac baby." 

***

Hidan eventually pulled up to a house that from what Deidara could tell, appeared to be on a farm. They both got out of the van and the blonde looked at his surroundings. 

"This is like some Texas Chainsaw Massacre shit, or Jeepers Creepers…you're not gonna kill me, right, un?" he asked slightly nervously walking towards the house. 

"No, I don't use human sacrifices." Hidan replied blandly which caused Deidara to recoil and looked horrified. "They were going to die anyways. Need them for food, that the hell you looking at me like that for?" he looked at Deidara expectantly who only replied with.

"I'm a vegetarian…" Hidan smacked his forehead. 

"You fucking would be." He mumbled under his breath. 

***

"What in the fuck is going on down here?" Kakashi asked bleary eyed. 

"We're playing the game that destroys friendships." Kisame growled. Kakashi cocked his head to the side. "You're making that much noise playing Monopoly?" 

"No rival! Mario Cart! Kisame is most angry at me for choosing his character of liking!" he hollered over the deafening volume. 

"Bitch stole my Yoshi." 

***

"This is surprisingly a nice house, yea. I thought you would be more…messy?" Deidara admitted looking around the log cabin that was very spacious. And shocked to see it even had a second floor. Though he could do without the giant longhorn skull on the wall in the dining room. 

"Oh no princess, Jashin requires a clean house to represent a clean soul. Besides, the only place I'm messy is in the bedroom." He said whispering the last part in Deidara's ear. 

"Wow, you're flirting with me. How new." Deidara said with an eye roll but looked visibly flustered. Hidan chuckled.

"I need to shower. You are more than welcome to join." He said with a wink. "Or there's another bathroom if you want to be a party pooper." Deidara frowned at him. "I take that as you're going in a separate bathroom."

"Yup." Hidan sighed and led Deidara to the bathroom and gave him a towel. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to have-"

"Would you like some of my clothes, princess?" Hidan winked and Deidara frowned.

"Forget it." He said flatly and Hidan chuckled and left the bathroom.

By the time Deidara got out of the shower completely cleaned and thankful for Hidan's usage of hair conditioner, he noticed there was a nice neat stack of folded clothes on the sink. He hated how thankful he felt at that.

Deidara dried off, brushed his wet hair and got dressed in Hidan's pajamas. He was surprised Hidan even had pajamas. He figured Hidan just slept nude. Giving himself a once over in the mirror he decided he was presentable and walked out of the bathroom. He heard Hidan parading around in the kitchen and walked through the door.

"You sure took your sweet time, princess." Hidan said offhandedly as he examined the inner depths of his freezer.

"What are you looking for, un?" He asked and Hidan didn't respond but happily pulled out a bottle of aloe gel.

"Fuck yeah, I knew I had this shit somewhere." He said happily and Deidara smirked at him.

"Is your albino skin too sensitive for sunburn?" He teased and Hidan pouted.

"I'm not albino." He said and rubbed the gel on his shoulders. "That feels so fucking nice." Deidara chuckled at the strange moaning noises he made

"You're really making me uncomfortable with all those noises, yeah."

"You jealous, sweetheart? Do you want to be the one making me moan?" Hidan winked and Deidara scoffed and took the aloe from his hands and rubbed it on his face. At least half of his fucking face was okay. "Say, you're pretty sexy with your hair down like that all wet."

"Shut the fuck up, Hidan, un." Deidara said flatly and Hidan chuckled and grabbed some beer from the fridge.

"Want one?" He offered and Deidara nodded. He'd need to be fucking hammered to get through tonight. Hidan wound up grabbing a few of them and Deidara followed him to the living room and they sat down on the couch together. Hidan put on a generic horror film and Deidara wasn't surprised in the slightest.

For a while they sipped on beer and made fun of the movie.

"Did this bitch grab a potato masher as her weapon of choice? She's in the fucking kitchen with a block of knives."

"Fuckin' Christ, these special effects are lame as shit, yeah. Look at that blood!" 

"Oh no. This bitch is running through the woods. I wonder how long it'll take her to fall-and she fell. Wow. Five goddamn seconds." 

They screamed at the TV like they were watching football with how much they were getting into it. Deidara was laughing with how irritated Hidan looked that the main character survived and suddenly, 4 beers each in, they realized they were a bit on the tipsy side. Deidara was laughing even more once he looked at Hidan and saw how red he was. Hidan shoved Deidara off the couch and Deidara continued laughing.

"Fuck... The movie is over. Time to sleep. Guess you're sleepin' over, princess." Hidan said and picked Deidara up with ease.

"Where are you taking me?" Deidara asked with a giggle.

"I need some fuckin' aloe." Hidan plopped Deidara on the counter next to the fridge and pulled the aloe out. 

"Let me help." Deidara offered with a smile. Jashin, Hidan should get him tipsy more often, he was cute when he actually smiled. Hidan squirt some aloe gel into Deidara's hands and Deidara started to rub it on Hidan's shoulders and chest. Innocently at first but Hidan noticed his eyes getting more hooded as he traveled down Hidan's chest.

"Like what you see, princess?" He asked quietly, smirking. 

Deidara's visible eye glanced up and looked at Hidan's face. With Deidara on the counter and Hidan standing between Deidara's parted legs, Hidan's face was level with Deidara's, if not a tad bit lower. Deidara's rubbing became more forceful, pushing hard against Hidan's skin, with no malicious intent, he was just distracted. Deidara's hands slipped back up to behind Hidan's neck and he pulled him in and kissed him hard on the lips. Hidan made a surprised noise in the back of his throat but it didn't take him too long to recover. His hands traveled up Deidara's back to the back of his head and he curled his fingers tightly around Deidara's hair by the scruff of his neck. Deidara whimpered into the kiss and Hidan felt himself smirk. 

"Damn, Deidara. How long have you been holding that one back?" Deidara scowled.

"Don't call me by my name." He demanded and pulled Hidan in for another kiss. 

"Mmm... babe." Hidan whispered against Deidara's lips. "Are we gonna fuck?"

"Not if you keep fucking interrupting me." Deidara hissed and the grin stretched on Hidan's lips nearly split his face in two. He tossed Deidara over his shoulder and excitedly brought Deidara to his bedroom. He threw Deidara on the bed and laughed when the force of the throw nearly made Deidara bounce off the bed. Deidara glared at him and Hidan quickly yanked his pants off, already not having a shirt on and climbed into bed with just his boxers on. "Don't make me fucking regret this, un."

"How would I do that?" Hidan asked as he tugged Deidara's pants off. 

"By not doing a good job." Deidara said with a smirk. Hidan returned it.

"Oh princess, the things I'm going to do to your body, I guarantee you won't think I didn't do a good job." He purred and pulled Deidara's shirt off.

"Ow." Deidara frowned. "Be careful you dick, I have sunburn." He scolded and Hidan rolled his eyes and shut Deidara up with a kiss. 

It was easy to get lost in kissing. Deidara's heart thudded against his chest and he had to pull away to catch his breath.

"Why didn't you just breathe through your nose?" Hidan asked and Deidara glared.

"My heart is racing you dick." Hidan grinned.

"Oh? Do I make your heart race, babe?" He cupped Deidara's cheek and Deidara frowned.

"I don't want to sleep with you anymore." He said with crossed arms. Hidan brushed his hand against Deidara's groin and Deidara tried not to let a sound out but he couldn't stop the shiver from Hidan's touch.

"You want to recant that, sweetheart?" He teased and Deidara grabbed Hidan by the hair and kissed him again and climbed on top of Hidan. Hidan's hands rubbed Deidara's growing erection until Deidara was fully hard. Hidan was aching with Deidara on top of him. So close to actually being inside Deidara but having two layers of underwear in the way. 

Deidara rolled his hips, brushing his erection against Hidan's and Hidan let his upper body relax and fall back. There were very slow jerks of Deidara's hips until Hidan got irritated at the slow pace and shoved Deidara off of him and yanked his underwear off. Deidara looked fucking delicious laying down like that with his long blond hair scattered behind him. Hidan pressed two fingers to Deidara's lips and Deidara opened his mouth and sucked on them without needing more prompting than that. 

Hidan removed his fingers from Deidara's mouth and began rubbing the outside of Deidara's puckered hole until Deidara whined for him to hurry up. Hidan chuckled.

"Calm your pale ass down." He teased and Deidara glared at him.

"My pale ass doesn't have to have sex with you." He threatened and Hidan lowered himself and bit Deidara on his ass cheek.

"No. You do." He said and slid in a finger. Deidara took a sharp inhale of breath and Hidan started biting Deidara's inner thighs. Nothing too damning but enough to leave tiny marks. "Now you can't spread your legs for anyone else without them knowing I was here first." Hidan said with a grin and Deidara just shook his head but Hidan slid in his second finger and Deidara gripped the sheets. "Shit, you're tight as hell. When was the last time you got laid?"

"None of your business, asshole." Deidara responded with a slight growl. Hidan smirked.

"I like it. I call you babe and princess and you call me asshole. Seems fair." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Would you rather me call you handsome?" He said sarcastically.

"Aw, baby, you think I'm handsome?" He teased and before Deidara could give him a response, Hidan rubbed against Deidara's prostate and Deidara gasped and bucked his hips against Hidan's fingers. Hidan held Deidara's hips down with his free hand and roughly pushed in a third finger and stretched them apart as far as he could just to see Deidara writhe in pain. He didn't. "You like this, don't you?" Hidan said lowly.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't be doing it, yeah." He tried to sound as sarcastic as possible but the effects weren't as great as they could be with how heavy Deidara was breathing. 

Giving Deidara's prostate one last teasing stroke, Hidan pulled his fingers out and leaned over to his bedside table and grabbed whatever he could find that could be used as lubricant. Finding something suitable he quickly coated himself in it and found himself grinding against Deidara. 

"Just fuck me, Hidan, um." Deidara said impatiently and Hidan didn't give him much warning after that. 

He pushed himself inside Deidara roughly and instantly felt terrible since he told himself earlier he'd be gentle. Deidara didn't seem too displeased by the motion. Hidan didn't want to move too quickly so leaned in to Deidara's neck and bit down, giving love bites all over Deidara's neck. Most of them were tiny, couldn't be easily seen. Deidara took this as a challenge and also sucked on Hidan's neck. He, however, left a rather impressively sized hickey. Smiling at his handiwork, Deidara set off to give Hidan more of them. Hidan didn't really mind. He liked the feeling of getting his neck sucked on. 

"Are you trying to mark me babe?" Hidan whispered with a chuckle.

"Yes." Deidara said simply and went back to biting Hidan's neck.

"Why?" Hidan asked with a raised eyebrow and a cocky mile. Deidara just pouted up at him and glared. "Is this because of earlier?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Deidara said with a huff.

"Oh you don't?" Hidan said, pretending to be confused. "When you got jealous because people were hitting on me?"

"Oh fuck off, I was not jealous." Deidara stated firmly.

"Oh you weren't? It kind of looked like it from where I was. Is that why you're marking my neck? So no one tries to flirt with me? Are you a jealous girlfriend, Deidara?" Hidan licked up Deidara's neck and bit his earlobe. Under him, Deidara shivered. "Mmm. I bet you are."

"Shut up." Deidara said with an angry scowl.

"Don't be like that, princess. I think it's kinda hot." Hidan said, grinning and bucked his hips suddenly making Deidara make a noise of surprise. "How do you like it babe?" Hidan's pace was slow, barely moving. He just rocked their bodies together. 

"I believe I said fuck me, Hidan, un." Deidara said with a disapproving look.

"Oh you want me to be rough?" Deidara nodded. "How rough?" Hidan's smile could put the Cheshire cat to shame. 

"Very." Hidan pulled himself out.

"Alright. You asked me to." With one arm he flipped Deidara over onto his stomach and roughly yanked his hips back so Deidara was on his knees. He slammed himself back into Deidara so hard Deidara hit his head on the headboard and Deidara quickly braced himself against the wooden furniture so it wouldn't happen again. 

Hidan's fingernails dug into Deidara's hips. Eventually he reached his arm around to stroke Deidara's cock which surprised Deidara enough to elicit a moan from the blond. Hidan was so deep inside Deidara it hurt. Even so, Deidara would meet Hidan's thrusts by pushing himself back on Hidan roughly. Hidan grabbed Deidara's hair and yanked on it sharply. His fingernails grazed Deidara's back, lightly at first, then dug into the skin hard enough to leave raised marks in their wake. 

"Ah! Fuck! Hidan!" 

"Being too rough for you, princess?" He asked and found himself gripping Deidara even tighter.

"N-no. I'm gonna fucking-fuck..." Deidara moaned and Hidan felt the jerking of Deidara's cock in his hand as he came all over the sheets. 

"You do like it rough... Oh shit, babe." Hidan burned with lust at the realization. "Oh next time I fuck you, I'll do so much worse." Deidara shivered and just that action of clear want alone made Hidan finish, thrusting roughly into Deidara.

Hidan laid down and tried to catch his breath. Deidara was lying next to him but they weren't touching at all. They took a minute to collect themselves and Hidan turned to Deidara grinning.

"Did you regret that?" He asked and Deidara grumbled and turned over and laid on Hidan's shoulder and nuzzled up to Hidan's neck tiredly. "Aw, you're a cuddler."

"Fuck you, Hidan." Deidara mumbled tiredly. "It's almost 4am. I'm fucking tired, un." Hidan pulled Deidara into a tight hold and rubbed his back soothingly. Deidara was out cold within minutes and Hidan chuckled at the quiet snore. He grabbed his phone, thankful that he left it close by and turned it on and took a selfie of himself grinning widely and Deidara passed out on his chest. Hidan's neck and Deidara's neck were visibly covered in hickies. The way Deidara was laying, the scratch marks on his back were easily seen and both of them were naked as far as the camera could see.

When he was satisfied with the picture, he giggled and sent it to Kakashi and Kisame.

_Better collect up, bitches ;)_

Feeling completely satisfied in more ways than one, Hidan looked at the top of Deidara's head and his smiled faded. He couldn't help but remember what Itachi said earlier. Did he care for Deidara or was he another notch on his bedpost? 

With the cute way Deidara was breathing as he slept on Hidan's shoulder, Hidan was reluctant to admit to himself that yeah, he cared about Deidara.

But now what?

***

"RIVAL!! GOOD MORNING!" Gai shouted excitedly as he jumped on the end of Kakashi's bed trying to wake the younger man. 

"Gai, what the fuck?" he whined into his pillow. 

"Kisame says check your phone! I believe it was something about the bet! He is a magnificent challenger by the way, Kakashi, thank you for letting us stay!" he said loudly as he continued to jump knowing if he stopped Kakashi would go back to sleep. 

"I'm sorry man, I didn't think he was going to wake you like this." Kisame looked shocked in the doorway and suddenly felt bad for relaying the message to Gai. Soon enough Kakashi's dogs were on the bed with the two of them wagging their tails, not knowing what was so exciting but tried to join in.

"Alright, ALRIGHT, I'm up. Fuck…" he sat up in and if Kisame didn't know any better he would have thought Kakashi hadn't slept a wink, the kid was always exhausted. He looked at Gai and realized maybe he was the reason and laughed silently at his own connection. Kakashi leaned over and got his phone and read the text message from earlier this morning, his eyes widened and he looked up at Kisame with a grin.

He forwarded it to Itachi, Sasori and Jiraiya and then got out of bed and looked seriously at Kisame. 

"This calls for a 30 second dance of victory."

***

Hidan woke up to an empty bed…normally that wouldn't unnerve him, except he had company last night. Shit. Deidara wasn't here, did he leave? The thought made Hidan jolt out of bed and he quickly regretted his decision, at some point in the night his back not only blistered but popped at the same time. His back was glued to the sheets and his front was glued to the bed from not proper clean up last night. Fuck. 

He swore he had no skin left on his back as he made his way to the kitchen and was surprised to hear music and smell food. Relief flooded his system in an instant, Deidara didn't leave him, he was here, and from the sounds of it, he wasn't regretting it. He walked into the kitchen and saw Deidara dancing to what sounded like reggae music, hair was still down and he was in just his boxers. He looked up and grinned at Hidan. 

"About time you woke up, yeah. Your fridge is so under stocked I had to go out into the barn and get my own damn eggs…at least they're fresh though, un." Deidara said as he shook the pan and flipped its contents. 

"Did you milk the cow while you were at it?" Hidan joked and then laughed at Deidara's confusion. "I don't have one yet, not until two months from now, I'm supposed to be getting five in, I was just messing with you princess calm down." And Deidara glared but still laughed. 

"By the way, what the fuck is in that storage shed my man?" He was serious and Hidan looked down and clasped his necklace. 

"It's where I do my rituals for Jashin. It doesn't have to be human life, it could be something as simple as a snail or a chicken. Sorry you had to see it though, I was going to show you sooner or later…" Hidan trailed off and took in Deidara's look. 

"It would have been nice, yeah. I wouldn't have woke up your horses with a scream that way." Other than that, the blonde appeared to be unfazed. 

"Wow princess, maybe you were so uptight because you needed to get laid." Hidan said coming up behind him as he did last night. He realized that he could get used to this. 

"Who knows, yeah. Breakfast is ready, sorry if you want bacon you'll have to cook it yourself." He said defiantly and Hidan laughed. 

"Alright, I fucking love French toast!"

***

Jiraiya was enjoying his day off and he even managed to write a couple more chapters of his book. He had his coffee, both partners were off for once and his son had came to visit from college with his fiancé. Things were going smoothly. 

Then his phone went off. He saw it was from Kakashi, smiled that the kid had no idea it was his books he seemed to love so much so he opened it. 

"Fuck!" Jiraiya hadn't realized he yelled and looked up to see a startled Tsunade and Minato, a confused and very pregnant Kushina and a very annoyed Orochimaru which means he too was startled. 

"What ails you fiend!" he hissed cradling his cup of coffee like life support. Jiraiya mouthed 'sorry' to him before answering 

"I lost a bet." He said crankily.

"A bet?! Which one? Why wasn't I included?" Tsunade asked coming over to look at Jiraiya's phone. "My, they sure are sunburned. They look happy, wait you didn't see this coming?" she looked at her partner incredulous.

"She's got a point, maybe if you included her you would've known what answer was the right one." Orochimaru said cryptically which in turn earned him a pillow to be thrown at him by his female lover. "You don't always loose Tsuna, you win when you're with me." He laughed and he knew she hated to admit it. 

"Dad, I thought you were supposed to be teaching these kids how to not give into vices…" Minato asked as he came up to also look at the picture, just as curious as his mother and winced. "Do they know they have second degree burns?" he asked concerned. 

"Probably not, they're a bit on the dim side of the intellect pool." Jiraiya said as he responded to the text message. 

"How much did you lose dad?" Minato asked smugly.

"Damnit you sound like Oro…and I think my amount was $100?" Minato laughed and Orochimaru just rolled his eyes. 

"It means he has brain cells unlike you and…well you've could've done worse, it's not that bad Jira." 

"Papa's right, Dad. Cheer up, it's not that bad…besides just remember in three months you're going to be a grandfather!" He said with a bright smile and Jiraiya nodded, yes, that was something to look forward too indeed. He couldn't wait to meet Naruto. 

"I'm too young to be a grandmother though…" Tsunade slightly sulked on the arm of the chair Orochimaru was sitting in. He looked up with her with a raised eyebrow. 

"You were too young to be a mother." She looked at him and sighed. 

"You got me there."

***

Sasori was out with his grandmother like any other Sunday morning, most grandmothers like to drag their grandkids around to flea markets and such, searching for harmless objects that might be hidden treasures. 

Not his grandmother. 

Chiyo was a master of poisons and an ornery woman who was very set in her ways. Sure she dragged her grandson out and about on her quest for new quests for roots or flowers, anything that she could extract chemicals from and find their compounds. She knew Sasori both loved and hated the outings, but what he really looked forward too was the lunch that came afterwards. 

His phone went off and she watched him look at it and then scowl. 

"What's wrong Mago?" she asked curious. 

"Oh nothing Sobo, I just lost a bet is all." He answered looking up. He knew there was a chance for it to happen, and it was all fun and games trying to make it happen…but now that it did it made him feel weird. 

Sasori didn't like this feeling whatever it was. 

***

Itachi woke up to Sasuke babbling in his crib and rubbed his eyes. He was so exhausted he wanted to cry. School was going to be hell today.

Itachi got up and made his bed so it was nice and neat. He opened the blinds to let in the light and finally he wondered across the hall to Sasuke's room and smiled at the infant who looked up at him and giggled with delight.

"Good morning, Sasuke." He said softly and scooped the child into his arms. The warmth he felt, both from the actual heat from his brother and the warmness inside his heart was enough to mellow his nerves for the morning. He was exhausted, down to his bones and he would love sleep, but he wasn't tired anymore, if that made any sense at all.

Itachi grabbed his phone and saw he had a text from Kisame and Kakashi. He saw Kakashi's was a picture message but Kisame's was a text he smiled at it then opened it and read the entire thing.

_Good morning, Itachi! Hope those dudes at the restaurant left you a good tip. You're gonna need it. Haha!_

Oh Jesus.

Itachi clicked on Kakashi's message and groaned.

"Seriously you two? It's been three days since you've met." More like two, but Itachi decided to give them an extra day. He glanced over to Sasuke. "What to do with them, right, Sasuke?" He asked and poked Sasuke's forehead and the baby giggled in his arms. Itachi grinned. He was fairly certain that giggle could stop wars. "I love you, little-brother." He said gently and walked to the changing table to get Sasuke ready for the day. After that was all set, he walked into the kitchen to make Sasuke a bottle.

"Baba." Itachi chuckled.

"Yes. You're so smart." He praised and scooped the formula into the warm water and shook it while Sasuke reached for the bottle with determination. Itachi chuckled and sat down on one of the chairs and held the bottle for Sasuke and watched him drink it. They stared at each other in the eyes and Itachi kissed his brother's forehead. "I love you, Sasuke." He knew he said it several times since Sasuke woke up but he couldn't not say it with the large black eyes looking at him.

Once Sasuke was finished, Itachi brought the two of them to his bedroom and laid Sasuke in the center of his bed and quickly got dressed. After, he grabbed Sasuke, his car keys and Sasuke's diaper bag. He put an extra clean bottle in the bag and grabbed a protein bar for himself and headed off to school. 

Getting out of the car, Itachi felt his phone go off. Another text from Kisame.

_I wonder what Jiraiya has in store for us today. What do you think it is?_

_I'm not sure. I also don't want to bet on it because apparently I think too highly of some people._

_Aww, Itachi. Everyone knew that was going to happen! Surprised it didn't happen sooner!_

_Like when? When they met?_

_I mean, yeah. I wonder how they're going to act now. Deidara is gonna be so pissed when he finds out we all know!_

Itachi chuckled at the thought and put his phone away so he could drop Sasuke off at the school issued daycare. He kissed Sasuke several times all over the face and didn't want to leave him but he had class in less than 20 minutes.

"I'll be back for you later, Sasuke. You're going with me to do some community service." Itachi said with a smile. "I really hope Hidan doesn't try to sacrifice you." Sasuke made a cute gurgling noise and Itachi chuckled. "I really have to go, little brother. I'll be back for you soon." He promised and stood up. Sasuke started to whimper so Itachi walked faster. He wouldn't be able to leave if he heard his brother start full on crying. He loved the kid too much for that.

The plus side was that he didn't have many classes today. Perhaps he could even sneak in a nap before he had to grab Sasuke. He really hoped so. He felt like he was dying. Itachi began to climb the stairs and he felt his phone go off again.

_Good luck at school, kid._

_You too, Kisame :)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well everyone and their mother saw that coming. Go to my tumblr for the picture Hidan set Kakashi and Kisame!
> 
> 1) Who are you excited for to get together?  
> 2) Since you've been reading Deidara/Hidan, how do you feel about the Deidara/Sasori and the Hidan/Kakuzu tags?  
> 3) Minato is here now! Who do you think he'd get along with in the group?  
> 4) Who is someone you want to see in the story that isn't listed to be in the story?  
> 5) Is there a certain friendship you favor over the others? If so, who?


	4. Enter Tobi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who the fuck knows anymore tbh  
> -smoresies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **oxohunnyoxo** : Aww you're too kind lol. yaaass kaka/gai is life. Don't worry, nothing too bad will happen to our babies :)  
>  **Desbelleschoses** : Thank you~! We should have them play CAH, shouldn't we?  
>  **Vivi** : bitch, me too tf. lmao. UGHHH I KNOW I LOVE DEIDAN. SO. MUCH. I'm glad you like the story!  
>  **Lavender_Menace** : Haha thank you! We take turns writing Itachi but the Sannin is all Lolli's doing!  
>  **Kuko** : Awesome! We love to write this story! There's so much planned!

Chapter Four:

"Mmm, Hidan you need to stop, yeah." Deidara whispered.

"Aw, why is that, princess? You seem to be enjoying yourself."

"We have class in 30 minutes." Deidara said with a laugh and Hidan licked up Deidara's neck. "Come on." Deidara whined. "We have to go, you ass. I don't like being late for school, hm."

"Aw babe." Hidan groaned. "You're so hot though." 

"Yes I know but we still have to go." Deidara said and Hidan sighed and took a step back.

"Fine..."

"Uh, Hidan." Deidara pressed his lips together awkwardly. "You have clothes I can borrow, un?" Hidan grinned lustfully.

"I love seeing you in my clothes, babe." Hidan said and walked to his closet and grabbed some shorts and a shirt. Deidara grabbed the clothes and stared at Hidan expectantly. "I ain't leaving this fuckin room while you get naked." Deidara frowned but didn't look surprised. He quickly got changed and tried to ignore the blush on his face when Hidan whistled at his naked body.

"Can we just fuckin go now?" Deidara asked with a scowl. Hidan grinned, he loved getting Deidara worked up

"Yeah, let's go, princess."

***

"I had no idea we even went to the same college." Kisame said as they pulled into the parking lot. "What are the odds? I wonder where everyone else goes to school."

"I'm sure we'll find out eventually." Kakashi said tiredly and they all climbed out of the car. Kisame was thankful that Kakashi drove by his house so he could get changed into clothes that weren't saturated in car soap.

"I am going out for Personal Trainer; it's my goal to have a dojo! Kakashi here aspires to be the best editor in the country and I'm sure he will, no doubt! What about you Kisame?" Gai asked walking excitedly next to the two of them.  
"Uh, actually I'm getting a degree in Kinesiology so I can transfer the credits with this program and get my associate in Surgical Technician." He answered and was startled by Gai's loud inhale of breath, it was as if he just found out all the secrets of the universe.

"I'M IN KINESIOLOGY TOO! HOW FORTUNATE!!" he yelled drawing attention to the trio. Kisame shared a look with Kakashi who smirked and said quietly.

"Welcome to a life with a Gai." 

***

"You need picked up after princess?" Hidan asked as he slowed to a stop in front of the art college trying to get a look at the place. 

"I'll let you know, un. You should probably hurry up and get to your classes. What are you taking anyway?" Deidara asked as he got out of the van. 

"Meh, mainly general studies but I'm majoring in Theology... what?" he asked defensively at the look Deidara was giving him. 

"Nothing, I just didn't realize there was a chance you were actually smart, yeah." He said with a grin and laughed when Hidan threw his backpack at him. 

"GOOD DAY, princess." He took off after Deidara closed the door. This morning was definitely fun and very different from Deidara's normal routine. 

"Oh my goodness, good to know you can still walk." He heard from behind him, and turned to see Sasori standing there looking slightly amused. 

"What are you talking about, un?" he asked his fellow artist as they began to walk towards the campus. 

"Well, the fact that you and Hidan did the deed. Oh please your neck says everything, and you got dropped off by him too." Sasori said bored. He didn't want to look at Deidara because he was unsure of what he felt, he was agitated more than anything, he was positive it was because he had lost the bet. 

"What makes you so s-sure, un?" he kept walking with the redhead. 

"You're not anxious, blabbering like usual and you're as cool as a cucumber… all signs point to 'Deidara got laid'." 

"Do you think the others will notice?" The blonde bit his lip worriedly.

"Is there anything too notice?" Sasori asked seriously.

"I'm not sure, un... I haven't felt like this before. He's nice in his own dickish way."

"Hidan. Nice. He sacrifices something to a god that demands blood. How do you know you be on the menu later down the line?" Sasori asked genuinely curious. "...unless you're saying that was your first time." Mused out loud and was shocked as the other man's face reddened. "Ah."

"Shuddup Sasori." Deidara said grabbing the door for both of them and Sasori just chuckled. 

***

Hidan was actually looking forward to this class, despite what everyone thought, he was more of an intellect than he liked to let on. He had sex with Deidara last night, had breakfast with him this morning and now he was beginning his classes in Theology, nothing could dampen his mood. He shifted his backpack closer to him, trying not to seem too eager.

The door to the auditorium opened and in walked a middle aged man that looked like he had a permanent scowl on his face, long hair that was fastened back in a hair tie, slacks and a sweater vest. 

_Who the fuck is this grandpa? I thought my teacher was a woman_

"Listen, I'm going to be your teacher for this class my name is Kakuzu. Mrs. Haori will not be back until next semester in February. Yes try not to look so excited. I have two rules in my class, first one is I only speak at one volume if you can't hear me then you should play closer attention. Second, I don't repeat so if you don't hear me the first time then your shit out of luck." He said as he sat at his desk and nodded to the one person who raised their hand. 

"Is everything alright with Mrs. Haori? And aren't you a professor of another class?" Kakuzu rolled his eyes and Hidan noticed something was slightly off about them.

"She should be fine, she was careless and now she's on maternity leave and as for your second question, I teach all math classes but my main class is business and budgeting." Shit. That means Hidan has three classes with this stiff, he raised his hand and Kakuzu looked blankly at him and nodded.

"What the hell is up with your eyes? Are you blind in one eye or something?" Hidan asked genuinely curious and heard from the few gasps around him... maybe that wasn't an appropriate question. Kakuzu's eyebrow arched and there was a bit of a sadistic smile on the edge of his lips. 

"It's for your benefit. Now everyone pull out their textbooks and... yes?" he acknowledged another student. 

"Aren't you going to ask us to introduce ourselves, or why we're here?" a girl asked confused. And Hidan almost laughed out loud at the continued blank expression. 

"No." It was sharp and bored at the same time. 

"But why?" another student asked even more confused and Kakuzu slightly smirked. 

"Because, I don't care. I have nothing to benefit from it and it’s a waste of energy to get to know any of you because over 70% won't make it to the third week. Open your textbooks to page 55, we'll be discussing Plato, brilliant man." Came the bored monotone response.

Hidan couldn't believe this man, and this was his teacher for all of his classes this semester. 

Damnit. 

***

Kakashi was tired, more so than usual, he supposed it was because they all were almost sun poisoned. Or maybe because he wasn’t used to being around so many people all the time... it was exhausting. People were exhausting, and he said a prayer of thanks to Buddha that he was taking Kinesiology next semester or he would never sleep. His head was cradled by his arms which were crossed on the desk in front of him as he waited for his professor to make it to the class, he debated falling asleep. Just then the door opened. 

_Of course you'd show up now..._ He thought somewhat bitterly.

"Whew! Sorry about that, good morning everyone. I'm your teacher for Literature and Language, Minato Namikaze. I normally don't teach at this college but I just recently moved back in town, I hope you all will benefit from this class and if there are any questions, feel free to ask." Kakashi squinted and it dawned on him why this man looked so familiar.

This was Jiraiya's son. 

_What a small fucking world_

***

"Deidara, stop sulking." Sasori said and Deidara glared at him. "You knew you had to take this class. Stop being upset about it."

"I fucking hate these damn art classes. They never make fucking sense." Deidara said with a grumble.

"What do you mean?" Sasori asked and almost instantly the teacher told them their assignment.

"Okay everyone, you see the table filled with vases? Today we're going to be drawing that."

"Okay that can be useful." Sasori mumbled to Deidara. "We're learning depth perception."

"Also you can't look at your drawing and you have to draw with your non dominant hand without moving your hand from the paper." Deidara gave Sasori a blank look.

"Alright, I see your point." Deidara scowled and suddenly there was the loud noise of a chair being dragged across the room to the empty spot next to Deidara.

"So sorry!" The voice said loudly. It was so irritating Deidara winced. "Oh-ho-ho! This will be a blast!" The man giggled and sat on the stool and got his large paper situated on the easel. Deidara stared at the new addition to the room with a look of disapproval. He was wearing a hot pink shirt, neon green pants and a bright orange bandana covering his face. "Hello! I'm Tobi!" He greeted Deidara and the look on Deidara's face made Sasori snort and cover his mouth. 

"What the actual fuck are you wearing, yeah?" Deidara asked with a look of disgust.

"Well, I'm wearing my lucky underwear-"

"MY MAN. THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT." Deidara said loudly and Tobi stared at the man with an inquisitive gaze. As if this kid couldn't get stranger, the right side of his face looked scarred from what Deidara could see of it and one eye was red, the other was black. "You're a walking fashion nightmare."

"Oh! I am? Maybe you could teach me what is good to wear!" Tobi said excitedly.

"Uh, no thanks, un." Deidara inched away from Tobi and Sasori chuckled as he drew the vases.

"Ohhh please oh please oh please, senpai! I will be a great student, I promise! Tobi is a good boy!" Deidara's head snapped to Sasori's direction.

"What the fuck is this guy on?" He whispered.

"A stool!" Tobi said happily and Deidara's eyebrow twitched. 

"I'm going to shoot myself."

"Don't do that, senpai!" Tobi sounded seriously worried. "If you shoot yourself you may kill yourself! If you kill yourself you may die, if you die you may be dead, if you're dead, then you won't be able to breathe, and then you'll die!"

Sasori calmly got off his stool and excused himself to stand in the hallway and Deidara heard him laugh loudly and Deidara continued to stare expressionlessly at the new member of the classroom.

"I'm going to drop out of college." Deidara declared to himself.

***

At the end of the day, Deidara met up with Sasori by accident. He'd been in the middle of texting Hidan to pick him up, thinking Sasori had left already. He was pleasantly surprised that he wouldn't have to ride with Hidan after all upon seeing his red-headed friend.

"Oh thank fuck."

"What?"

"You can drive me to community service. I don't have to go with Hidan, un." Deidara deleted his message and told Hidan he had a ride and he'd see him there. Hidan sent him a frowning face.

"How do you know I drove in today?" Sasori asked with a smirk.

"Shut up. Don't do this to me right now. That fuckin' Tobi kid really wound me up, yeah." Deidara huffed.

"I am so sorry, Senpai! I did not mean to upset you!" Tobi said from behind Deidara and Deidara let out a very undignified yelp.

"Fucking Tobi! Don't sneak up on me, un!" Deidara snapped and Tobi's eyes filled with tears.

"Please do not be mad at me, Senpai!" He begged.

"I'm not your fucking senpai!"

"Tobi, Deidara and I really have to go to community service, now." Sasori interrupted calmly and Deidara could fucking kiss that kid right now.

"Yeah! We have to leave!" Deidara said and quickly walked away.

"Community service? I will go with you! I love the community!" He chirped happily.

"Abso-fucking-lutely not." Deidara said, scowling.

"Puh-puh-puh-leeze?" Tobi begged, putting his hands together. Sasori smirked.

"Alright, Tobi. You can join us." Tobi threw his hands in the air happily and Deidara turned to face Sasori with a look of betrayal.

"My man..." 

Sasori just turned around and led them to the car.

"You can still hit up Hidan." Sasori said and Deidara sputtered indignantly.

"You can't do that to me! Can you think of what people would say if I showed up with him, yeah?!"

"Either way they're going to say you slept with him. Your neck is covered with hickies." Sasori pointed out and Deidara smacked his hand over his neck and glowered.

"Oh wow! I thought you just had leprosy! What a relief! My senpai will live another day!" 

"Not if you won't leave me the fuck alone I won't." Deidara muttered and got into Sasori's car.

***

"Sasuke!" Itachi said smiling. "I'm here." Sasuke glanced in the direction of the voice of his brother and then smiled and put his hands out for his brother to grab him. "Hello. I missed you." Itachi cooed and kissed Sasuke's cheeks. "Thank you very much." Itachi said with a nod to the caretakers.

"Of course, he was a pleasure, as always." Itachi chuckled and inclined his head. He grabbed Sasuke's diaper bag and headed out to his car. 

Sasuke was a pleasure? Hm, how would Shisui take that? Sasuke seemed to behave for everyone but his cousin.

With a resigned sigh, Itachi buckled Sasuke into his car seat, loathing the thought of bringing his baby brother to community service with him. One of the things he wanted to avoid was his brother meeting a good portion of those people but whatever. He had to do what he had to do. 

Itachi turned on the radio to a mix CD he played in the car when Sasuke was there. They were songs that eased Sasuke from not being able to see his big brother. For whatever the reason the CD contained Bruno Mars, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood and Nikki Minaj. He had no idea why these collection of songs lulled his baby brother but if he had to listen to Before He Cheats or Uptown Funk to get his brother to calm down, whatever.

It only took 3 songs to get to the Community Center and he noticed he got there at the same time as Kisame, Kakashi and Gai. Kisame's face brightened upon seeing Itachi and Itachi smiled and waved.

He probably shouldn't think so about someone who clearly made enough bad choices to end up here, but Kisame was really cute. His face burned even admitting so to himself. 

Kisame ran up to the car like an excited puppy and peered in and his eyes brightened when he saw the car seat.

"Oh shit, you have Sasuke with you?" He asked and Itachi nodded. Kisame ran over to the other side to peek at Sasuke and Itachi got out of the car to get his brother out. "Wow, Itachi. Your brother is so cute." Kisame complimented. "It must run in the family!" Itachi paused slightly and felt his face warm. Kisame kept smiling, probably not thinking twice on what he said. 

"Thank you..." Itachi said, hiding his face so he could try to get it to its normal color. Sasuke grabbed his nose with a giggle and Itachi grabbed the diaper bag. "Let's go?"

"Yeah." Kisame smiled and Itachi looked up at that huge grin on his face. Kisame was like an excited puppy or something. 

Kakashi and Gai had already went inside, Kisame narrowed his eyes. They must've done that on purpose. At least, Kakashi probably did. The sly bastard. Kisame didn't want to waste those moments he had with Itachi so just spit random questions at the shorter man.

"So what's Sasuke's star sign?" Kisame asked and made a strange face at the question. Itachi smiled at Kisame. "He's a Leo. He was born July 23rd." Itachi said softly, looking at Sasuke's face. "What about you, Kisame?"

"Oh! I'm a Pisces. You?"

"Gemini." Itachi scrunched his face. "I'm not supposed to get along with Pisces." He teased.

"Oh well, shit." Kisame covered his mouth. "I mean shoot. I'm totally not a Pisces. I'm... I'm a Scorpio!"

"Nope."

"Taurus?"

"Nuh-huh."

"Libra?"

"Sure."

"I'm a Libra!" Itachi smiled sweetly at Kisame.

"Wow, so you were born when?" Kisame's face blanked out.

"...November... 12th...?"

"So you're a Scorpio?" Kisame blinked and sighed.

"March 18th." 

"There we go, my Pisces friend." Itachi smiled. "I'll be friends with you even if I shouldn't." Wow, that was the problem Itachi faced. Being friends with these people when he honestly shouldn't.

"Thanks. I'll be your friend too."

"Well, I'd hope so." Itachi said, smiling.

"Holy shit, is that a fucking baby?!" Hidan said loudly and grabbed Sasuke from Itachi's hands. Itachi opened his mouth to reprimand Hidan but closed it and stared at Hidan as if he were an enigma. Hidan knew exactly how to hold a baby and even looked at peace doing so. "Hello baby, my name is Hidan. I'm your new father."

"Language." Itachi scolded.

"Hidan, why are you holding a baby, un?" Deidara asked walking in with Sasori and Tobi.

"I'm a father." Hidan announced and Deidara paused, taking him seriously for a second.

"It's my baby brother."

"He's far too cute to be Hidan's offspring." Kisame added flatly.

"Fuck you, Aqua-lad. I'm cute as hell, right Deidara?" Deidara gave him a look. "Oh shit, sorry, I meant princess."

"Language." Itachi scolded

"That's not what that look was for, you moron!" Deidara snapped. "And stop cursing! You're holding a baby, un!" 

"Come on baby. Say it with me. Fuck bitches. Get money." Hidan cooed in a baby voice. Deidara smacked his forehead.

"What a tiny baby! Tobi likes babies!" Tobi said gleefully and stood next to Hidan.

"Who the fuck is this?"

"Language." Kisame scolded this time.

"Tobi, don't you pay attention? He said his name." Sasori responded dryly.

"Yeah but why the fuck is he here?"

"Language." Itachi and Kisame said in unison with a sigh on Itachi's part.

"I don't know!" Deidara said hysterically. 

"Because my Senpai is here!" Tobi said and clapped. Hidan raised an eyebrow.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"Oh my god." Itachi ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Deidara." Sasori answered with a smirk. Deidara continued to glare.

"Senpai! I think if you had a baby, it would be cute! Perhaps even cuter than this baby! And this baby is very cute!" Tobi announced and Deidara stared at Hidan in the eyes with a look like he'd lived through Nam. "What do you think, Senpai?! Oh! You're so awesome, Senpai! Tobi thinks you're the most awesome Senpai ever!" Hidan couldn't take it anymore. He burst out laughing, tears ran down his face, he almost choked. Kisame quickly took the baby from his hands before he fell over.

"Hidan! This isn't funny, un!" Deidara screamed with a red face.

"You have a fucking fanboy! This shit can't be made up! Oh shit I'm gonna piss myself." Hidan was on his knees, holding his stomach and laughing. He looked up to see Tobi practically had hearts in his eyes looking at Deidara who looked incredibly irritated and his laughter started over again. "I can't fucking deal with this today! Oh shit!" He rubbed the tears from his eyes.

"Language!" Itachi shouted covered Sasuke's ears in Kisame's hands. "I'm so sorry for having to bring you here, Sasuke." Itachi apologized and Sasuke stuck his tongue out and blew raspberries.

"Aww!" Tobi said and put his hands on his face over his bandana. "How precious!"

"Baby." Kakashi said with a blink, walking into the room with Gai.

"Yes, Rival?" Gai asked and Kakashi stared at him blankly for a minute then ignored him.

"Whose baby is this?" Kakashi asked and walked over, to stare at him. "And why is Hidan dying on the floor?"

"My brother Sasuke and Deidara has a fanboy." Itachi said simply and Kakashi raised an eyebrow and turned to face the new member of their group. His eyes narrowed, really observing every part about this person. The kid looked familiar, Kakashi couldn't place it though.

"Hi! I'm Tobi! I'm a good boy!" He introduced and Hidan had a new fit of laughter.

"Hello Tobi." Kakashi said slowly and raised an eyebrow. If anything, it would prove to be an interesting day. 

"How fantastic is this? A baby. Wow, nothing more youthful than a baby." Gai said and met Sasuke on the same eye level as what Kisame was holding him at. "Listen here, baby-Sasuke. You need to work hard. Hard work will open many doors in your life and nothing feels better than knowing you were able to get there yourself..." Everyone tuned out Gai's youthful rant at the same time and Hidan finally was able to compose himself long enough to stand up.

"Shit, I don't even have to work out today. Fuck, man. My abs are killing me."

"Language." Deidara chided and Hidan gave a nasty smirk.

"That's not what you said last night." He teased and Instantly Deidara's face, ears, neck, and the upper part of his shoulders turned red. He almost looked like he was glowing.

"Oh yeah, you two finally had sex." Kakashi said mildly and Deidara choked on his words and looked at Hidan and then at everyone else.

"Oh THIS is the man who gave you leprosy." Tobi said with a nod.

"Hickies. You mean hickies." Sasori said to Tobi quietly.

"That's what I said." Tobi responded and Sasori sighed. Deidara looked as if he would explode and just crossed his arms and walked away to sit at a table.

"Aw, babe, don't be embarrassed!" Hidan said and walked over to Deidara who looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole. "You were really good!"

"Hi-DAN!" Deidara scolded, his face couldn't possibly turn redder even if someone dumped red paint on him.

"What? It's a compliment!" Hidan argued and sat on the table in front of Deidara.

"Well I'm glad to see you all getting along, _oh so well_ , we have to get this started unless you just want this to be a hangout session and none of your sentences go down." Jiraiya said as he stood in the front of the room looking more tired than usual. His face scrunched up in confusion. "There's one extra... wait. I know you, hello Tobi." He smiled at the kid. 

"Hello Jiraiya-sama!" Tobi responded excitedly, happy to know someone other than his Senpai. 

"Wait, how the hell do you two know each other?" Sasori asked confused. 

"He knows my d—" Tobi started, "It's a long story." Jiraiya said over him and winked at Tobi who just giggled. 

"...I've stepped into the fucking twilight zone." Kakashi said under his breath and noticed the scolding look Itachi shot at him. "Sorry Sasuke." He said poking the cheek of the baby who grabbed the finger and tried to gnaw on it. 

"Alright, I talked it over with the judge and this is an approved activity. Now, some of you may already know, I have a son, his name is Minato. Minato dropped a bomb on our family about three days ago when he showed up at my house with his fiancé who is in fact, expecting. She's due in three months and she needs a proper baby shower. I was ordered to construct it because my wife would make everything medical and freak the poor girl out. My husband however would make everything scientific and again, freak the poor girl out. We have to think of guests, games, food, etc."

"First a carwash now a baby shower, why do you hate us my man?" Deidara pouted. "I don't even like kids!" and Itachi just looked over at him with a blank stare. "Besides your brother, un. He's not as annoying as most children, yeah." That answer was good enough for Itachi. 

"Who the fuck cares? That just means more babies!" Hidan said happily and it earned him a confused look from everyone. "What? Fuck off babies are awesome." Sasuke squealed as if on cue and continued to chew on Kakashi's finger. 

"Language." The group said in unison. 

"Wait, when did you take him off of me?" Kisame asked confused. "What the hell are you a ninja or a pick-pocket?" and Kakashi just smiled at him. 

"He likes me, so I took him." He shrugged. 

"Rival, that's called kidnapping." Gai began to explain.

"Shhh, only if they let it be that way." Kakashi whispered down to Sasuke who just looked up entranced with him. "Itachi you brought him on the best day you realize? You are going to be our saving grace because aside from handling, I don't think much of us know anything about babies." He said looking over at the brunette. 

"Which is why you should give him back…" Itachi pouted. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? You get him all the time, why you being so greedy doll face?" Hidan said scooting closer and tried to take him off of Kakashi but the other growled which threw Hidan off for a second and caused Kakashi to win the struggle. 

"Did you just fucking GROWL at me? Holy shit dude!" Hidan yelled comically scooting away from Kakashi. 

"F..uk." the small baby voice was heard. 

Itachi looked at Hidan. Hidan paled. 

Itachi ran at Hidan who yelped and tried to get distance from the brunette. Itachi chased him over the class room until Hidan ran up to Jiraiya and hid behind the behemoth of a man. 

"I said watch your language how many times?! How many?! Hidan! That is only his third word!!" Itachi yelled over Jiraiya's arm." Jiraiya reach out and biffed Hidan upside the head and then rested his hands on Itachi's shoulders. 

"Breathe Uchiha. You're not too unlike my partner actually. When our son was six months old he had to leave for a conference in Dubai, and Tsunade had to finish her clinical trial in two states over which left my younger self with the baby... I wasn't too much unlike Hidan in my language. When Oro got home he found out Minato's first five words were 'shit, damn, fuck, cunt, and asshole'. It took me two years before he forgave me or let me back in the bed. But do you know what we found out? Babies learn words regardless how much we shelter them, it doesn't take much and the more you tell them no, the more they'll say it. Just ignore it and remember you are here for only a certain amount of hours, okay? Just calm down, and you." He said turning to Hidan and smacked him upside the head again. "Be more respectful of another person's wishes alright?"

"Ouch, Jesus fu--yes sir." Hidan actually looked apologetic at Itachi. "I'm sorry doll face, I didn't mean for—" 

"It's okay Hidan, I'm not entirely innocent either." Itachi admitted. "He likes Nikki Minaj, and Bruno Mars... I guess it was bound to happen." 

"And that Sasuke, is how you resolve things when you're older." Sasori said bouncing the infant up and down who just blew raspberries in response. 

"...My brother..." Itachi looked pitiful.

***

"I think we should talk about games first!" Gai exclaimed while he rocked Sasuke back and forth while he was in his baby carrier. 

"Oh you mean like the balloon relay race?" Kakashi said as with his head down trying not to show his disappointment that Gai managed to get Sasuke off of him. 

"Do I even want to know, un?" Deidara asked aloud. 

"You fill up balloons with water to represent the expecting mother, only thing is you have to pick it up with your knees and walk a certain length and then bring the same balloon back and hand it off to whoever your partner is in the game." Kakashi explained. 

"Why do you know this?" Sasori looked curious and Kakashi gave him a blank look that said everything. 

"I honestly have no idea."

"She needs a Bobby." Itachi said writing it down. Everyone looked at him confused and he sighed and explained, "It's a pillow. Handy for breastfeeding to support the baby or I guess bottle too...but I have no experience other than the bottle… and keeping them up on tummy time or helping them sit up. It's just really handy…" he trailed off after the looks he was getting. "What?"

"When the fuck did you become a single mother?" Hidan asked and Deidara elbowed him in the stomach. "Shit- I mean freak. When the freak did you become a single mother?" Deidara rubbed his temples.

"Long story." Itachi said simply and went back to writing his list. "Anyway, I think it would be best if Jiraiya dealt with the invitation list. Considering we have no idea who you know. We'll divide everything up into groups. Kakashi and I could look for venues and find a caterer. Hidan, you and..." Itachi looked around and Deidara frowned at him. "You and Gai can talk about activities. Deidara, you and Kisame can create as best of a baby registry as you can. Tobi... Uh, how about you think of a theme and decorations with Sasori. Actually, no. Deidara, you're an art major you switch with Tobi." Kisame gave Itachi a look of betrayal and Itachi frowned and mouthed an apology.

"Yes sir! Do not worry, Senpai, I will still be here if you need me!" Tobi announced and Deidara scoffed and him and Sasori went to find a table to construct a list.

"Can I at least get the baby?" Hidan asked and Kakashi held the baby closer to his chest, somehow getting him from Gai. "Come on! No one ever lets me hold their babies!" As if it were scripted, everyone stared at Hidan with a blank expression as to say 'I wonder why'. "Oh fuck all of you." Hidan sighed and plopped down in his chair next to Gai. "I don't get the baby or to work with Deidara. This is bullshit." He mumbled and Deidara gave Itachi a thankful look.

"Alright everyone, we don't have much time! Let's get to it!" Jiraiya clapped and then logged onto his Facebook to scan through the friends list of his son and his son's wife to write down everyone who could be invited.

"Alright, activities. Fuckin' A. You got any ideas, monster-brow?" Hidan asked and crossed his arms, leaning back on his chair. Gai had a notebook out and he was scrolling through Pinterest. "Awesome, I'm paired with a fucking woman. Pinterest? Really? Did you plan your wedding too?" Hidan asked and Gai stared at him awkwardly. "You did? Oh I gotta see this shit." Hidan grabbed the phone from Gai and scrolled to the top to find his pins. 

"No! Don't!" Gai reached out his hand to stop Hidan and Hidan found a pin board labeled **Mine and My Rival's Wedding <3 **. Hidan stared at it for a moment, smirked, then handed the phone back. Gai's face was bright red and quite sweaty. "Please... Don't say anything." Gai looked so nervous and choked up.

"Secret is safe with me, Monster-brow." Hidan said with a chuckle. If there was one thing Hidan wasn't, it was a snitch. "Odd, I thought you two were together already." Hidan said thoughtfully. 

"You see us as compatible?!" Gai asked amazed with stars in his eyes.

"Uh, I just thought you two were together because you're always with each other..."

"Oh." Gai blinked and his shoulders sagged slightly.

"Let's just... keep looking up activities, yeah?" Hidan wanted to move past this awkward fucking time.

"Yeah..." Gai continued to look through his phone and Hidan just stared at the wall with a sigh. What the fuck does he get himself into?

"Alright, Sasori, my man." Deidara started and pulled out a fresh piece of paper. "Baby shower decorations for a boy. And a theme."

"What about the forest?" Sasori asked. "With foxes and shit like that."

"That's good, yeah. So orange? Is that the color we wanna use?"

"Uh, I mean orange everything seems obnoxious. No one likes that color that much. What about green and brown? They're nice forest-y colors." Deidara nodded and sighed.

"This is so fucking lame." He glanced up to see Hidan looked rather uncomfortable and smirked. 

"Stop trying to provoke your boy-toy and stay focused." Sasori said flatly and Deidara pouted.

"But I'm so fucking bored, un." Deidara sighed. 

"Uh, Tobi." Kisame said, frowning. "I don't really think that they need a bidet in the baby registry..." 

"Well why not? Everyone should have them. Toilet paper is very unsanitary. The baby needs to learn that at a young age." Tobi said wisely and Kisame sighed and sent an irritated look to Itachi for sticking him with this kid. But then he saw the way Itachi's face lit up at the cute noise Sasuke made and Kisame couldn't feel angry anymore. He smiled softly.

"Are you going to ask him out?" Tobi asked lightly and Kisame blinked and turned to Tobi with a look of surprise. "I am not dense! I can see the look of unrequited love. How are you going to know if he likes you if you never talk to him?"

"Tobi. Shut up." 

"Tobi is a good boy."

"I know, Tobi. But this is none of your concern. Please." Kisame was horrified to know someone as... well... special as Tobi could easily see his infatuation with the elder Uchiha. How could he not, though? Itachi was...

"Kisame, you're getting that look in your eyes again." Tobi said and poked Kisame's cheek until he snapped out of it.

"Fuck." Kisame shook his head and sighed. This was going to be a long fucking day after all.

"Fuck you, Hatake." Hidan said as he took baby Sasuke from his arms. "It's been twenty goddamn minutes. It's my turn." He stated and took the baby back to him and Gai. Kakashi and Itachi just stared after the man who stole Itachi's baby brother and Itachi shook his head.

"Why does he have such a thing with my brother?" Itachi mumbled.

"I think Hidan would make a lovely mother." Kakashi said, smirking and Itachi smirked back at him. 

"Wait, what is Deidara if Hidan is the mom?" Kakashi frowned.

"Shoot, I didn't think of that. We need to find a baby daddy for Hidan." 

"Who is insane enough besides Deidara to actually have sex with Hidan?" 

"I mean, you have a point there." Itachi blinked.

"Wait. Why are we discussing Hidan's sex life instead of literally anything else?" Kakashi sighed.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just bored. We already found everything we need." 

"Shit, Itachi?" Itachi didn't even bother to correct him. Hidan walked over holding Sasuke pressed against his chest. "Where's the diaper bag? Someone took a shit."

"Oh, let me see him, I'll change him." Itachi said and stood up. Hidan perked a brow but didn't actually move to hand the child over.

"I asked for the fuckin' diaper bag, not you." He said and Itachi paused, who on earth wanted to change a soiled diaper? Half the time he had to beg Shisui to do it, even if Itachi wasn't even home at the time. Itachi grabbed the diaper bag unsurely and handed it over. "Thanks dude." Hidan flipped it over his shoulder and strolled out of the room.

"Man, I think if any girl saw that they would orgasm. A guy who wants to take care of a baby." Kakashi said with a chuckle and Itachi glanced at Deidara.

"I mean, any girl or Deidara." Kakashi glanced over and Deidara looked strangely... intrigued at the display.

In his seat, Deidara was silently fuming. Why had Hidan getting up, taking initiative to change a diaper turned him on as much as it did. Why did he want to get out of his chair and take advantage of that irritating, vulgar, brash, sexy, muscled god of a man? Deidara blinked repeatedly until he was focused on what was happening in that moment instead of envisioning doing dirty things to Hidan.

"Uh, Deidara? You ok?" Sasori whispered and Deidara turned to him and gave him a confused look. "You just... bit through your pen." He pointed out and Deidara threw the pen on the desk and now realized he had ink all over him.

"Son of a fucking cock whore cunt basket." Deidara cursed and everyone looked at him.

"At least it was red, it kind of looks like you have blood everywhere." Sasori pointed out and Deidara turned to face him

"I don't know in what world you think that's a good thing to have on you, but I'm sorry you grew up there."

Jiraiya looked up at his delinquent group, took in the display in front of him and chuckled slightly. Little did they know that all of there were 'mandated' to not only plan the baby shower, but attend it as well. And that thought personally made Jiraiya's week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) How y'all feelin bout Tobi?  
> 2) Tobi and Jiraiya seem to know each other, care to guess why?  
> 3) Oh man, Gai is already planning a wedding, how long do you think he can keep this up before Kakashi finally realizes?  
> 4) Who here wants Hidan to babysit for Itachi?
> 
> Again, I draw a lot for this story so follow me on Tumblr! I have a collage I worked hard on! Please check it out!  
> https://smoresiesfanfic.tumblr.com/  
> -Smoresies


	5. RIP Sasori's Shirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisame flirts with Itachi  
> Some Deidan smut  
> Sasori's musings  
> Finally some Kakuzu POV  
> Orochimaru's workings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Vivi** : Isn't he!? I'm so glad he's finally in the story, I love writing him! He's so fun! Tobi is everyone's spirit animal!  
>  **Desbelleschoses** : Haha that's wonderful. What part did he read that he laughed so hard?  
>  **Lavender_Menace** : Isn't it? I love the idea. It's super cute. Sasuke is a hella cute baby <3  
>  **Narutard** : Isn't he though? I love him. (We love him) Tobi is not related to Itachi in this (at least that we've discussed between us) I actually have never seen Star Wars but I'm glad the line made you laugh!

Chapter 5

Hidan was finishing up with changing Sasuke when he looked down into those big brown eyes and felt at peace. He shook his head, no he couldn't really steal this kid... Although if Itachi got hit over the head hard enough the maybe-No. But really, there was something about infants that no matter what was going on in your crazy whore mongering life, could always calm you down.

"You sure a well behaved baby. Maybe a future follower of Jashin?" He said in a baby voice which made Sasuke squeal and reach up towards Hidan's face and effectively grabbing the hair that was dangling down in front of him. 

"Yeesh, that’s a hell of a grip you got there buddy. Don't tell your brother I said hell-shit-okay uncle Hidan's shutting up now." He rambled as he tried to untangle Sasuke's sticky baby fingers from his hair and realized the baby had successfully a small bundle of hair that was ripped out and very quickly it went from hand to mouth. 

"No, don't eat that... If you do then your brother won't ever let me have you unsupervised buddy and that's no fun for anyone because then I'll be bitchier than Deidara." He said holding his one sided conversation with the infant and noticed the eyes start welling up with tears at the thought. "Oh relax buddy, it's not gonna happen, even if I have to sneak in and smoke bomb the place to get you we'll still chill." He said as he opened the door to join the other back in the classroom. Sasuke seemed to like the way that conversation went and began happily babbling up at the white haired man. 

Hidan stepped out and saw that Deidara was covered in either red paint or ink... On his clothes...

"Jesus you couldn't get your period on your own clothes? Rudeness." He said coming to sit back down next to Gai. 

"Oh fuck you, un." Deidara snapped and flipped Hidan off. 

"Oh you already have princess." He wiggled his eyebrows as he showed the hickies that Deidara left on his neck from the night before. 

"Damn Dei, you got some suction on you. Poor Hidan's vessels... Shits gonna bruise bad." Kakashi said looking up from his doodling. 

"Right? Imagine how surprised I was-ow. I'M HOLDING A FUCKING BABY." He scolded Deidara after a pen cap hit him in the face and grazed the skin right next to his eye. 

"Your face isn't holding a baby, un." He said with an eyebrow raised. 

"Look if you want to sleep with me again you only need to say it, you don't have to do the violent foreplay every time." Hidan grinned lecherously.

"Yes, but it's so fun." Jiraiya said more to himself than anyone while reading through his current draft not expecting anyone to hear him.

"No shit, teach? How much of a freak ARE you?" Hidan asked in between giving Sasuke raspberries on his bare baby feet. 

"He has two partners, un. I assume he's no saint, yeah." Deidara laughed. 

"You make your jokes and assumptions but know this, true love does not come without passion, passion does not come without fight, and sometimes true love means a fight... In more ways than one..." He grinned still not looking up at them. 

Kakashi's head snapped up from his doodling and looked at Jiraiya with a shocked look and finished the quote " _and once it is found keep it, for others will try and pilfer what belongs of kings._ …that's from my favorite book, Makeout Paradise. I didn't know you knew of it Jiraiya." Which only made Jiraiya snort. 

"Yeah I may have read it once or twice." He hadn't thought anyone would remember that quote, it was so minor in the books, the kid was really something else. 

"It sounds fucking weird." Hidan said bouncing Sasuke now.

"It has porn in it." Kakashi said boredly. 

"It sounds like a fucking weird book that I need to read then." Hidan changed his tone and winked at Deidara who just growled in frustration. 

"Oh no! SENPAI! ARE YOU DYING?" Tobi exclaimed from across the room. 

"Yes Tobi, it's terrible, he's only got hours... minutes even." Hidan egged on the other man. 

"Hidan SHUT UP, and Tobi you too! No I'm not dying I just sadly busted an ink pen all over... Shit is it on my face?!" he asked suddenly aware that it was in his mouth when the pen broke.

"Not at all Count Succubus." Hidan giggled at his own joke. 

"This is literally the worst fucking day of my life, un." Deidara groan and put his face in his hands in defeat. He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked to see Sasori handing him a shirt. 

"My man, what is this?" he looked confused. 

"It's a shirt idiot. Every true artist knows that in order to create real art sometimes things can get messy and should always have a backup set of clothes on them. Here. It's better than looking like you ran away from a crime scene... or that you got shot." Deidara looked at Sasori with stars in his eyes and almost looked ready to cry.

"My man, you’re a life saver. Thank you." 

"Yeah whatever, now go change and stop making a spectacle." Sasori grumbled and looked away with a slight blush. Hidan just eyed the redhead. He was in fact inspecting the red head so meticulously that he didn't realize that someone had successfully taken Sasuke away from him before it was too late. 

"What the fuck Hatake?!" He yelled completely forgetting whatever was going through his mind. 

"What, it's not my fault you can't keep a hold of a baby." 

"Not cool, you had him for half an hour! Come on man!" he whined getting off the table and walked after Kakashi. 

"Good luck Hidan! Kakashi very rarely persistent but when he is there is no stopping him!" Gai said happily. 

"Oh, I forgot. You also must be in charge of food, now don't go getting all riled up, I will be supplying the money but it is up to you 7... 8 to figure out what to make or buy for the shower."

"Well, Kakashi and I have been calling up different caterers to see about their menus but I honestly don't know-"

"Tobi can do it!" Tobi announced happily.

"What? Tobi, no." Sasori said and trailed off noticing that Deidara just pulled off his shirt in the middle of the room to change it without thinking. Hidan gave a loud whistle and Kisame glanced over and his eyes widened. Deidara had bruises on his hips consistent with Hidan's hand size, multiple scratch marks down his back and crescent moon shaped marks on his hips where Hidan dug his nails in.

"Jesus, Deidara. Your back looks like a damn murder scene." Deidara blinked and reached his hand back and felt all the raised lines of Hidan's scratch marks on his back and he gave Hidan a look.

"What the hell did you do to me you cretin?!" Hidan bit his lip suggestively.

"Nothing you didn't like." Deidara quickly put the shirt on and sat back down near Sasori. A bit too close to Sasori, actually. Hidan frowned but there was an even louder argument going on.

"Please! Please let Tobi help cook for the party!" He begged and Kakashi gave Itachi a look and Itachi rubbed his temples.

"Does anyone else know how to cook?" He asked and Kisame raised his hand awkwardly. For whatever reason that surprised Itachi enough to actually show a reaction. Kisame smirked at it.

"What? Didn't think I could cook?" He teased and Hidan scoffed.

"No one thought you could cook, have you seen yourself?" Kisame glared and went to argue but was cut off again.

"YAY! KISAME CAN COOK WITH TOBI!" Kisame realized just then why Itachi asked who could cook. He wanted someone to babysit Tobi in the kitchen. For the umpteenth time, he stared at Itachi with a look of betrayal. This time, Itachi responded with an apologetic look which honestly wasn't fair because Kisame then forgave him instantly. In response, his shoulders slumped and he sagged in his chair and sighed. 

"I suppose it's you and me buddy." Deidara cackled from the corner and Hidan shook his head. "What are you shaking your head for? I bet you can't cook." Kisame said with a scowl. Hidan smiled at the taller man.

"I know my way around my kitchen, but baking is my shit." Gai actually dropped his entire bookbag worth of contents in surprise. "What? It isn't that surprising."

"I don't believe you, un." Deidara said flatly and Hidan narrowed his eyes and walked over to Deidara and sat on the table so he was practically in the guy's lap.

"I'll prove it to you, princess. Come over tonight." Deidara's face burned and he looked to Sasori for help but Sasori was oddly not paying attention to their display.

"I'd rather swallow a bullet, thanks." Deidara retorted and suddenly Sasuke started to wail loudly.

"See what you did, babe? You upset my wingman." Hidan hurried over to where the baby was but now Sasuke was securely in Itachi's arms and Itachi glared at him. "Aw come on."

"Everyone has been stealing my brother all day and I'm not giving him away- where the hell is Sasuke." Itachi asked looking down. From Tobi's seat he was bouncing the child with a giggle. No one was sure which one of them was giggling. "How the hell..."

"Tobi... When did you do that?" Kisame asked. They were sitting next to each other and he didn't even realize Tobi had gotten up. 

"I'm a ninja! Whack-A-Mole no jutsu!" He declared happily.

"Seriously, teach' where the fuck do you know this kid from? A mental hospital?" Hidan asked.

"No, but I'm surprised you don't know him from one." Jiraiya said dryly and Hidan stiffened where he stood. Jiraiya honestly didn't mean any malice by it, he was just giving a smartass retort. He didn't realize the truth behind his statement and it was enough to wind Hidan and cause him to actually shut up for the first time in his life.

No one was really paying attention to him enough to notice how it affected his posture, expression and mood. He nodded slowly but didn't say anything else. Jiraiya wasn't looking up, he was still reading and everyone had gone back to doing their tasks. Hidan sat down in his chair next to Gai, and Gai was probably the only person to notice how Hidan's mood changed.

"You ok?" He whispered and Hidan glanced over at him and gave a curt nod.

"Yeah. Fuck you." Normally Gai would chide Hidan for his language or argue with him but it honestly bothered him more that Hidan was so emotionless about it. He wondered why.

***

When it was time to leave, Hidan was the first to get up. He briskly walked out of the room without looking back and Gai stared after him with a frown.

"Wait, where the fuck is Hidan, un?" Deidara asked after he put his bag on his shoulder. 

"He left. You didn't see him?" Kakashi asked and Deidara rolled his eyes.

"I'm not constantly looking at that dick, yeah." Kakashi smirked and Deidara put his hand up, stopping Kakashi's next comment. "No."

"Well you're no fun..." Kakashi looked around and his eyes set on Gai and Kisame. They were talking while Tobi jumped up and down and clapped for whatever reason.

"Alright, so all we need to do is figure out the menu and we can shop. Everything else is set up. Tomorrow we can all go shopping." Kakashi said and Jiraiya nodded.

"Alright. See ya kids!" He left quickly and Deidara shook his head at the antics.

"Kisame, did you need a ride?" Itachi asked and before Kisame could even talk to Kakashi about it, he blurt out a,

"Yes!" Kakashi raised a brow with a delicate smirk on his face and Kisame cleared his throat and attempted to compose himself better. "I mean, if you don't mind." He smiled at Itachi and Itachi nodded.

"Of course I don't." Kisame practically tripped over his desk getting to the front of the room where Itachi sat. He grabbed the diaper bag before Itachi could reach it. 

"I'll carry it, Itachi. No problem!" Kisame said and Itachi smiled softly at him and stood up. 

"Goodbye Kisame. Text me later." Kakashi said with a knowing look as Itachi left the room and Kisame's face colored slightly and he rushed out.

"Ah the perils of young love!" Gai announced crossing his arms with a grin. "What a most beautiful display of affection, wouldn't you say so, Rival?" 

"Sure." Kakashi grabbed his own belongings.

"Tobi, did you need a ride somewhere?" Sasori asked and Tobi shook his head.

"No! My dad is here somewhere. I'm going to find him! See you later!" He hugged Deidara. "Goodbye Senpai! I will be sure to see you in school tomorrow~!" He ran out of the room with a giggle and Deidara sighed and left the room quickly. He should've left a few minutes ago to find Hidan but honestly he didn't want Hidan to think he was chasing after him but Deidara felt rather indignant that Hidan just up and left without saying a damn word to him!

Sasori watched Deidara leave with a frown. Was Deidara not going with him? He grabbed his own bag and followed Kakashi and Gai out to the parking lot. He looked up to see Hidan's car. Deidara was holding the passenger door, leaning in the window and talking to Hidan. Or yelling. Sasori couldn't figure out which, Deidara was a rather animated person. He decided to walk over to see if Deidara had a ride or not considering he wasn't actually inside the car, just talking while holding it.

"Deidara, did you need a ride or is Hidan giving you one?" Sasori asked and Deidara flung the door opened in the van.

"Hidan is giving me a ride, Sasori." Deidara's expression left little argument and for once Sasori noticed Hidan wasn't leering at Deidara but he looked rather emotionless. "I'll see you later, yeah?" Sasori nodded slowly and Deidara turned back to Hidan to continue their argument. Hidan sighed and he pulled away and drove off.

"I don't know what you want from me, Deidara." Hidan said monotonously. 

"You don't know what I want from you? I want to know why the fuck you're acting so weird." Hidan shook his head. "You're taking me to your house." Deidara said simply. "My clothes are there so don't even think about saying no, un." Hidan sighed and nodded and just drove.

***

"So Itachi, I know you're busy a lot but if you ever have free time and want to hang out, I would totally be down." Kisame said feeling more nervous about it than anything. 

"Thanks, Kisame. I appreciate it. Sorry for sticking you with Tobi today." He apologized and Kisame shrugged.

"It's okay. Tobi isn't that bad. He's like a kid. Once you put that mentality in your head, it's a lot easier to deal with him." Itachi smiled warmly at Kisame.

"That's very nice."

"Yeah... I wonder if we'll ever be partners." Kisame said and grinned. "Or if you're just going to keep pairing me off to someone else." He teased and Itachi smiled at him.

"Sorry, Kisame. I'm sure the next partner thing that we all have to do, I'll pick you to do it with." Now, Kisame knew that sentence was 100% innocent, it didn't help the blush on his face though. He looked out the window and closed his eyes trying to force the blush off his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Just... carsick." He scowled to himself. He hated lying but he wasn't sure what to say in the moment so came up with that bullshit excuse. He really was fucked.

"Oh I'm sorry, I can get on the main roads, they're less windy than backroads." Itachi offered and Kisame quickly shook his head.

"Oh no that's fine. Just a small bout of it. I'm better already!" Kisame forced a really awkward laugh, then cleared his throat and pressed the on button on the radio. "Let's see what's playing."

_Do you wonder why I turn away, when you look at me? Never wanting your eyes to see~ This desperate heart that knows how perfect we could me! Baby cause you don't know how I feel living my life without you-_

"WOW, ok. 98 degrees. That's something." It was Itachi's turn to blush and Kisame realized it was because he didn't turn on the radio but the CD player. "Shit, you listen to 98 degrees still?"

_Baby and you don't know what it's like, lovin' you all this time! I'll give you all my love, heart and soul-_

"Sasuke really likes listening to them." Itachi said and cleared his throat. Kisame gave him a knowing smirk. "I'm more impressed you were able to tell who it was right off the bat though." Kisame paused. 

"You got me there." He grinned and skipped through the songs. "Ah, here we go."

_Give me just one night! Una noche! A moment to be by your side! Give me just one night! I'll give you the time of your li~ife~!_

"Well, I picked that song because it's one of the more well-known ones, but I am sorry if it looks like I'm trying to sleep with you." Kisame apologized and Itachi laughed beautifully. Kisame's eyes crinkled in the corners just from the force of his smile looking at Itachi lose control like that. It was awesome.

"I was going to say, that's rather forward of you, Kisame." Itachi teased and Kisame was grinning so wide his face hurt. 

"What can I say? I've been around Hidan too much lately."

"Oh please, I don't think you could act like Hidan." Kisame pouted slightly.

"What? Of course I can. It's super easy." He insisted and Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Really? You think you can act like Hidan?" 

"I know I can. It isn't difficult." Kisame scoffed.

"Okay then. Act like Hidan. Go ahead." Itachi insisted and Kisame tensed.

"With you?" He was surprised.

"Yeah, I want to see what you can do." Itachi laughed. "Because I don't think you could come up with anything as perverted as Hidan." Kisame frowned at that.

"I bet you do want to see what I can do don't you?" He winked. "I can make a lot of things come up in fact." Itachi snorted.

"Is that the best you have for me?"

"No I'm saving the best for later tonight." Itachi held back a smile and Kisame looked completely serious but there was a twinkle in his eye that proved his humor and enjoyment of the moment.  
"You're ridiculous."

"Did you want me to continue?"

"Not sure, I'll flip a coin. What are you gonna call?"

"I'm chasing tails but head would be ok too." Itachi choked on a laugh and had to pull the car over and Kisame grinned at him. "If that's not Hidan I could be worse."

"Oh you have a comment already lined up and everything?"

"I dunno, why don't you find out? We can go to my place and watch some porn on my mirror." Itachi looked briefly surprised and then shook his head and covered his face, his shoulders jerking with the motion of his laughter.

"Okay! You win! You could pass for Hidan!"

"Thanks, not entirely sure what that is a good skillset for but I guess if we ever kidnapped Hidan and the only person who could determine if it was him by text message would be Deidara, than we may stand a chance." Itachi continued laughing until it lulled to giggles and he began driving again. The car ride was quiet for a while and suddenly Itachi was chuckling again and shook his head.

"Porn on my mirror... Jesus, Kisame." Kisame grinned devilishly at Itachi and inwardly thought about how cool it was that he was able to heavily hit on Itachi without Itachi really noticing he was being hit on.

***

"Welcome home dad!" Jiraiya looked up and grinned at his son. "Even though you're 27 you still never changed, you're still that little boy that comes running when daddy comes home." He said pinching Minato's cheek who looked at him unamused. 

"Except you worked from home and I was always hanging off of Papa... I used to do it with Mama came home until the one day I boldozered her and she had to miss a week of work... yeah good times." They both chuckled remembering a bed ridden Tsunade and how much of a terror she was to take care of and shuddered at the memory. 

"How was your fist day of teaching? Did you channel your genes from your old man here?" Jiraiya asked proudly and was even happier that Minato's face lit up at the question. 

"It was wonderful actually! I think I may have made you proud today if you were there, but dad! There's this kid that I'm teaching, at first I thought he was just another delinquent who liked reading your material—not that only delinquents like your love story of you mom and papa... but they gave me his file and the kid has an IQ of at least 200 from what I remember... dad, he's a natural. Pure talent... and the funniest thing about it all is he looks like he cares the least." Jiraiya stared at Minato for a solid minute before he asked his next question. 

"Is he this tall?" he motioned in the air for the height and was met with a nod from Minato. "Grey hair?" another nod with a suspicious look. "Black eyes, mole on the left side of his face under his mouth?" he rambled even quicker. 

"Dad, I'm starting to think you kno-"

"You've got to be kidding me. You're Kakashi's teacher?! He was low key fan boying over you today, I heard him talking to Itachi about it, and apparently he loved your lecture." Jiraiya winked at his son who's eyebrows furled in confusion.

"Wait... so he's one of your community center delinquent kids?" Minato asked connecting the dots and Jiraiya nodded. "I was just joking earlier... I had no idea he actually was one. Poor kid, what do you think his story is? Not academically speaking but what lead him to be the way his now..."

"I wonder that about every single one of those kids." Jiraiya admitted. "Don't tell your mom but her threatening me to get a job outside of the house... well may have been for the best after all." 

"I don't have to dad you just did." He grinned at his father innocently. 

"Would it really kill you to thank me and give me credit every now and then?" Tsunade said behind the screen door of the house which Jiraiya was blocking the doorway. 

"Hime! I thought you had a Coli scheduled for tonight?" Jiraiya asked holding the door open for her and noticed her sad look. "The patient didn't make it that far I assume?" she shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry Hime... I think Oro is working on something in his lab if you need to go cut something up?" he almost chuckled at hopeful look in Tsunade's eyes at the suggestion. 

"He should after his current invention. He said he's finishing it up tonight." Minato offered and saw the incredulous looks his parents were giving him "...what?" 

"How ON EARTH did you get him to talk to you about his invention?! Jiraiya, I think Oro loves our son more than us." She said sounding suspicious "I think you're right Hime..." he said adding to the conspiracy. 

"OH STOP. You two weren't home when he made a major breakthrough... I was. It sounds really neat actually." The expecting and intense looks his parents gave him made him crack. "Okay... he's working on a project for the gay community... for gay couples to possibly be able to carry their own children instead of having to pay thousands of dollars for a surrogate." The stunned looks on his parents made him chuckle "Yeah, I was shocked too."

"Wait... so it's like a pseudo womb?" Tsunade asked becoming more curious by the minute, Minato just shrugged. "IF that is what that bastard took my ovary for then I'll-shit now I HAVE to go see." She pushed past the two of them leaving both confused. 

"Papa took Mama's ovary?" He asked slightly freaked out.

"I forgot he had…if that is why then he's been working on this for 27 years. He delivered you, you know? It was cesarean, you were a breech baby and with their top surgeon needing surgery…well who takes care of the doctor?" Jiraiya asked "Everyone often forgets that him and Tsunade went to med school together... and that he is technically qualified as a Neurosurgeon. We all teased him afterwards that he was a part of the vagina squad though."

"He saved mine and Mama's life and you made fun of him for it?" Minato asked in an un-approving tone while he crossed his arms subconsciously asking his father for an explanation. 

"The brain... so far from lady parts-it was funny. Your mom had to walk him through it but he was the only one crazy enough to be near her while she was in labor. I tried to be, don't give me that look, but she literally threw her IV pool at me and was cursing me and my big head." 

"I guess it is a little amusing when you put it that way..." Minato said reluctantly grinning. 

"The thought of me getting hurt always did make you laugh... You're a terrible kid."

"I am not, you're just comical. But really dad... I hope you help those kids. Let them know they got someone fighting for them in their corner, y'know? Because judging by the look on your face concerning them, did I just inherit 7 new siblings?" he teased his father as they got to the living room of the house. 

"You're grounded, go to your room."

***

"Are you going to talk to me, Hidan?" Deidara asked once they were inside the house. Hidan just stared at Deidara with a frown. "No? Not even if I offer to sleep with you?" Hidan sighed and collapsed on the couch. "Hidan..." 

"What do you even care?" Hidan asked finally. "No one likes me, anyway." Deidara blinked.

"Ok where the fuck did that come from, un?" Hidan glanced up and looked at Deidara then looked away miserably at the wall. Deidara sat on Hidan's stomach and Hidan made a grunt of pain. "Shut up, I'm not even that heavy, yeah."

"What do you want, Deidara?" Deidara frowned down at him.

"I'm going to go grab some beer." Deidara said and stood up and left the room. He came back with aloe and a 6-pack of beer and placed them on the table. "Take your shirt of, un." Hidan looked at Deidara pick up the bottle of aloe and sat up, yanking his shirt off and letting Deidara rub aloe on his abused skin. 

Deidara didn't talk anymore. He just applied the aloe, handed Hidan a beer, sat on the couch with him side by side and turned on a horror movie. Eventually Hidan mellowed out a bit, enough that he grabbed Deidara's legs and swung them over his lap and absentmindedly rubbed Deidara's thigh. They continued to sit in silence for the entire duration of the movie and it was something Hidan was thankful for.

When Hidan got into moods like this, he didn't want to be babied. He wanted company without actually speaking. He wasn't sure what inspired Deidara to do exactly what he needed but again, he was thankful.

"Did you take your medication?" Deidara asked as he sipped his beer.

"What?" The look on Hidan's face was comical.

"Don't look at me like that, un. I take medication too. Don't think I don't know what withdraws are like when you forget a dose." Hidan blinked and frowned.

"Shit." He stood up and walked to his bedroom and grabbed his pills. With the excitement of Deidara sleeping over, he'd totally forgotten to take his medication. After he swallowed it he paused and raced back downstairs. "Did you remember yours? You didn't go home last night." Deidara kicked his bag.

"I keep mine with me at all times." He informed him simply. Hidan nodded and Deidara grinned. "Were you worried about me, un?"

"Shut the fuck up, Deidara." Hidan said uncomfortably and Deidara glared at him and stood up and shoved Hidan into the chair.

"What the fuck did I tell you before, un?" Hidan gave an evil grin.

"Dei-da-ra." He whispered and Deidara frowned at him.

"Fuck you, Hidan."

"Why is it so important that I don't call you by your name?" Hidan asked and yanked on Deidara's arm hard enough that the blonde fell into his lap. Deidara then immediately started to thrash in his lap until eventually he realized Hidan was stronger than he was and just slumped uselessly. "Come on. If you don't tell me I will keep calling you Deidara."

"No. Fuck off." Deidara scowled and Hidan grinned at him. 

"My little firecracker is heating up, are you?"

"Suck a dick, Hidan." Deidara grumbled and Hidan's hand traveled down to Deidara's pants. "What the fuck are you doing, un!?" Deidara started kicking and Hidan giggled in his ear.

"Come on, princess, let me touch you." Hidan whispered and grinned when Deidara shivered and relaxed in his body. Hidan's right hand slipped under the waist of Deidara's pants and Hidan bit Deidara's neck harshly causing Deidara to hiss. "Look at that. How long have you been hard, babe?"

"S-shut up." Deidara whined and bucked his hips against Hidan's hand.

"No. I just want to know why you're all worked up." Deidara felt the tickle of Hidan's silent laugh against his neck. "Do you really like us fighting all day? Is it really foreplay for you?" Hidan bit Deidara's earlobe and Deidara grunted. "What about changing in front of everyone? Did you do that on purpose too? Did you want everyone to see what I did to your body?"

"Hidan..." Deidara was squirming in Hidan's lap. 

"Yes, baby?" Hidan's hand moved up the shirt Deidara was wearing and Hidan had a sick pleasure knowing it was Sasori's shirt. 

While one hand caressed Deidara's stomach, Hidan took the other hand out from Deidara's pants long enough to unbutton it so he could take Deidara's cock out. He smirked at the feeling of it in his hand without the restraint of Deidara's pants and his other hand pinched Deidara's nipple. Deidara gasped and arched his back slightly and Hidan felt the stiffening of Deidara's cock privy with an impending orgasm. He felt his smirk turn menacing and with Deidara gasping and grinding on his lap, he got Deidara to finish.

All over Sasori's shirt. 

Deidara didn't seem to notice yet but he shivered with sensitivity and smacked Hidan's hand away from his now hyper sensitive skin. Hidan let Deidara lay on him uselessly for a minute to catch his breath. His fingers were playing with Deidara's hair when suddenly Deidara jumped up from Hidan's lap. He yanked his hair out of a half-up do and pulled all of his hair back into a ponytail and pinned his bangs to the side so they weren't in his face. When he turned around, Hidan stared at him with a grin.

"What, un?" 

"You're very pretty, Deidara." He said honestly but with the tone of a tease. Deidara rolled his eyes and knelt down in front of Hidan's chair. "What are you doing princess?" Deidara yanked Hidan's pants down and Hidan's eyes widened and his grin got bigger. "Oh okay." He helped Deidara remove his pants and it didn't take long for Deidara to swallow his cock. "You're eager, aren't you babe?" Deidara let his teeth graze against his sensitive skin in warning and was slightly shocked but not at all surprised that it made him moan. 

Deidara dug his nails into Hidan's thighs in retaliation and saw Hidan's lips quirk up into a smile at the sensation. Deidara frowned and realized he'd have to grow his nails a bit more in order to do this properly. He usually kept them short and groomed so he could mold his clay better. 

Clearing his mind from thoughts other than what he was doing in the moment, Deidara decided to examine Hidan's face expression with every move he did to gauge what Hidan liked the most. Hidan's hand grabbed Deidara's ponytail and forced himself deeper down Deidara's throat, relishing in the tears that sprung in Deidara's eyes at the force. Deidara glared up at him but forced it down deeper just to prove he could. Hidan stared at him wide eyed and then it was as if a light came on and his grin grew slightly sinister. 

Grabbing Deidara's hair like a lifeline, his hips bucked up with as much force as he would if they were fucking and he moaned at the tightness of Deidara's throat. Nothing was better than when he pulled out from Deidara's mouth and heard the gasp of breath and whimper Deidara made. Hidan was right on the edge and while Deidara rubbed his throat, Hidan jerked himself roughly a few times until he brought himself to an orgasm, aiming himself at Deidara's mouth. 

Deidara looked up and glared at him again and Hidan practically giggled as he watched his cum drip down from Deidara's chin to Sasori's shirt. 

"Give me a kiss." Deidara said and Hidan stood up from his chair as he leaned over to grab Deidara by cupping under his butt and let Deidara's legs wrap around his waist. He kissed Deidara with abandon, surprising Deidara that he would do that with his jizz on Deidara's lip but nothing should surprise him about that satanic man at this point. "You're a fucking weirdo, un."

"Mmm, you know it, babe. How about a shower?" Deidara nodded and Hidan brought them to one of the bathrooms. "You're taking this one with me, you know." Deidara pretended it was a huge deal and sighed before relenting and Hidan just shook his head with a smirk.

***

Sasori sat in his room with his fingers thrumming against his desk. He had a painting to do for one of his classes and he had zero inspiration.

Actually, is it possible to have negative inspiration?

With a sigh he walked around his room and began pacing. He wished he could sort out whatever thoughts were in his head but they all led back to Deidara. Why did he keep thinking of him? It was really frustrating. 

He knew he was jealous, he just wasn't sure why. He came to the conclusion that he was jealous because Hidan was stealing his dear friend and they didn't hang out anymore. Deidara would go to Hidan's house to get away from a shitty situation and not Sasori's. Did Hidan even know why Deidara was never home? Could Hidan even care about Deidara the way he could? The way he did? 

Sasori shoved everything off his desk in a bout of rage. He glared as it all clattered on the floor, not really caring if it brought his grandmother's attention. He just needed to do something. He was wound up so tight. 

Hidan probably didn't even care about Deidara. He just was using him as a sex thing. 

Sex? Another thing that grossed Sasori out. He could never really get into the topics involving sex. It seemed too personal. Even talking to his friends, he would never approach or entertain the subject of sex. 

Which is the reason why he wasn't able to pinpoint his feelings on Deidara. He loved the guy, yeah, but still, the thought of sleeping with him was repulsive enough to keep Sasori wondering what the hell it was that he actually felt about him.

***

"Oh you dick, un." Deidara said after they were dressed from the shower and he was comfortably in Hidan's clothes.

"What did I do now, babe?" Hidan asked with a fake sigh.

"You did this on purpose, didn't you?" Deidara asked flatly and held up Sasori's jizz-rag of a shirt. Hidan couldn't hide his grin.

"No, of course not." 

"You're a shitty liar, un." Deidara threw the shirt to the floor. "I need to go home to get clothes." He said all of a sudden and Hidan blinked.

"You wanted to stay the night again?" Deidara opened his mouth to say something and closed it, feeling his face heat up. "Cause that's totally cool. I don't mind, princess. This way you can wake up to my beautiful face." Deidara stared at Hidan with a scowl. "Don't hate on me, princess."

"Shut the fuck up and let's go, un." Deidara demanded and Hidan put his hands up defensively and kicked himself from the wall and grabbed a sweater to throw at Deidara. Deidara put it on and they left the house.

***

Kakuzu was going through the papers that were turned in from this morning's class. He loved that he had the ability to make student's lives living hell. He wasn't joking with what he said though; nearly 70% won't even make it to the third week either by failing or breaking down and being emotional. The word made Kakuzu sneer as he continued to grade the essay he had them write as to why they are taking their classes. 

He hated sentiment, emotions were messy and unpredictable. The majority of the students wrote such cheesy and disgusting things such as _To make my parent's proud_ and so on, he rolled his eyes and removed his personal opinion and graded them justly. This was the part he hated the most, he honestly couldn't care less, they were all the same, weaklings. He took a swig of his coffee and went onto the next paper and looked at the name _Hidan Jaganashi_ , ah yes, he was the arrogant little prick that called out his eyes.

If only he knew the board of education made him wear these damn contacts because they felt his natural eyes would make them uncomfortable. Nothing but whiners being coddled by today's politics, god forbid someone be offended. He shook his head and skimmed over the essay expecting it to be like all the others but his eyes stopped and became engrossed in what was written in handwriting that Kakuzu admitted resembled his own. 

_"I don't know how to say this lightly because most people have their panties in a bunch but I took this course so I could become an ordained disciple and teacher of Jashin. My parents were slaughtered on a missionary trip when I was ten and while I was in solitary confinement at the state hospital I decided to give a big middle finger to their killers. I aim to eventually own my own chapel in the name of the god that my parents so bravely fought for, that and to continue to live is the best way to tell all those anti-religion fuckers to go eat a dick"_

Kakuzu read the one paragraphed essay over at least six times, and then, for the first time in his life, he laughed.

Kakuzu laughed. 

He was not expecting this younger man to write so honestly, and he sure wasn't expecting such language to be handed in as an essay. His laughing eventually died down into slight chuckles and then another thing happened for the first time. 

Kakuzu graded his first 100.

***

Kisame entered his apartment and immediately felt the presence of loneliness. He had been so happy yesterday over Kakashi's hanging out with his hundred of dogs and Gai... and Itachi. He truly wished he could have spent more time flirting with him but eventually they caught up to his apartment. Kisame plopped down onto his bead and stared at the ceiling... he had to tell someone about his conversation with the brunette. He rolled over onto his stomach and started a group chat of him, Kakashi and Gai. 

_**Kisame** : So Itachi made me flirt with him... on back roads mind you ;) _

_**Kakashi** : But did you do the deed 'do?_

_**Gai** : That sounds like a most youthful situation!_

_**Kisame** : No, but it felt weird to flirt with him Hidan style and it felt so natural. He even blushed once. I don't know how to deal._

_**Kakashi** : Woa, hold up, so Itachi likes it dirty?_

_**Gai** : I'm not sure how I feel with this knowledge :O _

_**Kisame** : I know right? Granted it was all 'jokes' on his part but wth am I supposed to do now?_

_**Kakashi** : First off give up a snippet of what you said and second get your ass over here and play Dark Souls with me and Gai. _

_**Kisame** : I may have said lets go to my place and watch some porn on my mirror..._

_**Gai** : KISAME! I DID NOT KNOW YOU AND HIDAN WERE ALIKE! WHAT A SURPRISE! XD_

_**Kakashi** : Get your ass over here, seriously, I haven't seen Gai laugh this fucking hard in forever. You deserve a beer for that one. _

_**Kakashi** : I lied. I'm coming to pick you up in 10. Be ready to jump in and roll_

_**Kisame** : Word._

He put his phone away and began to pack up for a few days if he knew these two well enough. He hadn't realized it but for the first time in his life, it appeared he had friends. For once something good had come of his ill temper and he secretly thanked the guy who he mauled for pressing charges. It brought him those two goofballs and Itachi... and for that he couldn't have been happier. 

Life didn't suck as much suddenly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Were you expecting that backstory from Hidan?  
> 2) Why do you think Deidara doesn't like being called by his name from Hidan?  
> 3) How long until Sasori realizes his feelings for Deidara?  
> 4) Do you think Kakashi knows about Gai's affections?
> 
> Again! Check out my tumblr as there are probably more fanart pictures that I've drawn for the story!  
> -Smoresies


	6. Gai reads Cosmo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some drama-drama. 
> 
> Some Deidara background.
> 
> Gai is an idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Desbelleschoses** : Aw, it's always good to meet a fan of steamy Deidan sex <3 ;D I'm glad! Sorry this took longer!  
>  **Vivi** : Well, Tobi is a glorified child. We love him though. Thank you!  
>  **oxohunnyoxo** : We are seriously glad you do <3 You were the closest to guessing #2!! Why are you going to get burned? I hope your mood improved my dear! My inbox on tumblr is always open if you need me!  
>  **JustTheBestGuest** : Oh hell yeah! Finally someone who sees Gai for the badass he actually is! We love Gai. Lolli and I talk about Gai randomly and how fantastic he is. And If I'm writing, just assume there will always be smut (Not with Sasori in this story, he's my little ace baby)  
>  **WillowstreamHP** : Thank you! You know, here in Hungary I don't have many connections to the girl scouts.  
>  **Kuko** : Hidan is my favorite character and he needed more depth instead of "Hidan is a fucking crazy murderous psychopath" even though I do love him that way too. That scene was all Lolli<3 I don't write Kakuzu yet because I don't know how yet lol. Thank you for reading my darling!  
>  **Lacender_Menace** : Thank you! And yeah, Kisame's backstory will be here eventually. But as he is in the anime and manga, he's funny, sure. But he's also really dangerous (especially if Itachi isn't around to tell him no lol)  
>  **animefanxlove** : Don't you worry, babe, if Lolli and I are writing, there is sure to be angst impending! We get some Deidara angst this chappie. All the characters will be developed to where you know their backgrounds. Funnily enough Kakashi and Gai weren't supposed to have major roles. Seems times a-changin'. And for #2, you're pretty close with the "makes him feel insecure or bad or less important" but not in the way you think! And yes, Tobi is fantastic. I had to add him as I love him tremendously. And I hope you'll like his character arc because we have a lot planned for poor Tobi.

Chapter Six:

"You sure you're good, babe?" Hidan asked and examined Deidara's uncomfortable posture.

"Yes." He said stiffly and ducked out of the car. Hidan watched him go in the house and bit the inside of his cheek.

When Deidara pushed the door opened, he had to step over piles of garbage in order to make his way to the stairs. From there he snuck up, just barely missing his mother's gaze. It isn't like it mattered, if she saw him she would likely think she was imagining it. 

Deidara quickly ducked into his room and closed the door behind him quietly. He looked around at his belongings and sighed. The room was so barren. He learned not to keep his art here since his father would just get rid of it. He wouldn't even let them explode, how they were meant to! He just threw them away!

Deidara's heart stuttered in his chest with irritation and he shook his thoughts away and found his duffel bag he used so many times to sleep over at Sasori's house. He stuffed it to the brim with his clothes, finding that he didn't really have that many clothes to begin with. Either his father sold them or threw them out or something. He couldn't even find the anger in himself to care. He was just resigned. 

Doing another once over of his room he noticed something. He walked over to his desk. There was something missing and he couldn't figure out what it was. Dust showed the rectangular imprint of it.

His eyes widened.

His fucking jewelry box. It was gone.

Deidara grit his teeth and grabbed his bag and stormed out of his room. It wasn't like they would care that he was gone. He shouldn't have left his jewelry box there to begin with but just the thought that his dad stole his damn jewelry to sell for beer money irritated the shit out of him.

"Deidara!" With a scowl Deidara turned his head. He wouldn't be able to leave before his father made it to him anyway with all the garbage in the way. "Where the fuck have you been?"

"Don't know if you can recall, un, but I got community service and college to do so..."

"Not that you fucking moron, you weren't here last night? Were you with that faggot Sasori?" Deidara thought of how ironic he was calling Sasori a faggot when Sasori was repulsed by sex no matter who it was with.

"No." He said shortly and climbed over the bags of garbage in the front of the door. 

"Where the fuck are you going now?"

"Out." Deidara opened the door and closed it behind him and quickly ran to Hidan's van. It wasn't like his parents could force him to stay in the house. He was 19 years old, but still. He'd rather not get into a physical fight with his father. He could only do so much damage. 

"You good?" Hidan asked and Deidara nodded mutely.

"Let's go, please, yeah." Hidan nodded and started to drive.

***

"Alright, Kisame. I have the perfect plan." Gai whispered to Kisame after Kakashi had left the room. "I found this magazine that seems to specialize in this sort of thing."

"Why the fuck are we whispering?" Kisame asked quietly.

"Because I was going to use some of these on—" Gai coughed to stop himself from talking. "My love interest."

"Oh, Kakashi?" Gai balked at the taller man and Kisame seemed confused. "What? I thought you two were already together." He admitted. "You're always with each other."

"That's what Hidan said..." Gai mumbled. "In any case, this magazine seems to have the answers. Perhaps we could try some of them out! It does not hurt to try!" Kisame raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable taking tips from Cosmo." He said and Gai swatted at him and opened the book. Kisame leaned over to read the steps with Gai.

"Okay you can do this one and I'll do this one." Gai said and Kisame chuckled.

"You're going to make it so you aren't readily available? How are you going to do that? You're here all the time." Kisame said and Gai took in a deep breath.

"I will do my best. Now hush, he's coming back." Gai hid the magazine in his bag and Kisame and him went back to playing their game.

The opportunity for Gai to use his newfound love advice came only an hour later. In the midst of drinking beer and playing games, Kakashi asked Gai what he wanted to do on Friday. 

_**Perfect. I'll just let him know that I'm busy with one of my other friends! He will see that he must fight for my attention! ... I don't have friends.** _

"Oh sorry, rival. I'm busy." Kakashi seemed slightly surprised at the admission.

"Oh? What are you doing?" Kakashi asked curiously and curled himself on his chair better. He watched Gai flounder slightly before he finally spoke.

"Kisame and I have a date." Kisame's mouth opened a fraction and he slowly turned to Gai with a face that just screamed 'what the fuck, Gai?'

"A date?" Kakashi asked with a laugh. "Wow, I wasn't aware that you two were... migrating towards each other. Especially with Itachi." Kisame held back any indication that he was annoyed and let Gai do the talking. He got himself into this mess, he was going to get the both of them out of it. As it turns out, that was a terrible idea on Kisame's part. 

Kisame is one to tell the truth. He doesn't like to lie at all. However, to get himself out of this mess, he would've said something along the lines of Gai helping him with Itachi to make it seem like other people were interested in him so Itachi would see Kisame as desirable. Something along the lines.

Absolutely nothing like the shit show that Gai spewed.

"O-Oh? Yeah? Uh, well, Rival, as you see, I am a very in demand person so Kisame here was just up in arms over the prospect of me- uh- well dating so in a last moment's heated monologue of passion, he asked me on a date which I obviously humbly accepted."

Kisame forced himself really hard not to let out a scream. He had to turn his head the other way because he wasn't sure if he could keep a straight face on. This was a mixture between being physically painful and the funniest thing he had to deal with thus far. In that moment, he hated Gai so badly but he also wanted to burst out laughing so his face was slowly turning red from holding his breath so he couldn't do that.

"Kisame, my dear, you needn't be embarrassed. Youth mustn't be wasted, you know." Gai said wisely and Kisame wanted to throttle him but swallowed his tongue and nodded mutely. If anything, it proved to be entertainment for Kakashi.

However, Kisame could clearly see that the reaction Kakashi had, wasn't one that Gai wanted. Kakashi just shook his head and stood up.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna grab more popcorn and beer." Kakashi left the room and Kisame flipped Gai off the back of the couch and he landed with a pleasant sounding thud. 

"Ow! Kisame! That isn't how you treat your beloved!"

"God damn it, Gai!" Kisame whispered harshly. "What the fuck was that?"

"I don't know! I panicked!" Gai said nervously. "It said to plan things with your girlfriends but I don't have those!"

"That's because it's a magazine for women!" Kisame hissed. "Now Kakashi thinks we're an item! And that I apparently have the hots for you! Which I don't, by the way!"

"I'm sorry! You're the only other friend besides Kakashi I have, I didn't know who else to say." Gai apologized reverently and Kisame's anger melted away and his shoulders sagged. He could understand that all too well.

"Fine..." Kisame sighed and plopped back on the couch. "Now we apparently have to go on a date." Kisame ran his fingers through his hair. 

***

Itachi saw Kakashi was calling him and raised an eyebrow. It was his night off of work so all he was doing was studying in his bedroom while Sasuke slept. Shisui was irritated that Sasuke went to bed for him so easily, especially at a reasonable hour such as 8. 

He wondered what Kakashi could possibly want at nearly 10 at night so put his pen down and closed his notes, he had a headache from studying anyway. He clicked the green phone button and put the phone to his ear.

"He-"

"Has Kisame spoken about Gai to you?" Kakashi asked quickly and Itachi's mouth shut and he pondered.

"Not really... Why?" 

"Are you sure? Nothing at all?" His voice was progressively getting more irritated.

"I'm sure. Why ask me anyway?"

"You talked to him last, I assumed you would know more than I did. I have Kisame and Gai at my house with me right now." Kakashi let out a frustrated sigh.

"What brings this question on?" Itachi asked slowly.

"Kisame apparently asked Gai out and they're going on a date Friday." Itachi wasn't aware of the feeling of all the oxygen in his body just completely vanishing, but that's exactly how he felt after hearing that from Kakashi.

"... Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." Kakashi whispered loudly. "He literally told me what happened."

"..."

"Are you still there?"

"Yes... I'm just..." Itachi anxiously tapped his pen on the desk. "Fuck."

"I didn't expect a curse from you about this. Does it have something to do with Kisame?" Kakashi asked, suddenly more curious about Itachi's feelings for Kisame than his irritation.

"I guess." Itachi sighed. "I mean it isn't like I could do anything if I wanted to, I'm way too busy, but still. I find myself... admiring Kisame. I guess it was stupid, huh?" Itachi sighed.

"We're going to spy on their date." Kakashi announced.

"What?"

"Are you in or not?"

"... Yes. I'm in."

"Alright, we're getting to the bottom of this. I'll get more details out of the... _couple_. See you tomorrow and sorry for bothering you while you are studying." 

Kakashi hung up leaving Itachi somewhat dazed and confused. He wasn't able to identify the emotions washing over him in waves. His back was hot then cold, hands were freezing and yet clammy. Breaths were coming in hitched, and he could feel his pulse in his toes. He went over the symptoms as if it was in another person and he realized with a start, he was having an anxiety attack. He needed to calm down, to think... to remember to breathe. He needed...

Sasuke.

He got up not even caring if the infant was asleep already; he needed that calming effect that his baby brother always had on him. Itachi entered Sasuke's nursery and very gently picked up his sleeping brother and very quietly sat in the rocking chair next to the crib. Itachi closed his eyes and began to rock both of them, Sasuke only snuggled into Itachi's neck providing more comfort. 

"Babies sure are amazing little brother. I should be the one to comfort you and such a young age... not the other way around." He whispered as he gently stroked Sasuke's hair. 

He felt his heart rate begin to mellow out, and while his body still felt as if it was buzzing, he could tell the anxiety attack was passing. Now the time was to figure out why. He was sure that Kakashi meant no harm in giving him the information, and was incredibly grateful... but at the same time he felt betrayed. Why should he? Kisame wasn't bound to him or anyone... but earlier that day in the car, Itachi could've sworn he felt some truth in Kisame's words. Was there? Or was it just simply wishful thinking brought up by his subconscious and now his Id was orchestrating these negative feelings. 

He sighed and realized that the only way to address this was to definitely go and spy with Kakashi... was he feeling the same way? Another realization hit Itachi, Kakashi, in his own way, was already in the midst of a panic attack and called him. Did he call him because he felt comforted by Itachi or simply because he was able to miraculously pick up on Itachi's affections for Kisame? Regardless, he pulled out his phone with his free hand and sent a text. 

_**Itachi** : Remember to breathe, find something to calm you down, we're going to figure this out._

_**Kakashi** : I am, thanks. Currently out for a run with my dogs, helps clear my head. You do the same kid._

With that Itachi knew they were one in the same and was happy he sent the text message…running with his dogs? How many did he have? 'Maybe I should look into one…' he thought as he began to absent mindedly stroke the baby's hair out of his face. It would be a nice buffer so he didn't use his infant brother every time he was stressed or anxious. Itachi thought about texting Kisame 'congrats on your date' but realized he may sound too petty and decided against it.

He held on tight to Sasuke and lightly hummed lullabies their mother used to sing to him, thankful that Sasuke wasn't one of those infants who were afraid of the dark. Whether it was the anxiety attack, the realization of feelings, his brain being mush from studying diseases, or the long day he was unsure. But the rocking and the sound of Sasuke's light snoring lulled him to sleep. 

***

"Kakashi, you're back, where the hell did you go at 11 at night?" Kisame asked from the couch when he heard the door open and then was pounced on by four dogs. Kisame looked up and saw the flash of a glare go over the younger man's features but it was quickly replaced by a bored look with a sheepish smile. 

"Oh, just had to take the dogs for a walk and squeeze in my exercise for the day... good night Kisame. If there's anything you need, let me know." He said almost sweetly as he ascended the stares. 

Kisame sat on the couch watching him dumbfounded, had the kid just seriously scared the hell out of him with that look? It was murderous... but why?... Damnit. He liked Kisame as a friend but right now he was an enemy because of Gai. 

Gai entered the living room with a couple of snacks and greeted by a pillow to the face. 

"What did I do in my youth now Kisame?" Gai asked rubbing his nose. 

"Have you seen Kakashi mad before? Like pissed?" Kisame asked holding onto another pillow in thought. Gai paled. 

"Yes. It's quite frightening actually, why?"

"Because thanks to you I got fucking glared at! He went running with the dogs an-" Gai's look became serious.

"Wait. Kakashi was out running this whole time?" he asked in an uncharacteristic tone that was grim.

"Yes, he took his dogs. Why? Have you forgotten that now thanks to you he fucking hates me? JERK."

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!" Gai asked yelling in Kisame's face.

"Yes, he fucking hates me."

"No, dear Kisame! He's jealous! It worked! Thank you my friend!" He exclaimed hugging Kisame. 

"...Not what I had in mind."

"You have no idea how much this means to me!" Gai said with watery eyes, he was so thankful. 

"Oh, sorry didn't mean to bother you two, just wanted to let you know I ordered a pizza and be aware for a knock on the door." Kakashi said from the doorway, his eyes lingered on Gai in examining and he turned and left. 

"Great. Now he really hates me." Kisame grumbled and Gai looked at him confused. 

"What makes you say that?"

"Look at us right now."

Gai realized that he was in fact laying on top of Kisame still hugging him from his gratitude. He scrambled off of him and looked apologetically. 

"He doesn't hold a grudge for long, don't worry, it takes too much energy. He's really a very understanding man..." Gai trailed off. 

"You owe me so much you fucker." Kisame said throwing another pillow at Gai.

***

"You gonna tell me what the fuck happened while you were in the house princess?" Hidan asked as they finally got to his house, he was more tired than he cared to admit. 

"It's nothing, un. I just hate being there." Deidara replied as he began taking his shoes off in front of the door, he hated dirt in a house and of course Hidan had to live on a farm. "It's not exactly a savory place, yeah." 

"Then why live there?" Hidan asked even more confused. 

"Because I have nowhere else to go, my man." Deidara laughed. "I have no car, I don't have a job, I'm in community service and I'm going to college on top of all that junk, I have no way of affording an apartment, yeah." 

Hidan sat on the couch and stared at Deidara with a look of confusion and humor which caused Deidara to stare blankly back. Hidan gestured around him towards his house which caused Deidara to tilt his head in a way that said _are you kidding me?_ Hidan's eyebrows raised and nodded. 

"Seriously, un? We don't even really know each other all like that, yeah." Deidara said coming to join him on the couch. "Besides, no offense, I'd need somewhere to go for my art and to be alone..." Hidan snorted at him

"As much of a fucking catch as you are princess, I don't want to be with you 24/7 either. I have my rituals, meditation and my schoolwork as well. I have a couple of rooms and they're decently sized so you should be able to put your art in there easy. I mean, it's an offer you don’t have to say yes or have a decision immediately. I just thought it would be easier if you didn't have to keep going back there."  
He said and took a swig of beer that Deidara hadn't realized he got both of them. 

"My man..." Deidara was speechless which caused Hidan to laugh loudly. 

"Don't go getting weepy, listen I do have a shift I have to take tonight. Don't give me that look I do have a job, I'm a bartender. It's shit work sometimes but at least the tips are consistent." He got up and began putting his coat on and looked over at Deidara before he left "I mean it princess... think it over." he winked and then left Deidara with the bomb he dropped on him.  
Deidara looked around the house, it was surprisingly a mixture of rustic and modern feel... he wasn't sure if he could handle being in it permanently. He loved animals but wasn't sure if he could be in a house that had the skull of a longhorn cow above a fireplace. He needed some clarity; he pulled out his cell and texted Sasori. 

__**Deidara** : My man, I'm having a piece of shit night, today was hard, yeah.  
**Sasori** : What happened?  
**Deidara** : I had to go back there today.  
**Sasori** : Are you okay? He didn't hit you again did he?  
**Deidara** : No, but remember that jewelry box you made me?  
**Sasori** : I don't care about that, I can always make you another one, are you okay?  
**Deidara** : He sold it man. I'm okay, I got out of there before anything happened, yeah. Hidan offered for me to live with him. What do I do? 

Deidara saw the indication that Sasori began typing and then stopped, he did that a couple more times before it stopped. He watched his phone intently and then sighed, Sasori wasn't sure it was a good idea. He wasn't sure if he didn't have his best friend's approval if he could go through with it. 

Deidara eventually fell asleep on the couch waiting for an answer of what to do. 

***

Sasori sat on his bed with a swarm of emotions practically choking him and he wasn't sure exactly what to tell his best friend. There were so many factors to take into consideration. He had to put his own feelings aside for this one.

If Deidara lived at home, he would have to deal with the abuse that came with it. But in the same regard, they didn't know Hidan that well. Judging from what Sasori had seen from the man, he could easily tell that he was completely unhinged. The dude was nuts. Was it wise to live with someone like that?

Sasori wished he could provide a safe haven for his dear friend. Deidara had slept here quite a few times over the years but his grandmother wouldn't be able to have Deidara live there. Deidara had quite a loud personality and he was always blowing something up. Something Sasori would never want to change about him. Ever. 

The thought of Deidara living with that... extremist made him cringe, knowing fully well their sexual history, no matter how new or small. Would Deidara feel inclined to sleep with Hidan for providing a house for him? Would Hidan force Deidara to do things he didn't want to? Is that worth living somewhere?

Realizing all of his arguments against Deidara living with Hidan were just speculations, he took in a sigh and thought of the facts as they were with no personal attachment to them. 

Deidara had a shitty home life. He had the potentiality to move out somewhere. Deidara mentioned Hidan having a nice house before. He would have his own space. No one would steal from him (Hidan seemed like a psychopath but not a thief.) as his dad did. He could be happy there if Hidan actually meant what he said. 

But then again, why would Hidan want Deidara to live with him so suddenly? It's been 3 days since they met. Yeah, like that meant anything, they slept together already. However, there was an intimacy in living together. One that made Sasori's heart burn and clench with jealousy. Would he be able to see his friend so often with him living with Hidan? Would Hidan try to keep them apart?

There he goes, speculating again.

Sasori sighed. He grabbed his phone and sent the final text of the night. He was absolutely exhausted. This situation did nothing to ease that exhaustion.

_I can't tell you which is better to do, all I can say is I will support you in whatever decision you make. If you do happen to move in with Hidan, I will be there in a heartbeat if anything goes wrong._

Sasori laid down, his eyes feeling unnaturally heavy. He fell asleep quickly, but still felt as though someone were sitting on his chest.

***

Hidan got home relatively late at night and saw that Deidara was fast asleep on the couch. He smirked and hung up his jacket and walked over and sat by the couch and watched as Deidara snored softly. 

"Hey princess." He whispered and Deidara's eyes snapped open and he sat up breathing heavily. "Whoa, you alright?"

"Yeah." Deidara said with wide eyes and a voice that cracked with his exhaustion. "Sorry. I guess I fell asleep." Hidan smirked at that and stood up and offered his hand. "What?"

"Care to sleep somewhere more comfortable?" He winked and Deidara blushed and pouted.

"I'm too tired to have sex with you right now." He responded and Hidan's grin got bigger.

"I like how you said _right now_ and didn't shoot the idea of sex with me down entirely." Hidan said with a chuckle and Deidara's face burned. "Come on. I'm tired too. Let's go." Deidara took Hidan's hand and let him lead Deidara to the bedroom. Deidara took in the surroundings of the room for a bit and was surprised to see Hidan getting changed. By changed, he meant taking everything off but his underwear. Deidara raised an eyebrow.

_I knew he slept naked._

Even so, Deidara was too tired to make fun of him for it so he climbed in bed with Hidan and laid on Hidan's chest. Hidan's arms wrapped around Deidara and with an overwhelming feeling of safety and warmth, Deidara smiled tiredly.

"I'm putting up some art in this house later this week, hm." Hidan grinned at the sleeping figure and squeezed Deidara's shoulder. The thought that he didn't have to be alone anymore brightened his entire mood.

"As you wish, princess."

***

Kisame woke up and just felt like shit. He knew they were all drinking beer last night but this wasn't a hangover at all. He just felt... wrong.

He got up from the pull out couch and went to clean off in the bathroom. He felt terrible about everything that was going on with Kakashi and Gai. He hated liars and he hated lying so dealing with both was a double whammy.

Kisame tried to push it to the back of his mind but he couldn't forget that angry look. If Kakashi truly liked Gai, he must feel so betrayed right now. Here Kisame was, a safe person because he was clearly infatuated with Itachi, only to have him "steal" Gai from right under his nose. It's fucked up.

With a sigh, Kisame sent a text to Itachi. With any luck, he wouldn't have figured out that him and Gai had a date. If he had... well Kisame would have to brave it. It would suck for sure, but still.

Once he got washed up and cleaned, he went to the kitchen where Gai was. Kisame checked his phone to see if he had a text yet, as Itachi was usually a very quick texter. It was nearly 8 in the morning and he should be up and ready to go already. Kisame was pretty sure Itachi's first class started at 8 so he should even be waiting in the class by now.

With a fond smile, Kisame thought of how studious Itachi was and felt himself warm at the thought.

"Good morning, my friend." Gai greeted and Kisame raised an eyebrow in return. He still didn't forgive Gai for lying last night. He would rather them not talk for a while until Kisame could cool down. Especially with how cold Kakashi acted while they ate pizza.

It was terribly awkward for everyone involved. 

"Hello." Kakashi said as he walked into the room, avoiding eye contact from both of them. Kisame sighed but Gai was grinning. Of course he'd be happy, he could get somewhat of a gauge that Kakashi may return his feelings.

Kisame checked his phone again and puffed his cheeks out and put it back in his pocket. This went on for the next 10 minutes while they all sat and ate breakfast together in the silence. Kisame would check his phone religiously every few minutes. Eventually, Kakashi caught on.

"What are you doing?" He asked and Kisame jumped slightly.

"O-oh... I just text Itachi good morning. He hasn't responded. He usually does." Kakashi frowned and noticed how Gai didn't seem bothered by the fact that the person who apparently asked him out on a date, was very clearly interested still in Itachi. None of this made sense. Even so, it irritated Kakashi. How could Gai stand for that? He deserved more than to be someone's second thought. It made him angrier that Gai didn't seem to care.

Kakashi sent a text to Itachi too to see if the boy was just ignoring Kisame but after a few moments he realized that he was left unread as well. Hopefully Itachi was okay.

***

Feeling a weight on his chest squirm around, Itachi roused from his slumber to find that his entire chest was covered in sweat from holding the bundle of warmth, his baby brother, all night. 

It took a minute for Itachi to fully wake up but he did so slowly, just to watch Sasuke squirm in his arms. Itachi smiled at his brother and glanced up to see outside. It sure was a lovely day out. It was becoming cooler which was nice. It was really bright too-

Itachi jumped up from his chair and ran to his bedroom where his alarm was blaring. Sasuke started to whine and Itachi turned the alarm clock off and checked his phone. Not only had the alarm been going off for nearly 3 hours, but he managed to make it so his phone was now dead, forgetting to charge it last night. He groaned and sat down on his bed. What made him sleep this long?

Oh, right. Kisame.

The wolfish grin that Kisame was privy to sporting flashed in Itachi's mind and his shoulders slumped. The taller man's unnaturally blue eyes were also something he couldn't seem to forget, especially now. He sighed.

"You aren't allowed to date, ever." Itachi said to his brother. "In fact, I'm the only person you can talk to from here on out. Relationships with other people are overrated." Itachi knew he was being dramatic but he couldn't help the... rejection he felt. Why had he felt rejection? 

Damn it, Kisame.

Itachi plugged his phone in and noticed he had a couple text messages. When he clicked on his inbox, he felt his heart flutter just seeing that Kisame text him.

__**Kisame** : Hey, good morning!  
You up?  
Uh, Itachi, are you there?  
Alright, I'll leave you be! Have an awesome day, I'll see you later. 

Why? Why did these messages make him feel like this?

Itachi shook his head and got up to get Sasuke changed and write his professor an email on how he couldn't make it in because Sasuke had a fever and he didn't have anyone to watch him.

Yeah, it was a lie, yeah Kisame would be disappointed in him, but right now, Itachi was disappointed in Kisame. But honestly, Itachi had to get moving before he was late for another class. He would feel terrible if he missed another class on behalf of his teenage angst over a boy.

How stupid.

Itachi shook his head and gathered his bag and Sasuke's diaper bag. It was 9:38 in the morning and the latest you could drop off a child was 10 so Itachi was in a rush and didn't even bother grabbing his cell phone.

***

"Wake up, Princess." Hidan chuckled when he saw Deidara's reaction to that was to smile. "Come on, you need to get all dolled up for school."

"Mmm. No." Deidara cuddled back into Hidan's side and Hidan grinned.

"Come on babe, if you don't get up I may think you want to have sex with me." This statement was a win-win. If Deidara stayed in bed, he could have sex with Deidara, if he left the bed, he would get ready for school like Hidan wanted.

Deidara looked up tiredly at Hidan. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. Hidan couldn't help but feel disappointed when Deidara got out of the bed and left the room. With a pout, Hidan got up and made the bed sloppily and picked his dirty clothes off the floor to bring them into the bathroom hamper. Deidara was brushing his teeth looking incredibly cute in one of his baggy shirts with his boxers. Hidan took the spot at the sink next to him and brushed his own teeth.

When Deidara finished and spit the foam out, he washed his face and left the bathroom quickly. Hidan frowned and spit out the toothpaste. Once he rinsed his mouth, he went to his bedroom to get ready to be met with Deidara's bare backside. He paused and just looked at the perfect curve of Deidara's around ass. He had such a girly backside. 

Deidara's hair was still completely down and he was running his brush through his hair with difficulty. Hidan walked over behind Deidara and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Hello, Hidan." He said, not really paying much attention.

"Hello, baby." Hidan kissed Deidara's neck and watched his reaction in the mirror he was brushing his hair in. The most amazing thing about it was the fact that he could see that just by kissing Deidara's neck and running his hands slowly over his torso, Deidara was getting excited. Hidan watched as his own hand gripped Deidara's cock in the mirror and his eyes flickered to Deidara's face and watched it twist in pleasure. Hidan stopped touching Deidara and picked him up to put him on the bed.

"What are you doing, hm?" Deidara asked, breathing a bit heavily.

"You." Hidan responded with and yanked off his own underwear. 

Deidara was happy to comply.

***

"By princess. Have fun at school." Hidan said with a smirk. Deidara rolled his eyes and opened the door only to be yanked back into the van roughly.

"What the fu—mmmph!" Deidara's argument was muffled by Hidan's lips and after the initial shock of it, he couldn't find himself to care. Kissing Hidan was better than he could admit. He pulled away. "You have to get to school, yeah. Thank you for driving me."

"You're welcome, babe." He kissed Deidara again. "Now get the fuck out of my car."

"Fuck you, dick." Hidan winked.

"You already did. But we can schedule another session for later."

"Get your damn mind out of the gutter you pervert, un." Hidan's smile showed his teeth and his tongue ran over them, his eyes looking strangely crazed.

"I quite like it here. Now go." Hidan threw something at Deidara and Deidara grabbed it and threw it at Hidan harder and jumped out of the car and slammed the door. "Do well in school! Don't give into peer pressure! Don't do drugs!"

"Shut the fuck up, Hidan, hm!" Deidara snapped and Hidan laughed as he drove off, Deidara just huffed and went to class. Hidan was cute, yeah, but he was annoying as hell. 

"Senpai!" Deidara groaned for probably the entirety of his class when he realized who sat right next to him. "Oh-ho-ho! I cannot believe we are in another class together! This is so exciting!" Tobi clenched his fists in victory and swayed back and forth happily. Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, Deidara." Deidara glanced to his side and smiled at his best friend. "I see you found Tobi already."

"I didn't do the finding." Deidara said flatly and glared at the other member at their table but Tobi seemed to be distracted by a tiny bug on the table. Deidara rolled his eyes and turned back to Sasori. "How was your night?"

"Eh." Sasori shrugged. 

"That good, huh?" Tobi held up the bug to Deidara proudly.

"SENPAI! THE BUG CAME TO ME! HE CHOSE ME!" Deidara recoiled at the hand suddenly in his face, then fell out of his chair since he leaned back too far. Naturally Sasori didn't help him up, as he'd been too busy laughing to actually pay attention. This caused Deidara to reach up and yank on Sasori's shirt to make him tumble off his chair. 

It worked.

But now Sasori was laying on Deidara's chest. They both looked at each other and Sasori felt his face warm significantly. Their gazes didn't waver and Deidara knew he wanted to say something, then felt his left arm move. When he looked over he saw Tobi was now cuddling on his other side, situation himself as Sasori was. 

"Tobi! What the hell are you doing, hm!?" Deidara snapped and Tobi put his hands up defensively.

"So sorry. I thought it was cuddle time with Senpai. I was afraid I missed a memo." This was one of the times where Deidara really wished he had some form of sarcasm detector. Just to know if Tobi really was a big idiot or if he just played the part well. "... You're quite comfortable though." Tobi said and Deidara just realized that Tobi made no inclination to move.

"Get the fuck off me!"

***

"I STILL don't know why we had to bring HIM, hm!" Deidara grumbled as they walked into their appointed room for community service, pointing to Tobi who happily walked in with them.

"Tobi really likes that Senpai always has shirts that show his stomach! It's a nice stomach!" Deidara's face burned and he looked at Tobi with such a look of anger. 

"He's right." Hidan winked from his seat, his legs on the table and his chair mostly tilted back. "Hey princess. Chucky. Tobi."

"He doesn't get a nickname?" Sasori asked with an arched eyebrow.

"I can't think of one at the moment besides fanboy." Hidan said with a sigh.

Itachi walked in and Hidan jumped to his feet and Itachi recoiled slightly, startled by the sudden movement.

"Oh what the fuck, man!? Where's the baby?" Hidan yelled and Itachi frowned.

"He's with his cousin." Hidan grumpily sat back down in his chair muttering how his life wasn't fair and everyone sucked, which led to him arguing with Deidara. Loudly.

"Good to know even fornication can't get you two to shut up." Jiraiya commented as he entered the room. Hidan and Deidara didn't hear him since they were screaming at each other. Shortly after Jiraiya came in, Kisame, Gai and a very irritated Kakashi came in. Kakashi sat down next to Itachi before Kisame could even get there. Kisame frowned but chose not to sit around Itachi in case the boy was actually ignoring him since he hadn't responded to any of his texts yet. So Gai and Kisame sat up in the front row and Kisame felt terrible.

"Alright. Looks like that's everyone. We have to go to the store to buy the food. I already sent the order in for the online delivery for the decorations. We'll still make some. Also we have to make party favors. I'm not sure what they'll be. But right now we have to feed about 30 people, maybe more. Always overestimate. Go." Tobi's arm shot in the air. "Yes, Tobi?"

"Barbeque! It is the best thing to make in large numbers!" He said excitedly and Kisame turned to him and nodded. If there was something Kisame was best at, it was southern cooking so that would be awesome to make.

"That sounds cool. What should we make?" Jiraiya asked and walked up to the board with a piece of chalk.

"We must make a lot of sides if we're doing a barbeque! This way they will fill up on that and we will not have to spend too much money on meat. The best side dishes to make are ones that have a low cost rate to prepare. This is where people usually put pasta and potatoes. I suggest mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, corn!" Deidara really didn't want to be impressed that Tobi knew something but when your opinion of someone was so low, it was hard not to feel slightly surprised.

"Yeah, the kid is right." Hidan piped in. "You also want some fuckin' cornbread and shit though. Can't have a barbeque without cornbread and biscuits."

"What about collard greens, yeah?" Deidara said and Hidan gave him a grossed out look.

"What about them? They're fucking gross as shit." 

"Fuck you, I like collard greens!"

"Cause you're a fucking vegetarian! There isn't anything else for you to eat! You can't be fucking picky!" 

"And we're done fighting." Sasori said and they both glared at him but crossed their arms and began to ignore each other. 

"Okay. So, so far we have mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, corn, cornbread, biscuits and collard greens. We're missing a very important part of this." 

"Ribs!" Kisame shouted at the same time Tobi shouted "Chicken!" Hidan yelled "Pulled Pork" and Gai yelled "Brisket!"

"Alright. I see we have a difference of opinions here." Jiraiya crossed his arms.

"Well, chicken is the most cost effective because it is the cheapest." Tobi said and Kisame shrugged uselessly at that.

"I just really like ribs."

"Come on! Pulled Pork! It's so fucking easy and it can feed so many people! Just get some pork butt or shoulder and you're fuckin' golden!" Hidan argued and Jiraiya looked expectantly at Gai to see if he was going to defend his choice. He just shrugged and Jiraiya raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, well since I love my son, we'll do all three. But this means we don't have to buy too many of one of them since they have 3 things to pick."

"We should make a salad too, un." Deidara said and Jiraiya nodded and wrote it down.

"Alright you little shits, let's go to the store."

"You're going to buy this much meat from a store?" Hidan furrowed his brow. "That shits expensive as hell. They mark everything way the fuck up."

"Do you have a better idea?" Jiraiya asked dryly and Hidan smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) So Deidara and Hidan live together! How does that make you feel?  
> 2) I feel like we're far enough in the story for you to have developed some form of connection with the characters. Who do you enjoy hearing from the most?  
> 3) Is there a burning question you have about anyone?  
> 4) Are you excited to meet Tobi's parents?!!?
> 
> Okay, so Lolli asked me to draw the scene with Kisame and Gai so I did so make sure to check Tumblr for it! I've only colored one of the 4 pages so once it's all colored it'll be posted. 
> 
> Also I drew Kisame how he looks in the story.
> 
> Tumblr!  
> https://smoresiesfanfic.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks everyone!  
> -Smoresies


	7. Here, have a Motrin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ♠We meet one of Tobi's parents
> 
> ♠Orochimaru sucks at pranks
> 
> ♠Kakashi and Itachi bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Desbelleschoses** : Don't worry hun, all in good time! Everything will eventually work out, no worries. Tobi isn't exactly mentally ill, **smoresies** and I can't give out too much on him yet because it will be brought up, sit tight ♥  
>  **Vivi:** Yes! We're excited because our precious murder child is no longer lonely, lol. Tobi is easily probably our favorite to write for the simple fact he's the ulitmate lovable crack character that also just makes sense :) As I said before, all in good time ♥  
>  **Narutard (FashionFable):** We can't wait to write this date XD! As for the rest of your comment love, sit tight and enjoy ;)  
>  **animefanxlove:** Oh hun, don't worry while there is a bit of angst, just have faith in us in the back of your head that everything _will_ turn out for the better ;) As of right now he is our only Ace bb, and for that we love him a bit extra ^^. And thank you for your kind words! **smoresies** and I absolutely love writing this story honestly it doesn't even feel like work, we're so glad you are enjoying it so much and your comments always make us smile ♥  
>  **Kuko:** Don't worry I was dieing when I read it as well, that is one of our golden moments in this story XD! There's a bit of Kakuzu in this chapter for you :D! You'll see how Deidara adjusts to the house in this chapter.  
>  **WillowstreamHP:** Lol girl I agree...he also lowkey reminds me of Goku lol. Everyone will eventually talk about their back stories, just sit tight k ^_^. And isn't it just an **amazing** job she did on that scene! Too bad shadow clones don't exist or else I'd ask for the whole story to be drawn like that but THAT AINT GONNA HAPPEN  >XD. Hope you enjoy this chapter.  
>  **ox0hunny0xo:** We're so happy you loved the chapter, and yes poor Sasori but as I said to everyone, have faith, we don't want any of these boi's to be hurt. Kisame is so fun to write as well as Tobi lol, we hope you enjoy this chapter!

Jiraiya stared blankly at Hidan for a solid minute before blinking his eyes and shaking his head. "Come again?"

"I. Have. A. Farm. If you only pay for replacing the animals there's absolutely no need to get the meat at a store and this way you get more food for your dollar. And you know the meat is fresh as fuck so it makes it that much tastier." Hidan said crossing his arms not sure if he should be amused or offended that not just Jiraiya, but the group save for Deidara, seemed flabbergasted at the prospect of him having a farm. 

"You…have a farm, like Old McDonald kind of farm?" Jiraiya asked finally causing a few in the group to laugh. 

"He does, un. All of the animals are actually very well taken care of, yeah. None are in distress and I'm assuming that he does it in a very humane way because they still love him." Deidara spoke up; Hidan grinned at the blonde and was slightly touched that the other man thought he did a good job. 

"How much are you charging?" Jiraiya seemed thoroughly interested "And do you make deer jerky, also how much would you sell your eggs for? Oro loves free range eggs, says he can taste a difference…" Hidan's grin got wider at the potential future customer. 

"Deer season is right around the corner, sure I could make some for you Teach. My parents left me a decent smoker too, shouldn't be hard to make." Hidan didn't miss the way that Kisame's features perked up at the mention of a smoker. 

"So you're gonna smoke the meat too?" Gai asked excitedly. 

"I mean, I've never used it for anything other than deer jerky…we could get possibly make the food at my place since Kisame knows how to cook" Hidan offered everyone and secretly hoped they would all accept. His house was so big and empty, he often wandered what it would be like if it were a full house. 

"You can't get much more cost efficient than that my man." Deidara supplied with him. Had the blonde picked up on Hidan's loneliness, the other man wondered. 

"I'm all for cutting the cost on the majority because while Tsunade doesn't care it's Oro I have to answer too financially... I don't know why he has a hair up his butt, it's not like we DON’T have the money... fucking cheapskate…" Jiraiya mumbled under his breath while the group looked at him with widened eyes. "Ahem. I just have to run it past the Judge, I want to make sure you guys are getting as much of your hours off that you can. How's Friday evening?" 

"That's not possible, some people have dates." Kakashi said coolly and it made both Kisame and Gai flinch. 

"That's right, wouldn't want to interrupt anybody's _plans._ " Itachi said with a glare, both of them crossed their arms simultaneously. Kisame's blood ran cold. Hidan's eyebrow raised. 

"What the fuck did I miss?"

"NOTHING!" Kisame and Gai said in unison which made Hidan even more curious, Deidara was beginning to become curious as well. 

"Whatever. I'll be in my car, whoever needs a ride come on, also someone shoot me a text as to where we're meeting up." Kakashi said almost testy. Itachi got up and followed him also appearing agitated. Hidan looked at Kisame and Gai his eyes were bugging out of his head and lips were perked into a kiss shape. Deidara looked at them.

"What the hell did you two do, yeah?" he was beyond curious now. 

"It started out Gai's idea—" Kisame started.

"Just a misunderstanding!!" Gai yelled and laughed nervously and looked at Kisame with a look of excitement and raised his hand for a high five and Kisame knocked his hand down with agitation, causing Gai to laugh even more nervously. 

"Uh... huh... well Hidan I am taking you up on that offer for the meat but we need to get the other things such as the side dishes etc. Come on guys, team up and meet me at the local grocery story." Jiraiya said though he was suspicious as to what those two did to the two most passive people in the group and what this date was they were both referring too. 

"Awright, come on princess. Do you guys wanna ride with us and save on gas?" Hidan gestured to Sasori, Gai and Kisame. 

"I WILL GO WHEREVER SENPAI GOES! ESPECIALLY IF WE'RE CUDDLING AGAIN!" Tobi said happily. 

"Again?!" Hidan asked as he laughed loudly. 

"UGH! What have I done to deserve you, yeah?" Deidara said rhetorically. 

"Well Senpai is amazing so I guess just being yourself?" Tobi admitted seriously. 

"Oh we are definitely riding with you guys." Sasori grinned and ushered Kisame and Gai towards the parking lot and eventually to Hidan's van. 

"It feels weird not riding with my rival..." Gai said solemnly 

"Well he's super pissed at us **BOTH** because of your magnificent plan!" Kisame whispered between teeth. 

"Riding with or just riding your rival?" Hidan asked with a perverted wink from the driver's seat. 

Gai would have responded if his nose didn't suddenly start bleeding. 

***

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just up and follow you." Itachi said in Kakashi's car. 

"Mah, I don't mind. Better than being alone, this way if I'm going the wrong way I have another person to blame for not catching it." Kakashi laughed. 

"I just couldn't be in there any longer…you know I missed my first class over those fools?" Itachi vented, he had to tell someone. 

"I think I turned in a paper today about on being cheated on…" Kakashi said squinting his eyes in remembrance. 

"I've never missed a class before! Do you know how hard it is to makeup work in **_med school_**?" Itachi fumed.

"If he had a car, I'd slash three of his tires for you." Kakashi said honestly which caused Itachi to look at him confused. 

"Why just three?" he asked.   
"Insurance covers it if all four are slashed." Kakashi answered with a smile which only caused Itachi to cover his face and his shoulders shook with silent laughter. 

"Oh my, thank you, I needed that laugh." Itachi said wiping his eyes. 

"Anytime." 

"I don't know Gai enough to do anything evil to him for you, or I would." Itachi said both honest and awkward. 

"Oh I'm already on that. I'm the passive aggressive kind, I threw out all the vegetables in my house and hid the blender." He said grinning as he reached into the well between the passenger and driver seat and pulled out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. Itachi's eyes widened in shock. 

"I didn't know you smoked." He said bluntly and was actually surprised. Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. 

"I don't really, when I can't get to my animals I smoke an occasional one, they were my dad's. He said that he took up smoking so he was able to get a break when he was in the military." Kakashi explained blowing his smoke out his window making sure it wasn't getting anywhere near Itachi.

"Oh wow, well I don't blame him then, they did what 15 hour shifts?" Kakashi snorted as he flicked the ashes out the window also. 

"Try 24 to 48 hour shifts, especially if he was overseas." There was a look of nostalgia in eyes and Itachi puffed his cheeks unable to image what that must have been like. Kakashi needed a distraction he decided to turn up his music and Itachi heard a song he hadn't heard in years. 

"Is that No Diggity by Backstreet?" he asked disbelieving. Kakashi grinned and nodded. "And people think I'm crazy for listening to 90's music still." Kakashi's eyebrows scrunched up in disagreement. 

"It's the only music that's worth listening too, other than anything that came before it. Today's music is shit." 

Itachi nodded in agreement. How was it possible to be so alike someone and not have met before now? It was strange, first Kisame now Kakashi. Technically Itachi shouldn't be as comfortable with these people but yet here he was seemingly one by one becoming friends with them, and they all didn't mind Sasuke like Shisui did…that may also be because Sasuke loved to torture Shisui. 

"What made you get community service anyways?" Itachi asked realizing that he hadn't known. 

"Gai had gotten into a hell of fight... well more like they tried to jump him, idiots. I held his backpack while he fucked a few people up." Kakashi answered while staring down the red light in front of them. 

"Gai fought?" Itachi asked surprised. "But he's so... pure." Kakashi smiled as he took another hit off his cigarette. 

"That's the beauty of it, he doesn't look like much right? He's a 4th degree black belt. Here's a secret: he's got a terrible temper so much that my dad felt that maybe taking martial arts would help him with discipline and keep it in check, he got in trouble a bit with street fighting." Kakashi said with a look of fondness "The judge was angry that I didn't stop him from breaking some dude's femur with a kick since he had already won the fight by this point. SO I guess you could say I'm here because I'm guilty by association." He with a chuckle. "What about you?"  
Itachi was too shocked to even stop himself. 

"Grand theft auto." It was Kakashi's turn to give a "what the hell?!" look. 

"WHAT?"

"Long story. Basically my cousin sucks. My cousin Shisui was dared to steal a car and he did it. I took the fall for it because if he did, he wouldn't be able to continue studying law enforcement so here we are." Itachi gestured the air around them with a frown.

"Shit, that sucks." Itachi nodded. "So you have to do all this and you didn't even do anything? Man. I guess we're more alike than we thought." Kakashi mused and Itachi smiled. Okay, so everyone wasn't that bad, he supposed.

***

The rest of the gang piled into Hidan's van. Deidara sat in the front this time without prompting and Hidan cheesily asked for a kiss which Deidara flat out ignored. 

"Come on, babe, just one kiss?" He puckered his lips and Deidara shoved his face away.

"Just fucking drive, un!" He grumbled and Hidan made a show of rolling his eyes and buckling himself in.

"I don't know what I did to deserve this abuse." Hidan said with a fake huff. Deidara glared at him and leaned against his door to get further away from Hidan. Hidan simply rolled his eyes again.

"So what the fuck did you two do!?" Hidan asked a moment into driving. Deidara text Itachi where they were going from Hidan's phone.

There was a collective sigh from the two but they didn't answer the question and Deidara was just brimming with curiosity. He hoped if he asked someone else they may tell him. For now, he just waited.

"Senpai!" Suddenly Tobi was sitting between the two front seats since there wasn't anything there, just an empty space.

"Tobi! Get in the back, hm! You're not my damn lapdog!"

"Tobi could be." Hidan nearly swerved his car he began to laugh so hard.

"Come on, Tobi, I'd rather not die. You can give Deidara affection later." Jiraiya said, visibly worried. 

"Okay!" Tobi crawled back to the back of the van and sat down next to Sasori and Jiraiya and just smiled under his mask.

They pulled into the parking lot and after Hidan parked, he tried to kiss Deidara again but Deidara was even more irritated now that Hidan didn't even try to save him from Tobi so shoved Hidan out of the car. 

"Fuck you, Hidan, hm!" Deidara stomped off and accidentally bumped into Itachi in his rage. "Sorry, yeah. I wasn't watching where I was going, un."

"It's fine. I take it you all arrived." Itachi said and looked up, his mood turning sour again.

"You two okay?" Deidara asked slowly, trying to make it seem like he didn't care too much.

"Peachy." Kakashi deadpanned and continued walking towards the building.

Hidan watched the group of three go into the store without them and held out his arm and glared at Gai and Kisame.

"Great. Now all of our girlfriends stomped off." He said and crossed his arms with a groan.

"SENPAI! WAIT FOR TOBI!" Tobi yelled, running and waving after Deidara. Hidan grinned. Sure, Deidara was pissed at him, but it was worth it. That Tobi kid was funny as hell, especially if he stuck to just pissing off Deidara.

Being how Deidara was stuck with Tobi, it was now his job to push the cart because Tobi, if left to his own devices, would probably not get much done. So Deidara pushed the cart while Tobi stood on the other side of it, letting Deidara push him. Deidara didn't even say anything because if Tobi chose their cart it would've been the one with the racecar on it. 

Small miracles. 

Hidan tried to find his blond but found that pretty impossible when Deidara didn't want him to. With a grumble, he paired up with Jiraiya and both of them wandered aimlessly through the aisles. They didn't really know what they needed so they let Kisame and Tobi figure that out. For now, they waited.

Hidan saw a man, and damn, if he didn't look familiar. There was something about him. He stood at the meat section, looking at the selection of cuts they had and Hidan couldn't take his curiosity anymore. He walked up to him.

"You look like my professor." He said and the man turned to him and Hidan saw his eyes. Red sclera and emerald green eyes. And Jashin, if this man didn't have some long fucking hair.

"I am your professor, you idiot." He responded and Hidan grinned at him and turned to Jiraiya.

"Hey teach'! It's my professor!" He pointed out and Jiraiya walked over, now the three of them were standing in front of the meat counter.

"Can I get you something?" The butcher asked and Jiraiya shook his head and smiled kindly.

"No thank you, I know a farmer. I can get it cheaper." He said and Hidan smirked up at him.

"Cheaper?" Kakuzu looked intrigued. "You know a farmer?"

"Haha, yeah he does." Hidan said, as if it were a dirty joke then wondered why he said it that way to begin with. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yeah, I'm the farmer."

"You?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow and Hidan glared at him.

"That's what I just fuckin' said. Do I not look like a farmer?"

"No." Kakuzu said flatly and Hidan pouted and crossed his arms childishly. "Well what do you have and what do you charge?" Kakuzu asked and Hidan grinned at the prospect of having another buyer. This was really his day. 

Well... Despite Deidara throwing his hourly bitchfit.

***

"Please don't let me shop for myself. I spent $28 on kale." Gai said once they were all done.

"Well do we need to buy anything else before we go?" Kakashi asked the group, ignoring Kisame and Gai completely. Gai frowned at the obvious brush off but no one else was paying attention.

"I have to call the judge to talk to him about preparing this stuff. Hidan, you said everyone is cooking at your house? Should we drop it off now?" Hidan perked up.

"Oh, hell yeah. Let's go." He said and practically ran to his car holding the groceries. Deidara actually followed after him quickly and with that, everyone else followed.

"I'm not sure if I'm prepared to see where Hidan lives." Kisame mumbled to Itachi and Itachi snorted and then remembered he was angry at Kisame so quickly walked away and Kisame's eyebrow twitched. He would throttle Gai for this.

***

To say they were surprised at Hidan's house was an understatement and Hidan climbed out of his car and looked at his house with pride. He liked how Deidara grabbed his house keys to open the door. The way he seemed so comfortable doing that just made him grin.

Everyone grabbed their bags and followed Deidara inside and they continued to look at the house impressed. Sasori caught up with his friend and Deidara smiled awkwardly.

"So I guess this is my house now." Deidara said quietly and Sasori gave an approving nod.

"I thought Hidan would be messier. I'm unsure why."

"You know, I thought the same, hm." 

Hidan was positively tickled pink watching everyone stare in fascination at his house. Hopefully this meant they liked it and would come over more often. He would enjoy that.

"Tobi, your dad said he's going to pick you up." Jiraiya said loudly to hopefully reach Tobi's ears. He wasn't sure where Tobi was currently.

"Which one?" Tobi asked and every looked at him curiously. "Daddy or papa?"

"YOU HAVE TWO DADS?! THAT'S HYSTERICAL!" Hidan started to laugh loudly and Deidara looked at him oddly.

"Hidan, you're gay." He said and Hidan stopped laughing and blinked.

"Oh shit, you're right."

"Anyway, uh, daddy will be here to get you." Jiraiya answered semi-awkwardly and that dissolved Hidan into another fit of laughter. 

"Daddy!? That's so kinky!"

"Hidan! Shut the fuck up! Hm!" Deidara punched Hidan in the arm and he stopped laughing to rub his arm and glare.

"What the fuck, princess?!" He snapped and Deidara sneered.

"And we're done arguing. Please separate these two." Jiraiya said and Sasori grabbed Deidara and pulled him aside and Kisame pushed Hidan further into the kitchen.

While they were unloading everything, Hidan heard a car approach the house. With a shit-eating grin he turned to Tobi.

"Hey, I think daddy is here." He said and Kisame sighed and rolled his eyes. "Let's go say hello."

"Okay! Only if Senpai comes too!" Tobi said excitedly. "Senpai! My daddy is here!"

"I'm fucking happy for you." Came Deidara's dry response from the other room.

"Come meet him!" Deidara couldn't think of a thing he wanted to do less than meet Tobi's father. Would he be as obnoxious as Tobi himself? Deidara groaned but by this point, Tobi had taken his arm hostage and dragged him out of the house. "Daddy! This is Deidara-sempai!" He yelled, waving at the car. Deidara noticed what a nice, expensive car it was. Hidan barreled out of the house along with the others to see who Tobi's dad was and while they stood waiting, Tobi pulled Deidara to the car.

"Hello, Mr.-JUDGE UCHIHA?!" Deidara asked loudly. This got everyone's attention for different reasons and Hidan jumped off of the porch and ran up to the car.

"No shit! You're Tobi's daddy! Holy hell!" He gawked.

"While I may be climbing up there in age, I am not deaf Deidara, Hidan." Madara scolded in his deep voice which the group heard and many them froze in their place. Madara looked over the two who were standing in front of him with scrutinizing eyes. Tobi was oblivious to the look and smiled with admiration at his "daddy".

"You know my friends Daddy! How exciting! Deidara-senpai is so nice and he helps me out in school too Daddy!" this caused Madara's gaze to settle on Deidara, and the blonde would be lying if he didn't feel like he was in the presence of an angry god or king. 

"I see... Tobi... get in the car please." He asked only slightly softer than his normal tone which Tobi happily obeyed and damn near skipped around the car to get in the passenger's side. "I thank you for entertaining my son... it was nice to finally meet you all, _**again**_. This time without a jury." Once Tobi was in the car his look changed to that of a very disapproving parent as he looked on all of them and very carefully backed out of Hidan's property, and then left. 

"Holy. Shit." Deidara said entranced. This caused Hidan to snap out of his gawking and nudged him. "You sure know how to your friends princess!" he teased. 

"Yo, Deidara! You better start being nicer to that kid! I don't want daddy to get mad at all of us and, y'know, imprison us or anything because you don't like the kid!" Kisame yelled from Hidan's porch. 

Normally Deidara would have yelled or scoffed at the idea, but all he could think about was the cold knowing feeling he had when Madara looked at him. He felt as if he made a single wrong move with Tobi, Madara would wipe out his very existence, and oddly, Deidara was sure he was serious. 

"You okay kiddo?" Jiraiya asked from behind him placing a hand on the blonde's shoulders. "I see you've met 'Madara the parent' in addition to the judge who sentenced you." He said in knowing and Deidara just nodded. He then turned quickly and looked at Jiraiya accusingly.   
"You knew who his parents were! Why didn't you tell us?!" Deidara yelled causing Jiraiya to flinch and then grin. 

"Because, it's much more effective meeting the disapproving parent in person." Jiraiya said with a glint in his eye. "Trust me, been there, done that, with the same man." Jiraiya chuckled and went back into the house. 

"You okay Princess?" Hidan asked more amused than he should be. 

"No. That judge scares the fuck out of me, yeah." He said taking a deep breath and then following Jiraiya back into his new house. 

***

The ride home was quiet for the most part but Tobi was still so excited that one of his parents finally got to meet his Senpai! He couldn't hold in the question any longer. 

"Daddy, now you've met my Senpai I was telling you about! Don't you like him?" he asked as if he was referring to a puppy and asking for permission to keep it. 

"He's... different that's for sure Tobi... are you sure you want to hang around someone who has a track record and now has to do community service as a punishment?" Madara asked as he navigated through their gated community. 

"ABSOLUTELY DADDY! Senpai has taught me so much! He's really nice, and he gives some of the best hugs and he's very comfortable too!" this caught Madara's attention more than it should have. Was this man taking advantage of his son? His grip tightened on the steering wheel at the thought, no, he would catch this kid before he could do anything to harm his precious boy. 

"Alright Tobi, I hear you. Say, I was going to surprise you with this on Saturday morning but I do have an extra. Here." He said as he reached up into the visor on the roof of the car and pulled out an envelope and handed a ticket to Tobi. "We're going to see the Pirates play the Giants on Saturday, it's an 11am game, invite your friend to come with us." Tobi squealed. 

"Thank you daddy! Tobi can't wait! Don't worry, Tobi will bring Senpai! AND that gives us enough time to get back to Hidan's house and cook for the baby shower that's on Sunday! Tobi is a good boy!" he said happily as he got out of his father's car. Madara's smile was a little more sinister than he intended but he nodded at his son's sentence. 

"Yes you are Tobi."

***

"For the LOVE OF GOD, STOP BITCHING." Jiraiya yelled at Hidan and Deidara who looked at him with widened eyes. Jiraiya saw Kakashi rub his temples, he felt for the kid. He nudged him and got his attention "You okay? Need a Motrin?" he asked slightly concerned and the younger white haired man nodded. He reached into his travel bag that was **not** a purse despite what Tsunade said, got his bottle and was shocked he was down to just two he shrugged and gave Kakashi the larger looking one. 

"Thank you Jiraiya." He said gratefully. Hidan watched the exchange and then held his hand out as well, Jiraiya quirked his eyebrow at the gesture and purple eyes rolled in agitation. 

"I had Tobi yelling in my ear on the way to the store, I have to do homework in **_theology_** which is a headache in itself and to top it all off I've been dealing with Deidara's bitchy ass all fucking day. Please may I have one as well Teach?" Jiraiya bit his lip at how pitiful Hidan sounded but nodded and gave him the last Motrin he had. Funny, he thought he had more. 

"So we're all meeting up here on Saturday evening... Hidan do you mind if we just crash here and then that way we can all help get the food to the hall in which Kakashi and Itachi picked out for the shower?" Sasori asked with curious eyes unsure of how the other man would react to having to share time with Deidara. 

"Fuck, you all could stay tonight if you wanted but we all have school tomorrow. I don't give a shit, I have enough room." Hidan said in between downing his bottle of water. "But yeah, I'm cool with it, Dei are you?"

Deidara was taken aback by being included and just shook his head. "I don't mind, un." He said grinning at Hidan. 

"Okay, come on Itachi; let's go before these two start fucking on the spot." Kakashi said getting up feeling both awkward, amused, and suffocated. He wasn't mad at Kisame for dating Gai, he was mad at Gai for not telling him of his feelings for the other man. Being around him was exhausting. 

"Ditto. Do you have to do homework?" Itachi asked as they left the house. Kakashi shrugged "I typed my paper before leaving for community service." Itachi's eyes lit up in surprise "Was it a small assignment?" he asked as he got in Kakashi's car. 

"A bit, it was a 15 page essay on why we want to be an editor, give reasons and back it up with stupid proof." Kakashi said flippantly and Itachi felt a nerve in his head bulge out at the dismissive way the other man admitted to trucking through an assignment so easily. 

"Jesus... I struggle with a seven paged assignment they give us every two weeks..." Itachi admitted. "I'm more of a hands on worker, I suck at documentation." He sighed and rested his head against the window and Kakashi laughed. 

"That's actually good to hear." He said looking at Itachi with humor in his eyes. "How so? What doctor or surgeon cannot do proper notes?" he asked thoroughly confused. 

"A damn good one. My dad always said you either have a documentation doctor or a real fucking doctor. You're more likely to look at your patient and ask their name and everything with face to face communication instead of picking up their chart. Don't worry, you're going to be amazing." Kakashi said so earnestly it touched Itachi. 

"Thank you, I work hard but..." he trailed off, "It's nice for someone to reassure you? I feel you, you're doing great Itachi." Kakashi grinned and Itachi was very thankful he decided to ride with him instead of taking his own car. 

"Now about this date we're crashing..." Kakashi grinned at the way Itachi's lit up deviously. 

***

Jiraiya had just got home whenever Orochimaru entered the house, nodding at the group and silently went over to Jiraiya's man purse. He opened it and chuckled lightly as he picked up the Motrin bottle his husband always had in his bag, he shook it and his eyes almost bugged out of his head when he didn't hear anything. He shook it again, a little more viciously. 

"What are you doing Orochi?" Jiraiya asked amused by the look of panic. "Don't worry, we have some Tylenol in the medicine cabinet, we're not out, just calm down." he said reaching out to pat his lover's shoulder in reassurance and frowned whenever Oro recoiled from it. 

"You took both pills today?" he asked slightly frantic. Jiraiya was understanding, his lover was always going on about how he was going to destroy his liver with the amount of ibuprofen he ingested. 

"No, I've been listening to you actually, cut my caffeine in half and I haven't had as many headaches. Kakashi and Hidan had a headache from Tobi, yeah you heard me, TOBI, and—" Orochimaru's hands went up into his hair as he held his head in distress. 

"Jiraiya... look at me... please tell me you didn't give those kids what was in this bottle..." he said with such intensity there was a blood vessel broken in the sclera in his eye. Jiraiya's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and his face became very serious. Something was very wrong if Orochimaru was now pacing back and forth... he was very confused. 

"I did... it was just a pill for a headache, no big dea—"

"No it wasn't! I was using you as my test dummy for my invention! YOU were supposed to have ONE of those! Now two, TWO adolescents have pseudo wombs in them! Damnit Jiraiya!" He paced back and forth with a hand over his mouth as if he was trying to sill his stomach from spilling its contents from earlier, Jiraiya paled. 

Fuck.

***

Deidara watched in mild amusement as Hidan ran through the house checking on rooms that he hadn't really opened in forever to make sure everything was still clean. Deidara leaned on Hidan's bedroom doorframe as the Jashinian ran by him and smiled.

"You training for the Olympics?" Deidara asked with a chuckle. Hidan paused and turned to him with a strange expression. "What's up?"

"I just never had guests before." He said honestly. "Gotta make sure they're fucking comfortable, right?"

"Hidan, it's Tuesday. You don't need to do this right now. We have time to get things ready. Now come on." Deidara inclined his head and Hidan nodded and they went downstairs to the living room. "What do you wanna watch?"

"Oh. I can't, actually. I have to tend the animals." Deidara pouted. "Don't give me that, princess. I'll fuck you later." Hidan's eyes twinkled with mischief and Deidara pushed him over the couch and he rolled off of it and nearly broke the coffee table. "Fuck! Deidara! That shit hurt!" Deidara walked over to him and straddled his hips and his arms were crossed glaring down at him.

"Don't call me that." Hidan furrowed his brow and rolled his eyes.

"Sure thing, princess. But you gotta move. I gotta feed the animals and if you don't move in like 30 seconds, the poor fucks won't eat tonight because I have basically no self-control." Deidara stood up and backed off and went to put his shoes on. "What are you doing?"

"I'm feeding the animals with you, hm. Problem?" Hidan shook his head. "Good."

"Yeah. Fan-fucking-tastic." Hidan said grinning and grabbed Deidara by the wrist and dragged him outside. 

***

"Thank you, Sasori." Kisame said with a sigh and punched Gai in the arm for the umpteenth time that day. 

"Yes. Thank you for the ride! It was kind of you to do!" Sasori nodded at them and drove off. Kisame sighed and dug into his pockets for his apartment keys and they both went inside.

"Thanks to YOU we can't even go back to Kakashi's house without me feeling like I will be murdered in my sleep, so thanks for that. Now you're staying IN MY APARTMENT which will just add fire to the flame. Jesus Christ this is frustrating." Kisame rubbed his temples and plopped down on his couch.

"I told you I'm very sorry! But at least we see it bothers our heart's intended! We will all be fine in due time."

"Let's just get this fucking date over with." Kisame said with a sigh. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? That hardly gives me time to prepare for a date-"

"IT ISN'T A REAL DATE YOU DUMBASS." Kisame snapped and Gai flinched at the sudden shout. Kisame slumped on the couch and looked miserably at the ceiling. "What did I do to deserve this?" He whined and grabbed the TV remote.

"Well, on the plus side, Once Upon a Time is on." Gai said pleasantly and Kisame turned to face him.

"You watch that fucking show?" Gai nodded happily and Kisame scoffed and looked to the side and changed the channel.

"Hey! You even knew what channel it was on!" Gai said happily and Kisame fought off a blush.

"If you tell anyone about this I'll murder you in cold blood."

"Wow, you really can sound like Hidan!" Kisame rolled his eyes and him and Gai grabbed a beer and sat in front of the TV and watched a show about fairytale characters. It totally wasn't gay.

***

"Are you sure it's okay if I stay the night?" Kakashi asked and Itachi smiled.

"Yeah it's fine. I hope you don't mind Sasuke though. He's usually a bit grumpy around this time. Oh! And you can meet my cousin, Shisui." Itachi seemed happy about that. 

"Thanks. I just don't want to be at the house right now and see them... Ugh, you should've seen it." Kakashi let his head fall back against the headrest. "I walked in on them with Gai laying on top of Kisame."

"What?" Itachi's voice was sharp and Kakashi wrinkled his nose.

"Yes. I don't want that to happen again for fear I will break limbs." Itachi nodded in understanding.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. What is even wrong with them for doing something like that in your house?" Kakashi shrugged uselessly and Itachi sighed.

Eventually they made it to Itachi's house and climbed out of the car. Kakashi took in the view appreciatively and realized a very loud distinct sound of a baby wailing. Itachi shook his head and opened the front door and Shisui was standing there with a visibly distressed Sasuke. He was crying and trying to catch his breath since he kept screaming and the noises he made was pitiful and he saw Itachi and slightly calmed down. Itachi scooped him up and the only noises that were heard were the sounds of the baby trying to calm his breathing. 

Itachi rocked him slowly in his arms and wiped the tears off his face. He glanced up at Shisui who was close to tears at this point. He was trembling.

"Are you ok?" Itachi asked and he sniffled and shook his head. 

Sasuke liked Itachi more than anyone, sure. But that didn't mean there weren't times when Sasuke's big brother Itachi couldn't lull him. Itachi understood the anxiety that came with it. Shisui was probably so worked up over the fact that Sasuke had been screaming for so long.

"It's okay Shisui. Go calm down. Thank you for watching him." Shisui nodded stiffly and left the room. "Sasuke that wasn't very nice, you know." Itachi scolded and looked at Sasuke's blotchy red face and he hiccupped on air. "Be nice to your cousin. He loves you very much." Itachi said and Kakashi stood next to him. 

"Hello baby Sasuke." Kakashi said softly. "How are you?" Sasuke's eyes looked over to Kakashi and he continued to calm his breathing.

"He's so warm. He must've been screaming for a while. I don't know why he does this with Shisui." Itachi shook his head. "It looks like I'll have to bring you to community service more often then, huh, Sasuke?"

Almost instantly, Sasuke fell asleep, tired from screaming. Itachi smiled softly at the sleeping baby. 

***

Sasori laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. He counted all the tiles, the cracks, the stains. Any anomalies he could put into groups, he would count. His eyes scanned over his room and he just wanted more things to count to keep his mind from running all over the place.

_There's 20 different handles for all of my dressers-Deidara smelled really nice today- I have 57 movies in alphabetical order by my desk-Deidara's chest is very warm to lay on- there are 78 rows of brown on my rug-Deidara's eyes were so blue today... ___

__Sasori blinked and blinked trying to mute his wandering mind. What was this irritating feeling? Just being consumed by the thought of someone. The jealousy he had for Hidan but didn't really have for Hidan at the same time. Being jealous of the time Hidan spent with Deidara but also not jealous that Hidan touched Deidara sexually. What did any of this mean?_ _

__Sasori felt broken. He was always told one day he would meet someone who would change his feelings on sex but that never happened. It was unfair. He wanted to be normal. He thought he was in love with Deidara but even after all this time, even the thought of seeing Deidara naked in a compromising position made him feel uncomfortable._ _

__He still covered his eyes through sex scenes on the TV._ _

__It just didn't make sense to him that he wanted to spend all his time, every waking moment with Deidara, yet there were still things that he thought about that repulsed him about Deidara. His apparent love for sex was way up there._ _

__It was unfair of him to think about being with Deidara romantically. Deidara was now having sex with Hidan every day. Maybe more than once, Sasori didn't care to ask. What if he did love Deidara and Deidara and Hidan broke things off and him and Deidara got together? What then? It was frustrating to think about. Who would tell their partner _I know you like sex a lot but that will never happen with me_? Sasori felt himself slump and tense all at the same time and his mind was reeling with questions he didn't know the answers to. He was almost positive that he loved Deidara but still... _ _

__How could he be in love with someone and still not want to be intimate with them? Why was he broken?_ _

__***_ _

__"Okay, throw another one at me." Itachi said as he sat cross legged on his bed and stared intensely at Kakashi who sat across from him._ _

__"Alright have you seen Dr. Who?" Itachi's eyebrow quirked and nodded. "Remember the little globs of fat that would dance when they were happy?" Itachi thought for a minute and then nodded. "What were they called?"_ _

__"Kakashi I fail to see ho—" Itachi was hesitant and Kakashi cut him off with a reassuring look and a calm voice "What, were they called?" he asked patiently. Itachi's eyes crinkled in remembering._ _

__"Adipose…?" Itachi said aloud and then his eyes lit up. "Adipose! Adipose tissue, body fat, or simply fat is a loose connective tissue composed mostly of adiposities!" He said triumphantly with a grin and then looked at Kakashi gratefully. "Thank you so much, I will always think of Dr. Who now when I have to examine fat." He said with a giggle._ _

__"No problem, find something you can liken it too and studying becomes much easier. Alright next one…what is the medical terminology for brain?" he asked and Itachi's face scrunched up, he was so tired to think straight but he needed to study this for his test tomorrow. "Neuro…" Kakashi shook his head "No, that's nerves. My mom was a nurse for the military and used to say that to my dad all the time 'your getting on my neurons'…I come from a family of nerds." Itachi smiled fondly at the other's reminiscing._ _

__"My mom was a pastry chef, Kami I miss her croissants and canolies…" He said with a faraway look in his eyes, he shook his head and tried to refocus. "Anyway! Brain…crap…why can't I remember this? But have no problem saying, remembering how to spell sternocleidomastoid" he asked pinching the bridge of his nose trying to focus._ _

__"Okay back to Dr. Who…" Kakashi started and laughed at the incredulous look the brunette gave him. "Now here me out…remember the Dalek's?" he asked and Itachi rolled his eyes and nodded having more faith in the other man this time around. "OF COURSE, if you don't remember the Dalek's something is wrong with you." He laughed and Kakashi nodded "Yeah they were in enough episodes…you remember what they look like out of their machines right? Like crazy alien squids right?...well what is the scientific name for squid? Remember that en means "inner"…" he looked at Itachi expectantly._ _

__"Squids are called cephalopods…en, inner…brain…ENCEPHELO! Damnit Kakashi, now I will look at Dalek's as walking little brain pods…" he said throwing a cheese curl at the white haired teen who tried to catch it with his mouth. They laughed more than normal in their sleep deprived state and both stretched out side by side trying to get the flow back into their limbs. Itachi turned to look at Kakashi and ask in a quiet voice._ _

__"Your parents…do you miss them?" it was almost a whisper but it made Kakashi roll onto his side and study the Uchiha and nodded. "Almost every day. I live in the house I grew up in and sometimes my brain goes dumb and tells me I hear my dad coming home…but I know that's just my literal wishful thinking. I guess you could say that my childhood prepared me for their passing…" he had a thoughtful look on his face. Itachi was confused, "How so?" he asked and Kakashi's face took a grim turn as he closed his eyes._ _

__"When I was twelve, I saw my best friend get hit by a bus. We were playing kickball near the street and one of our friends, Rin, tripped and fell…well apparently we were so tiny of humans that the driver didn't see her. So my best friend decides the smart thing to do is to pull her out of the way, only, he didn't have enough time to get out of the way…and he got hit." Kakashi said snuggling into the pillow more, Itachi looked at him with sad eyes._ _

__"I'm so sorry…" he said in a whisper, he couldn't understand what the other man had endured so far, he would have never thought when they first met he was a well of secrets. "It makes sense now, that you're so protective of Gai." Itachi said connecting the pieces together. Kakashi nodded as his eyes drifted close._ _

__"I miss my parents almost every day too…but somehow Sasuke helps with missing them…he's almost an exact replica of my mom." Itachi said with a chuckle and looked at newfound friend and whispered "Kakashi?" he got a grunt of response. "I'm really sorry about your friend. Thank you for coming over tonight, I wouldn't have gotten through all 100 terminology words without you. Truly." The other man waved dismissively and caused Itachi to laugh. He reached over and turned off the light by the night table, and settled down underneath the covers and drifted to sleep and had dreams of Dalek's chasing Adipo's._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, another chapter down! My guilty pleasure is writing !petty Itachi and Kakashi lol. ~~Fun fact about the story: when I was in A&P my husband helped me remember my terminolgoy the way Kakashi helped with Itachi, good 'ol Dr. Who lol.~~
> 
> Questions!  
> 1) Did anyone see that coming with Orochimaru's experiments?  
> 2) Anyone excited for the date next chapter :D Any predictions?  
> 3) How long until Hidan and Kakashi find out they're walking guinea pigs?  
> 4) Anyone have any brOTP yet? :)
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> _ATTENTION!!  
>  I am sorry to report that smoresies laptop may have kicked the bucket. We'll know for sure on Wednesday but everyone keep your fingers crossed for her. Thank you all in advance ♥_  
>  **  
> 


	8. Two bros sittin 5ft apart cuz they're not gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. It's been a while. Sorry, Lolli and I have been kinda busy and my laptop died. Still not alive but I got to steal hubby's computer for the time being.
> 
> This chapter we see:  
> The reason Deidara hates when Hidan calls him by his name  
> Bit of Tobi background  
> Tobi and Sasori bonding  
> The hella awkward date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **JustTheBestGuest** : Yeah I honestly don't know what's going on either lmao. I'm glad you're enjoying the story! I hope you continue to!  
>  **Narutard** : Hidan is fantastic, I love him lol. Sasori has more screen time in this chapter. He's slowly being developed! Who knows why my laptop died but my soul died too -_-  
>  **animefanxlove** : we're glad you do! Haha well Lolli wrote the scene because I had no idea what to write. She did an awesome job but not really what you had in mind lol. My OT3 is HidaKakuDei but I doubt I'll be able to incorporate that into this fic :( Tobi is the best I love him. We'll get more Tobi background later!  
>  **Vivi** : you guessed it! *fingerguns*  
>  **WillowstreamHP** : Well neither of us are on Wattpad so I have no idea what you're talking about lol.  
>  **Kuko** : Yas they areee. I love Kuzu! He'll be in the next chapter <3 I have my fingers crossed for me too tbh lol  
>  **oxohunnyoxo** : Thank you. I appreciate it. I am also praying for my lappytop. I hope you enjoy this chapter lol It's tons of fucked

Chapter Eight:

Deidara knew he was dreaming but that didn't make anything better, honestly. He knew he was walking through the hallways of his past and not present. He was actually safe right now in Hidan's bed, not in his childhood home, avoiding his parents. 

It didn't make the anxiety of it any better. He still felt the same rooted fear in his veins as he always had when he was there. Especially seeing how in this particular dream, he was younger.

He wasn't exactly dreaming of a flashback. It wasn't that perfect. Everything that happened in his dream right now, had actually happened at some point, yes. But it wasn't as fluid. It was as if someone took a bunch of fragments from his memory and sewed them together to create this reel. 

"Deidara!" He was sure even his physical body winced at the sound of his father screaming his name. Deidara tiptoed down the stairs, his long hair draped over his shoulders and lying flat on his back. He hadn't had it half up at this point of the night. It wasn't comfortable to sleep in. "Deidara!" The voice seemed to slur so Deidara knew his father was drinking. 

Walking into the room, nearly being blinded by the lights that made him feel as though he were in an interrogation room, Deidara stood awkwardly in the kitchen doorway. His father sat at the table with empty bottles around him. 

"No Good."  
"You're nothing."  
"Just Deidara."

The voices seemed to repeat themselves, even though they were words his father spoke to him at some point, yet his father sitting in front of him's mouth didn't move. Deidara's eyebrows pushed together in confusion at the noises and they just continued to get louder.

"No good. Nothing special. You're nothing."  
"Just Deidara. Never special. You're nothing special."  
"You're nothing. Just Deidara. You aren't special."

Deidara covered his ears but since everything was in his head, the voices seemed to get louder. He ran out of the room and onto the streets, running barefoot, barely feeling the rocks under his feet. The shock of the rhythmic pounding of his legs on the concrete was enough to shake his whole body.

"You're just Deidara. You aren't special."  
"You're no good. Useless, child."  
"Who could love you? You're useless."

He screamed the entire way down the sidewalk and bumped into someone, at the same time as he phased through them. He tumbled to the ground and was met with a mom and her child. The child fell of the bike.

"Oh baby, are you okay, princess?" Her mom cooed and picked her up. Deidara watched in confusion at the affection. "Oh, sweetheart, you're bleeding. Let's get you cleaned up."

Deidara stood in front of his father. His father's coloring seemed to be inverted and the way he stood was sporadic and glitchy.

"You call me things other than my name, but why aren't they nice?" He asked one day.

"Nice? Who could be nice to you? You're nothing special. You're just Deidara. You're useless."  
"Be grateful I even call you Deidara."  
"Who could ever love you? You're nothing. You're just Deidara."

Deidara woke himself up quickly, his eyes snapping open. His heart raced in his chest and he turned his head slowly to be met with Hidan cuddling to his side, snoring loudly in his ear. Deidara trembled under Hidan's weight and Hidan woke up with the squirming.

"Hey, you ok?" He croaked tiredly. Deidara nodded stiffly. "Come here baby. You don't look well." Deidara slowly fell back into Hidan's grasp and Hidan's arms wrapped around Deidara's waist and he pulled him close to his body. "Relax, princess. I'm not gonna bite you. Now at least." Hidan chuckled and kissed Deidara's shoulder. Deidara eased a bit more and was able to mellow his breathing. "Go to sleep, sweetheart. I'm here." Deidara closed his eyes.

***

Tobi sat in his bedroom staring curiously at his wall. His mind was reeling since he saw Kakashi's face. For whatever reason it was familiar and he couldn't figure out exactly why. He was certain Tobi had never met him before.

"Tobi, are you getting ready for bed?" His papa asked from the doorway. "It's late."

"So sorry!" Tobi apologized and jumped off of his bed, still wearing his clothes.

"Are you alright Tobi?" Hashirama asked softly. "You look unwell." Tobi pulled his bandana off and Hashirama saw the scarring on the right side of his face. He knew it was there, Tobi usually covered as much of his face as possible, Hashirama wasn't sure if it was done purposefully or not. Was Tobi able to be self-conscious?

"Fine, fine! Everything is fine!" Tobi's grin was lopsided and even though it was adorable, Hashirama knew that Tobi was lying. He frowned at the lie, Tobi wasn't one to lie all the time so he wondered why Tobi was doing it now. "It's bedtime, papa, you should go to bed." Tobi said seriously and Hashirama smiled at his son. 

"You got it, Tobi. The lights better be off in this room soon." Hashirama said and Tobi gave a salute. Hashirama smiled at him again and left the room. 

The smile on Tobi's face vanished and twisted into a deep frown. He pushed his eyebrows together and couldn't shake the feeling that something was going wrong. 

"What in the world is going on with me?" Tobi whispered, this time, his voice lost his high pitch chipper tone and instead was spoken with a deepened timbre. Kakashi's face again, morphing into his mind and he tried to concentrate on it as much as he could but eventually he gave up.

The frown softened on his face and was replaced with a small smile.

"Whelp! Time for sleeping!" He said and changed into his pajamas and turning off his light. Momentarily forgetting the piercing eyes of Kakashi, and his sudden desire to figure out why they were so familiar.

***

Sasori stood at the front of the school where him and Deidara usually met up. He smirked to himself when he saw the now familiar sleek looking car he knew was MadaraUchiha's. Tobi burst from the car and shouted his love to his father and bound away, pausing when he saw Sasori.

"Hey! Not-Senpai!" He said cheerfully. Sasori raised an eyebrow. Out of all the things Tobi could call him, "Not-Senpai" was the one he chose? Sasori shook his head.

"Hey Tobi. What's up?" Sasori asked coolly and Tobi sat next to him on the steps.

"Just here for my electives." Tobi said simply and Sasori turned to him curiously.

"You don't... have to take art classes for your major?" Tobi shook his head.

"Nope!" He popped the 'p' and Sasori continued to stare at him.

"Well... why are you taking them then?" He asked and Tobi shrugged.

"Something to do. Plus, I met Senpai!" He winked at Sasori and Sasori chuckled again. 

"That's always a plus for everyone I guess." He said quietly and Tobi nodded. "So what is your major?"

"Culinary Arts." Tobi said simply and Sasori turned to him curiously.

"Seriously?" Tobi nodded. "I didn't expect that."

"Yup. Only now Tobi must take classes that are not in the kitchen anymore... Bachelor's degree." Tobi sighed deeply. Sasori was impressed.

"You have your Associates degree already?" Tobi nodded. "So you decided that you were going to get your Bachelor's degree... AND take additional classes?" Sasori asked slowly and Tobi nodded. "Why? That seems like a lot of work." Tobi shrugged.

"Sometimes." He agreed with a nod. "But there is nothing else for Tobi to do."

"Why don't you hang out with your friends?" Tobi beamed.

"I do! I go every day after school to community service! Oh, I have the best friends!" Something about that statement made Sasori feel oddly emotional.

"What about your other friends?" Tobi looked at Sasori with a tilt of his head. "You know, friends you had before us?"

"Oh!" Tobi laughed merrily. "There weren't any."

"You didn't have friends before?" Sasori's eyes narrowed slightly. Tobi shook his head but didn't seem bothered. He looked away with his normal happy smile. Sasori pressed his lips into a firm line. 

Were they really his first friends? How was someone so lonely so happy? Is this why he put up with Deidara's abuse? Did he not know better or was he just thankful to have someone's attention?

In that moment, Sasori realized that he was done just pretending to humor Tobi.

"Hey, Tobi, would you like to hang out later?" He asked and Tobi turned to him.

"We have community service." Tobi reminded and Sasori smiled.

"I mean after that." Tobi's eyes lit up.

"Really?" Sasori nodded.

"Yeah, I can drive you home if you want." Tobi bounced in his seat in excitement and he clapped.

"How exciting~!"

***

Hidan noticed Deidara was being different this morning but he vaguely remembered last night Deidara had a nightmare or something. He didn't really say much more on that, but Hidan didn't push it. Deidara zoned out a lot during breakfast and almost burned the eggs because he wasn't paying attention. Hidan was able to comfort him at some point by hugging him which Deidara melted into. 

Deidara got dressed and Hidan didn't even leer at him which Deidara wasn't sure if he should be thankful about it or not. 

They loaded into the car and Hidan made a point to hold Deidara's hand the entire way to his school and noticed how Deidara squeezed his hand every once in a while. He wondered what Deidara was thinking about but he wasn't sure if he should ask. Finally, after the third sigh, Hidan couldn't stop himself.

"What's bothering you, princess?" He asked and Deidara jumped slightly, startled at the sudden noise. "You have a nightmare or something? You've been acting wonky all morning. You even hugged me several times. Not complaining, but the hug to punch ratio is usually a solid 1:30 and you haven't hit me once today." Deidara raised his eyebrow.

"I'm being... too polite for you?" Deidara asked with a furrowed brow. Hidan grinned.

"Well when you put it like that, I sound fucking insane, don't I?" Hidan chuckled and Deidara smiled at him. "Seriously, you can talk to me if you want." 

"Thanks... babe." Deidara smirked slightly at Hidan's surprised expression. Hidan grinned once it sunk in. 

"Babe, huh? I like it." He purred and Deidara rolled his eyes, smiling still.

"Feels strange to say."

"Say it with more conviction!" Hidan said as they pulled into the school parking lot.

"Goodbye babe. See you later babe." Deidara responded with an eye roll and Hidan chuckled.

"Get the fuck outta my car. I got to make it to my class." Deidara opened his door and Hidan stopped him from getting out. "What the fuck?"

"What?"

"Where's my kiss goodbye?"

"You're such a fucking girl, hm." Deidara said dryly and leaned in and kissed Hidan. "Bye fuck-face." 

"Mmm, there we go. Now we're flirting." Deidara rolled his eyes again and hopped out of the car. "Later hotstuff."

"Good luck with your teacher." Hidan saluted and drove off. Deidara smiled to himself as he walked up the stairs and heard a loud voice that made him wince.

"Senpai! You're here!" Tobi jumped up excitedly.

"Hello Tobi." Deidara said flatly. Sasori also stood up. "Hey, Danna. I didn't think I'd find you here with Tobi, hm." Sasori shrugged.

"He grew on me." Sasori said honestly and Tobi beamed next to him and Deidara smirked. 

"Ooo! Senpai! Tobi took into consideration your opinion on fashion so..." Tobi pulled off his poncho (Why he was wearing one to begin with was beyond anyone) to reveal a shirt that showed his midriff. "This shirt is like yours! Tobi picked it out special for you~!" He hugged his poncho happily.

"Tobi! Does your dad know you're dressing like that!?" Deidara sounded like an angry older brother. Tobi recoiled and scratched his cheek.

"Uh..." Deidara's eyebrow twitched.

"HE'S GOING TO THINK I'M CORRUPTING YOU, UN!" Deidara yelled and Sasori laughed. He probably would too...

"Daddy probably wouldn't care... oh! Speaking of Daddy!" Tobi said reaching behind him to bring his backpack in front of him, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he was sightlessly searching in his bag. His eyes lit up when he found what he was looking for and proudly presented the ticket to Deidara "Here you go! Daddy told me to bring you to the baseball games we go to when their home! You'll love it Senpai! PNC park is so pretty, and they have good food!" Deidara looked at the ticket as if it were an alien. He had never been into sports, but this was the child of the judge who sentenced him so he had no choice.

"Erm... thank you Tobi. Looks like... Saturday will be a pretty busy, yeah." Sasori laughed at the look of conflict going across his best friends face. 

"Be more enthusiastic Dei, it's supposed to be all sun that day so it's a perfect day to go to the ballpark." He said with a knowing smile in which Deidara just mock glared at him. 

"Sorry Not-Senpai, I'll be sure to get you a ticket for the next game! Tobi will be a good boy!" he said with such enthusiasm Sasori couldn't even bring himself to feel bad, **'It wouldn't be so bad to spend time with Dei and Tobi without the others'** he thought fondly. 

Today sure brought a lot of change. 

***

Simultaneously alarms went off startling both Itachi and Kakashi awake, except Itachi flails and accidentally smacked Kakashi in the face, and not lightly. "Bah, what did I do?" the white haired teen asked half awake.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry…wait you set your alarm as early as me?" Itachi asked intrigued. "You struck me as the type that slept to the last second." He said with a tired smile. 

"I'm a military brat, unfortunately I'm on a military schedule permanently…besides I like to wake up slowly, drink my coffee and read a chapter before going to school." Kakashi said rubbing the sleep out of his eye and then looked very alarm suddenly. "Do you have coffee?" he asked slightly afraid of the answer and Itachi couldn't help the laugh that busted out. "Yes, I have it set to auto so every morning it goes off at 5am." Kakashi then calmed down considerably and it was funny to see him get so serious over a subject like that. 

"Time to wake Sasuke." 

***

"KISAME!" Gai busted into the room joyfully at 5am and easily ducked the pillow that was launched at him. He looked at the now frantic looking man with an apologetic look. "Sorry, I thought you were up already. Come on now, get up! The day is young and we are in our youth!" Kisame stared blankly at Gai and debated breaking a limb but something told him it wouldn't be as easy as he originally thought and decided against it and plopped back in the bed. He always thought about getting up earlier for school…SCHOOL! He sat up straight in the bed and looked at Gai with a shocked expression. 

"That's it my friend! Reach within you and get your youthful energy and seize such a beautiful day such as th—" Kisame cut him off.  
"HOW ARE WE GETTING TO SCHOOL TODAY?" he yelled over the excitable man. Who looked back at him beginning to understand his thought process. "Oh…well I'll text Kakashi, don't worry, it takes him awhile to get angry throughout the day my friend! Right now he's acting like a little old man reading either his book or the newspaper while he nurses his cup of coffee." Gai gave him a thumbs up and smiled brightly. 

Kisame could only hope. 

***

"Have you thought about trying to give him solids yet?" Kakashi asked while he held Sasuke so Itachi could finish drying his hair on a towel. Itachi stopped mid stroke and looked at the other concerned, should he? "Uh, not yet? What would I even start him off on?" he asked slightly confused. He watched as Kakashi grinned at him and reached for a banana, broke a piece off and smashed it up on his breakfast plate. Itachi watched intrigued as Kakashi scooped up a piece of the mush on his finger and placed a tiny bit in Sasuke's mouth. 

Sasuke's eye bugged out of his head and greedily ate it causing both men to laugh. "Well he likes banana's, oh you got a world of fun ahead of you Itachi, you get to see how he responds to all kinds of food. Please let me either be here or you record when you give him a lemon." He said smiling down at the infant. "How did you know to that?" Itachi asked curiously and Kakashi shrugged. "Just seemed to make sense." He responded as he reached for his phone to read the text that was sent. Black eyes scanned the message and paled. 

"What's wrong? Everything okay?" the brunette asked coming over to pick Sasuke up just in case the other's arms gave out. Kakashi stood up fast nearly knocking Itachi over at the sudden movement. He looked apologetically and raised his phone and said "I have to go, apparently Gai and Kisame didn't spend the night at my house which means—" Itachi's eyebrows scrunched up at the news, they were that serious already? 

"They're together…" he said out loud and Kakashi gave him an odd look and shook his head. And read the text out loud "Gai said 'Good morning my rival, I have a most pressing favor to ask of you! I know you didn't want to be around me and Kisame last night so we didn't come back to your house as I'm sure you know, would you please give us a ride to school, Kisame said he'll repay you in a full tank of gas. We only have cards and no one is open to get cash back so the bus isn't an option sadly. Let us know in case we have to walk, thank you always rival'. They never went back to my house." While Itachi's fears were eased he couldn't understand why Kakashi was still so upset. 

"I'm not following Kaka—"

"My dogs!"

***

Hidan sat in his seat and went over his homework one last time before class started, he needed to get a good grade in this class considering it was his major. The door opened and in walked Kakuzu, Hidan snorted at how the man appeared, he looked so different in class than he did outside of it. His eyes trailed on the older man's hair, he preferred it down like he saw yesterday, but he especially preferred his natural eyes. 

"Okay let's get started, I graded your papers from Monday and I must say all of you are just carbon copies of one other. Be original or you won't get far in this school, don't tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me what you need to say." He said with a frown as he called on each student and handed them their results back. Hidan watched their reactions, all of them shocked and looked ill…damn. Each one of them seemed to have at least a couple pages in their essay….Hidan groaned internally, he only gave a paragraph. He failed. 

He was pulled out of his musings when he realized Kakuzu was in front of him, he looked up at the older man who just quirked his eyebrow and handed Hidan his essay back with the front facing down, a tell tale sign of a bad grade. Hidan took it with a nod and slowly turned it over and couldn't have stopped what came out of his mouth if he wanted too. 

"Balls! Alright, mother fucking A!" he said louder than he intended and caused Kakuzu to tense up and slowly turn to his direction. He was getting glares from his peers and he grinned back at their disapproving looks.

"Mr. Jaganashi, next outburst of confidential information will result in a letter grade." He said coldly going back to his desk. Hidan snorted again and smiled as he said "Yes professor." He too was shocked at the suggestive tone that his voice took with the sentence. 

Kakuzu stared blankly at him "If your quite done with lowering everyone's IQ with your antics, let's begin." He said looking down at the lesson plan. 

"What a dick." Hidan said under his breath, somehow he knew Kakuzu heard him and honestly it made him happy. 

***

Jiraiya paced back and forth now before Minato, Tsunade, and Orochimaru. 

"What do I do? Do I tell the judge?" he asked and Tsunade covered her face and shook her head. 

"It would increase the risk of having to go to trial if they choose to sue because technically they did not sign papers and the FDA hasn't even approved the clinical trial for his experiment yet." 

"Do we tell them?" Jiraiya asked them truly confused on his part. Tsunade reached out and smacked both him and Orochimaru and said in the most scolding tone she could muster 

"I cannot believe you two! Do you realize you may have just cost yourselves BOTH of your careers?! Oro, why?" she asked sadly as he sat with his arms folded. 

"Hime, please don't be mad at me, this was never my intention. I just wanted…" he trailed off and Jiraiya knew, out of him and Tsunade, he spoke 'Oro' more fluently. 

"He's nesting. He has been since Minato left for college. He misses having a child to care for, so he used me as his guinea pig." He said for the raven haired man. "Well when do we worry?" he asked in a final tone. 

"I don't think we do, dad." Minato spoke up. "While I'm not sure about Hidan, Kakashi is a reasonable individual, I'll keep a close eye on him in class, we only have to worry if they sleep with men right?" the blonde asked trying to lift the mood. His three parents snorted in unison. "And your expressions tell me that they're all homosexual or bi…okay. You said earlier that you don't even know what the reactant is right? So we don't know what will activate the pseudo womb, until then I say we lay low?" he offered as a solution. Orochimaru looked at him with such pride and nodded.

"I'll have to keep trying to figure it out and I'm using myself this time as the test dummy…once I figure it out then we can inform the two what to avoid unless they actually want children…"

"Alright! Sounds like we have a plan!" Jiraiya said relieved. 

***

"Thank you again for the ride to school earlier Kakashi." Kisame said as he went to get in the back seat of Kakashi's car, the silver haired teen just sighed and rubbed his face behind the wheel. "I just wished you two would have told me you weren't planning on coming back to the house, I wouldn't have stayed over a friends otherwise….just let me know ahead of time, okay?" . Kisame and Gai shared a look of shock and confusion and nodded their reply. 

Kisame could practically hear the wheels screeching to a halt in Gai's brain, and he couldn't help but feel for the man. 

***

"Princess, what are you doing with string?" Hidan asked as he sat in the community center's classroom, taking a seat next to the blonde who just smiled. 

"Making a collar for Oscar, un." Hidan's eyes scrunched up in confusion. "Who the fuck is OSCAR?" he may have asked a few octaves louder than he should have. Deidara looked at him with a blank expression. "Oscar. You walked right past her this morning, yeah." Hidan was getting worried. 

"There was a man in my house that I didn't see? Are you fucking shitting me, Princess?" he asked so seriously Deidara couldn't help the giggle that escaped, he reached into his but pocket of his low riding jeans and pulled out his phone. 

"Here, this is Oscar. She helped make breakfast with me and everything, yeah." Hidan stared at the picture and could feel his pulse in his head. 

"Princess?" he asked in sing-song voice.

"What is it, yeah?" the blonde went back to braiding the string he was working on. 

"THAT'S A FUCKING CHICKEN."

"I know that, idiot. Do you think I'm blind, un."

"YES. YES I DO. BECAUSE CHICKEN IS FOOD, NOT PETS FOR ONE, AND SECONDLY OSCAR IS NOT A NAME FOR A HEN…A HEN PRINCESS, IT MEANS SHE'S A GIRL."

"Well, you call me PRINCESS. DO I LOOK LIKE A GIRL TO YOU, HM!?" Deidara yelled and Hidan smirked. Before he could respond, Deidara stopped him. "DON'T YOU DARE ANSWER THAT!"

Hidan rolled his eyes and moved his attention to the front of the room and not on the blonde. He was so irritating sometimes. Why did Hidan even bother with him? All he did was yell. Hidan turned back to face Deidara and Deidara finished his collar and proudly showed Hidan with a smile. 

Oh. Right. That's why. Deidara was fucking adorable. 

"Are you going to keep playing arts and crafts for your pet chicken or are you going to actually do what we're supposed to and make party favors?" Sasori asked dryly and Deidara glowered.

"I can't believe this. My artistic abilities being lowered to something as dull as... party favors." He spat. "Hm!" He glared at the items on his desk but sighed and began the project anyway. "Although..." He trailed off with a smirk.

"None of them can explode, Deidara." Sasori said bluntly, without even looking at Deidara and Deidara's shoulders sagged. 

"Haha, sucks to be you, princess." Hidan said with a grin. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out curiously.

Are you available today to talk about pricing on your animals?

Hidan grinned, looks like he had something to today after all. 

"Oh no. Kisame." Gai whispered, Kisame turned to the bane of his existence with a perked eyebrow. "How are we going to get to our date? We don't have a car."

"Then we'll take the fucking bus. I'm not asking anyone to bring me on the date I didn't want to go on in the first place." Kisame hissed back and Gai pouted and scanned the room. Hidan? No, Sasori! He was quiet enough. He seemed less likely to give them shit.

"Sasori! My good friend! Would you care to provide transportation for me and my shark friend?" Kisame looked at Gai weird.

"Shark friend?" Gai ignored him.

"Uh, sure but my car is pretty full-"

"I'm sitting in the front." Deidara cut in.

"Wait, you're hanging out with CHUCKY today over ME?" Hidan asked, offended. "What the fuck, princess? I thought what we had was special." Deidara had no idea if Hidan was being serious or not. 

"Yeah, hm. I'm going out with Sasori for a while. You'll survive." Deidara said simply and Hidan scowled at that.

"You know what? No sex for you tonight." He said seriously and Deidara rolled his eyes at that.

"Oh no!" Tobi cried. "Senpai, is that something you need? Will you die without it? Tobi is sure Sasori would-"

"-No I wouldn't-" Sasori said flatly.

"-I would-" Deidara cut Tobi off right there.

"NO THE FUCK YOU WON'T."

"Why do we always wind up talking about Deidara's sex life?" Kakashi asked with a sigh.

"Why? Is yours more interesting? Hidan asked, grinning ear to ear. Kakashi shared a look with Itachi. "Oh shit! Are you fucking doll-face?!" That got a few aghast looks from Kisame and Gai.

"Wait what?" Gai asked and Kisame glared at Gai so forcefully he thought his eyes would burst.

"And we're done talking about my sex life." Kakashi concluded and noticed Itachi was smirking somewhat at the clear panic Kisame and Gai had. Perhaps Deidara was good for something after all.

***

"Wait. So you're going on our date in that?" Gai asked at the end of the community service. Sasori, Tobi and Deidara stood a few feet away talking at the car.

"Gai. This isn't a real date. If I'm in my basketball shorts, what the fuck does it matter?" Kisame asked and Gai frowned. "You don't even have room to say anything! You're wearing green shorts and an orange shirt! You don't even match!" Kisame said and Gai sighed and crossed his arms. 

"I suppose you're right." Gai said. "Alright. You can sit in the middle."

"Me?! I'm taller than you! And Tobi!"

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi shouted and Deidara pouted slightly at the line and got in the car to prevent himself from dealing with them. 

"Tobi can sit in the middle then." Gai said simply and Kisame sighed. Not that he didn't like Tobi, he didn't know him enough to be squished against him. 

"Yay!" Tobi hopped into the car and sat in the middle. Kisame noticed how short Sasori and Deidara were and couldn't help but feel irritated that the two shorter people were up front. He'd really have to get a car sometime soon. This was ridiculous.

"So where are you two going, hm?" Deidara asked as they climbed into the car. 

"Oh, we're going on a date." Gai said and Kisame exasperatedly flung his hands in the air and rolled his eyes. Fucking Gai making it seem like they were actually going on a date.

"Seriously?" Sasori asked, confused. "I could've sworn you had a thing for Kakashi and Itachi."

"Where did you hear that?" Kisame asked with narrowed eyes. Sasori looked at the road intently.

"I have my sources." He said ominously and Kisame was too irritated with Gai to even question it. "So where am I bringing you?" He asked at the exit of the community center.

"Oh. Uh... T.G.I Fridays?" Gai decided.

"Why there?" Kisame asked.

"Seems like a good spot." Gai said with a shrug. What he didn't realize is the reason he thought of there so quickly was because that's where Kakashi and him went for nearly every special occasion since they had good food deals. 

"Alright. I'm not against that." Kisame said, nodding. It was an upbeat place. They wouldn't think anything of two dudes walking in to get a drink or something. It wouldn't look like a date at all. Especially if they sat at the bar area. 

"So care to explain why you're going on a date?" Sasori asked and Kisame sighed. Deidara smirked as he stared out of the window. Him and Sasori got along so well because both of them were such gossips. Deidara loved hearing juicy gossip about people he knew. Sasori? It didn't matter who it was. It could be someone in a different country. He had to know. Deidara yelled at him for eavesdropping on so many conversations because they were such random people and Sasori would always frown when he was dragged away. But I have to know what happened to her roommate. Deidara rolled his eyes at the memory and stifled a chuckle. 

"Because Gai is a dumbass." Kisame finally snapped.

"That is not a nice thing to say about someone." Tobi scolded. Everyone actually forgot he was there, he'd been so quiet.

"Well it's true." Kisame glared. "He decides to try and make it seem like he does other things other than hang out with Kakashi because he read it in COSMO and here the fuck we are. He told Kakashi we had a date and now Kakashi hates me."

"Why... why didn't you just say you didn't have a date?" Deidara asked slowly.

"That would make me a liar!" Gai said, opposed to the idea.

"You ARE!" Kisame shouted. "Now I'm dragged into this since I didn't intercept sooner and I don't want Kakashi to think I'm a lying asshole too."

"Kisame, this is no way to talk to your beloved." Gai said seriously and Kisame snorted. Then he chuckled to himself. Then him and Gai were just laughing hysterically about how fucked they were.

"I think something is mentally wrong with them." Tobi whispered to Deidara and Sasori. Both of them snorted at that considering it was Tobi who said it. 

"We’re here." Sasori announced. 

"Thank you a bunch my friend!" Gai said jovially and hopped out of the car. 

"Yes, thank you. I'll give you gas money tomorrow, I only have my card on me." Sasori nodded.

"That's fine. I'll see you two later. Enjoy your date." Sasori said, struggling to bite back a smirk. 

"Fuck off." Kisame said light-heartedly. Deidara grinned at that and the two walked inside. Sasori then turned to Deidara.

"Do you think I should've told them that Kakashi and Itachi just so happened to want to come to the same place too?" Sasori asked and his eyes flickered over to the car on the other side of the parking lot. Deidara's smirk widened. 

"No. I think this will be fun, hm." Sasori nodded, he had to agree. Tobi frowned behind his mask.

"Why don't they just tell Kakashi and Itachi they love them?" Deidara scoffed.

"Yeah, no one actually goes up to the person they like and say I love you. I vow to protect you until the day I die."

"I mean, it sounds like some dumb shit Gai would say." Sasori said dryly and Deidara chuckled.

"I suppose you're right." He agreed.

***

"I can't believe we're actually doing this..." Itachi trailed off as he brought the hood of his hoodie up over his hair and casted a shadow on his face. Itachi and Kakashi slowly walked up to the receptionist of the restaurant.

"Calm down Strider." Kakashi teased him softly, he turned his look to the receptionist and gave the most endearing look if Itachi ever seen one, and asked in an innocent voice, "Table for two please... but... could you sit us a few tables away from those two gentleman... see I'm not quite sure but I think that's my crush from elementary school. I don't want to sit to close and look and be obvious..." he looked down and a light dusting of color spread across his cheeks. Itachi tried to not snort. This man was a damn smooth talker. 

"Absolutely sweetheart! I love it when the younger age group aren't afraid do show their feelings! I'll get you as close as I can okay?" she said with a wink, and Kakashi actually looked grateful, Itachi couldn't tell if he was playing her still or not. "Right this way~!" she practically sang and the two older teens followed her. 

"Way to work someone." Itachi whispered so the receptionist couldn't hear him and Kakashi just put a hand over his mouth to stifle a chuckle. 

"I didn't know if she was going to fall for it... if you're ever unsure Itachi, remember; walk with a purpose, people are bound to listen to you." He grinned at the younger man who temporarily stared at him in awe and then nodded excitedly. 

They were but a few feet away from where Gai and Kisame were seated when Kakashi looked over at Itachi and quietly said "Be my eyes, my white hair stands out more than your black hair... also can I have your hoodie?" he asked scratching the back of his neck a tad nervous for the request. Itachi nodded and began understanding he took his hoodie and handed it to the older teen who quickly put it on to cover his stark white hair. Itachi had an idea and took his hair out his usual ponytail and seamlessly put his contacts in a case he had in his backpack and put his glasses on. He looked up at the older teen with a look of question.

"This incognito enough?" he asked curiously.

"You need to wear your glasses more often. They make your eyes pop." The white haired man said as he widened his eyes for exaggeration and laughed when Itachi blew his straw wrapper at him. "I'm not being mordant; they look nice kiddo. I wouldn't recognize you easily. Good stuff." He made a click sound with his tongue for more emphasis. 

***

"I don't think we should be here Senpai, it looks sticky." Tobi said as he fidgeted in the booth they were seated in. Sasori had asked for it because it was by the cutout where he could see Kisame and Gai, and what he now knew to be Kakashi and Itachi a few feet away from them.

"Tobi I know you don't want to be here, want me to call your dad, un?" Deidara asked a little too hopefully. He was swatted at by Sasori who also shushed him, he was intensely staring at the two conversations. "Not Senpai... are you okay? Tobi is worried..." the black haired man-child asked worried. The redhead tore his gaze away and granted the innocent man a genuine smile. 

"I'm find Tobi, I just need to concentrate to read lips is all". 

***

"I can't believe I'm here with you..." Kisame said in a groan as he put his head down on the table. He was in denial. This was a dream and it wasn't happening. Gai reached across the table and laid a comforting hand on the others hand. 

"I am truly sorry my friend. Just think of it as a hangout session where I treat you to a most delicious dinner?" Kisame pitifully looked up at Gai from his folded arm pillow and snorted. 

"What is it?" Gai asked suddenly confused, a feeling he secretly hated. "Nothing... I think I know my new message tone for when you text me." Kisame said with a serious face but a glint in his eyes, Gai nodded for him to continue the thought. "Have you seen the vine where it's someone saying 'Two bro's chilling in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cuz their not gay'? It's hilariously similar to our situation." He said with straight face. What he was not expecting was the honking and bellowing laughter Gai let out. 

He couldn't help but smile at his idiot friend, Gai was too sincere to be permanently mad at.

***  
"That was Gai... he only laughs like that with me..." Kakashi said a bit solemnly and Itachi gave him an apologizing look. "I have no idea what Kisame said for him to willing pull that laugh off in public... they must be closer than I thought." He said voicing his inner thoughts aloud. 

***

"Jesus, was that a goose or a human, un?" Deidara asked looking up from coloring his placemat and handed Tobi the color he needed next keeping a careful eye on the immature boy, just in case he pressed too hard. 

"No, Kisame referenced a vine and now their happily talking about Kinesiology? Aaand Kakashi's dying inside." Sasori reported not even touching the appetizer they got. What was going on in the adjacent room was far more interesting than food. Deidara just sighed and set some aside for Sasori to take away later, this wasn't new to the blonde. Many a time their hangout turned into Sasori eavesdropping, he was ridiculous at it **'But he wouldn't be Dana if he didn't...'** the blonde artist thought fondly to himself.

***

Their conversation died down when the food came, and naturally they both picked steak, potatoes and broccoli and made the same face when they realized it. Kisame couldn't help but feel they were being watched, he kept getting goosebumps and felt like he was on display. He dismissed the feeling and focused instead on the delicious dinner and dessert Gai owed him. They talked about things they liked, both of them found out they were workout freaks though what Gai told him, he felt like he needed to up his regime, his sessions were Gai's warm-ups. They also shared information as to why they were in community center. Kisame's eyes lit up when Gai told him the extent and what happened, it wasn't a brag, it was a fact... this man was a freaking beast! 

"We should work out together... let's get a gym membership together." He said with a hopeful look and Gai laughed at the statement. "My friend, and you say that I am the one who will make people think we're a couple?" he grinned devilishly at the older man who playfully hit his head off the table when he realized how gay it sounded... they were gay... just not for each other... definitely not for each other. Gai started to whistle the stupid tune from the vine he mentioned earlier, which only made Kisame throw a piece of broccoli at what was quickly becoming his best friend. 

"Such youth Kisame!" he chuckled after the blue haired man's outburst. "We wouldn't need too. Kakashi has a gym in his basement." He said gleefully. Kisame's jaw dropped and eyebrow quirked upwards. 

"A GYM?" he asked disbelieving.

"Yes, his father was a very diligent Marine, remember? Physical fitness was something that Sakumo held very dear. It was his influence on me that has caused me to become so enveloped in fitness and the human body." Gai said thoughtfully. "I'm sure Kakashi doesn't want us anywhere near him at the moment." The blue eyed man grumbled under his breath which caused Gai to crinkle his eyebrows. 

"I agree. He was so distant today. I do not like this anymore than you do. I'll fix it. It's weird, I know I did all this so I could get a chance to see if he liked me back, and yet I almost feel his presence. Weird isn't it?" The green beast admitted. This caused Kisame to look around the room... weird because he had been feeling watched all damn day, and now Gai's comment only cemented it... they were being watched. But by who? He scanned the crowd and saw a woman with glasses and her date, a mom and her---wait a minute. That wasn't a woman! THAT WAS ITACHI! WHO IN THE WORLD WAS HE HEAR WITH?!

"Pst. Gai... I have an idea, and a theory for if we're being watched... do you have any tape in your backpack?" Kisame asked with a determined look in his eyes, Gai was so confused he nearly laughed at the face he was making. 

"…oddly yes. My Rival makes fun of me for carrying around so many office supplies in my backpack, but his dad taught me to always be prepared!." Kisame grinned. Perfect. He got up and sat on Gai's side of the table, knowing if that was surely Itachi and Kakashi spying on them, they wouldn't see him reach for the tape dispenser that Gai handed him, he took two pieces off and aligned them perfectly under the table where their eyes couldn't reach. He turned in his seat and looked Gai in the eye. 

"Buddy, do you trust me?" he asked, Gai nodded his head and before he could ask what brought on such a weird question, Kisame pressed his lips over his. Well, sort of, there was a layer of tape between them. What in the world was his friend thinking? Oh, this must be some sort of trust exorcise... no they already did the trust fall a couple nights back after they beat a level on Dark Souls. 

They both heard what sounded like two or three gasps. **'So there's more than one group spying... yep that is definitely Itachi!'** he thought internally as he ended his fake kiss to his buddy. "What. Was. That?" Gai asked surprisingly calm. Kisame only ducked a little and placed his head on Gai's shoulder as an act of affection when he was just trying to relay information to him. 

"Itachi and Kakashi are here, 6 o'clock, don't—DON'T look right now. But when we leave get a good look at them. You were right, you did feel your Rival's presence." He said happily. He hoped one day Itachi and himself could be that close to just know when the other was near... Gai and Kakashi truly were soul mates and it gave him hope that such a corny thing could actually exist. 

***

"HOLY SHIT!" Sasori whispered-yelled that almost sounded like hiss because of how high his voice got. 

"What is it Not Senpai? Tobi wants to know!" Sasori put his finger to his lips to remind Tobi to keep his voice down. He looked at Deidara and Tobi with wide eyes and a huge grin. 

"Kisame just kissed Gai."

***

"Itachi?... Itachi?" Kakashi asked worried. His friend looked utterly horrified and there was a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach... no. The Uchiha was at a loss for words, it was what he didn't say that told the Hatake everything... everything he had feared. He should be happy for them, Gai finally found someone that shared the same passions, and likes... Gai was his best friend and the job of a best friend is to make sure they're happy, despite your own happiness. Yet why did he feel like one of his organs forgot to function properly? Oh yeah... his heart. He gripped it and evened his breathing out, Itachi gasped again, but it was softer this time. 

He felt the Uchiha come around and sit next to him, he put his arm around Kakashi trying to soothe him seeing as he was clearly in the midst of a panic attack, he used his long sleeve to wipe away the tears the he was sure Kakashi didn't even know where streaming down his face. They heard another outburst of laughter from the table followed by Kisame yelling "BUT WHY THO!" and Gai responding "SPIT ON THE NON BELIEVERS!" Itachi had no idea what they could be possibly talking about, but right now he wanted to punch Gai, but he felt betrayed by Kisame. Why should he? They're all just friends, but the man who was desperately trying to hold it together next to him, and the bushy eyebrow'd individual had years on them. This wasn't fair, Kakashi deserved to be happy. Damn those two. He heard their voices getting closer, they were about to leave, which means they were about to be found out! Itachi looked up and saw them headed straight for their table rather than the exit…what should he do? WHAT SHOULD HE DO?! Itachi panicked. In his momentary insanity he acted, he looked up and saw Gai pale and Kisame looked shocked with a bit of pain at his action, he smirked with victory. But the most shocked of all was Kakashi.

He looked at the two black colored iris' that were widened in shock, and very close staring back at him. 

Here they were. In the middle of Friday's. They were just supposed to spy on them. They weren't supposed to get hurt, insanely hurt like Kakashi did. This whole situation got to Itachi. It wasn't fair. He just wanted the other two men to feel what the two of them felt. Itachi also wanted to show Kakashi he wasn't alone, he was loyal friend that had long ago made the decision they were ride or die friends. Surely Kakashi would understand... hopefully. He leaned away from the older teen who had stopped crying and just looked dumbstruck at the raven haired man. 

Reality had finally caught up with Itachi, in his momentary insanity, he kissed Kakashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Alright let's start with how many of you considered Deidara's reasoning behind the nicknames to be that?  
> 2) Which character do you think deserves more time on screen?  
> 3) Can you guess which characters I develop vs which characters Lolli develops? (this is mainly for my readers on all my other stories. I wanna know if I have a certain writing style that gives it away lol)  
> 4) What has been your favorite moment in this fic?  
> 5) Any scene you would like to be drawn?
> 
> Make sure to check out my tumblr Smoresiesfanfic for Akatsuki content and pictures I draw with all my stories <3
> 
> Love you all. Adios
> 
> Oh, I need a fluent Spanish speaker. I can speak it enough to get by but I need help with dialogue for later chapters that will be in Spanish (to make sure I don't fuck up and embarrass myself) let me know!  
> -Smoresies


	9. Quacking and Quelf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got some Hidan/Kakuzu interactions this chapter. Holla.  
> Deidan smut  
> Deidara Tobi and Sasori shenanigans  
> Kisame Itachi Gai and Kakashi shenanigans  
> Some good ole' KakaGai interactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **JustTheBestGuest** : that is the most specific noise you could've chosen, thank you for that. I'm glad you're addicted. We're here to give you your dosage for the next few days. Yes, Gai tends to bring on those clusterfucks. I hope you enjoy the Sasori Tobi and Deidara moment this chapter. Thanks for reading!  
>  **WillHaveAnAccountSoon** : please tell me when you get your account, you're going to keep that name. lmao. You got it, friend. Kakuzu is in this chapter more than normal. Right now it's kind of hard to add him since him and Hidan's relationship isn't good enough for Kakuzu to tag along to gatherings (not that he would) but later on he'll be here A LOT more. AND YES. DEIDAN SMUT THIS CHAPTER. JUST FOR YOU. (and the other person that mentioned deidan smut. I have no self control. If someone wants smut, I will write it.)  
>  **Narutard** : I feel you. I hate my name. (Lolli now calls me "PJ" lol) Yas, Sasori screentime. Sasori is very asexual (sex repulsed asexual) so I can't see him really in much of a relationship. (I mean besides with Deidara which I don't even ship so...) I actually do NOT write Kakashi and Gai! haha. I'm glad you like the bromances!  
>  **Vivi** : Yes. Disaster is my middle name. Don't worry, Deidara's back story gets more tragic. Just you wait my friend! SMUT THIS CHAPTER. Thank you!  
>  **ox0hunny0xo** : Well Kakashi is in this chapter a lot. I hope you enjoy. I'm very glad you like the collard greens line lol. It made me laugh while writing it.  
>  **animefanxlove** : Haa we already talked about this. You will find out more about Deidara's tragic backstory later on. Can't have too much angst, as much as Lolli thrives on it. (I like to think I don't write as much angst as her but we both know that's a lie.) Tobi is in this chapter and I can't wait for you to find out what we're doing with Tobi. I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
>  **WillowstreamHP** : You'll find out this chapter! Both of them have a good chunk of time this chapter. 
> 
> **As for which one of us writes which characters...**  
>  I'm going to start out by saying that we both write all the characters with the exception of some. BUT we do have control over characters. So, I write Deidara and develop his back story, but Lolli will also write Deidara and keep him in the character that I've created. Anyway...  
>  **Smoresies** : Hidan, Deidara, Tobi, Sasori,  
>  **Lolli** : Kisame, Gai, Kakashi, Kakuzu, Jiraiya (She exclusively writes for Orochimaru, Tsunade and Minato as of now.)  
> We share Itachi.
> 
> Now, just because she writes for Kisame and Gai, doesn't mean she wrote the Cosmo scene (that was all me lol) and just because I write for Hidan doesn't mean I wrote... essentially any scene with Hidan and Kakuzu together. (I ship them, but not as much as Deidara and Hidan so I stick her with that lol)

Chapter Nine:

Hidan lounged on his couch and tried not to let the sneaking suspicion that something was going on and he wasn't involved. Of course Princess had other friends. Friends? Is that what they were? Hidan wondered about the blonde, sure it was nice to not be alone but sometimes it was hard to read Deidara, the man who was such a fucking woman and yet didn't like to explain the meanings behind his random ass mood swings. Goddamn those mood swings will be the death of Hidan yet, and they've only lived together barely two or three days. 

As much as he hated to admit it, Deidara had actually added color to his house and not just with language. Next to the longhorn skull mounted up above the fireplace, was a piece that the other man had just finished that morning. According to the blonde it was his interpretation of what a flower with water on it would look mid explosion... Whatever that meant. Hidan stared at it rather than the rustic décor he had and couldn't help the random thought that passed through his head. 

"You're right Oscar, it would be fucking trippy as shit to stare at it while high. Ah, I miss the herb." He said to the hen that had made herself right at home on the cushion near him. "Oh my fucking god, I'm talking to a fucking chicken. Hidan! Get a grip!" he scolded himself and ignored the clucking sound the hen had made.

Before any more depressive thoughts entered his conscious his phone alerted him to a text message. 

**I am five minutes away**

He grinned as he got off his couch and put his shoes. 

"Looks like we're not alone tonight Hidan." He said happily to himself as he remembered someone had contacted him at the prospect of being a customer, it wasn't even harvesting season yet! He could care less, he was making money and he wouldn't be alone, even if it was a stranger, he was happy. He grinned when he heard a car coming down the road towards his house. He quickly slipped his jacket on and went out to greet his guest, not without having to steer Oscar away from the door, damned hen was following him around since I got home and he was absolutely positive Deidara would've killed him if he went out and greeted a customer with his "pet".

Hidan descended his porch stairs and nervously shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket as he waited for person in the very... **very** nice car. He wasn't exactly your typical boy who knew every single kind of car there was, but he could definitely tell that the car that was in front of him was a Cadillac, and a nice one at that. It was just a simple black color, but the windows were all tinted, even the windshield, whoever this guy was, he was loaded. Hidan's ears strained to hear the music that was humming from the beautiful car, what was that? It sounded like such a mournful guitar solo. One that Hidan somehow hadn't ever heard before. It was haunting. 

The music stopped as the engine had turned off and the driver's door opened and Hidan's eyes widened in shock. There, in casual attire, no contacts and hair down, stood his professor. Kakuzu was the man behind such a beauty of a car? He liked songs with guitars? Was black his favorite color because he everything he had seemed to be black. Wait, why was he thinking all of these stupid questions on rapid fire? 'SHUT UP' he told his brain as he tried to hide his surprise with awkward smile. He cleared his throat and reached out a hand to the man who was not at this point in charge of his academics, but in fact his customer. It was hard to think that way while he seemed to loom over the younger man looking down at him with a quizzical look. 

"Hello Kakuzu." He said trying to be businesslike. This caused an amusing glint in the other man's eyes. Eyes that were so different and yet eerily haunting, just like the guitar he heard a few moments earlier. Kakuzu just looked down at the offered hand with a quirked brow and chose to ignore it. 

"Mr. Jaganashi, I believe I came here to see what product you had and negotiate prices." He said evenly, he did not want to be casual or informal with younger man, he was here on business after all. The sentence caused a vein to almost immediately become visible as soon as it was spoken. Something in Kakuzu's mind scolded him _**He's just an Anitsu* that comes from a generation of entitlement you may have just hurt the brat's feelings and now he might charge you more.**_

"Yeah, DUH old man, that's why I'm trying to shake your hand like a good businessman." Kakuzu's eyebrow stayed quirked as he started down the younger man. 

"You don't shake hands until after the transaction has been made." Hidan's cheeks colored slightly from embarrassment. 

"Yeah well you also shake hands as a greeting." Hidan felt proud of himself for remember such a mannerism considering he liked to often forget manners. 

"Only if it is in a meeting or an interview with a future employer." 

"JUST SHAKE MY DAMN HAND."

"NO." 

"GODDAMNIT OLD MAN WHAT IS IT WITH YOU?! CAN'T YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO?!" Hidan couldn't believe this guy, seriously, what was so bad about shaking hands? Maybe he was a germaphobe!

"I am brat, it is you that is currently wasting time. I hope you don't do that when you get your future job, time is money, and money shouldn't be wasted." He scolded.

"Ah, I get it, you're still stuck in teacher mode, huh? Pft, figures why you don't want to shake hands, you still see me as a walking cesspool. Well don't worry I am not like th-" he was cut off by the sound of knocking, which only confused him more. He turned around to look at his house and saw Oscar at the living room window, she began to knock against the window with her beak.

"Do you often take your livestock into your house? Or is that how you prepare them for death?" Kakuzu asked with a slight grin. "The damn chicken seems to get to the point faster than you do boy." He said crossing his arms which caused the long sleeves of his sweater to roll up slightly and giving Hidan a quick view of what appeared to be a... **tattoo**?

**_The old man is inked?! He doesn't strike me as the type…what more is there to him that I don't know? What AM I THINKING? No Hidan, it's just a tattoo, get over youself.'_ **

He turned back around and glared at Oscar. 

"No, she's my roommates... sadly he's a vegetarian and apparently 'bonded' with the damn hen." He turned back towards Kakuzu who looked silently amused at the information. "Anyways, right this way."

He walked past older man who up until this moment Hidan hadn't noticed how tall the man was and he smelled nice too, he couldn't place the scent but it was definitely nice. Great, his professor and now possible client was a freaking giant. A nice smelling giant.

***

Time had stood still. Up until now it was all fine, all fun and games, but Gai had never in a million years considered that another person would also be wooing his best friend, his rival... his...

Kisame grimaced at the display the kid had done to his only other friend, the kid sure was upset, in fact they both were. He glared at Gai and remembered that it was his fault that all this was happening. When he looked at his best friend something in him went cold, there was a murderous look about him... he was going to snap. Oh shit.

"Gai, listen I'm sure-" Kisame started, he didn't want anything to go any farther than it already had. He was slightly afraid for the two men in front of them.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Gai bellowed and fell to his knees in front of Kakashi's seat. The emotional blubbering mess of a man already had tears streaming down his face, he put his hands on Kakashi's knees as he looked up at him with the most sorrowful look Kisame had ever seen on a person.

"Rival, I am so sorry, it was all my fault. It was a lie, all of this, I'm so sorry. This is my fault, please do not be angry with Kisame, he didn't ask for any of this, he was just so youthful of a friend and went along with it. Kakashi, please, this all happened because I was reading that stupid Cosmopolitan magazine-" Gai's rant was interrupted by a bark of a laugh from Kakashi who was coming out of his stupor from the previous actions. 

"You were reading Cosmopolitan?!" He said with a chuckle as he wiped the tears he had realized he had. Gai looked confused and nodded his head which the admission had sent Kakashi into damn near hysterics. Gai looked worriedly over at Kisame and Itachi, the taller one just shrugged just as confused as him while Itachi only put a small hand over his mouth trying to stifle his own giggles. 

"Rival... I'm not sure I'm understanding what's going on?" he finally admitted. 

"Gai, what in the freaking nine hells were you TRYING to accomplish with this whole farce?" He said looking down with reddened cheeks from laughter. Gai looked to the side slightly embarrassed. 

"It was an article on 'How to get your love interest interested in you', I believe he decided on tip #9'" Kisame finally spoke up on the whole matter "I am so sorry Kakashi, please don't hate us, he panicked and didn't know what to do so he lied, not that I think it was a GOOD idea but, yeah." This information only caused Kakashi to start laughing again. Gai looked at him betrayed while he held his rivals hand in his own. Kisame just grinned and winked. 

"That was very selfless of you Kisame." Itachi said looking up to the man who was standing next to him, he was already taller than him, but as he was seated and Kisame wasn't Itachi felt like a child next to him. Kisame just blushed slightly and shrugged. "We're buddies... I couldn't let him just drown and then the situation just ran away from us. I can't even blame just him! I felt we were being watched and faked kissed him." He chuckled and Itachi's eyes narrowed in confusion and suspicion. 

"Fake kissed?" he asked. 

"Yeah, I used a piece of tape, I couldn't kiss that face, are you kissing me?" Kisame said in good humor which caused Itachi to pale and cover his face. 

Kakashi's laughter only got worse after that. 

"Kakashi... Rival-RIVAL!" Gai said while he was shaking the white haired teen who was slowly falling off his chair from weakness from laughing as long and as hard as he had been.

"Did we break him?" Kisame asked aloud which only seemed to make Kakashi laugh harder. Kisame looked around and thanked God there was hardly no one in their section, he could only imagine not being able to come back to the restaurant because they were 'disturbing the peace'.

"So I gave up my first kiss because of a FAKE KISS?!" Itachi growled looking at Kisame with an accusing look, the tall man held his hands up in defense. 

"I had to kiss him! He was falling apart at the THOUGHT of you two being intimate like that! I just wanted to make you guys feel his hurt!" 

"That was very selfless of you Itachi." Kisame said with a smirk that was tight as hell because he was trying so hard not to laugh at the brunet. 

Kakashi's laughs had died down to small giggles accompanied by a couple of snorts and gasping for breath. He wiped his eyes and took a drink of water, steeled his face and looked at Gai before giving him a bemused quizzical look.

"Why are you so fucking weird?" He had laughed through the question which only caused the three of them to join him. "I mean seriously! You orchestrated this whole clusterfuck and yes Gai, it was just that, a clusterfuck, because you were trying to get my attention? Gai when have I ever not given you attention? Don't answer Sundays because goddamnit Gai there has to be at least one day where I do nothing." 

"Not just attention 'Kashi- ah never mind. You ready to go? ...are you still mad at us?" he asked his rival worriedly which for some reason only caused Kakashi go laugh again and said through his laughter

"I'm not, but Itachi might be! You guys technically stole his first kiss!" He put his head down and laughed hard again before putting his head up and looking directly at the fuming Uchiha. "Don't worry, it was my first kiss too. That's why this is so funny." he was now hiccupping and he looked up at Kisame with watery eyes "Thanks for being such a good friend to this idiot." Kisame laughed and scratched the back of his head and nodded. 

"Come on guys, it's still very early in the day/evening whatever this is. We could go back to my house and watch a movie or play a game, you know... like **normal friends**." This caused the group to laugh yet again. 

Yes, Kisame would love to stick around these three... these three people were his favorite people. 

***

"And that concludes the tour of the live stock that I have." Hidan said sheepishly kicking a rock, anything to really keep himself from looking at his professor.

"I had no idea you had such a vast selection, sheep even." He said eyeing the two little lambs that were chasing each other around the two of them. What happened next would oddly stay with Hidan no matter how much he tried to forget it. 

The bigger lamb nipped the smaller one, causing a startled squeal out of the little one. It took off sporadically in zigzags before it ran headlong into the dark skinned man. Hidan winced and expected the man to spat at him for having animals as troublesome as him, what he wasn't expecting was for the coffee colored man to bend down and pick the lamb up. His arms were slightly exposed from the moving animal, completely confirming Hidan's suspicions of tattoos. Hidan watched in awing curiosity as he shushed the frightened animal he could hear what the older man was saying even though it was barely above a whisper. 

"Un hawa, shh, un hawa." The voice was gravely as normal but it actually sounded soothing. Hidan couldn't help himself any longer. 

"What in the hell is that language?" he asked suddenly. Emerald eyes shot over to him with slight annoyance. 

"It's Cherokee." Kakuzu said simply. 

"Like Indian... feather not the dot?" Hidan splayed his hand behind his head as he asked causing Kakuzu to roll his eyes. 

"If you're asking if its Native American, yes." He said agitated. 

"Why the fuck are you speaking that old language?" Hidan had never been more confused. Kakuzu stared at him with a bored expression. 

"Because I am Native American." He said in a dull tone. Suddenly it started to make sense to Hidan, he was dark complexed, he his hair was fucking gorgeous, strong profile, oh shit that meant that his tattoos could possibly be tribal tattoos? He began to wonder what they looked like... **NO! Hidan, stop it he's your professor, you don't have to have an attraction to everything that has two legs and eyes.** He instead decided to look at the lamb his professor had successfully calmed down. Too successfully in fact. 

"Aw! Look, he fell asleep in your arms!" Hidan said happily as he pulled out his phone and snapped a quick picture without his professor looking... it totally wasn't so he could look at it later or nothing.  
"He trusts you. Awe I bet you won't be able to eat lamb ever again now." He said with a smile. 

Kakuzu looked up at him slowly and had a flat expression and said 

"He's got very poor judgement." 

***

"What in the actual fuck just happened?" Deidara asked as they walked out.

"I mean, you don't need to read lips to have heard them, Senpai. They were quite loud." Tobi said wisely and Deidara turned to him with a glare and pout. 

"That isn't what I meant." Deidara huffed and Sasori finally started to nibble on the appetizer. They flagged down the waitress for the bill so they could leave. Once they paid, Deidara smiled at Sasori. "Come on Danna. Tobi." He looked much less enthralled at Tobi's existence but Tobi's eyes sparkled with the small amount of recognition. They clamored out of the booth and went to Sasori's car. 

"So what do you want to do?" Sasori asked and Deidara shrugged.

"Want to go graffiti something?" He offered and Sasori frowned.

"Dei, that's what got me in trouble to begin with."

"So you're too scared, danna?" Deidara's grin was feral and Sasori's eyes narrowed.

"I still have spray paint in my trunk." Deidara whooped and Sasori put his car in gear and they drove off. 

"Alright Tobi, you'll be the lookout." Deidara said and Tobi gave a salute.

"Tobi will be the best lookout you ever asked for, senpai." He promised and Deidara rolled his eyes slightly.

Once Sasori found a perfect place, they got out of the car and grabbed all of the colors they wanted to use. Sasori had a lot of spray paint for someone who usually just carved things. 

They quickly made their way to the wall and noticed Tobi was standing right behind them. 

"Tobi, what the fuck are you doing?" Deidara asked. "You're the lookout. You're supposed to let us know when someone is coming." Deidara said and Tobi saluted again.

"Of course, senpai! If someone is coming, I will make a discrete but loud noise!" He scurried off a ways and Deidara gave Sasori an exasperated look.

"Aw, don't be too harsh on him. He really likes you, Dei." Sasori said and Deidara scoffed and got to painting.

"I for one am just wondering how someone makes a discrete but loud noise." Deidara mumbled and Sasori nodded. He supposed they may just find out.

***

Negotiating prices was somewhat exhausting. Hidan could tell that although Kakuzu had fancy things, he was cheap. Which caused an argument. 

"Seven hundred and fifty dollars? That's a lot of money up front for a pig."

"Well you're not understanding everything you get when you buy it. You get 10-12 pounds of pork chops, 3 pounds of spare ribs, 8-10 pounds of ground pork and or sausage, 8-10 pounds of bacon, 15-18 pounds of fresh ham, 10 pounds of picnic shoulder roast, 4-6 pounds of boston shoulder roast, 5 pounds of ham hocks for step or bones, 8-10 pounds of fat, 1-2 pounds of jowl and the 1 ½ pound of feet. Usually places charge a 150 deposit on the animal and a 50-dollar slaughter charge. This would boost the cost in a grocery store. At the very least you're saving $250. But that's only if I charged the same per pound. Average per pound for a whole pig is 5 if you're using a farm. I charge 4. Grocery stores charge over 6. Please, tell me I'm overcharging again." 

Well. That was a lot of pork. 

Kakuzu nodded slowly and the deal was struck. Hidan smiled at him.

He couldn't help but catch another whiff of Kakuzu's scent. He reeked of royalty and danger, such an alluring mix. 

When Kakuzu left, Hidan sat at his porch steps for a while. He played it off like he was just messing with Oscar but he kept glancing at the car as it backed out of his long ass driveway.

"What the fuck, Oscar." Hidan said with a grumble. "I almost wish he didn’t even fucking come here. What is your mother going to think when he finds out I have a hard on for my professor?" Hidan grumbled and then gave the chicken a warning look. "Don't you fucking tell him. Last thing I need is a jealous princess." He said and sighed. "Would he even be jealous? Like what are we?" Hidan leaned back on the deck to stare at the slowly darkening sky overhead. 

***

It was about 20 minutes into their graffiti painting when they found out what a "discrete loud noise" was.

It was Tobi quacking loudly.

His voice cracking with how loudly he was quacking. 

He sounded like he had Tourette's. 

"What a lovely day QUUU~AAACK!!!" 

Deidara and Sasori didn't need more than that. They threw the spray paint cans into their pockets and dashed off, narrowly avoiding being caught. Apparently violently quacking at people had the effect of making them walk faster and away from the strange person. Thanks, Tobi.

Deidara couldn't help it though. Once the danger passed, him and Sasori were pressed against each other hiding in a bush, and Deidara just let out a laugh. He couldn't catch his breath he laughed so hard. This caused Sasori to start laughing too and Deidara then choked on air and Sasori had to smack his back while laughing.

Once they found Tobi, their faces were red and streaked with tears. Deidara sniffled and wiped his eyes.

"Is senpai and not-senpai okay?!" Tobi asked, worried.

"Yeah we're fine, hm." Deidara said with a raspy tone and coughed. Sasori smiled warmly at Tobi.

"Never change, bud." He said and pat Tobi on the shoulder fondly. Tobi beamed at him.

A while later, Sasori was driving Tobi home and Deidara turned to face Tobi.

"I am going to ask you a very big favor Tobi. You cannot go against this favor or we will get in a lot of trouble." Tobi nodded quickly. "Do NOT tell your father about this, hm. We don't need more community service."

"Tobi promises!" Tobi said happily. "Tobi is a good boy!" 

"Yeah, well prove that to me by keeping your big mouth shut." Deidara said seriously and Tobi nodded.

"Of course, senpai." He said happily. "Anything for you, senpai." Tobi climbed out of the car and waved at them once they parked in front of the house.

"He has a nice fucking house." Deidara mumbled.

"His father is a judge, of course he has a nice fucking house." Sasori responded. "So what do you wanna do now?" He asked and Deidara gave him an apologetic look.

"Sorry, danna. I have a lot of homework to do, I need to go home." Sasori nodded as if it didn't upset him to drop Deidara off at Hidan's house. "Let's hang out again later."

"Obviously." Sasori scoffed and Deidara chuckled.

The car ride was filled with loud music and Deidara singing loudly. Sasori just drove in the driver's seat and smiled fondly at his best friend. Today was one of the best days he's had in quite some time. He was thankful for a new friend like Tobi and hoped that Deidara would ease up on the kid. He had a good heart, after all. 

Sasori dropped Deidara off at the house and his heart dropped seeing Deidara's face light up.

"Text me when you get home safe, hm." Deidara said with a smile and got out of the car and ran to the front door. Sasori watched him go inside and felt a sinking feeling.

Just how much did Deidara like Hidan, anyway?

"Hidan?" Deidara called through the house. He knew Hidan was home, but he didn't know where he was. "My bottom bitch, where are you, hm?"

"YOUR bottom bitch?!" He heard Hidan yell from across the house. Deidara grinned. Found em. "You live in MY house. You're MY bottom bitch." Hidan argued, walking out of the kitchen wearing oven mitts, no shirt and an apron with red clouds on it. 

"What the fuck is that?" Deidara asked and pointed.

"While you were out with your other boyfriends, I was baking for you like a good goddamn husband." Deidara smiled fondly.

"I think you pronounced house-wife wrong." He said and walked over to Hidan and grabbed him by the chain of his necklace and yanked him down for a kiss. Hidan was surprised with the clear lust behind it. It was intoxicating. 

"I believe I said no sex tonight..." Hidan breathed heavily and Deidara looked him dead in the eyes and took Hidan's bottom lip in-between his teeth and let his teeth graze over it. 

"You aren't going to change your mind for me?" Deidara's hands ran down Hidan's solid chest and Hidan's heart thumped erratically. The look in Deidara's eyes was desire. Pure desire. Deidara never looked at him like this. 

Deidara sunk to his knees and untied Hidan's apron and it fell to the ground. Deidara slowly pulled Hidan's sweatpants down until he was standing in the kitchen with his pants and underwear down around his ankles. He couldn't break his sights off of Deidara. He felt himself throb painfully with longing.

"You know..." Deidara whispered, the breath lightly caressing the length of Hidan's cock he was so close. "I was going to suck you off, but... you already said no sex tonight..." Deidara stared up at Hidan innocently and Hidan growled. Fucking tease. He yanked Deidara up by his hair and slammed him against the wall. 

"You're going to regret that, princess." He said and kicked his pants off his ankles and hoisted Deidara over a shoulder and brought him to Deidara's bedroom. They'd already had sex here. In fact, they had sex in most rooms of the house already. This was just a power play on Hidan's part. He fully intended to ravish Deidara and once he was done, just leave the room to see what Deidara would wind up doing.

Deidara was already making work on Hidan's neck which the hickies were slowly disappearing. They looked terrible on his pale skin, worse than hickies on Deidara's skin for sure. Deidara's teeth sunk into the flesh on Hidan's neck and he felt the vibrations of Hidan's moan against his lips. 

Hidan started yanking clothes off from Deidara aggressively until Deidara was stark naked. Hidan's hands travelled to the cheeks of Deidara's ass and he gripped it tightly. Deidara had the nicest ass he'd ever seen. It felt nice to just grab in his hands. To have Deidara bent over something so his ass was in the air was one of Hidan's favorite positions to put the blonde in. 

Hidan was struggling with himself. On one hand he just wanted to cum, really badly. On the other hand he wanted to draw this out and take pleasure in the pain he would inflict on Deidara.

Suddenly, Hidan's thoughts lingered to emerald green eyes, tanned skin, long black hair. If he closed his eyes he could almost pretend Deidara's hair was Kakuzu's. Deidara's hair was longer and had more volume. It was probably more coarse too, not that Deidara's hair was very coarse, Kakuzu's hair just looked silky. When Hidan focused more he could really pay attention and see Deidara whining above him, bucking his hips against Hidan's cock. 

Becoming more aggravated at the thoughts that seemed to keep pushing up to the surface, Hidan shoved Deidara off of him and made Deidara get on all fours. He shoved Deidara's head down to the bed so his shoulders were pressing onto the mattress and the only thing in the air was Deidara's perfectly fuckable ass. Hidan's eyes glossed over as he grabbed each cheek and spread them apart. He used only his saliva to lubricate Deidara's puckered hole, knowing fully well it was going to be painful for the both of them. Hidan shivered in anticipation at that. 

He was right. Just pushing in up to the first ring of muscle had Deidara cry out. The noise had him throbbing. He reached up and grabbed a fistful of Deidara's hair and yanked his head back, pushing himself in to the second ring of muscle. Deidara felt tears in his eyes at the burning sensation.

"Fuck, you're so tight." Hidan breathed and Deidara was going to make a remark, but was cut off by the quick, painful motion of Hidan sheathing himself fully inside him. Deidara yelped at the pain but when Hidan reached down to touch Deidara's cock he felt that it was weeping with precum. "You like being treated like this don't you?" He purred. 

"H-Hidan..." Deidara pushed his hips back, feeling the pain shoot up his back at the movement. He stifled a whimper.

"Yeah you like being treated like a fucktoy, don't you, princess?" Hidan pulled himself out halfway and thrust hard back in. Deidara was close to sobbing under him and was gripping the sheets. 

Hidan took a long hard gaze at Deidara's backside and for an instant he could almost imagine Deidara's skin darkening along with his hair. The smell of Kakuzu seemed to resonate in the air and Hidan could nearly taste it. He knew Kakuzu wouldn't let him fuck him like Deidara did. Certainly not without preparation or lube. 

"You're so tight it's fucking painful for me, babe." Hidan said quietly. Pushing himself in as far as his pelvis would let him, had Deidara cursing a string of phrases. "Te gusta?" Hidan asked breathily in Deidara's ear. He noticed Deidara tense slightly. "Tienes un cuerpo sexy." Hidan relished in the low whine Deidara was making. "Te gusta cuando hablo Español?" Deidara's breathing got heavier and Hidan pulled away and took his entire length out from Deidara, watching himself slide out. 

"H-Hidan. What are you doing?" Deidara turned to face him and there were tears down his face. So it did hurt. Good. Hidan flipped Deidara over so he was on his back and without any notice, forced himself back inside Deidara which had Deidara cry in pain. Hidan saw the tears well up in Deidara's eyes. He saw the way Deidara grasped the sheets as though his life depended on it. He also saw the flush in his face which was a telltale sign of how turned on Deidara was. 

"Mierda. Estás apretado." Hidan grunted and gripped Deidara's thighs tightly and pushed his legs closer to Deidara's shoulders to give himself a better angle. He loved the way Deidara's muscles squeezed his erection. How was it even possible for someone to be this tight? Fuck, it was nice. 

Watching tears roll down Deidara's cheeks while his eyes screwed shut in contortioned pain, Hidan watched Deidara's erection leak more precum. He couldn't find it in himself to feel sorry for the amount of pain Deidara was in. Especially because no matter how many times he tried to silence his moan, small noises were heard. 

"Fuck, Hidan, right there." Deidara gasped and arched his back slightly. Hidan had no qualms with hitting that spot with as much force as he could muster. Each time, slamming even harder inside Deidara. "Hidan! Fuck!" Deidara's hand wrapped around his pulsing erection and he jerked himself off aggressively until he came hard a few strokes later. The walls of Deidara's tight hole clenched around Hidan so tightly, Hidan bit the inside of his cheek. 

Thrusting more forcefully now, to push passed the squeezing pain, Hidan found his release once he closed his eyes and remembered the look of complete grace and elegance as Kakuzu got out from his car. 

It took a moment for Hidan to control himself again enough to pull out completely from Deidara. He looked down and noticed there was blood. Deidara didn't really seem to pay much attention to that. Deidara moved over on the bed, giving Hidan room to lay down. This is where Hidan planned on just getting up and leaving the room but the look on Deidara's face had him sink back down to the bed. Deidara found himself situated under Hidan's shoulder and hooked his legs around one of Hidan's. This was how Deidara usually fell asleep and now Hidan was more confused than ever.

What was he with Deidara? Really? 

What were his plans with Kakuzu?

And finally, what was he going to do about the both of them?

***

Kakuzu had just finished showering after his nightly workout, and was silently impressed that he had beaten his record. Bench pressed 275lbs, 70 Russian twists (because he felt immature stopping at 69), and his normal nightly run, he had went faster than he normally does making him run 6 miles in 30 compared to his normal 4. Was his subconscious disturbed about something? His body usually pushed on like that before his mind had caught up to something that was bothering him. He shrugged and continued on with his nightly routine of grading papers. 

He grumbled under his breath at the extra work, he had no love for theology, he felt the whole thing was beyond made up. Dear Benjamin, these children with their ideals of deity's, how easily it was for damn near a mosh pit to breakout at the mere mention of such trivial things in class. No, he did not care for it at all. However, he did care about the extra 5 grand they offered him to get him to teach it while Haori was on maternity leave. He supposed he could tolerate it.

Because he was alone he actually let himself groan in boredom, he hadn’t exactly looked over the homework's questions. They were essay questions the previous professor deemed "deep philosophical questions to ask the students" every day. Sonofabitch. He sighed and began scanning through the answers, rolling his eyes at least once a minute at again, such generic answers. He wanted to fail them for their lack of originality but he couldn't exactly do that... well he could dock points but not straight up fail. He eventually came across Hidan, that overly expressional, hot headed and yet intriguingly sharp boy, he was quite the businessman. The corner of Kakuzu's mouth perked ever so slightly at remembering his outburst when he found he had passed his last essay. 

**"Is it worse to fail at something or never attempt it in the first place? Does nature shape our personalities more than nurture? What piece of advice would you offer to a newborn infant?"**

_Both fucking suck, I think if you're that caught up about that specific subject maybe it's best to walk away and flip a coin, that way you can't be mad at your decision, it was the fucking quarter. But if that doesn’t work then ask your dick what you should do._

Kakuzu put the paper down and closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried. He really tried to stave off the laugh that was creeping its way up his throat. He shook his head and was slightly agitated he was able to read this essay with Hidan's voice in his head. 

_Neither, everyone wants to blame someone on why they're a certain way. Maybe you're just a piece of shit for a human being because that's just your personality. Your personality is the same from birth, it's your views and behavior that changes y'know? Like I used to love sticking my tongue to 9 volt batteries because it was in my personality to try everything, but it's not "acceptable" so my behavior keeps me in check from doing it... as much._

Good Abraham! This child has no restraints! Not once had Kakuzu seen such flippant answers... That actually fit with each question. He closed his eyes and steeled himself for the last bit of the essay.

_Hold on, why the fuck am I giving advice to a newborn infant? As if it will actually remember what I'm going to give, why waste time like that? BUT if they miraculously could retain it, my advice would be 'Go the fuck to sleep'._

Kakuzu placed the essay down and then folded his arms and rest his head on them. Hidan Jaganashi. What the actual hell. Never in all his years of teaching had he come across someone as... honest as this boy. He was brash, vulgar, honest, and unashamed. The image of purple/pink eyes flashed through his memory, a grin as wide as his face, such white hair slicked back, laughing without a worry. He finally let the laughter that had been brewing in his chest out. Yes he was all of those things but somehow Kakuzu's gut told him there was so much- so much more yet to be discovered. 

Damn it to hell, this boy was making this class enjoyable. 

***

"Roll the dice!" Gai said enthusiastically. They were playing a game that he had provided called Quelf, it was much more fun than anticipated. They sat in a square around Kakashi's coffee table, Kisame was to Gai's right, Itachi to his right, Kakashi to Itachi's right and then Gai.

"I have never even heard of this game, how has my life been so incomplete?" Itachi said as he rolled the dice and moved the amount of spaces it. "Showbiz... oh geez. 'Look to the player to your right, doing your best Shakespeare impersonation, recite a sonnet you made up on the spot." What they hadn't known was that Kakashi had maneuvered his phone to record their game as an Instagram story. He turned and looked at the other with a worried expression that bordered on bursting into laugher as his eyes were lit with humor.  
"Oh ye of fair hair, thou are my best friend. Thy eyes shine from drunken humor which brings gladness to my young heart. Though, fair friend, should someone betray thee, this one shall rot in eternity for defending your heart." He said and quickly burst into a fit of giggles. 

"Did you just say in Shakespearean that if anyone hurts me you'll cut a bitch?" Kakashi asked incredulously. Itachi could only nod and laugh, words were too hard at the moment. His laughter was infectious, they all seemed to chuckle at the new side they were witnessing from the youngster.

"Alright 'kashi, your turn." The pink cheeked Uchiha said after his own spectacle. 

Kakashi rolled and it landed on a rules card. "From here on out until the end of the game you or until another action card is drawn, you must end all of your sentences with the phrase 'hear me for I have spoken' or pay the penalty." He sighed and looked at Gai and nodded that it was his turn. 

"Awe Kashi, you're no fun... ALRIGHT! Showbiz as well. 'It is time for some yodeling. Place a finger on one of your nostrils and start yodeling like you mean it. Roll the dice and keep yodeling until you've gotten 3 2's.'" Itachi was already on his side laughing at just the thought of it. 

"Come on Gai, hurry up before you kill Itachi... hear me for I have spoken." Kakashi said with a hand on the side of his face trying to hide his own laughter. Suddenly Kisame spun on his knees and pointed to a random spot on the ceiling and said,

"The mother ship is coming." This made the group laugh in confusion and the randomness in which it happened. 

"Kisame, explain, hear me for I have spoken!" Kakashi said through laughter, he felt like his sides were going to burst from all the laughter he had from today. Kisame spun on his knees and repeated the act which caused another round of laughter. 

"I-I think... he had a classified action/rule card that every time someone finished their action card he had to do what the card said." Itachi said face down on the carpet trying to catch his breath. Kisame stood up triumphantly and declared,

"I'm free! My people have found me!" and sat down and wiped the tears that were trailing down his face. "Ugh, I've been waiting for one of us to get another action card so I could do my alien impersonation…'Tachi are you okay?" he asked placing a hand on the younger man's back. 

"All good, just dying." Came the muffled reply which only caused them to laugh all over again. Gai eventually did his yodeling impersonation which no one could keep a straight face for. Kisame rolled and got an action card again which caused the group to laugh at his misfortune. "Alright the card says 'You must make and X with your body and you must stay like that until your next turn' awe man, I just had leg day too!" And as the card demanded, Kisame obeyed and stood there with a mean looking face as his arms and legs made an 'X'. 

It was Itachi's turn again "Rules! Okay it says 'The player to your left must clap their hands and wave their hands magically while saying Abracadabra whenever another player draws a card'." He said covering his mouth trying to stave off another laughing fit... he felt like he was on some sort of substance when he was with these three... is this what it's like to have close friends? He had to do this more often.

"Oh come ON! This is bullshit man! Why am I the one who has to look like an idiot?!" Kisame said loudly and the group laughed. Kakashi rolled and picked up his card which landed on a rule and read it 'Classified, leave and go to the bathroom without telling anyone and wait for them to come find you. Take the card with you so no one knows.'; not before Kisame clapped his hands and in the most flamboyant way he could "Abracadabra bitch" his voice was high pitched which seemed to throw the Uchiha in another laughing fit. 

Kakashi shrugged got up and did as the card said. 

***

"Is he okay?" Itachi asked slightly worried. It had been at least a half hour since Kakashi had left. 

"I say someone goes and checks on him because I've had to hold this damn pose for like, an hour." Kisame whined which caused Gai to snort in humor. The green obsessed man got up without a word and went towards the downstairs bathroom. How exactly should one check on another in that position? It was just awkward, he came up to the door and lightly tapped on it and asked "Rival? Are you okay?" Suddenly the door swung open to reveal a grinning Kakashi who held up his card. Gai squinted at it and let out a sharp laugh. Go figure. 

"He's alright. This was his card." Gai said as they came back into the living room and read it to the other two. 

"UGH. You've got to be shitting me." Kisame whined.

"No Kisame, he was just sitting in there." Gai said with a straight face and Kisame honestly couldn't tell if he was being facetious or serious until there was a glimmer in the other mans eye. 

"Oh shut up and roll the dice you bitch." He said while doing a kicking motion at him but still trying to keep form. 

***

"Oh my…well thank you for having us over... tonight turned out to be what I think we all needed." Itachi said as he got to his feet. 

"Thanks to you guys, I won't have to do core training for a week." He said with a smile. He looked up to see Gai unabashedly staring at Kakashi, he blushed and decided it was time for them to leave those two alone. He was sure that Gai needed some sort of clarification on his 'Rival's feelings and it wasn't so easy with two other people around. 

"Well, look at the time! I have to go save Shisui from Sasuke. Thank you again you two!" he said in a finalizing tone. He looked at Kisame who seemed sheepish. So Kisame was read-blind. He nudged the taller man and nodded towards the two who were trying to play it cool. Realization hit Kisame's eyes. He cleared his throat and quickly played along. 

"Yeah, I really got to get back to my fish and make sure they're fed and not trying to kill each other y'know?... Beta's and all." He said stuffing his hands into his pockets and pivoting on his heels not making eye contact with them. Kakashi looked them over suspiciously and nodded figuring they were trying to have time alone to themselves. 

"Alright, text me when you two get home, yeah?" he asked. 

They both nodded and said their goodbyes, leaving Gai and Kakashi alone in the living room. Kakashi watched them go with a look that Gai couldn’t pinpoint. He sighed once he heard Itachi's car pull out of the driveway, he got up and began putting away the game. 

"They are some awesome people." Kakashi mused as he was busying himself, trying to avoid the gaze he was more than likely getting from Gai. 

"Kakashi…" Gai started but the other man looked up at him and asked suddenly. 

"You thirsty? I'll go get us something to drink, what do you want?" He asked while trying to keep himself occupied. 

"I want you to stop for a second and look at me, please Rival…or else I claim this as a victory in my slot." He said with a grin knowing that would get his best friend's attention, Kakashi's head snapped up and he accidentally made eye contact with him. Gai crossed his arms and asked in serious tone, yet it was gentle as if he were talking to a frightened animal. 

"Are we going to talk about earlier?" He asked and Kakashi winced and then grinned at Gai. "Which part, you acting a fool or me having my first kiss taken by Itachi?" Gai laughed at that and then cleared his throat and slowly made his way around the table to where he was standing in front of Kakashi. He always liked the height difference between them, it wasn't often that he felt he could best the other man, but he had in gravity. 

"I was referring to why I did it." Kakashi stared at him before quirking an eyebrow. 

"You mean why you suddenly lost your mind and sense?" he chuckled and Gai's face turned serious. 

"Kakashi…I'm not joking right now. Thanks to Kisame and my stupidity…you must know how I feel." Kakashi lowerd his gaze. "…unless you haven't figured out a way to turn me down. Is that it?" Black eyes snapped up to meet Gai's in an alarmed look. 

"What? No. It's just…I'm not sure what I feel Gai…it's sort of sudden y'know? Obviously we care about each other because we freaking grew up together but…why didn't you just talk to me?" Kakashi asked, his tone slightly desperate. "If you would have given me some sort of inkling that-" Gai closed the gap between them. 

For the second time that night, Kakashi had been kissed. But this one was quite different from the one he experienced earlier. The first thing he realized was Gai's lips were softer than expected, every other body part of his appeared to be covered in calluses from such vigorous training. Then there was that tingling he felt on his lips and tongue, and then there was his stupid heart quickening. Gai brought both of his hands up and held them at the base of Kakashi's head, tilting his head to the side and Kakashi's the opposite way, deepening the kiss. The slight inhale that Kakashi did in shock gave Gai more courage, he nibbled on the other's bottom lip, asking for permission which he was granted. The moment their tongues met it was like a spark for both of them, something had ignited in Kakashi to bid him to move. He went from being kissed, enjoying the kiss, to commanding it, Gai smiled in between breaths, this could be one more of their challenges. 

They pulled apart eventually needed more air than they were getting and looked at one another. Suddenly Gai wasn't as confident and was worried at how his rival would react. Kakashi however just stared at Gai as if he was trying to make up his mind. 

"Ga... this is going a lot faster than my brain can keep up with... but I do know three things, aside from your feelings for me." Gai cocked his head to the side listening intently. "First off- the thought of you being with someone else- well I didn't like it. I thought it was because we're best friends but there's a chance there's more to it than me just being the possessive prick I am." Gai frowned at his berating of himself. "Secondly, that kiss was so much different from the other one... I liked it and I'd like to try it again. I count that one more of my first kiss than the other one... it was really nice..." He trailed off. Gai ran his hands up Kakashi's arms waiting for the third admittance. 

"And thirdly," he said looking back at Gai, still as if he was contemplating his decision. "...I'd like to try." He finally admitted. Gai's heart nearly jumped out of his chest. He kissed the top of Kakashi's head as he pulled him in for a hug. 

"Thank you, 'Kashi." He wasn't sure exactly what he was thanking him for but he was. He was so thankful. 

Maybe that disaster of a plan hadn't been for not after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Lolli: My dad was out with his best friend when they found out that his best friend's girl was cheating on him. When the girlfriend noticed them and realized she was caught my dad had a 'moment of insanity' and kissed his friend. When asked afterwards he said he didn't want him to feel embarrassed but rather that not only was he cheating on her, but that she would have the thought that she turned him gay and that in itself was good enough revenge...my dad was a bit of a brian ninja at times (So the Itachi-Kakashi kiss was based on a true story. Fun times)
> 
> 1) Emotional-wise, how did the smut scene make you feel?  
> 2) Is anyone excited/curious about the Tobi/Sasori friendship?  
> 3) We finally got a KakaGai kiss going for us. How y'all like it?  
> 4) What are your predictions with Kakuzu and Hidan? (and obviously Hidan and Deidara [my OTP *gross sobbing*])  
> 5) Looks like KisaIta is taking a bit long. How much longer do you wager?
> 
> Now, Lolli hates writing sex scenes so I will be the sole provider of sex scenes. I'm fine with it. Anyway, I also have 0 self control so if there's something you'd like to see, let me know. The amount of sex scenes I have planned for this story is ridiculous (and poor lolli is just going along for the ride.)


	10. SeNd NuDeS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit... I don't even remember  
> Uh...  
> idk but Deidara throws a bitchfit  
> Itachi confronts Hidan  
> Kakashi and Deidara bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Vivi** : That was the point of the scene! Oh yeah, jealous Deidara you will get. :)  
>  **Songfern1128** : lmao your comment made me laugh. It reminded me of one of my old commenters! Thank you for your compliments! We appreciate them very much~! I hope the new bond between Deidara and Kakashi will make you just as happy as Kisame and Gai! (Though no one will replace Itachi and Kakashi)  
>  **WillowstreamHP** : Well prepare to be angrier at Hidan then lol.  
>  **Kuko** : Fun fact, my best friend did that when we were younger. Me and my boyfriend at the time wanted alone time (as much alone time as a 13 year old could think of so it wasn't crazy lmao) but anyway my best friend stood in the living room and waited for my dad to get home, then greeted him while quacking loudly. I'm happy they're your OTP. Mine is Hidan and Deidara so this is all breaking my soul to hurt my baby. Just for a bit longer... I can't wait for the KisaItaSasu date lmao. We're happy you love them!  
>  **WillHaveAnAccountSoon** : You know, I never realized how many stories of mine you read until just now lmao. Anyway, I know!!! Deidan is everything for me lmao. Oscar will be here for a while so we're happy you like him!  
>  **DaarRena** : Oh I love rough smut scenes too~! (don't know about Lolli but she doesn't write them so she'll get over it.) I love your imagination and trust us when we say that there will be quite the interesting smut scenes in the future, I think you'll enjoy them. Kakuzu walking in on Deidara and Hidan having sex will be the least shocking. Let's be real, if Kakuzu actually did show up and knock at the door, Hidan would probably finish first before going to talk to Kakuzu then get yelled at for keeping him waiting lol. We got some pinning in this chapter and I (smoresies) writes the smut scenes (all of them) and lolli writes for JiraOroTsu so if there's going to be a smut scene she needs to tell me how it goes down lol.

Chapter Ten:

As Itachi drove Kisame home, he felt strange. There had been a weight in his stomach this entire time but knowing Kisame was next to him **and single** Itachi felt a strange sense of relief. Kisame was fiddling with his phone for a bit, when Itachi caught a glimpse he could see Kisame was going through his fitbit history for whatever reason. Itachi wondered if Kisame was nervous at all considering he was rather jumpy. But why would he be nervous, anyway?

Kisame didn't know what to do with his hands. His heart was pounding in his chest and all he wanted to do was talk to Itachi. Woo him, if you will. He couldn't bring himself to say anything since he was so nervous. What was he nervous for anyway? If he didn't hurry up and start talking, Itachi would arrive at his house and they would've wasted the entire car ride not speaking. To be fair, it didn't seem like Itachi was doing much talking anyway. Kisame bit the inside of his cheek. What could he say?

"Thank you for driving me home... And letting me know that Kakashi and Gai wanted to be left alone. I'm kind of clueless when it comes to those signs, heh." Kisame fiddled with his thumbs and was embarrassed that he even did that motion. Was he a 7-year-old girl?

"Absolutely no problem, Kisame. It's my pleasure." Itachi said politely and Kisame inwardly frowned at that. He didn't want Itachi to be polite. He wanted him to know that he could act any way around Kisame and it would be fine with him. He could be brash; he could be obnoxious. Yeah, honestly like either of those words could describe the prim and proper man driving him home. 

"Maybe, ya know, since Gai and Kakashi will probably have like dates or something, maybe we could hang out without them? To give them time alone without them feeling bad. I know you said you're super busy with school and work and Sasuke, but I don't mind just hanging out and doing homework while we watch Sasuke, that seems totally cool too."

"Kisame."

"What?" Kisame turned to Itachi quickly and Itachi laughed softly at the look of panic in Kisame's eyes.

"You can stop ranting. It sounds lovely. I would genuinely like to spend time with you." Kisame's expression lit up and he grinned.

"Really? I'm glad to hear it." He chuckled softly. "And Itachi, I'm really sorry about-"

"No. It's fine. Don't apologize again. I'm over it." Itachi said honestly and Kisame nodded slowly. "Plus, I think it got Gai and Kakashi closer, don't you?"

"Well, we can count on Gai texting me the details that's for sure." Itachi nodded. He, for one, was certain Kakashi would tell him about it too. He thought it was strange that up to this point, he wasn't sure his life could be filled with friends. Sure, he has Shisui and Sasuke, but they're family. Itachi was glad for once to have people who willingly looked to hang out with him. Things seemed to be finally looking up.

***

Sasori sat at his desk carving. He told Deidara he would make him a new jewelry box. The downside with his father selling the thing was that he most definitely sold the jewelry inside as well. He'd need to look to see about getting Deidara some more. 

Should he get him a necklace? It always hung so beautifully around his slim neck, hugging the sharp edges of his collar bones. Or maybe earrings? For whatever reason, earrings made him look more exotic. Silver looked lovely with his skin since it was such an opposite color from the usually lightly tanned flesh, but gold on Deidara really accented the undertones of his complexion. A ring perhaps? The feeling of sliding a ring onto one of Deidara's beautifully slender fingers flitted through his imagination. 

"Jesus, what's wrong with me." Sasori shook his head and felt his phone go off. He quickly pulled it out, hoping to see Deidara's name on the screen. With a frown he realized it was a number he didn't have yet. He opened the message.

__**Hi not-senpai~! It is Tobi! Senpai gave me your number before, so this is my number so you have it too, ok? I am here if you need anything!**  
Thank you Tobi, I appreciate it. Same goes for you. I'm here if you need me.  
**Oh! Do you have a snapchat??**  
Yes. The only person who sends me snaps is Deidara though.  
**Senpai has a snapchat?!**  
Yeah, it's BombAssArt. Mine is NoStringsAttached  
**I will add you both right away!**

Sasori put his phone down and stared at his wall for a minute in thought. It was nice to have another friend. Especially one that demanded as much attention as Tobi. It kept him grounded enough to migrate his thoughts from the blond that had been plaguing his mind for lord knows how long. 

***

The next morning, Hidan made the mistake (or the right move) by waking up and saying good morning to Deidara in Spanish without thinking about it. He then got an armful of Deidara and though it personally made his morning to start his day with sex, he was extremely late with feeding the animals. 

He filed it in the back of his mind to only use Spanish on Deidara when he had the time. At least it was a way to get Deidara to stop bitching. Hidan couldn't help but wonder why Deidara liked the language so much but hey, whatever works.

Lucky for him, Deidara had put on some clothes and went outside to help him feed the animals. All while Oscar trailed after her mother. He scoffed. What a traitor. The damn chicken liked Deidara more than him. He raised the damn thing. What an asshole.

Since they were so late getting out of bed, they skipped making breakfast and just grabbed some protein bars. Deidara managed to bug him enough to stop and get a smoothie and with how helpful he was around the house, Hidan decided to cave and get Deidara his damn smoothie. He planned to share a large but when Deidara ordered one with kale in it, he completely lost all respect for Deidara's smoothie picking abilities. He ordered a strawberry banana one for himself and they quickly made their way to school.

He pulled the car in the front of the school already seeing Sasori and Tobi waiting for Deidara at the front steps. Hidan frowned. He couldn't think of a time when anyone waited for him. 

"Bye mon amoureux." Deidara said, grinning after a kiss.

"You speak French?" Hidan asked, surprised. 

"A bit. Not enough to brag about." Deidara reached for the door handle and Hidan grabbed Deidara by the hair and yanked him closer so Hidan's lips were pressed against the shell of his ear.

"Adios princesa." He made sure to enunciate every letter and roll his r as much as possible. Deidara turned to him with a flushed face. Hidan smirked knowing that look all too well. "Go to school. Vamos." Hidan ordered and Deidara gave him a glare.

"You're going to pay for this later." Deidara threatened and Hidan grinned.

"Looking forward to it. I think we can manage to sneak into a supply closet, huh?" Deidara rolled his eyes to distract Hidan from the fact that he was incredibly turned on now. He may actually meet Hidan in a supply closet, he didn't even have shame. Whatever.

"GoodBYE Hidan, hm." Deidara got out of the car. 

"Quiro arrancarte toda la ropa!" Hidan called back to him grinning and noticed Deidara tense up. 

"You're an asshole." Deidara said and quickly left or else he knew he wouldn't. Hidan laughed and drove off. He had a class to go to. "Hey." Deidara greeted Sasori and Tobi.

"Senpai!" Tobi said happily. 

"Morning Dei. You're walking weird." Sasori said and Deidara's face instantly reddened. Well, it was no surprise with how rough Hidan had been that he was walking funny. It hurt to sit too. Deidara busied himself with drinking his smoothie.

"Want a sip?" He offered and Sasori took it with a raised eyebrow.

"You put kale in this-"

"Yes I did." Sasori sighed.

"Could you at least try to be a normal person along with a vegetarian?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Deidara's eyes narrowed and he snatched his smoothie.

"Like maybe order a smoothie with fruit in it?"

"There is fruit in it, hm! There's green apple and lemon juice." Sasori scrunched his nose up with distaste. Deidara inwardly cheered that he managed to distract Sasori enough to make him forget. "There's also cucumber-"

"Deidara, you're the reason we can't have nice things." Sasori said flatly and Deidara stuck his tongue out at his friend.

"I am sure it tastes great, senpai! You would never drink something otherwise!" Tobi said surely and Deidara perked an eyebrow.

"Want to try it?"

"Absolutely not." Sasori laughed loudly. Even Tobi wouldn't try Deidara's disgusting smoothie. That's when Deidara should know it's bad. 

"You're being a bunch of pansies, hm." Deidara mumbled and sipped on his drink. Tasted fine to him. "Let's get to class. Come on guys." He walked ahead and Tobi skipped after him and Deidara smiled softly to himself. What had his life turned into?

*** 

Hidan was slightly nervous of how to feel as he sat in his seat waiting for Kakuzu to enter the auditorium. Why in the hell was he nervous? It's not like the older man would know about his thoughts. He was just an old man after all He was sure that the thoughts he had of him were wrong, who's to say he would even be good in bed. He was so old maybe he suffered from ED. Hidan laughed loudly suddenly at the thought causing a few looks from those around him. He just gave them a challenging look and like frightened animals they quickly looked the other way. 

The door opened and Kakuzu walked in and Hidan's heart almost stopped. Instead of the long sleeves and cardigans that the elder usually wore, he stood before the class in black dress pants and a business casual "v" neck purple tee-shirt, both were form fitting enough to accentuate that he was in fact, very muscular and very in shape. Hidan's mouth went dry, _He's a fucking TANK!_ he thought as he looked over his professor. He hadn't realized how broad the other's shoulders were, or the muscles that seemingly appeared out of nowhere, he usually hid behind modest clothes. And his arms, Jashin, his arms where decorated with intricate tattoos, Hidan couldn’t stop staring at them. How the fuck could someone so old look so... hot? 

"Mr. Kakuzu! Looking good today!" A student in the room called out to him, the elder rolled his eyes and shook his head. Damnit, he wasn’t wearing his hair down. 

"If I hadn't had to stay up all night grading such boring papers, I might have remembered my clothes in the wash. Not my preferred style for work but you mongrels will have to get over it." He grumbled as he set his briefcase on his desk, and leaned ever so slightly forward to write on the board what today's lessons would entail, Hidan could not stop staring at his back, even that had muscles that were effortlessly rippling through his shirt... damn that shirt, and his ass in those pants... The man was built like some Greek god... or Indian god... Hidan had to stop the image of him posed as Buddha and had to stifle his laughter at the thought. 

"Alright, I will be passing out your in class assignments from yesterday, people, seriously, try to be more creative. Tell me what you want me to know, not what you think I want. Portray your emotions better, you all sound like a bunch of spoiled robots." This had the class laugh unexpectedly... it was so unusual to see him in such a casual mood. Maybe the lack of sleep caused him to be more human. Hidan crossed his legs trying to put pressure on the ache between his legs. Damn him, how was he supposed to learn anything looking like that... and it was Thursday so he had classes with him ALL DAY. _I'm going to die from lack of blood flow, all of it will be in my dick. Here lies Hidan, he died from a hard on for his professor... great._ He snorted at the thought. His heart fluttered when he smelled Kakuzu before seeing him, he had approached Hidan from behind as he made his rounds passing the papers back. 

A coffee colored arm came into his vision, the smell intensified and he got up close look at the ink on the forearms of his teacher. He looked up the arm and looked at the man and couldn't help the slight blush. It happened in just one or two seconds, but he thought out loud as he watched his teacher continue down the row of students. 

"Papicito." He said just above a whisper but he knew that Kakuzu had heard him because he stopped fast enough his shoes had squeaked on the tiled floor. He grinned as he watched the tall man look over his shoulder at him. He didn't know why but he was glad he had heard it Unfortunately the students near him heard it too. A couple of the girls giggled and nodded in agreement while the males just gave him a WTF look. He didn't care, what he did care about was the intensity of the glare he was getting. Kakuzu sighed in agitation and went back up towards his desk. Hidan would be lying if he said he hadn't watched his ass the entire way. 

He looked down at his paper, interested to see how he did and frowned. He got an 80? He looked up to the writing in red pen that said While this was the most interesting to read, do work on your vocabulary. Do better. Hidan had momentarily forgotten about his raging crush on the man and was instead incredibly agitated with him. 

Fuck that old man! 

***

"Papicito." He stopped immediately. Had he just seriously hear the boy say that? _Did he just SERIOUSLY call me sexy daddy ?_ he thought in disbelief. The nerve of that insolent little-no keep your calm... just breathe. How was he supposed to keep calm with the fact that his obnoxious, confident and **utterly** brazen student just openly admitted his thoughts for those within earshot to hear? 

Kakuzu breathed in and looked over his shoulder at the main annoyance in his life lately. He looked Hidan over and could tell by the way the boy was acting, he hadn't meant to say it out loud, Kakuzu smirked internally, little fool. He watched the little hellion bounce back in record timing and look back at him with a grin as if he had just won something. 

Oh, little fool, you have to do so much better than that. 

***

"I swear to God that teacher is trying to kill us..." Kisame almost whined as he put his head down at lunch, he wasn't exactly very hungry at the moment. "Everything is literally, back to back to back. Fuuuck." he groaned into the table. 

"Are you going to eat that?" Gai asked with a mouthful pointing to Kisame's mashed potatoes. The taller man shook his head in disgust and shoved his entire tray Gai's way, who happily took it. 

"What's wrong Kisa?" Kakashi asked offhandedly as he was typing away at his laptop. Kisame's nose scrunched up. 

"When the hell did you start calling me that?" he asked with a laugh, Kakashi looked at him oddly and answered with a shrug. "Well, in our class Gai and I have three projects due by next week, a case study which by the way has to be at least 10 pages, and an oral presentation on a specific muscle function what are the nerves they need, where's the insertions into the bones, what actions do they serve etc." he said as he lightly banged his head off of the table. 

"You forgot the three tests we have coming up next week!" Gai said joyfully. This only caused Kisame to pitifully whimper. 

"Why don't you just stay with us until next Friday? That way you and Gai can get as much studying as you can, help each other out and keep each other focus... don't think I won't lock you guys in a room with no electronics if you can't stay focused though. Maybe we should invite Itachi; he's taking medical as well... poor kid needs more friends." Kakashi said as his eyes never strayed from his laptop, continuously pounding away at the keys. 

There was a long pause of silence that caused him to look up at the two who were blatantly staring at him; Gai seemed shocked and Kisame was grinning like a butcher's dog. 

"Oh for the love of, WHAT?" Kakashi asked somewhat irritated. 

"Kakashi... do you realize you just asked if I wanted to stay with the TWO of you?" A white eyebrow arched. 

"I'm not asking you for a threesome if that—" 

"NO! God, no! Especially after our date, oh lord..." Kisame said laughing but he looked back up at Kakashi with a grin and rested his head in the palms of his hands. "You made it appear the place belonged to you and Gai." He said with a grin and slightly kicked Gai under the table. 

"Well he practically lives with me anyways- and now that we're together it only makes sense to think of it that way-oh shit. Unless you want to stay at your apartment Gai, I never even asked, shit-uh so if you need time to think on it I under—"

"I WOULD LOVE TO MOVE IN WITH YOU!" 

"True love never fails!" Kisame laughed as he high fived Gai. 

It was Kakashi's turn to bury his head. 

***

The community center was bustling like always, Tobi was chasing after Deidara for from what Itachi gathered, the man owed the other a hug and was determined to get it. 

"Get him Tobi!" Sasori cheered and dodged the pencil Deidara chucked at him. 

"You're supposed to be MY FRIEND Dana, yeah!" he accused. 

"What the fuck did we walk into?" Kisame asked as he took in the spectacle in front of them. 

"Deidara lost a bet and now Tobi is trying to collect his reward." Sasori said with a grin. 

"Hidan, my man, save me!" Deidara desperately yelled as he ran towards the albino. 

Hidan's look was far away as he entered the room and was slammed into by Deidara full force knocking them both to the ground. Deidara looked behind him and saw Tobi doing a running jump as he yelled "SENPAI, YOU'LL CATCH, YEAH?"

Hidan's eyes widened like saucers and braced his muscles even though he knew his air was going to get knocked out of him. Deidara held up a hand to try and stop Tobi, but that did absolutely nothing and eventually the younger man pounced on both of them causing a collective 'oof' from both. He grinned happily as he hugged Deidara who was too busy trying to get his lungs to function again. 

"Get… off... of... me..." Hidan growled out. 

"Did you hear that?" Kakashi asked and everyone turned to look at him. They got quiet and listened to see what he was talking about. 

_**"Hello? Are you there brat?"**_ Hidan's face colored as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone to see that somehow in the midst of this chaos he had butt dialed his teacher. He got up and went towards a more quiet part of the room and answered. 

"Hey Kakuzu, I'm so sorry about this... what? LOOK I DID'NT MEAN TO CALL YOU, YOU FUCK FACE... YES I AM SORRY... THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK ME?! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, ARE YOU FUCKING BOUND UP OR SOMETHING, YOU ARE ALWAYS SO BITCHY... NO I'M NOT... **NO I'M NOT!** I'M YELLING BECAUSE YOU PISSED ME OFF!... FINE, SEE YOU TOMORROW! ARG!" he slammed his phone on the table and tried to calm his breathing. He hadn't realized his face was still pink, though from embarrassment, anger or arousal who could know?

"What was all that about?" Kisame being the voice of the group asked. 

"Princess made me butt dial my professor." Hidan said in annoyance. Deidara scoffed and turned his nose in the air. 

"Why do you have your professor's number anyways? He sounded so old, what are you into old men now, yeah?" Deidara teased knowing that Hidan would get angry. 

"Blondie's got a point, do you have a picture of him too?" Kisame chuckled and Deidara smiled at someone teasing Hidan with him. He looked at Hidan, still waiting for his outraged outburst. 

Except, there wasn't one. The only reaction they got from Hidan was a frown, an eye roll and a sigh. Deidara blinked. What in the hell was going on?

"Alright guys, while we have to wait until tomorrow to get everything cooked for the party on Saturday, we have to still have community service. So, for today and tomorrow we have to work on our next project which was ordered by the court." Jiraiya grinned at them and couldn't help his chuckle. "You have to put on a play."

"WHAT?" they all said in unison. Jiraiya caught his breath and tried to keep a straight face. 

"Not just any normal play... but, Judge Madara has asked for a musical." He finally gave into his laugh that he tried keep at bay. There was a collective cry of outrage from everyone in the room. All except Tobi, he seemed thrilled. 

"I can be the lead and Senpai can be the leading lady!" He offered and Deidara's face turned red in anger.

"Fuck no!" Sasori laughed at that but not as hard as he would've knowing he had to participate in a musical.

"Who's casting us?" Itachi asked with a look of despair. 

"Yours truly." Jiraiya gave an over exaggerated wink and Kisame whimpered for the umpteenth time that day.

"It's like I can't catch up. No matter what I do..." He whined and covered his face. 

"Nothing is more youthful than a musical, right Rival?" Gai said with a grin and stood up dramatically. "I declare ownership of the lead role!"

"You can't just declare-"

"No he's fine." Kisame cut Itachi off quickly. "Gai has the lead role. Whatever it is. Anyone objecting?" No one said anything. "There you go. I can play a tree, grass, perhaps?"

"Wait, I'm curious, what play are we doing anyway?" Kakashi asked with narrowed eyes. Jiraiya seemed way too content with this so it had to be something incredibly-

"Rocky Horror Picture Show!" Jiraiya said loudly with a grin. Deidara and Hidan looked at each other slowly, then looked to Gai, then burst out laughing as tears ran down their faces.

"I uh, I've never seen the movie." Kisame said with a raised hand.

"What a virgin!" Tobi said with a laugh. Kisame looked rather mortified to have Tobi of all people call him a virgin for no reason.

"You call people who have never seen the movie a virgin." Itachi cleared up and Kisame nodded at that. 

"Holy FUCK! So this means Gai is Frankenfurter?!" Hidan was now too occupied with the ridiculousness of the play to think about his professor. 

"I think I'm more surprised that Hidan has seen the movie and knows the cast." Kakashi said with a raised eyebrow. He then covered his face in embarrassment for Gai. It must be hard to dress like that- "Gai what are you doing?"

"I'm looking up lingerie for the play." Kisame's eyes bugged out and Kakashi rubbed his temples.

"UH. WHY?" Kisame asked loudly.

"Let's watch a clip from the movie, shall we?" Jiraiya was happy the room was equipped with a projector.

"Shouldn't we watch the entire movie if we're going to be putting it on?" Itachi asked and Jiraiya paused and grabbed a dry erase marker and wrote all the main characters on the board. "What are you going to do?" Itachi asked and Jiraiya grinned. 

"I'm going to write everyone's name on a slip of paper and assign you roles by random. I think it'll be fun. After that we can watch the movie and you can study your role. Without further ado..." Jiraiya called up Tobi and handed him the cup. Standing in front of the list of names, Jiraiya got his marker ready and Tobi pulled out names and read them to Jiraiya who started laughing so hard his body shook. He wrote the names and stepped away from the board to let everyone know exactly who they'd be playing.

**Frankenfurter- Gai  
** Riff Raff- Sasori  
Magenta- Itachi  
Janet- Deidara  
Eddie- Hidan  
Columbia- Tobi  
Brad- Kakashi  
The Criminologist- Jiraiya  
Rocky- Kisame  
Dr. Everett- ? 

"I call bullshit. What are the odds that me AND Deidara are both playing girls?" Itachi demanded with a frown. 

"HAHA! OH SHIT! DEIDARA GETS TO MOLEST KISAME!" Hidan laughed and Kisame's eyes widened as Itachi's eyes narrowed. 

"Aren't you supposed to be more jealous? Aren't you his boyfriend?" Gai asked and Deidara's face turned red. Hidan scoffed.

"No." The tone he said it in was rather hurtful, Deidara looked slightly shocked and now more embarrassed. Would being his boyfriend really be so bad? 

Itachi saw the look on Deidara's face and glared at Hidan. Not that he particularly cared about Deidara, as they weren't close, but still. He had confronted Hidan about this before. Now there seemed to be at least a small amount of feelings in the mix. Enough for Deidara to look like that. 

"What are you doing?" Kisame mumbled to him. 

"Look at Deidara's face. He looks mortified." Kisame glanced over and frowned, poor kid. "I think something is going on with Hidan and his professor."

"Well, that sounds like what we know of Hidan." Kisame mused and Itachi frowned. 

The movie began playing and Deidara twitched in his seat a bunch. Eventually he got up quietly and left the room. He felt stupid being so upset over something stupid Hidan said but whatever. He needed a minute to himself. He didn't even care at this point if it didn't count towards his community service hours. Sitting so close to Hidan was suffocating. Was something going on about that he wasn't aware of?

Deidara thought about the strange phone call and then how Hidan acted after. Deidara started to fume. Was he just a placeholder until Hidan found something better? Why the hell did Deidara have sex with that asshole? Why did he lose his virginity to that asshole?

Deidara was pacing back and forth trying to stifle any anger he felt before he went back into the room. But he was livid and it was difficult to breathe. His eyes burned with tears and he felt even more embarrassed to be angry enough to cry. He didn't want anyone thinking he was upset or anything...

Even if he was. 

The worst part was that Deidara actually wanted Hidan to chase him out of the goddamn room. Like they were in some stupid Rom-Com movie. He kept looking towards the direction of the hallway that led to the room. Nothing happened. Deidara grumbled and sat on the ledge of the windowsill and stared at the wall blinking quick enough that he wouldn't have to worry about the tears falling. 

Jesus, when did he get so pathetic?

There was the sound of footsteps down the hallway and Deidara held his breath, he couldn't see who it was since they were coming from the left side and his face was covered by his hair. At least they wouldn't see his face.

"Excuse Gai," Kakashi's voice sounded and Deidara didn't know if he felt relieved that it wasn't Hidan or not. "he normally tends to ask thoughtless questions. It's a disease, really. I couldn't help but noticing you left before Damnit Janet, everything okay?" Deidara didn't say anything, trying to will himself to speak. "You won't be able to learn your lines from all the way out here, Dei."

"No. He's fine. I'm ok. Just needed a minute. Can't exactly blow anything up in a community center, hm?" Deidara didn't look towards Kakashi, he stared directly at the wall and his fingers curled against the cold metal of the heater by the window.

"You, my dear, are a terrible liar. I reckon if you squeeze your hands any tighter, you'll have destruction of property added to your sentence." He walked over to the wall the window was on and leaned against it and sighed. "I think Jiraiya is really into the movie, I have some Jack in my trunk if you wanna drink it or use it to blow something up?" He offered, he could sense with everything at that moment, Deidara was under a lot of stress. 

Deidara retracted his hand from the heater with a look of embarrassment. He hadn't even realized he was gripping it. He looked at Kakashi and hoped his face wasn't flushed with emotions anymore and nodded slowly.

"Yeah, my man... I could use a drink... Or twelve." Deidara bit the inside of his lip, hard. He really needed to focus. There was no point in getting this upset over Hidan. When did he start liking Hidan this much anyway?

Kakashi looked him over with knowing look, if Deidara needed to talk, he'd be there, but he didn't want to push him either. Taking a quick look over his shoulder to make sure they hadn't been followed, he pulled out his phone and texted to Gai 'I'm with Dei, if we're not back by the time we're supposed to leave, we're in the car. If the movie ends before that try and distract Jiraiya to make sure he doesn't realize we're not there'.

"Alright blondie, let's go." he said with a smirk and noticed Deidara's distaste in the nickname. "I know you don't like your name so I'm thinking of nicknames from here on out, let's go. You want to stay in the car or go somewhere? I have a gun in there as well if you need to shoot something."

Deidara couldn't help the curious look he gave Kakashi. How did he know that? He assumed everyone would've thought he just didn't want Hidan to call him by his name, not that he hated his name. Kakashi was more perceptive than he gave him credit for.

"Thanks, my man." He said quietly and motioned for Kakashi to lead the way. He followed behind Kakashi and wondered if Hidan would even notice he was missing. They got to the car and Kakashi gave him a questioning look, Deidara realized he didn't answer his other question. "Here is fine, for now." Kakashi unlocked the doors and Deidara slid into the passenger seat. His gnawing curiosity bubbling up he looked at the silver haired man in the seat next to him. "Why do you care, hm?" 

Sasori didn't come out. Hidan didn't come out. Hell, Tobi didn't even come out. What made Kakashi?

Kakashi held the bottle of Jack in his hands before looking up at Deidara. "Because I feel somewhat responsible. I'm sorry." Responsible? What for? 

"Why?" He asked it slowly, his eyebrows drawing together closely, head tilting to the side. Kakashi handed over the bottle of Jack to Deidara. 

"In the beginning of this all, we all had bets on when you two would get together...I had the lowest amount of time. Remember when I said I didn't have room in my car? Look back there, I did." he sighed looking out the wind shield and his eyes fixed on the trees beside the parking lot. "Between that and Gai, I don't know. I know I'm not innocent that's for sure. Plus...you're so sad I could almost taste it. One thing I got from my mother other than this damn mole, was her sensitivity to situations and people. She told me 'protect the family'...and well as sad as it may seem, this group of misfits is the closest that I have to one."

He fiddled with the steering wheel and turned on the car so they could at least listen to music while bullshitting. 

_**See my days are cold without you, but I'm hurting while I'm with you. And although my heart can't take no more, I keep on running back to you.** _

He winced and looked over at the blonde not knowing what kind of reaction he'd get from his admittance or the song.

Deidara's lips pressed together tightly and he took in a deep breath making as little noise as possible trying to make sure he couldn't hear how shaky his breathing was. 

"Oh." It was barely above a whisper and he kicked his shoes off to curl his legs on the seat to rest his chin on his knees. He wanted to make himself as little as possible. "Can't blame yourself, Kakashi." His voice cracked slightly and he cleared his throat. "After all I'm the dumbass that slept with the first person who showed an interest in me. You're fine." He took a long swig of the Jack and handed it back to Kakashi letting his mind get lost in the song playing.

"I would ask if you want to slash his tires but...you won't have a way home then..." he chuckled as he stared at the bottle. He didn't know why, maybe he was growing up, but something told him not to drink it. He pondered over Deidara's words, first person to find him attractive? There was a lot more to Deidara than he originally thought. 

"You're not a dumbass, you're very smart, for a blonde that is." He chuckled dryly and handed the bottle back over to Deidara. "Okay I'm going to ask this, don't laugh at me, are you the hugging type? I live with the hugging type so if you need one I wouldn't judge. I really think we need to go shoot something though."

Deidara seemed surprised by the question and took another swig of the Jack. 

"Let's go shoot something then, hm." He said and laughed despite himself. He shook his head. "Am I a hugging person..." He repeated to himself and laughed again. "You say that like someone other than Tobi ever sought out to hug me, my man."

Kakashi's heart hurt at that, that simply would not do. He reached over and pulled Deidara in the best hug he could over the consol between them. He felt the blonde stiffen up but he rubbed his back with a "sh", he could tell how much the other man needed it. He blamed being friends with Gai for so long, turning him slightly into a mush, but in reality he couldn't stand to see people hurt. 

"There. Now someone other than Tobi wanted to hug you, wait until we get back and I tell Gai." he laughed as he put the car in to reverse. "You will most likely be getting a hug every day from him when he finds that out." Just as he began to drive on the road 'Family Affair' by MJB played, causing him to laugh hard enough to hit the steering wheel. 

"Here's the plan, we're going to use a piece of clothing, my hoodie for instance, I'll throw it in the air and you picture it as someone you're angry with. Be it Hidan, your mom or dad or whoever was a dick to make you feel you weren't good enough...shoot it. Shoot the FUCK out of it."

Deidara's mind was still reeling from the hug. It was a weird sensation to have someone other than Hidan (who honestly didn't hug him much anyway) hug him. He would be lucky to get a high-five from Sasori on a good day. Sasori wasn't a very affectionate person. Why would Kakashi even want to hug him? Why would Gai? Shaking his head, Deidara decided he appreciated the hug all the same. The shooting, however, had him nervous. 

"Alright... I never shot a gun before, hm."

***

"Gai." Itachi whispered and Gai's attention was drawn from the movie to the Uchiha. "Where is Kakashi?"

"He went to check on Deidara." Gai whispered back. Itachi glanced over and noticed that Deidara wasn't there either and Hidan was fiddling on his phone looking not at all worried. Itachi frowned and nodded at Gai, sitting back to the normal face front position. 

Kisame was mildly horrified at the movie and it only continued to get worse. Especially when he found out who Rocky was. And the song "Touch Me" that Janet sang had him turn beat red thinking of Deidara singing that to him in front of an entire audience. Was it possible to die of embarrassment of something that hadn't even happened yet?

Tobi sat in his seat and text Deidara. He noticed Deidara left but he figured the last person he wanted to see was him at that moment. To say Tobi was disappointed in Hidan was an understatement and he just wanted to make sure his Senpai was okay.

**_Senpai, are you ok? I am worried about you :(_ ** __  
I'm fine Tobi.  
**Do you want me to beat up Hidan for you? I will.**  
Not without me there to witness it, you won't.  
**Anything for my senpai! ^///^**  
Who the fuck still uses those emojis? 

***

With the movie over and Kakashi and Deidara not back yet, Gai worried and sent Kakashi several text messages that were left unanswered. 

Fortunately, Jiraiya wasn't known for actually paying attention and seemed to get an emergency call and he ran out of the room without any preamble. Gai thanked his lucky stars that Jiraiya was aloof and sunk back into his chair. He noticed his Rival didn't get his bookbag so grabbed it and looked to see that Deidara's was still on the table he sat in front of. Gai made a huge show of getting Deidara's bag, all while glaring heatedly at Hidan and leaving the room to call his rival. 

"Where is Deidara?" Sasori asked finally and looked around the room. He's seen Rocky Horror Picture Show and didn't care for it so fell asleep before the movie even started. 

"He left at the beginning of the movie." Tobi said and Hidan turned to his side and noticed Deidara wasn't there anymore.

"Huh, that's why everything was so quiet." Tobi narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you disrespect my senpai!" The sheer annoyance in his voice was enough for Hidan to pause and look at him surprised. 

"Calm down there, Tobi." Hidan said slowly and noticed a strange look in Tobi's eyes. "I was only kidding." Tobi stood up and walked over to the sitting Hidan and stood in a way that he actually looked looming. Hidan was staring up at him not really knowing how to react. Tobi looked like he wanted to say something but instead he just huffed and left the room. Sasori grabbed his bag and ran after Tobi quickly. "What the fuck?"

"You." Itachi said and Hidan looked over at him.

"What, doll-face?" He asked, his teeth clenched in irritation. He had no idea where Deidara ran off to but now Tobi was upset with him for no reason either. What was going on today?

"What's going on with your professor?" He asked and Kisame raised both eyebrows high and stared at Itachi in confusion. He wondered if it was really their business to be asking but Itachi seemed to be adamant.

"What do you mean?" There was a light dusting of pink on Hidan's cheeks and he looked away from Itachi and Itachi pursed his lips. A guilty expression if he'd ever seen one, for sure. 

"Is there something going on between you and your professor?" Itachi questioned again, this time his gaze hardening to dare Hidan to lie to him.

"Who? Kakuzu?" Hidan let out an awkward laugh. "Pfft, no nothing..." His face turned a darker shade of pink and he still wasn't maintaining eye contact. Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Uh-huh. So why are you blushing?" Kisame's eyes widened.

"Oh shit, are you two a thing?" Hidan looked over at Kisame wide eyed.

"What? No!" He stammered and started playing with his phone in his hands not looking at the screen. "That would be... No. We aren't a thing."

"Well, clearly you want to see him naked." Kisame said flatly and Hidan blushed and glared at him. "What? You are obviously hung up on him so..."

"Yeah. Brilliant. It's not like I'm going to text him, like Kakuzu, send me nudes! I mean, he's my professor." Hidan looked the other way and Itachi was curious.

"What does your professor look like anyway?" He asked and Hidan frowned and looked down at his phone. Should he even admit to having a picture? That would be incriminating, wouldn't it? He saw a check mark in the corner. What the fuck...? He unlocked his phone and saw it said "Voice command message sent. 

"What the fuck? What the fuck??" With trembling hands he opened his messages. Sure enough, there was a message to Kakuzu saying 'Kakuzu, send me nudes!' "No! No! Holy fuck!"

"What?" Kisame asked finally and Hidan slammed his head on the table.

"My phone did voice to text and just asked my professor for nudes!" He whined into the table. Neither of them felt bad for laughing.

***

Deidara sat in the front of Kakashi's car when they stopped by the community center to pick up Gai. Gai clamored into the back seat and showed Deidara that he grabbed his bag. Deidara gave a soft thanks.

"Did you want to go with Hidan or did you want to stay with me?" Kakashi asked and Deidara looked over pathetically at him.

"I'd rather just stay here if you don't mind." It seemed releasing all of his anger wasn't the best way to go. Now he was just left with his sadness.

"No problem." Kakashi looked over at Gai and without speaking out loud he was able to get the point across that he would talk to him later. Gai nodded seriously and Kakashi drove off.

***

Kakuzu stood in his home gym, towel around his neck staring incredulously at the phone in his hand…he'd be damned, the brat did have guts after all. He read it a couple of times and tried to process the request, no demand the younger man had given. He smirked as he began typing 

**_You first Anitsu._ **

He quickly stopped himself. What was wrong with him? This was his student, who was years younger than him…it was despicable. There was a small voice in the back of his head saying 'he's over 18 so he's a legal consenting adult'. He hissed at such a thought…had it really been so long that he's been with someone that the first person to show interest, multiple times in a day, impair his judgment so? Had he been so lonely without realizing it that he'd flirt with someone as young as Hidan? 

He thought of those purple eyes looking at him with that triumphant look…the little fool had this planned from the beginning probably. Kakuzu remembered the almost whisper from him 'Papicito'…a quick vision flashed before his eyes of another way Hidan would say that and almost growled. Damn it, the boy was like an earwig, first making him enjoy teaching such a stupid class and now? Now he was in plaguing his thoughts away from the classroom imaging him in compromising ways. Kakuzu shook his head. No…he would not allow anything to jeopardize his job but then again…this was the only semester he taught Hidan. If the magnetic attraction was so strong even afterwards he may revisit this topic but until then…until then he'd act the responsible man he knew he was and would push his feelings aside, no matter how carnal. Funny how chemicals in the body worked. 

He looked back down at his phone and decided to respond with something more in character to what the younger man was used too.

**_Are you drunk?_ **

He chuckled dryly, the boy had interest in him no doubt…how cruel would it be to give him just enough attention back to keep the interest there? For all Kakuzu knew, this could simply be an attraction to power…whatever it was, he was going to enjoy slightly torturing the little albino, and not just mentally in the classroom. His best friend Hashirama once told him 'Give them a quarter of what they want and they'll always come back for more, worked with Madara.' Hmn, somehow he felt this was both a genius and a very bad idea at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) whoa man. How long do you think Deidara is going to be pissed for? (and how do you think Hidan will calm him down?  
> 2) What do you think happens next?  
> 3) If you had to pick a scene from this chapter to be drawn, what would it be?  
> 4) Kakashi seems to be adopting everyone, who else do you think will show up at his house?
> 
> Again, thank you everyone for your comments! We're very happy you're enjoying the story!


	11. Crying in the Chicken Coop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan and Kakuzu text
> 
> The gang is cheeky
> 
> We've got a visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! We're so sorry---er **I'm** sorry that it's taken this long to get this chapter up. Smoresies has been amazing and understading, I've been battling a bit of health problems and between them and school...well lets just say I was useless this whole week, I apologize. 
> 
> **Leah** : Don't worry, we didn't make him like that lol, as for when Sasori will grow a pair…well we'll see ;) As much as I love a protective Tobi, poor Hidan ♥ . It wasn't intentional for that to happen but it did and we're so happy with it, glad you're enjoying it so far!  
>  **Vivi** : True but its Hidan we're talking about lol he almost did beat him up but for the sake of his sempai he didn't. Ha! That is exactly how he's feeling, that scene was actually something that happened to me in real life! Glad it could provide some laughs.  
>  **GabrielaTaisho** : Yes he is! Lol, hopefully you'll like this chapter then ;)  
>  **Alexandra1997** : Don't worry, we love them too much for something that drastic to happen.  
>  **DaarRena** : I can't tell you how increadibly happy it makes us to read that you're enjoying it so much! I love how perceptive you are.  
>  **Kuko** : We're glad it made your week! Ah yes that was a fun scene to write, and yes eventually people will take shifts at Kakashi's house XD. Oh my! I'm not gonna lie, even though my grandmother was a Garcia…I know enough Spanish to order at a Mexican/Spanish restaurant LOL! So I will have to go to GoogleTranslate.  
>  **animefanxlove** : Ever the descriptive and perceptive individual ♥ Haha, a lot of people want to see that scene drawn out…don't tempt smoresies lol! We welcome yours and Kuko's input on the Spanish! As stated earlier I don't speak it…hardly…when I was in HS I took Latin and the best thing I know how to say is "Non loqur Latine valde bene" which literally translates to "I don't speak Latin very well" XD!  
>  **HidansCrazyLaugh** : We're glad you're enjoying it, we love writing it :). Ah yes, clueless Hidan (actually is slightly addressed in this chapter lol). Ugh I know what you mean, like I said earlier, that scene was based off of what happened to me at one point, granted it wasn't my teacher but still…good catch love ;) 
> 
> That's it, enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 11

 

Itachi sat across from Kisame with a frown. Kisame stared back into big black orbs, despite the circumstances he was liking the fact they were hanging out.

"Here are your milkshakes." The waiter said as she placed a strawberry one in front of Kisame and a chocolate one in front of Itachi. Kisame sighed, even though he was loving this, he couldn't stand to see Itachi so upset.

"Itachi?" he asked as he looked at the brunette who seemed to be eyeing his milkshake. "Uh…something wrong?"

"They gave you two cherries…" he said in an accusing tone whether he realized it or not. Kisame had to not laugh at the childish sparkle in Itachi's eyes _'He's still such a kid at heart'_ he thought amusedly to himself. He plucked both of them off of the whipped cream and placed them on Itachi's with a smile. He did however chuckle at the quick look awe on the younger man.

"You can have them, don't worry, I actually hate those. The only kind I like are fresh ones." He grinned, it seemed truthful enough to Itachi that he didn't question it and began to gratefully eat his well deserved milkshake, he had gotten an A on his test after all.

"You seem troubled though kid." Kisame said bringing his attention back down to earth and away from fountains of chocolate.

"I feel bad for Dei is all…even though it's Deidara, no one should be treated that way." Itachi muttered as he chewed on his straw in thought. He heard Kisame inhale and hold his breath, and then slowly exhale. "What? What is it?" he blinked looking up at Kisame.

"I just think…take it from me, it's best not to get in between two people…I almost had to kiss Gai because I involved myself in their situation." He made a dramatic shudder and Itachi laughed, the force of his laugh made his whipped cream fly up the side of the cup and onto his nose. He set the cup down and looked at Kisame with a deadpanned look. "This is my life. Right here, perfect demonstration. My. LIFE." Itachi said with the most monotone voice he could muster. Kisame was wheezing at the site and quickly snapped a picture before Itachi could wipe it off. This earned him a playful glare from Itachi.

Kisame cleared his throat and continued. "We don't know what their situation is…I don't think THEY even know what their situation is. Could Hidan have handled it better with his response? Fuck yeah he could've…but this is Hidan we're talking about. Did you not noticed he lived alone, on a farm, **_isolated_**? Maybe he literally doesn't know how to interact with humans at the level most people our age do. Please don't give me that look, if there's anything I've learned from that spectacle with Gai is that there is ALWAYS two sides to every story. Just because its' Hidan doesn't mean his side doesn't matter." He began playing with the napkin at the table.

"I mean, I doubt he'd hurt him that viciously on purpose considering how into each other they were a week ago…someone who fusses over babies the way Hidan does, I don't see him doing something like that. What I do think is that he's confused on his own feelings because halfway through us teasing him, he gave up. Who does that? Someone who either doesn't care or is slowly accepting the situation. I don't think him and Dei even talked about what they are…hell I don't think they even **talk** at all. But…yeah…we don't know what's going on…" he trailed off and took a sip of his milkshake.

Itachi listened intently to Kisame and was silently impressed. He grinned and threw a french-fry at him with a look of mischief in his eyes as he teased the older man.

"Wow sensei, calm down there. Grasshopper here cannot handle all this wisdom ." Kisame put his head in his hands and laughed and looked up at Itachi with a fond look, shaking his head.

"You're an ass." He chuckled and Itachi only raised his eyebrows at him, whether it was challengingly or flirtatiously Kisame couldn’t tell.

"When did I become the hasty one and you the calm one?" Itachi thought out loud tipping his head to the side in thought.

"You've rubbed off on me doll face." He grinned and his heart did a mild flip at the fleeting dark look in Itachi's eyes.

"Touché."

 

***

 

Hidan drove home without answering the text feeling like a complete moron. How does one even go about fixing this? Could he? Should he? He should honestly just play the part of what Kakuzu thinks he is. It wasn't like Kakuzu thought highly of him anyway. Plus, Hidan's pride was too great to fall back on what he said so he just grit his teeth. He pulled into the driveway and stared at the "are you drunk" text and sighed.

**_Kinda wishing I was TBH_ **

Hidan realized after he sent the message if he said yes to that, Kakuzu wouldn't have questioned it and he could've played it off like him being stupid and drunk. Hidan groaned. Instead, he was just stupid.

_Then why aren't you?_

**_Be kinda fuckin sad for me to get drunk alone. But at this point I may just say fuck it._ **

_Are you planning on driving anytime soon?_

**_Besides driving you crazy? No._ **

_Hidan, shut the fuck up and go get a drink, you sound pitiful._

**_Don't tell me what to do. You're not my real dad._ **

_You say that as if you have a fake one._

**_Don't even have a real one, my dude._ **

_I am no dude. Do you know what a 'dude' really is?_

**_Oh lay off it, man. This isn't school. You don't need to act all stiff._ **

_Stiff, huh? I'm not the one who asked for nudes, fool._

**_The only stiff thing I want is a stiff drink, not your scraggly old balls._ **

 

**KAKUZU SENT A PHOTO**

_I promise nothing is old and scraggly except your attempt to insult me._

Hidan must've died and descended to another plane of existence because the fact that Kakuzu sent a photo that showed a quarter part of his right body, toned, muscular, tatted on his hip, arm, what sliver of his chest he could see, his fucking hair was down. Shit. Now Hidan not only had to deal with a raging hard on but a nose bleed. Fine. That fucker wanted to play? Hidan could do better than that.

Hidan got out of his car and ran inside, nearly tripping over Oscar on his rush to the stairs. He quickly wiped his face off from the blood and tugged his shirt off and threw it. Flexing one of his arms, the only thing on his skin being his necklace, he snapped the waist up photo. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't take a picture of the waist down. At least, not without Kakuzu seeing the aftermath of his picture.

**YOU SENT A PHOTO**

**_That's nice and all, but have you seen THESE GUNS?_ **

Hidan sat on the bathroom counter with a smirk on his face, anxiously waiting for Kakuzu's response. When Hidan saw he got another picture his heart nearly jumped out of his chest. He was so excited. He clicked on it and damn near swooned at the muscle Kakuzu was making. Was this really his professor? He was quite the tease...

_You need to step up your game, son._

Hidan frowned, he couldn't have that old man show him up. Hidan knew he had a nice body. He tugged his pants off and waited until his erection died down enough to take a full on picture in his full length mirror while wearing his underwear. Then, he decided, why the fuck not? So he kicked off his underwear too and took a picture like that with the cockiest smirk he could muster.

"Let's see what you have to say about THAT, fuckface." Hidan said with a scoff. Once it said it sent the message Hidan realized how mortifying it was that he just sent a nude to his professor. Oh Jashin, what the fuck was wrong with him?

Seeing that Kakuzu responded with a picture message had his heart lodge in his throat and he was disappointed to see that it was just a picture of weights.

_Weights, have you seen them before?_

Okay now he was just being rude. Hidan gave a once look over his body, he was plenty toned! And he didn't have time to go to the damned gym and lift weights! He had a farm to look after! All of his muscles were from manual labor.

**_Have you seen farmers and what we do? I don't have time to lift weights._ **

_It shows in your academics you don't have time, being a little farmer boy and all._

 

Hidan's face flushed in anger. Little?? He was NOT little!

 

**_Fuck you man! I'm the only fucker to ace your fucking homework assignment!_ **

_Every blind squirrel finds a nut from time to time._

**_Is that what you want, huh? Me to find a nut? Yours, perhaps?_ **

_You talk as if you have a chance. Inexperienced whelps aren't my type._

**_Then it's a good fuckin thing I'm not inexperienced. You might be in trouble if you had to miss out on all of this._ **

_Go do your damn homework and stop your pitiful attempts at flirting. It won't happen._

**_You didn't say EVER. So when?_ **

_If you manage to pass all my classes._

**_Can I sleep with you to boost my grade?_ **

_If I did that, I'd be cheating on my first love._

**_Your first love? Was unaware you had that emotion._ **

_Only for one thing, money. I'd be cheating on money by letting you boost your grade. You'll have to earn it, Anitsu._

**_I'll make you eat those words, papacito._ **

****

***

 

When Kakashi finally brought Deidara back home, Deidara looked warily at the house.

"You mind staying here for a minute? Just in case?" Deidara asked quietly and Kakashi nodded.

"It's fine, go ahead." Deidara gave him a thankful look and nodded. He walked into the house and looked around to find Hidan. Eventually he found him in the bathroom, grinning at his phone sporting a half-hard on, completely naked. Deidara's eyes narrowed.

"What the fuck are you doing?" To Deidara's amusement, Hidan jumped and almost dropped his phone.

"Jashin, fuck, princess. Don't sneak up on me!" He scolded and Deidara scowled.

"Sneak up on you? I walked in the fucking house and called for you! Not my fault you're too busy with whatever the fuck you're doing." This was the exact moment Hidan realized he was completely naked. He awkwardly pulled his underwear up and while he was busy with that, Deidara grabbed his phone.

"Yo, what the fuck, princess?" He snapped and when Deidara looked at the screen he was on he saw pictures. Pictures Hidan sent and received.

"Is this your professor?" He asked and Hidan's mouth opened to speak and Deidara threw the phone across the room. It ricocheted off the wall and Hidan jumped to catch it.

"Babe! What the fuck!?"

"Don't call me babe when you're sexting your fucking professor! What the fuck is wrong with you, hm!?"

"Don't throw my goddamn phone!" Deidara shook his head and huffed, storming out of the room. "Where are you going?!"

"I don't want to see your stupid face!" Deidara yelled and went into his bedroom. He grabbed his bag and started to throw the few articles of clothing in his bag.

"Seriously, what the fuck, Deidara? You're leaving?" There was a panicked look in Hidan's eyes but Deidara wasn't paying attention to it. "Why are you leaving? Where are you going?"

"I'm staying with Kakashi. Fuck, I'll even move back in with my parents if I have to, hm!" Hidan walked over and grabbed Deidara's arm to try to stop him from packing. "Get the fuck off of me!" Deidara shoved Hidan to the ground and stared at him with his eyes blazing. "You don't get to touch me, un!" He hissed.

"I don't understand why you're so angry!" Hidan yelled, honestly looking confused. "We aren't together!" There was a look on Deidara's face. One that Hidan knew too well. Disappointed acceptance. Momentarily Deidara's anger fizzled out. There wasn't much of an expression on his face at all after that. Just blank. Slowly he nodded and turned back to grab his bag. "Deidara, princess, please talk to me-"

"No, you're right, hm." Deidara said quietly. "We aren't together. I guess I thought...hm." Deidara trailed off and sighed again. He slung the strap over his shoulder and turned to face Hidan. "Sorry. Guess it isn't just girls who get attached to their first, huh?" He gave a self-deprecating smile. "We... We could've been something great, yeah?" Deidara walked out of the room and down the stairs. Hidan was up on his feet chasing him to the front door.

"Deidara!" Hidan used his name so much in hopes he would be corrected. He wasn't. "Please don't go."

"I'm tired, Hidan! I'm tired of being angry! I'm tired of being sad! I'm tired of not being good enough! For anyone! I'm just sick of it!" Deidara snapped, Hidan was glad to hear him fired up again. He didn't like the quiet acceptance from before. When you fought for something, you wanted it. "I can't keep your attention, why? Because I'm not good looking like your professor? Well I'll never look like him! And I'll fucking learn to not let it bother me. I'm not muscular, I don't have tattoos, I'm just... I'm me. And if me isn't good enough, fine. But I'm gone." Deidara left and Hidan felt something crack. He panicked.

"Deidara! Get back here!" He ran to the door and threw it opened. Deidara was at Kakashi's car already and he threw his bag in the back seat. "Deidara! We're not done! Get your ass over here and we can fucking talk like adults!" Deidara looked up at him and his frown deepened. He slammed the back door shut and stomped over to where Hidan stood on the porch. Relief flooded over Hidan only to be shoved to the side while Deidara ran in the house. "What the hell are you doing?" Hidan followed him but by the time he was halfway to where Deidara went, he was already storming back out holding Oscar.

"I'm fucking taking Oscar too, hm!"

"Wha-Deidara! You can't take my fucking chicken!"

"I just did, asshole!"

"Deidara!" Hidan stood on his porch yelling after the blond but Deidara just got into the car.

"Uh, should I be worried?" Kakashi asked, staring warily at the chicken.

"I'm just worried he may eat Oscar, hm." Kakashi nodded and they left the driveway leaving Hidan more upset then he could understand.

"Fuck!" Hidan ran his fingers through his hair shakily and walked into the house and started to pace back and forth. Deidara couldn't just up and leave, could he? Why did he leave? Hidan hastily grabbed his phone to send Deidara a text when he realized he'd been connected to a call for the past 4 minutes. "Hello?"

 _"Was I supposed to hear that, brat?"_ Hidan closed his eyes tightly. This day couldn't possibly get worse.

 

***

 

Kakashi examined Deidara as much as he could while driving, he could tell by the way the blonde was breathing he was trying to keep his feelings in check. As a bystander he could see both sides honestly, but at the same time he could feel Deidara's sadness even greater than what logic was telling him. Kakashi pulled up to a red light and once again looked over at Deidara, a smile tugged on the edges of his mouth as he saw Oscar…a **chicken** leaned into Deidara's chest and extended her neck so that her head laid on his shoulder. Chickens could give hugs…who knew?

"Dei…I've got some good news and some bad news…" Kakashi trailed off. Deidara sniffed and whipped his face and turned towards him.

"What's that?" blue eyes asked warily.

"Good news is you can stay with us for as long as you want…bad news is you're technically only escaping tonight…because we're all over his house tomorrow night into Saturday morning for the baby shower…" Kakashi pursed his lips together and his eyebrows rose, his eyes as wide as he could make them while he looked over at Deidara, anticipating him blowing up.

Deidara was in deep thought and mindlessly petting Oscar who made soft clucking noises, there was a frown on his face until he made eye contact with Kakashi. Seeing the look on the normally stoic man caused Deidara to forget about what was so serious, and just laughed at the face Kakashi was unknowingly making.

"My man, your face!" he laughed as hugged Oscar. His laughing calmed down to small giggles and eventually he cleared his throat and looked at Kakashi. "It's alright, even if it is just an overnight reprieve, it's better than being there and murdering him, un. Plus I'll have everyone there so if need be we can stuff him in the barn." He said the last part in the most sing-song voice Kakashi had ever heard.

"Another thing, Dei…" he trailed off again and Deidara jokingly glared at him.

"What could it possibly be now, yeah?"

"You're not allergic to dogs are you?"

 

***

 

It was a cooler than usual night, the moon had been shrouded by clouds cloaking everything in secrecy. Two hooded figures stood in front of another in the shadow that the airport's building casted.

"Did you gather everything that was asked?" the smaller of the two men asked in a quiet tone.

"I did. And then some." The taller one responded.

"Very good…you will be compensated heavily for your troubles. Report back to us within a week, here's my card, we should have everything situated by then. Good evening sir."

"You as well."

 

***

 

Kakuzu was furious with himself and was happily taking it out on the punching bag in his gym. His favorite band blaring from the speakers, providing him more fuel to his already ignited anger. Why? Why did he engage with that… ** _child_**. It started when the little zealot had accidentally called him, then the text, then their conversation through text…and then that fight he had heard. Why did he stay on the line anyways? _'Because you're interested in the little fool.'_ The logical part of his brain berated him.

Whoever the other brat was, he had been desperately trying to hold it, but with Hidan being Hidan, he kept pushing. It appeared the boy was read-blind to situations and needed things to be spelled out and didn't pick up on hints. Not that the little headache wasn't smart, he was almost so smart he was dumb at times. Kakuzu growled and punched extra hard, why was his mind the only part of himself not okay being interested with the albino? He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think any longer and just struck the bag in front of him.

_'So he took hold of the reasons as he tried to understand, but they offered just confusion as they bled into his hands. Dear god, couldn't you decide? What should happen to a man's assassins? Dear god, is it suicide? I have never been a man of passion.'_

He slowed his attacks as he tried to regain control of his breathing, the lyrics hitting him harder than they should. He chuckled dryly…this whole thing, it was suicide. Suicide to his career, his reputation, and it was true that he had never been a man of passion. Money was his sole focus…at least it used too. He leaned into the punching bag resting his head on it, trying to steady his breathing, and came to the horrifying realization.

Even with the danger of the situation, with everything on the line, he wouldn't be able to be the one to pull away first. As if like a magnet he was drawn towards the youth, and it appeared it was the same for Hidan. They drove each other mad with their personalities, in fact their personalities were so opposite it was almost volatile and yet…and yet here he stood with a disgusting fondness for the maddening younger man. Visions of Hidan laughing, smiling, angry, how when he was pissed the vein on his head popped but only on the right side…shit.

He was pulled from his musings at hearing his phone go off. He turned and took off his left boxing glove and picked it up and saw the incoming call was from **'Hidan’**. He shouldn’t answer it…Kakuzu knew he shouldn't answer it but the he remembered Hidan's frantic sounding voice, how there was an undeniable sadness there. Automatically angry with himself for knowing his choice, he growled and gave the punching bag one final good punch.

He accepted the call.

 

***

 

Hidan sniffled to himself, cradling the bottle of Jack as if it were his lifeline. He was sitting in the dark, his senses hyper aware of everything, especially the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Deidara had left, instead of trying to work out whatever was wrong, he just left. Why did everyone write him off as if he wasn't worth fighting for… **literally.**

All because he was texting his teacher? _Kakuzu…_ the older man certainly had an effect on him…like he felt he always needed his constant approval. He'd only known him for a couple of weeks, same with Deidara…and yet he felt as if he'd known both of them his whole life. Was there such a thing as soul mate's? Was it possible to have two? Hidan sure has fuck didn't know as he took another drink from the bottle.  He checked his phone, 12:15am…shit he was going to have a hangover in school, maybe Kakuzu would send him home.

 _Kakuzu…_ Hidan stood abruptly and winced when his head collided with the ceiling of his hiding spot. This all happened because of his professor! If he wasn't in the picture than none of this would have happened! He was the reason Hidan's roommate/boyfriend/fuck buddy/first-actual-friend-after-his-parents-death left him. In his drunken, overly emotional state, he went into his contacts and called Kakuzu, deciding to give him a piece of his mind. He listened anxiously at the call tone.

Damn that Kakuzu…yes he had been the source of the fight, but why Hidan couldn't figure out. He hadn't hung up even though clearly there was a fight, he hadn't judged…and every time he called, he had answered. Kakuzu hadn't left him…shit. As the phone rang he thought drunkenly to himself this would be a test. If the old man answered his phone for the third time tonight, it would prove that he was somehow (Hidan was still trying to figure that out) a constant in his life, and he wasn't going to give up on him. If he didn't well…he was fucked.

After listening to the ringing for almost 30 seconds straight, Hidan was beginning to become self conscious and nervous until he heard the sound of the line being picked up. He smiled inwardly, Jashin had decided his fate for him.

_"What is it brat?"_

"How come you didn't hang up?"

_"What?"_

"When you heard me and Deidara fighting, why didn't you hang up? You could have, but you stayed on the phone."

 _"…are you drunk?"_ this made Hidan laugh.

"For second time asking tonight, yes…I am. I might be late to school tomorrow, I don't wanna be late but this Jack went from 50 proof to fucked up real fast."

_"Why are you bugging me at midnight?"_

"Why are you up at midnight? I thought old people were in bed at 9 or something."

_"I thought farmers did the same."_

"Must everything be a fucking contest with you?"

" _Must everything be a damned headache with you?"_

"He left you know…" Hidan trailed off. There was a long pause of silence.

_"I heard."_

"It's because of you apparently. How was I supposed to know what the fuck we were? Princess never fucking said anything! Now I'm alone again thanks to me not being a fucking mind reader…" Hidan trailed off again. He couldn't tell if it was from emotional exhaustion or the alcohol but talking was a chore. Remembering everything from a few hours ago, Hidan felt drunken tears sting his eyes and he sniffed again.

 _"…Are you CRYING?"_ Kakuzu asked slightly alarmed. Hidan sniffed and before he could say anything Kakuzu asked another question.

 _"And do I hear **chickens**?"_ Hidan chuckled and finally answered.

"Yeah. I'm in the chicken coop."

 _"You called me while you were crying in the chicken coop…why?"_ Hidan misread the question as always.

"Chickens give fucking amazing hugs."

 _"Brat…"_ there was a quick pause and a sigh. _"When I told you to drink earlier, I didn't mean get shitfaced. Put the alcohol down, go drink plenty of water and go to bed, it's a busy day tomorrow and I don't want either of us missing out on sleep because of you, you little ingrate."_

"Is there a test?" he asked hoping to get some sort of a heads up.

_"Keep your distance from Dei..dara? You have to actually let someone be mad for awhile…"_

"Like you who's always mad?" he joked into the phone.

_"I have good reason to be, but go inside and out of the chicken coop."_

"I don't wanna go back inside, it's so lonely and quiet in there…maybe I can spend the night over your house an-" he started suggestively.

 ** _"GOODNIGHT HIDAN."_**  

 

***

 

"Alright guys, I have an idea." Kakashi said, holding up a box. "This is a really old shitty game I got at Walmart 6 years ago and I don't even play it right but I think it'll be fun."

In Kakashi's living room sat Deidara, Gai, Itachi (Sasuke, by extension) and Kisame.

"It's called Likewise. There's two piles of cards. One is a pile of Adjectives, the other is a pile of nouns. We each get one of these handheld white boards and a marker. I read out the adjective and the noun and everyone secretly writes something on their whiteboard. If you match with someone else, you get a point. If you don't know what something is called, just draw it. Everyone ready?" He passed out the whiteboards that were shaped like speech bubbles. "I actually only have 3 dry erase markers so some of you will have to share. Sorry." Kisame and Itachi scooted closer together to share a marker as did Kakashi and Gai. Even though it wasn't their intent, it did make Deidara feel slightly lonlier and he wondered if Hidan would sit next to him had he been there... Deidara shook his head slightly and looked up at Kakashi who flipped over the first card. "Okay! A... Sexual... power tool...?" Kakashi made a weird face and suddenly Kisame was giggling and scribbled something down.

"Everyone done?" Itachi asked and they nodded. "Okay, flip them." Everyone looked around at each other's answers and with a big grin, Kisame and Deidara pointed at each other.

"Eyyy!" Kisame laughed. "We get a point!"

"A ho is not a power tool." Itachi interjected.

"You're just jealous because you put... a bench grinder?"

"Gai, why the hell did you put a lawnmower?" Kakashi asked as he held up 'leaf blower' on his board. Gai shrugged and Kakashi reluctantly gave Kisame and Deidara the point. This was supposed to cheer Deidara up so he would let the technicality slide. "Next! Creepy... Thing in closet. Oh god." It was Deidara's turn to snort. He knew he wouldn't match with anyone but it was all in good fun so he didn't mind. "Flip!" Again, Kisame and Deidara pointed at each other.

"No fucking way!"

"How did you two both manage to put verbatim the same answer? A dead clown? Really?" Itachi asked flatly. Deidara's grin was hurting his face and Kakashi shook his head and gave them another point. "Come on everyone, we need to step it up or they're going to win." Itachi said as he erased 'china dolls' from his board. Kakashi sighed realizing Gai wasn't as big of a pervert as him so wouldn't have also put 'a giant box of lightly used dildos from your mother' and Gai erased his 'weights that haven't been used since the early 90's'.

"Unlikely thing to find in a refrigerator." Kakashi read and Kisame and Deidara shared a look and Deidara bit his lip. After a few seconds Kakashi told them to flip the boards over. "Seriously? Another dead clown?" Deidara finally let out the barking laugh he was holding back and Kisame covered his own mouth and stifled his laughter as his head hung forward. He may not have been Deidara's number one fan, not because he didn't like the guy, they just didn't really talk, but Kisame couldn't help but feel like Deidara was actually pretty funny.

"I hate both of you." Itachi grumbled as Kakashi gave them another point.

"Gai, it's like you're trying to not match with anyone..." Kakashi muttered and Gai looked up innocently with his board with 'fruit that has been left in the fridge for so long, it has fermented and turned to wine'. "Why do you keep writing such specific answers?"

"Rival, I would never leave fruit unattended for that long. I was only being honest." Gai said seriously and Kakashi shook his head, trying not to smile. Itachi took the lull in the conversation to glance down at Sasuke's sleeping form. He smiled softly and Kisame leaned in closer to look at Sasuke's cute face. Itachi tensed slightly, feeling Kisame breathing on his neck at the closeness.

"Such a cute kid." Kisame said fondly. Itachi nodded in response and carefully moved the hair out of Sasuke's face. "Looks just like his older brother." Kisame said with a chuckle and Itachi's body felt as though it were on fire. Was Kisame hitting on him, or?

"Alright! Beautiful... person. Well, that's incredibly vague." Kakashi said and looked at everyone but Deidara. Deidara was writing something down and he gave them a look and somehow they all knew exactly what that look meant. Kisame grinned and held out his hand in permission to get the marker and wrote his answer, passing his marker back to Itachi.

"Are you all ready?" Deidara asked with a smile, he was proud of his answer. He was just being funny with it but when they all nodded and everyone flipped the board over, his smile faded slightly.

 

Gai: Deidara! [hearts all around the name]

Kakashi: Dei-dei [smiley face]

Itachi: Princess Dee [heart, chibi Deidara face with a crown]

Kisame: Deidaria-the-explaria [terrible doodle of Deidara as Dora]

Deidara: MEEEEEE [smiley face, heart]

 

"Thank you, guys." Deidara said with a soft smile. They grinned back at him.

"Of course Deidara! That is the one we were most serious about!" Gai said with the biggest smile he could make. Deidara's heart warmed extremely.

"Okay, next is girly instrument…what the actual fuck." Kakashi said the last part under his breath causing a collection of chuckles.

They began writing their answer, Itachi always let Kisame go first so he wouldn't disturb Sasuke who was by far zonked out. After he jotted down his answer he looked up.

"Everyone ready?" they all nodded and flipped the board over. Kisame was on the floor laughing heartily as Deidara pointed at him.

"You've GOT to be kidding me! Okay, where's the wire? You guys have to be cheating, seriously, what the hell are FINGER TAMBERMERINES?!" he said slightly louder than necessary which made Sasuke stir slightly.

"But hey, Itachi and I got a point." Kakashi said amusedly. "Hell yeah the triangle is a girly instrument." He looked over to Gai's answer and narrowed his eyes.

"What is it Rival?" Gai asked innocently again.

"You think the violin is a girly instrument?" Kakashi asked with a curious look. Gai nodded.

"It's lightweight, you have to have nimble fingers which most females do, you—"

"Gai, I PLAY THE VIOLIN." Kakashi interrupted and Gai's eyes lit up.

"Kakashi! I forgot about that! You played so beautifully to, why'd you stop?" he pouted.

"No shit? You play an instrument? I play guitar!" Kisame smiled at Kakashi who's eyebrows rose impressed.

"I play piano." Itachi said at a more reasonable volume this time than earlier. Kakashi and Kisame looked at him with the same pleasantly surprised look. Deidara snorted.

"You would play something so elegant. I play drums." He said proudly and Itachi smiled at him.

"A perfect instrument to go with your wild personality. A good fit indeed." Deidara just blushed at the compliment…at least he was sure it was a compliment.

"What about you dude?" Kisame asked looking at Gai who was fishing through Chex mix bowl for the rye chips. "Don't tell me you're the odd man out?"

"Do I play an instrument?" Gai asked looking up at Kisame who nodded. "Yeah. The Theremin." He said with a shrug.

"WHAT?" Kakashi and Itachi said loudly in unision.

"Alright, my man!" Deidara said holding up his hand for a high-five from Gai who grinned and accepted.

Kisame was just a mess on Kakashi's carpet, and was turning red fast from laughing.

"I have known you for seventeen years…SEVENTEEN YEARS, and not ONCE has this come up…what the hell Gai?" Kakashi said unbelievingly.

"Never mind that it's a horror movie instrument!" Itachi quipped beginning to join Kisame in laughing.

Kakashi kept staring at Gai who in turn stared back with a forced grin, and eyebrows raised. Kakashi couldn't be mad or agitated when he made that face and he joined in with Kisame and Itachi. A thought randomly struck him which caused him to laugh even louder.

"What?" Gai asked curious, being able to pick up on Kakashi's quirks and how his mind would jump from one subject to another.

"I just realized…we're going to have to shave your eyebrows for the play." He said with a stupid grin on his face, and Gai's in turn paled at the thought.

The group in unison laughed loudly at the idea of Gai walking around without eyebrows while Gai sat there with a worried pout as he touched his right eyebrow fondly.

"My man, that is too funny!" Deidara said with a smile and soon began hiccupping.

"Oh god, Kisame please breathe. He hasn't stopped for five minutes!" Kakashi alerted everyone who was still laughing at the thought.

"He would take pleasure in my pain." Gai said with a scowl, which only made Kisame laugh harder.

"Gai, shut up, don't look at him, don't talk!" Kakashi laughed though mildly worried for Kisame.

Itachi quickly went into medical mode, reached over and pressed on the tiny bone at the very end of the sternum,  causing a sharp pain to go through Kisame and have him gasp from the pain. Itachi looked up to the three of them with a deadpanned look and eyebrow quirked.

"He's breathing agan."

"'Tachi! What the hell!" Kisame whined rubbing the middle of his chest. Itachi shrugged.

"You weren't breathing…"

"Have you pictured Gai with no eyebrows? HAVE YOU? It's the equivalent to a male lion being shaved!"

 "I wouldn't say it is that drastic-" Gai began but stopped when they heard the doorbell.

The five of them stopped and looked to each other, every single one of them confused.

"You expecting company bud?" Kisame asked finally. Kakashi shook his head eyebrows in a frown.

"Who in the world would be at your door after midnight?" Itachi asked holding Sasuke closer suddenly not liking the eerie quiet that had taken over the previously loud room.

"The dogs aren't barking." Gai said in such a serious tone it unnerved Deidara.

"I don't like this, un." The doorbell rang again, this time twice in a row.

Kakashi got up and was stopped by Gai who shook his head. Kakashi rolled his eyes and yanked his hand from Gai and pointed to the side table with the drawer. Gai opened it and grabbed the handgun that was in it. Itachi's eyes became saucers not realizing the situation had escalated so quickly. What unnerved him and Dei even more was how seamlessly the order came from Kakashi, Gai retrieved it and Kisame held out his hand…it was as if the three of them had dealt with this before.

"Coming." Kakashi said eventually and slowly made his way into the hall and in front of the door. He looked through the peephole and was slightly alarmed that it was completely dark. "Who is it?" he asked finally. He looked behind him and saw Gai and Kisame were ready should they need to be.

"A very old friend." A muffled voice came from behind the door. That voice made Kakashi's blood run cold. He rushed to unlock the door and cracked it open to look at the person on the other side.

The twin set of the charcoal colored eyes of Sakumo met Kakashi's. It was the last thing he saw before he fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, what? Anyone see that coming? >:)  
> *Kakuzu was listening to a band called Savatage...you'd know them better today as Trans Siberian Orchestra ;)
> 
> 1) Your thoughts on Hidan and Kakuzu's budding relationship and that text conversation?  
> 2) How you guys feeling on Hidan and Deidara's situation?  
> 3) Who else is excited at the prospect of Gai having to shave his caterpillars off?  
> 4) How do you think Kakashi will act now that his dad is back in the picture?


	12. Double Penetration!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Alexandra1997** : Don't worry! We will continue to update even if we take a bit. There's still so many sex scenes I haven't written yet. And unfortunately for you Hidan and Kakuzu will be a couple eventually. Don't worry, there's still our boi Deidara there ;) (I'm not giving up on my OTP) There will be more pining later on which I'm excited for.  
>  **Oberlyn** : Aww I'm glad. I write the Deidan, Lolli writes the KakuHida. I actually wasn't a fan of KakuHida before we started writing the story. Now I love them but Deidan is still my OTP.  
>  **Narutard** :Thank you~! We love Gai too and I can't wait to write him (And draw him) As Frankenfurter.  
>  **Desbelleschoses** : I'll try to draw it. If I do you'll be one of the first people to see it lol.  
>  **ox0hunny0xo** : Aren't they? I love it. I hope you like Sakumo's story!  
>  **Vivi** : Yeah which is why things are weird right now! Thank you!  
>  **DaarRena** : I can promise you all the games we use are real games. Look em up! They're fun! I loved writing Dei and Kisa. They're awesome lol. The airport was Sakumo coming home, sorry if it was unclear! I can't wait to see what happens with Kakuzu either (I don't write Kakuzu so...) I'll explain the chicken coop story down there and that's why it was worded how it was!  
>  **Songfren1128** : Don't apologize! We love to have you anyway! And it's good to see you again, JustTheBestGuest!!  
>  **HidansCrazyLaugh** : Hidan is a ho. He needed it. Deidara is also a ho, but I love him. Don't worry, they'll resolve their issues. Then they can be hoes together. Deidara keeps Oscar with him at all times, it's all good.  
>  **Bumblebees_Girl** : It happens. You're good. Don't worry, there will be plenty more shit to go down for you to panic over lol. I did not see Despicable me 2, I don't like Minions lol.  
>  **KukoGrande** : Haha yeah they weren't supposed to do that but Lolli and I are hoes so there's that to look for.

Chapter Twelve:

Gai hadn't realized Kakashi fainted. Since the door obstructed his view, he assumed Kakashi was hurt in some way. He whipped the door opened and just as quickly as he did so, he gave such an over dramatic kick, it looked straight out of a movie. Sakumo braced himself for that so didn't fall over. Kisame leapt into action and pistol whipped the poor guy. 

Sakumo fell to the ground just as Kakashi had and Gai stared in amazement and quickly turned the porch light on to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

"Sakumo!?" Gai yelled loudly and leaned over. "What is going on?!" Gai ran his fingers through his hair. Itachi quickly ran out to where everyone was to see the damage done to their unknown guest.

"You know him?" Itachi asked and glanced at the unconscious male. He looked exactly like-

"It's Kakashi's dad." Itachi's eyes widened.

"Wait, what? I thought he was dead." Itachi leaned over to examine him and Gai scratched his neck.

"Yeah... so did we."

"We should move him inside. Kisame really did a number on him." Itachi said and suddenly Kisame was extremely embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was Kakashi's dad." He apologized.

"Oscar! What are you doing, hm?" Kisame turned back to the entrance hall where Kakashi was passed out and Oscar was pecking at him relentlessly. "You be nice to Kakashi!" He scolded and picked up the chicken. Kisame turned back to Sakumo and saw Gai picking him up. Kisame decided to help their host as well and picked up Kakashi. They brought both of the Hatakes to the living room and set them on couches.

"So what the hell is going on anyway?" Deidara asked and Gai shrugged, staring at both the unconscious men. 

"Kakashi's dad is here but he supposedly died two years ago. I have no idea what's going on, honestly." Deidara frowned.

***

"Tobi, why are you still awake? You have school tomorrow." Hashirama asked, as he leaned on the doorframe to Tobi's bedroom.

"Just thinking." Tobi said softly. Hashirama knew that tone of voice. He walked into the room and sat at his son's bed. 

"What are you thinking about?" He asked and Tobi stared at him with eyes that didn't match his personality.

"I am unsure. There are a lot of things going on in my mind right now but I can't place anything." Tobi's voice was deeper and Hashirama held his hand. This Tobi didn't like contact too much, but he did give a reassuring squeeze before letting go of Hashirama's hand. 

"Is everything alright?" Tobi glanced up and saw Madara was now at his door. Tobi nodded. "Are you sure?" And just like that, the expression melted off his face and suddenly Tobi was back to normal. He grinned at Madara and gave him a thumbs up.

"I am great!" He insisted and Hashirama gave Madara a look.

"Alright, go to bed, Tobi. We'll see you in the morning."

"Oh!! Don't forget, I am sleeping over a friend's house tomorrow... err... today?" Hashirama smiled and nodded.

"We didn't forget." He said gently and walked to the door and grabbed Madara by the arm and dragged him away. "I think he's getting his memories back."

"What? It's been years." Madara said looking confused. "What do you think is triggering it?"

"Maybe something from his past showed up? I'm not sure, but we need to keep an eye on him. If he gets all of his memories back at once, it may confuse him a great deal."

"This is how he's been for nearly a decade." Madara said with a look of irritation. "Why change now? Where are the memories coming from?"

"I don't know! They told us when we got him that this may happen. I just didn't think it would take this long to get them back, I just... I hope he stays the same, loving person he is now."

"Yeah..." Madara sent one last glance in the direction of Tobi's room.

***

Sasori sat at his desk, his eyes were burning from exhaustion but he was just so damn close to finishing the jewelry box for Deidara. A part of him wanted to go drive it to him now, he spent days on it. 

The painted wood was done slowly and as intricately as his hands would allow. He had quite a steady grip, unlike Deidara who shook a ridiculous amount. Probably why he stuck to molding clay. There's a bit more leeway in that than trying to paint thin lines as he did.

Sasori smiled at the box and decided to send a picture of it to Deidara, wondering if he was even awake. He opened snapchat and sent it and noticed Deidara had a new Snap Story. What the hell could be so interesting at Hidan's house?

Turns out there was nothing interesting about Hidan's house because it was at someone else's house. He wasn't sure whose it was but Deidara had a bunch of short clips and selfies showing most of the group in community service. There were only three people missing. Hidan, Tobi and himself. Sasori was oddly hurt by that but he couldn't deny that Deidara looked adorable with the filters he used. It seemed the only person paying attention to the mass selfie was Kisame and he threw up a peace sign and made duck face which was amusing to see on him.

Deidara responded fairly quickly with a bunch of exclamation marks and a crying emoji.

_I don't deserve you, danna. Thank you._  
**You're welcome, Dei. Where are you?**  
Oh. I'm at Kakashi's house. He saved me from Hidan.  
**What happened with Hidan?? What did he do??**  
Oh not like he attacked me or anything. We just got into a fight. I'm fine.  
**Why didn't you call me? I would've come to get you.**  
I know, danna but Kakashi was already there. He drove me home. I told him to wait in case Hidan pissed me off and he did. So I left with Oscar.  
**You stole his chicken??**  
Hell yeah I stole his damn chicken.  
**You never cease to amaze me, Dei.**  
Thanks, I try.  
**I'm going to go to bed. Enjoy your night. I'll see you in the morning at school.**  
Mhm. Night, danna. Sleep well.  
**Goodnight, Dei.**

Sasori stared at the conversation and exhaled a long breath. 

Why had he felt the overwhelming urge to text him "I love you, goodnight"?

"Fuck, Deidara." Sasori rubbed his temples and shook his head. It shouldn't have brought him as much joy as it did that Deidara and Hidan were fighting, especially if it was something that hurt Deidara in the end but he couldn't help it. He was happy. 

Sasori decided he needed to go to bed before he did something stupid.

Like text Deidara "I love you".

***

Sakumo stirred and when his eyes opened he closed them back quickly feeling a throbbing pain on the side of his temple. He rubbed the side of his head and heard an uttered apology. He waved his hand and squinted through his eyelids to see everyone looming over him, including his very angry looking son.

"Kakashi-"

"Who the hell are you?" Kakashi asked with no trace of acceptance on his face.

"It's your dad, Kakashi." He said quietly. "I know you can tell it's me."

"Yeah, except I don't have a dad. In fact, I buried my father two years ago, so who the hell are you?" Kakashi's eyes narrowed and Sakumo felt a gnawing guilt in the pit of his stomach. He struggled to sit forward. In the end, Gai helped him sit up and he felt thankful. He was so happy to see Gai there.

"Gai, it's great to see you. I'm glad you and my son are still friends." He said seriously with a tinge of fondness. Gai wanted to smile at that, but he was too confused to take the compliment. 

"Talk." Kakashi insisted and Sakumo nodded.

"Our battalion was sent into the front lines, the original orders were given to find and kill the leader of the squadron we were ambushing. They didn't tell us of the landmines that were previously planted…" Sakumo bowed his head as the memories came back. "We lost half our men-good men. The mission was a success despite by the end more than three fourths were KIA. We reported back to the eastern HQ and we were immediately put under watch for possible treason which none of us could understand." He explained as he rubbed his temples. 

"But why?! You led your troops into battle and you completed the mission! What more could they have wanted from you?!" Gai asked angrily at Sakumo's side, he knew the man was the utmost loyal being to his country. Sakumo looked over at him with a sad smile. 

"It appeared we had been given orders that had been tampered with. They had to go down the list and figure out who had violated the code of trust and who was responsible for nearly a thousand men dead. They had removed the information about the landmines that had caused us to walk right into the enemies trap. Because we lived, we were suspects." 

"Unbelievable, because you guys had the instinct and will to live you still were punished?" Kisame asked, thoroughly engrossed in Sakumo's story. 

"Try not to judge them too bad, they were just doing what was policy at this point... Try to look at it from their perspective." Sakumo eased. "We were detained for six months while the investigation continued on, it came to be known that we had be hacked, and that none of us had committed treason as we all had known from the start." His eyes squeezed shut and he inhaled getting ready for the next part. 

"My men and I thought we were free, that we were proven innocent and therefore allowed to go home... That's when they informed us they had pronounced the entire battalion dead, and had even sent bodies of the enemy in disguise for their families to have something to bury... Technically I was dead as far as the government was concerned. They had decided to do this for two reasons; for one, if we were guilty they were going to kill us anyways. Decondly if we were innocent and it had been the enemy who tampered with the orders, they wanted to give them the false notion that their plan was a success." 

"You mean to tell me, I buried some fucker who in actuality tried to kill you?" Kakashi asked in a cold tone. Sakumo's eyes looked over his son; he sure had grown up since the last time they were together. He looked identical to himself but had his mother's softer features and yet her coldness in situations where Sakumo himself would be lit ablaze with anger. He gave an apologetic look and nodded. It was audibly heard that Kakashi had ground his teeth at this information. 

"So we were given new orders... We were to go undercover and extract as much information as we could for 18 months. This was extremely difficult for me seeing as I am as pale as snow with matching hair, but..." he nodded as he folded his hands together "I was able to make due. I had to learn how to wear a hijab and went undercover in a whore house." There was a long pause of silence, he looked over the group and noticed that each one of them were confused on how to take in this information. The blonde one cracked first and snorted and quickly covered his mouth like a child would after realizing they said a bad word. 

Sakumo couldn't help but grin back, and it caused a chain reaction of restrained laughs, everyone but Kakashi, he just ran his hands over his face horrified at the thought of his father having to impersonate a woman. 

"Were you ever found out?" Gai asked through a fit of chuckles. Sakumo raised an eyebrow and pointed to his eyes. 

"Are you kidding? Have you seen these lashes? The only thing visible was my eyes! I pretended to be a mute so I didn't have to speak... but as undignified as the situation was, it truly was the best place to gather intel, I mean the oldest profession is prostitution after all." He shrugged. "I don't miss it though, I had to pluck my eyebrows constantly and their eye makeup made my eyes itchy..." Sakumo said rubbing his eyebrows in remembrance, he cleared his throat and continued. 

"After the 18 month mark, I stayed for an extra 5 months and gathered enough information I knew I could not only take back on who was responsible for the hack, where they were located, but for two upcoming ambushes they were planning. It took me a week to find where they had relocated HQ, I told them everything, they rewarded me with my 5th star and asked if I wanted to retire... I said yes, they sent me back on a plane, I dropped off my 25-month report to the man who will be replacing me and now I'm here. Now I just have to wait for the government to claim me un-dead and then I should be set..." Sakumo trailed off. 

"Astounding…thank you so much for your service Mr. Sakumo." Itachi piped up, he was glad he was here tonight to have witnessed this, drama and all. 

"He's right, thank you, ah, Rival! You get your father back now, how exciting!" Gai exclaimed, eyes lit up and looked excitedly over towards Kakashi who was still staring Sakumo down looking unamused. "…Kakashi?"

"You're unbelievable." Kakashi finally said, everyone in the room seemed shocked at his response after everything they've just heard. 

"Kakashi, I kno-" Sakumo started but was cut off. 

"NO you don't. You have no idea what it's like to get a call two days before your high school graduation from the government saying that there was an accident and that your father is now dead, but oh, he died defending his country. To have to arrange a funeral at the age of 19, all the other kids were taking their SAT's where I was in a meeting with a funeral home. I had to go down to the bank and go over everything with the house, and learn about mortgage and land taxes that would be due because now I had to be in charge of the estate you left me. You weren't even supposed to GO on that tour! You were well over qualified for retirement, hell, you were supposed to retire when my mom died but you kept going back. All of this could have been avoided, so yes, all of this is one you." Kakashi trailed finished in a cold tone that none of them had heard before but Sakumo knew, that was Tsunami's voice coming through their son. 

"Kakashi, I understand you being upset but... dude... your dad's alive... maybe try to look on the brighter side for now?" Kisame asked and judging by the crazy look Gai was giving him... maybe he shouldn't have been so brave to have. Kakashi's eyes never left Sakumo's as he sat funnily enough the exact mirror image of how his father was sitting.

"Gai? Please show our guests to their sleeping arrangements... it's been a long night for all of us... make sure Sasuke has my old crib, I already brought it out of the attic and cleaned it from any dust." Kakashi reached into his pocket and got out two cigarettes and handed one to Sakumo as he lit his own. "I am going to be up for awhile, sorry guys." Again, his eyes never left his father's. 

Gai got up and understood that his best friend was requesting time alone with his dad, he looked over to the other three men who nodded and understood immediately. The four of them left soundlessly and Sakumo watched them go. He looked back to Kakashi who still had the same deadpan look on his face.

"You... have friends now... Kakashi, I'm so glad." He smiled at his son. 

"I do... They're quite crazy too. I met most of them at community service." This bit of information caused Sakumo to raise his eyebrow. 

"I didn't raise a delinquent... What the hell did Gai do?" He asked and Kakashi scoffed, he had forgotten where he had gotten his wit from after all these years. 

"Never mind that, just know it was justified. And that he is staying here permanently... Possibly Kisame as well, we all go to the same school." 

"Was that a fuckin chicken I just saw?"

"Her name is Oscar, she's Deidara's feather-baby." Sakumo laughed.

"That one kid looks way too young to have a baby…"

"It's his little brother. His parents are dead; he's supporting the two of them while he's going through med school." Kakashi handed Sakumo the lighter "You know, like I was told how you supposedly were." Sakumo winced.

After all he had faced, the dangers of war, seeing comrades die, none of them could prepare him for his biggest test. Facing his son after all this.

"Now." Kakashi said leaning back against the couch. "Explain to me again. From the top."

Sakumo closed his eyes and understood now why he had been offered a cigarette and why he had dismissed his guests. 

It was going to be a long night indeed. 

***

Hidan woke up with a pounding headache. He rubbed his face and let out a whimper. He almost asked Deidara to get him some Aspirin before he realized that Deidara wasn't there. 

Suddenly the headache wasn't as bad to deal with as his gnawing feeling of loneliness. He laid in bed and just thought about how fucked it was that him and Deidara were fighting. Deidara was perfect for him, he loved to fight and sex, what more is there than that? 

Then there was Kakuzu who made him feel like his body was burning from within. 

Hidan recalled some stupid shit said in middle school to girls. If you like two boys go for the second one you like because if you liked the first one enough, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.

That is such bullshit. He cared about Deidara a lot. He missed waking up to the blond cuddling the shit out of his side. Hidan wondered if Kakuzu was a cuddly type or not. For the longest time Hidan would say he didn't like cuddling. But that was only because he'd never done it before. 

Hidan grabbed his phone and sent a good morning text to Deidara and hoped that he would take it well enough and not throw another bitch fit. He just hoped Deidara took it as an "I just woke up and I'm thinking about you." More than anything. 

Hidan looked to his messages with Kakuzu and stared at them, trying to figure out if he should message the old man good morning or not. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, right?

**_Sorry about the weird fuckin night. Good morning._ **

On the slight plus side, he had more time this morning to tend to his animals and do menial tasks around the house. He didn't have Deidara to entertain or drive to school.

Trying to look at that on the positive side, seemed to make him more depressed about the whole thing.

_Good morning to you too, asshole._

Hidan grinned wide at the text from Deidara. If he was humoring him at least a little, he shouldn't be too mad, right? Deidara should be easy enough to placate. Get him some fuckin flowers and good to go, right? Wait, was that just girls? Deidara seemed like the type to like flowers.

Fuck, was he really lying in bed thinking of if he should get Deidara flowers? The asshole would probably throw them at him. 

Well whatever he decided, he needed to make sure it was good enough to earn forgiveness. Even though he didn't completely believe he was 100% at fault for this. If Deidara wanted to be exclusive, he should've said something in the first place. Or was he just sitting here, splitting hairs?

__**Do you miss me yet, princess?**  
Not nearly as much as you missed me, I'm sure.  
**Ouch. Well, something has to be going right, you are responding to my texts, after all.**  
It's just to let you know that I'm still mad at you.  
**Well, I'll take it if you're talking to me.**  
You're not out of the woods yet.  
**I'll get there eventually. You like me too much.**  
You overstep your significance.  
**Aw, I love when you flirt with me, babe.**

***

"Deidara." Deidara snapped his head up a bit too guiltily to be considered smooth. "You... okay?" Kisame asked slowly and Deidara quickly nodded. "You're texting Hidan, aren't you?"

"What?" Deidara did a fairly good job faking that one. 

"Well, you two are going to need to mend your fences now since we're sleeping over tonight." Deidara whined and pouted. "You're the one texting him."

"Only how much I don't like him, hm." Deidara responded and Kisame perked an eyebrow and sat next to him at the table. 

"If you're even wasting your time texting him, that means you like him." Deidara's expression faded into a semblance of embarrassment and sadness. 

"But I'm mad at him. And I don't like him." Kisame smiled.

"You can be mad at him. He's an asshole. You still like him though. That's okay too. Just make sure he doesn't hurt you again. You have to appreciate yourself before him." Kisame said seriously and Deidara held back a smirk. Figures the tallest and biggest of their group was a complete sap. Just like Gai. Itachi was lucky to have Kisame. Not that Itachi even knew he had Kisame to begin with. How problematic for Kisame.

"Hm." Deidara didn't make more of a comment and Kisame hadn't expected him to. 

"Hey, is everyone ready? I want to get some coffee before we go at the new café in town. I heard they have some pretty awesome sandwiches too." Kakashi announced, walking in with Gai following him. 

"Where is Itachi?" Kisame asked and Kakashi smirked at him. "He had to leave earlier. Sorry, you weren't awake yet. He had to get Sasuke to daycare."

"Why didn't he wake me up?" Kisame asked, and Deidara had to cover his mouth to stifle the laugh. Kisame looked so heartbroken it was actually cute in a sad way.

"I don't know, why don't you text him?" Kakashi offered and Kisame furrowed his brow with a sigh. "Now come on. Let's go."

Deidara quickly text Sasori that he would be going to the coffee shop, hoping Sasori would meet him there to help out Kakashi so he didn't have to drive all the way to Deidara's college to drop him off. Deidara picked up Oscar and they all left the house and packed into Kakashi's car.

***

Sasori was already on his way to school when he got the text message from Deidara. Like a responsible adult, he pulled off to the side to read his text message, as he always did when he got a message from Deidara. He wasn't sure if it was ever important enough to stop his entire travel, but in a way, if it was from Deidara, it was important.

_Danna, we're going to get some coffee at the new café. Can you meet us? Xxx  
**Yeah. I'll be there.**_

But at the same time he sent the text he also got a text from Tobi.

_Hey not-senpai! You're usually here by now, are you ok??_  
**Yeah just running late. I'm actually meeting Deidara to get some coffee.**  
Oh, ok. I hope you two have fun! 

Sasori frowned at the message and checked the time. He wasn't sure where Kakashi lived, but he felt bad so Deidara would have to wait.

**_I can swing by and pick you up. Meet me in the student drop off lane._ ** _  
Oh boy~!_

Sasori smiled and shook his head.

***

Deidara was fairly impressed with the selection of breakfast sandwiches and was happy to see that they had plenty of vegetarian options. He looked at Oscar happily and Oscar made a noise of delight. If anyone who wasn't in Deidara's circle of friends noticed a strange man cuddling a chicken on line to order a bagel, they didn't say anything.

Sasori came through the door with Tobi in tow and Deidara raised an eyebrow. Sasori smiled sheepishly.

"Oo~! Is this Oscar?" Tobi asked happily and leaned in to the chicken. Oscar turned to face him and pecked at his shoulder but it didn't seem very aggressive. 

"I think she likes you, hm." Deidara said curiously and Tobi looked up at Deidara with a smiling twinkle in his eyes. 

"She must have great taste if she likes you so much, Senpai." Tobi said earnestly and Deidara was just so taken bake by the honesty in his statement, he couldn't help but blush. Quickly he looked away and his eyes met with Sasori.

"Danna are you going to get something?" Sasori shrugged. "What about you Tobi?"

"I am unsure! But it would be my honor to pay for you, Senpai." Deidara smiled at him.

"Well how can I say no to that?" That seemed to please Tobi, greatly. 

When they got up to order, Deidara realized he hadn't picked out a drink and pointed to the first one he saw. Sasori got a plain black coffee and a toasted everything bagel, Tobi got passionfruit iced tea and a muffin, and Deidara got a bagel with a bunch of vegetables that would've made Hidan cry and the sweetest drink on the menu.

"What is this?" Deidara asked, clenching his jaw at the tingling feeling of the sheer amount of sugar. 

"Looks like a booberry latte." Sasori said and Deidara raised an eyebrow. "You didn't read what you ordered? Deidara, you always do this and then you get bitchy that you don't like it-"

"-I do like it, hm!" Deidara argued and quickly drank more. He held back tears from the taste of the sugar but he seemed to be convincing enough for Sasori to shut up. What the hell was a Booberry Latte?

"May I try it?" Tobi asked and Deidara quickly handed it over. The more Tobi drank of it, the less he had to. "Mmm! Very sweet, Senpai! I shouldn't be surprised you like sweet things though~!" Tobi giggled and Deidara pouted slightly.

"Oh shit, how is that anyway?" Kisame asked, pointing to the sugary drink.

"Wanna try it?" Deidara offered and Kisame shrugged and took a sip. 

"Wow! That's sweet. Tastes alright though. Blueberry marshmallow works, apparently. Not my favorite, but good to know your preference." Kisame said honestly and Gai grabbed the drink next and inspected it, taking a sip before Deidara could tell Kisame it wasn't his preference, honestly he just liked plain black coffee.

"OH MY GOODNESS WHAT AN INCREDIBLY SWEET DRINK!" Gai shouted loudly and startled Oscar, who then aggressively flapped out of Deidara's wings.

"Oscar! No!" Deidara shouted and ran after her. 

Before then, no one knew how nimble a chicken could be and it was fairly difficult to even catch up to the chicken. But 3 spilled drinks, 2 knocked over tables, a slew of angry onlookers and 5 delinquents later, the chicken was caught, and they were kicked out of the café.

"Well at least we weren't banned!" Tobi supplied happily.

"Why did you even bring a chicken with you, Deidara?" Sasori asked.

"I didn't want her to feel alone when we went to school." Deidara said and hugged Oscar. "Don't scare me like that again!" Deidara scolded and Oscar put her head down in shame. "Aw, I still love you."

"Can we just get to class, this morning has been way too much excitement for me." Kisame said, sighing.

"For you? Man I don't do anything in the morning." Kakashi said and rubbed his temples. "Why are you like this?" No one was sure who he was talking to so moved forward to the cars.

"Thank you for your help guys. I'm going with Sasori and Tobi now, hm." 

"Oh I see, we're not good enough for you now that you have Sasori and Tobi. Well I at least know I'm awesome." Kisame said haughtily with a snicker. 

"Don't be like that, big guy. You're still my mind twin, hm." Deidara said with a chuckle.

"Oh that's right!" Kisame pulled out his phone. "I forgot you added that to your snap story."

"Are you seriously looking at Deidara's snap story?" Kakashi asked dryly and turned his head to see Gai was also watching Deidara's snap story. "Why are you two watching Deidara's snap story?"

"It's a good snap story." Tobi said, also watching it.

"Seriously? You too?" Kakashi asked and Sasori slowly pulled his phone out. "No! Enough of the snap story, we have to go!" From all phones, in perfect synch, sounded Kakashi's voice during their game of Likewise. 

"Fun party game? DOUBLE PENETRATION!?" The high pitched tone of Kakashi's surprised voice made it sound like he was going through puberty. Everyone started laughing in the background and Kakashi coughed. "Seriously Kisame? Deidara?" 

"Double penetration!!!" Deidara and Kisame yelled into the phone and the snap story ended.

"Seriously? We had to listen to that again?"

"DOUBLE PENETRATION?!" Blared loudly from Tobi's phone and Kisame pulled out his phone again.

"Let me record it so I can use this as my text tone." Tobi nodded and Kakashi made a noise of indignation. 

"Hey me too-"

"-GAI. NO." Kakashi said firmly and Gai frowned and slowly put his phone away. "I hate all of you. I'm going to school now."

What he didn't know, was Kisame definitely made a remix of it and setting it as his ringtone. 

Kakashi's ring tone, that is.

***

Hidan tried not to be too happy from Deidara texting him back. Even if he did feel like he was walking on cloud nine. So happy in fact he entered the auditorium and realized he was the first one there... He hadn't realized how early he had been to class, too preoccupied with thoughts of Deidara. He hummed in amusement as he took his usual seat, he wondered if the blonde was thinking about him at all... Probably not... Or maybe he was? He could still remember the look of defeat in the other man's eyes…and it hurt Hidan to see that. But then…then there was Kakuzu. His thoughts were disrupted by the door opening to the auditorium. 

Speak of the devil. 

Hidan wasn't sure if it was everything from last night finally catching up to him, or the fact of seeing Kakuzu in person. Either way he found his cheeks coloring as he stared at his teacher... Who he had drunk called at midnight... And two other times... And sexted... Oh damn. Hidan slouched in his seat a little bit, maybe he wouldn't recognize he was there. 

"Mr. Jaganashi, you're here surprisingly early for someone that is surely sporting a hangover." Maybe it was the sound of his voice, or the condescending tone, but one sentence was enough to light the fire in Hidan making him forget what humility he just had a few seconds ago. 

"Oh, shut it old man! I feel perfect!" He yelled unnecessarily, they were the only two in the classroom at the moment.

Kakuzu took of his coat and Hidan almost choked. There stood his teacher in dress pants again and another V neck shirt, this one was white making both his caramel colored skin and his black tattoos stand out. Of course he would. Fucker.

"You run out of your grandpa clothes?" Hidan tried to sound quipping but it came out sounding more like a question. 

"Since when have you concerned yourself with what I wear? Careful boy, if people found out you were keeping such close tabs, they would think you were starting to like me." He teased. It was then that Hidan noticed that Kakuzu hadn’t looked at him once. And that sort of bugged him. 

"As if. So, 'Kuzu... Any reason you're not looking at me?" Hidan asked suspiciously. Kakuzu's head snapped up making eye contact with him. The stare was intense, enough so that Hidan's cheeks were re-coloring again and he didn't even know why.

"What in the nine hells did you just call me?" The gravelly voice was a few octaves lower than Hidan was used too, and it took him by surprise and exciting him at the same time. Hidan noticed Kakuzu's eyes were starting to look Hidan over, for whatever reason this gave the albino some courage. 

"You heard me... or would you rather papicito?" Even with the contacts in Hidan could the emerald eyes darkened at the mention of the name he had used prior.

"Don't call me that, it's annoying. We aren't on a first name bases here, within these four walls I am your professor. Only. Never forget that Anitsu." He growled at Hidan, and had they not had their conversation last night, Hidan was sure he'd either be scared shitless or convinced the other man wanted nothing to do with him. It hit him like a ton of bricks! Kakuzu couldn't look at him without thinking about their conversation or the fact that Hidan sent a full frontal nude to him. 

"Creo que usaré esto, no puedes gritarme si no sabes lo que estoy diciendo" Hidan decided with a smile on his face. Kakuzu stopped again and this time, looked back at Hidan with a smirk. 

"Demasiado malo, hablo español con fluidez gracias a mi madre. Por lo tanto, lamentablemente para usted eso ya no funcionará." 

Hidan nearly fell off his seat. 

***

"I still can't believe you did that, Dei." Sasori said with a shake of his head. Deidara's body was still trembling and a grin so wide was on his face. "You're lucky you didn't get expelled."

"But did you see how beautiful it was? That's art! Hm!" Deidara said proudly, holding Oscar to his chest.

"I thought it was beautiful, senpai." Tobi complimented and Deidara was in such a good mood, he turned to his friend and grinned. The way Deidara smiled without holding back, just grinning because he was so happy, was enough to make Tobi smile so wide his cheeks hurt. His senpai was the best. 

"Of course you did, Tobi! Because true art, is an explosion! Even Oscar liked it, right buddy?" Looking down at the chicken, Deidara was beaming. Oscar hadn't reacted poorly to the loud noise. In fact, Oscar seemed to chirp at it. Deidara took that as a good sign. Oscar was meant to be his. Oscar knew true art. Deidara said happily and damn near skipped to Sasori's car. "Come on, Danna! I'm in way too good of a mood, let's get this over with!" Sasori nodded and unlocked the door, Tobi quickly trailed after the two and situated himself in the back seat.

"Are you going to blow up more of your art projects when you have to give a presentation?" Sasori asked dryly and noticed Deidara was still grinning like a mad man. "I'll take that as a yes." Deidara laughed and a flicker of realization hit Sasori's face and he leaned back to the back seat and handed Deidara a box.

"Danna..."

"Don't blow this one up, yeah?" Deidara smiled at him and nodded, fingers lightly grazing the wood. "Are we going to the community building or straight to Hidan's house?"

"Oh. I don't know, hm. Do you know, Tobi?" Tobi took out his phone to call Jiraiya. Several seconds later and it went to voicemail. He shrugged. "Fuck, I guess I'll call Hidan, hm." That made Deidara's heart stutter in his chest. Just to listen to that moron's voice excited him in ways that really shouldn't have. He put the phone to his ear and this time he was shaking without knowing if it was euphoria from his explosion, or if it was nerves.

"Hey babe." Hidan answered on the third ring and Deidara had to swallow thickly. "Are you ok?"

"Are we meeting at your house or the community center. I mean everyone, yeah." Hidan chuckled on the other side of the line and Deidara realized it was probably because he sounded so nervous.

"We're meeting at my house. Didn't Jiraiya announce that shit? I'm home already. So come on, you and Oscar come home." Deidara's fingers felt numb at the sentence and he so badly wanted to fall back into his and Hidan's routine. "I'll be waiting, princess." Hidan didn't wait for a response, he hung up. Deidara pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it.

"So?" Sasori asked after a minute. Deidara blinked himself back into reality.

"Sorry, danna!" He winced at his own loudness. "We're meeting at Hidan's, hm."

"And are you ok with that? I'll tell Jiraiya to fuck off—"

"No, no no. Danna. It's fine. Let's go." Deidara said nodding and Sasori frowned but put the car into gear and Deidara put his seatbelt on.

***

Hidan had to hang up the phone. His nerves were a jumbled fucked up mess. He wished he could say that he was as cool as a fucking cucumber after talking to Deidara but he supposed in a way Deidara always made his body react, one way or another. 

Suddenly, Hidan realized that Deidara would be there soon. Everyone would. Panic set in and he raced around the house making sure everything was in order. Everything had to be cleaned and perfect. If his house was a mess, who would want to come back? He had such a big house, he needed people in it. It was so fucking lonely here he couldn't stand it. Maybe after he got his cows it would be better. He liked cows. They were cute and it took a while to milk them so he'd waste his time with that instead of sitting inside daydreaming about gold and inky black hair. 

He was so fucked. Shit, he was so fucked. 

There was a knock at the door and Hidan's heart pounded in his chest. It scared the shit out of him, he didn't know why. He supposed he was so lost in thought he didn't realize people were almost here. He ran to the door. Was it Deidara? No, that asshole wouldn't knock, he'd just walk in. Hidan smiled at the fond thought and threw the door opened. Jiraiya stood there, looking none too impressed and Hidan smiled cheekily at him and stepped to the side, letting him in. Jiraiya seemed to be lost in thought for whatever reason and maybe it was because Hidan was completely fucked but he wanted to latch onto something, even if it was a fantasy.

"Hey 'teach." He called and Jiraiya turned to him curiously. "Uh, I gotta question."

"Oh?" Jiraiya's lips curled up. "What can I help you with Hidan?"

"How does your relationship work?" He asked and maybe it was the sheer look of concentration on Hidan's usual smug face that had Jiraiya take the question seriously.

"Ah." Jiraiya nodded. He didn't think they had time before everyone got here but he sat down in the kitchen and Hidan followed suit. "This may take a bit." 

***

"Itachi!" Kisame yelled, startling Itachi into slamming his head on the car door frame while he was unbuckling Sasuke from the car seat. "I'm so sorry!"

"You're fine..." Itachi grumbled and rubbed the sore spot on his head. Itachi and Kakashi both pulled into Hidan's driveway at the same time and Kakashi sent Kisame a teasing grin when Kisame threw himself out of the car. "Ready to cook with Hidan?"

"I'm cooking with _Tobi_ , thank you." Kisame amended. Itachi smiled at him and pulled Sasuke from his car seat and held him close to his chest. 

"Oh sorry for offending you." Itachi said with humor. "Are you ready to cook with _Tobi?_ " Kisame nodded.

"As ready as I can be, I guess. And I'll have to be ready, because it looks like Sasori is here with our art group." He said, pointing. Itachi turned and smiled. "I guess we'll get our entertainment tonight in the guise of Deidara and Hidan fighting." Itachi shrugged.

"Want to make a bet?" Itachi asked and Kisame smirked slightly.

"Oh? Are we corrupting you, med student? What's the bet?"

"I'm betting for a groveling Hidan." Kisame grinned at that.

"Hidan? No. He's way too proud. And dense. You're on." Itachi gave a single curt nod. 

"Hello everyone!" Tobi shouted happily after getting out of the car. Deidara climbed out too and Sasori popped the trunk. All of them got their bags and Tobi even brought his school issued knife set. 

They all walked to Hidan's house and Kakashi was getting prepared to knock on the door but Deidara just walked passed him and opened it and walked inside. Everyone else shrugged and followed. Deidara took his shoes off in the hall and placed them on the shoe rack and walked inside the house further and put Oscar down. She ran off and he smiled fondly at her. 

"Oscar! You're back!" Hidan shouted from the kitchen. Tobi was the first to walk into the kitchen to see Jiraiya and Hidan. Smiling, he placed his knife case down on the counter and greeted the two. Hidan with a significantly less amount of enthusiasm. 

Hidan was getting impatient. Damn near everyone piled into the kitchen except Deidara and he knew that blond asshole was here because the others wouldn't just walk into his house without knocking. And Oscar was here so where the hell was the blond?

"Come on Princess! We can't start without you!" Hidan shouted and a few moments later, Deidara emerged from the hallway and stood with the group. Hidan's eyes glue to Deidara's face. "Go on, 'teach." Hidan said, somewhat stiffly. "Give us the rundown."

Jiraiya explained what they were making and how they were getting it to the place the next day. Hidan explained how everything was being prepared. Tobi even handed them a chart which planned out who was making what and at what time so it would be ready all at the same time. Hidan stared in surprise at the list, but Tobi was too angry at Hidan for being mean to his senpai that he didn't even return the look with a smile. 

Jiraiya then divided everyone into several groups. Meat, sides, cutters, bakers.

Meat- Tobi, Kisame  
Sides- Itachi, Kakashi  
Prep- Gai, Sasori  
Bakers- Hidan, Deidara

"Alright everyone, get to work." Jiraiya said and Hidan took the floor from there. 

"I have a storage where I've put the meat. The smoker and everything is outside. There's a separate prep area for that near the smoker. The kitchen is big enough for everyone else, today we don't need to worry about cooking the sides, just getting them set up. For prep, there's going to be a lot of vegetable cutting. To make sure everything is fresh, we have a lot of corn that needs to be husked. Plus the potatoes that need to be cut and so on. The only thing that really needs to be done tonight is the baking so it can cool and we can cut it and store it. Everything good?" There was a collective nod and Hidan grinned. "Fuckin, bangin." He said and motioned for Kisame and Tobi to follow him outside.

"Are you kidding me? Jiraiya put me with Hidan?" Deidara groaned once he heard the door close. "Why the hell did he do that?"

"He probably doesn't know you two are fighting. He wasn't paying attention yesterday at all." Kakashi said with a frown. "He doesn't seem to pay attention to us very well."

"I didn't think this through." Itachi said with a sigh, holding Sasuke. "What are we going to do with him?"

"Just give him to Jiraiya. I'm sure Jiraiya could hold a baby for a bit. He's about to be a grandpa anyway." Gai said and Itachi pursed his lips in disapproval. 

"I'm sure Jiraiya can handle it. It's not like he's doing anything. He doesn't NEED to do anything, he has us slaves for that." Sasori said and Itachi pouted and sighed. "We likely won't all be working at the same time. Hidan's kitchen is big but not that big. We can all swap out when we're done. I'm sure Hidan will be thrilled."

"Yeah, hm. Hidan and I will have a lot of idle time while things bake. It'll be fine, Itachi." Deidara said with a nod and Itachi nodded again and left the room to give Sasuke to their instructor.

"If you need to switch with me-"

"Danna, thank you. I'll be fine." Deidara said and smiled. "It means a lot that you'd switch though." Sasori smiled awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. "Time to get to work." Deidara said and they all looked at their labeled stack of lists. "Hey, looks like you're making salsa." Deidara said happily. He handed Sasori the list and Sasori's eyebrows raised.

"Two cups of barbeque sauce? What the hell? Who puts that in salsa?" 

***

Their first sheet tray of corn bread was in the oven and Deidara was just a ball of anxiety. Even Hidan noticed. He didn't want to say anything because Deidara was still stiff and he'd rather not have Deidara angry at him for it. 

"I'll be right back." Deidara took off his apron and laid it on the chair and fled the room, quickly going to his bedroom. He wasn't sure if it was still his bedroom or not, but Hidan didn't take down the sign on the door Deidara put up so he assumed it was okay. He closed himself in the room to catch his breath. He just wanted to be left alone but at the same time he didn't. He was confusing himself. He wanted Hidan to flirt with him and tease him as he always had, but each time he thought Hidan was going to do just that, he got angry. Deidara walked over to the bed and paused. He was staring down at a single sunflower in the center of his bed. He shakily picked it up and just held it in his hand confused. The quiet tapping at his door made him jump slightly and he walked over to the door, holding the sunflower tightly in his hand and Hidan stood at his door awkwardly. His eyes flickered to the flower and back to Deidara's face. 

"I'm sorry." Deidara blinked owlishly at him. "I got you a sunflower because it reminded me of you. Cause' it's yellow like your hair and it always faces the sun and-" Deidara yanked Hidan into the room and shoved him against the door and kissed him. Deidara's mouth was warm and inviting. Kissing him sent shivers through his body and he couldn't stop himself from wrapped his arms tightly around Deidara's body and squeezing him. He had to be fucked if this was the amount of relief he felt when Deidara kissed him. 

"You're an asshole, hm." Deidara said, pulling away from the kiss, then kissing him again. 

"But you like me anyway." Hidan said much softer than he intended to.

"Unfortunately." They stood there, staring at each other for a while, not saying anything. Deidara never realized how bright Hidan's eyes were. Hidan never realized how many freckles Deidara had on his cheeks. He just had to kiss them. Hidan leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Deidara's cheek, his hold on Deidara tightening again. "Do you even like me?"

"Of course I do." Hidan said honestly. "I wish I could tell you what I'm feeling right now but I don't know."

"Your professor?" Deidara asked, somewhat stiffly.

"I like him too." Hidan said honestly. "But that doesn't change what I feel about you. I don't think that's because you aren't enough, Deidara."

"Don't call me that." Deidara responded quickly and Hidan grinned.

"You are important to me, princess. So thank you."

"We should go back downstairs." Deidara's expression was unreadable, but he let Hidan kiss him again, which Hidan supposed was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I didn't post last chapter so I forgot to have this bit included. With Hidan in the chicken coop, it was based on a true story. I was 12 and I had my first boyfriend who was a farmer. For whatever reason he was really attached to my best friend (he didn't like her romantically but called her a lot to talk about me... not in a bad way. He was weird. anyway) so him and I break up and he left his house to call my best friend because he was crying and his dad was a dick. So hes talking to her all upset and shes like "wait... do I hear... chickens?" and he's like "Yeah... I'm in the chicken coop" so thats what that was about lol
> 
> 1) Ohhh man. Deidara and Hidan. My bois. They seem to be doing goodish. How long do you think it'll take them to fight again?  
> 2) Do you think Kakuzu can keep Hidan at arms length much longer?  
> 3) Sleeping arrangements should be interesting. Who should share beds?  
> 4) How do we feel about having Sakumo in the story now?
> 
> Lolli and I have a discord server! We're looking for people to be Lee, Pein and Konan. (please someone be Lee. Our Gaara is lonely lol) If you're interested hit me up on Tumblr! Thank you~!


	13. Three's not a crowd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Alexandra1997:** Hmnnn....you might ;) stick around sweetie!  
>  **Desbelleschoses:** Thank you hun! Hope you enjoy the chapter!  
>  **Vivi:** You're right, their relationship is a bit of a mess at the moment, but we'll see where it goes. I know, I laughed so damn hard when smoresies told me that one that I was like "we have to put this in there some how T_T"  
>  **Narutard:** Of course bb, we love to listen to our readers and love all the input you guys give ♥  
>  **Shuliana_BL :** ¡Hola! ¡Muchas gracias por tus amables palabras! La única forma en que podemos escribir en español es el traductor, así que me disculpo si es extraño. ¡Estoy tan contento de que te esté gustando la historia! ¡Asegúrate de quedarte! ~  
>  **FlusteredFlamingo:** Isn't that the truth though? Lol Oscar makes me smile any day :)  
>  **just_an_anon:** I'm glad you're enjoying it so far, and I'm so happy you're now thinking of that possible poly couple :3  
>  **Why:** Like smoresies said, if you don't like them together...I'm sorry but they aren't breaking up...our story our crack ;)  
>  **Dance_MrSandMan :** Don't worry, Sakumo is a good guy in this story!  
>  **KukoGrande:** Lol just stay tuned with us, you'll be getting more of your wishes when you least expect it ;)  
>  **ox0hunny0xo:** Yeah, Kuzu is smexy lol  
>  **animefanxlove:** So glad you like it dear, we hope you enjoy this one!  
>  **HidansCrazyLaugh:** Thank you so much hun! I'm so sorry, I suck, Anitsu is Cherokee for 'Boy'. Hope you like the chapter!

Chapter 13

 

"Kakashi you can't just mix the eggs into the potato salad, you have to separate the egg whites from the yolk into two different bowls. Then you smash up the yolk and mix in the mayo, chop up the egg whites and then stir them into the potatoes." Itachi explained as he was rolling hors d'oeuvres of salami, cream cheese and green onions.

Kakashi turned to look at Itachi with a disgusted look on his face, Itachi pointed the knife he was holding at him and said warningly "I didn't make this recipe I'm just following orders, apparently it’s a favorite of Minato's, whoever the hell that is…" Kakashi tried not to laugh at the fact he was right yet again, his own professor was his Community Service leader's son.

"Does it even matter? I mean it's all going to be blended together anyways…and everything's boiled…doesn't potato salad get mustard in it too?" Itachi gasped in fake horror.

"Not in my mother's kitchen it didn't. Yes it matters how you mix things in, you need the flavors to meet and get to know one another." Itachi supplied with a movement of his hands that had Kakashi quirk his eyebrows…how had he not noticed?

"What the hell nationality are you even kid?" he asked, he had to see if his suspicions were correct. Itachi looked at him with a confused looked that turned thoughtful.

"Well, my dad was half Japanese mixed with something else…but my mom was a full blooded Italian." He said fondly. Kakashi snorted, things were starting to make sense.

"Lemme guess, you guys brought cookies to a wedding? Cookie tradeoff big in your family?" he asked knowingly. Itachi's look turned shocked and then excited.

"Yes actually, how did you know!?" He looked like such a kid that Kakashi couldn't help but laugh.

"My mom was the same. Dad's everything white…English, Slovak…basically all of Europe. Not mom though." He too was beginning to feel nostalgic.

"Did your mom throw frozen bread at you if you were misbehaving?" Itachi asked curious…he had to know if it was just his mother.

"No…but she chased my dad with a knife once." Kakashi laughed…maybe his mom wasn't as cold and levelheaded as he originally thought. Itachi's eyes widened.

"No way! My mom too!"

They laughed and continued as much of the list as they could with the time frame they were given.

 

***

 

Hidan and Deidara made their way down the stairs, there were a few wolf whistles from Kisame and possibly Gai. Deidara tried to hide his blush and looked down everywhere but the group who had the idea that in that short time they were gone they had sex. He scoffed, like they would be that fast. But he knew this group, once they had an idea, they ran with it.

Hidan however chose to ignore them after flipping them off. He had his sights set on the baby that Kisame was holding. He never knew why he was so fascinated with babies, but he was a natural and rather than be embarrassed, Hidan chose to embrace it. Probably because they were so vulnerable and well, so damned precious when they weren't screaming their little heads off. Without asking he swiped Sasuke off of Kisame and began to rock with him to whatever song the group was currently listening too.

Deidara made a disgusted face. "What in the hell are you listening too, un?" Kisame made an embarrassed look.

"Snitch Bitch... The kid seems to like it." He said impishly.

"From Empire? Fucking 'A' man! Put drip drop on, we'll have him dance too it!" Hidan said excitedly. Kisame laughed and while he was looking on his phone for Hidan's request. Somehow Itachi materialized out of nowhere and yanked Kisame's phone away so casually it shocked everyone but the pair.

"Do NOT play that song for Sasuke. It's already bad enough he seems to like Nikki Minaj's 'Anaconda'..." Itachi pleaded with his eyes and Kisame was beat. He nodded respectfully and then Itachi gave him back his phone. A few people chuckled at how whipped he looked at the moment.

"... So you know of the song doll face?" Hidan grinned while still bouncing Sasuke who was thoroughly enjoying it. Itachi's cheeks colored and hung his head down realizing he gave away that he knew what song they were talking about. "Aha! Not as prim and proper as we all thought huh? So... what's your favorite song from it?" Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Can't Trust 'Em." There was a collective sound of surprise from the small group.

"I thought you would have gone with something soft... that's a pretty wicked song though, what else do you got hidden in there, doll face?" Hidan teased which irritated Itachi more.

"Mine is currently 'Like my Daddy'." Kakashi spoke up, everyone looked at him with a knowing gaze from those who were there last night. "You know especially how he says, 'it's hard to love the devil he's a hater, dirty hypocrite manipulator'... yeah really feeling that right now." He sighed as he pulled out his cellphone and left to go stand on the porch.

"... Did I miss something?" Hidan asked seeing that there were only three people who looked confused; Tobi, Sasori, and himself.

"Kakashi's dead dad came back from the dead... well apparently he wasn't actually dead. He was on an undercover mission, hm." Deidara informed the three.

 

"Dei, maybe Kakashi didn't want everyone to know! He's a very private person y'know? Brimming with youthful secrecy!" Gai scolded and Deidara held up his hands in defense.

"He's the one who brought it up, yeah. Don't go getting mad at me." Deidara pouted and made his way to sit next to Sasori who was on the other couch, they were just far enough away to not hear comfortably what the other's were saying.

Deidara turned to smile at Sasori, but his smile wavered when he noticed the disappointed look on Sasori's face.

"What is it danna? Are you upset with me, un?" he asked in whisper, not wanting the others to intrude on his conversation with his best friend. Sasori never one to mince words

"No... I'm not upset with you... agitated maybe... probably slightly disappointed." He answered carefully checking off the list of emotions it could possibly be that he was feeling.

"I'm sorry danna. I really thought that he was okay with everyone getting that information because he told me we're like his family... that and he brought it up, un." Deidara confessed through his bangs, when he noticed the look didn’t leave the brown eyes of his friend he got slightly nervous. What possibly could Sasori be upset with him about?

"It's not about what I just said... Is it?" He asked and Sasori shook his head. Now Deidara was getting agitated from the anxiety he was beginning to feel from not knowing. "Then what is it danna?"

Sasori's eyes flickered just for a second to behind Deidara before returning back to the blonde's blue eyes. Despite what people believe, Deidara was not one to be fooled. He looked behind him and saw that the rest of the group went outside on the porch to join Kakashi while Hidan stayed behind, still swaying Sasuke. Deidara had his answer fairly quickly.

"You're disappointed I made up with Hidan, danna?" He asked curiously... it didn't make sense to him... but then again Sasori was always a protective friend. He smiled and put a hand on Sasori's shoulder "It's okay, not everything is peachy... we're just not at each other's throats, un. We still have a lot of ways to go..." Deidara supplied Sasori with their updated status. This seemed to please the redhead.

"Be careful though Dei... Don't be anyone's second choice. You deserve so much more than that." Sasori said finally. Deidara wish he could control the blush that went to his cheeks.

 

***

 

"You okay?" Kisame asked sitting next to Kakashi who was laying on Hidan's porch.

"Yeah, just needed some air... and I had to text him." Kakashi admitted. Kisame's eyebrows rose, this was a good sign.

"About what, Rival?" Gai, oh sweet Gai, never one to beat around the bush.

"... I forgot to tell him I wasn't coming home. I'm so used to not having to let anyone know, just coming and going as I please. Plus side of this is at least my dogs are fed, walked and have company." Kakashi said looking up at the sky, enjoying the new display of colors the day was giving them at its end.

"Well to be fair... you are an adult." Kisame tried to sympathize with his friend.

"Yes but it is still important to let your parents know where you are at all times! Despite our ages, they will always see us as we were as babies or children!" Tobi said happily.

"Does YOUR dad know you're here?" Itachi asked curiously.

"Oh no! He wouldn't have let me come overnight anywhere! My momma knows though! It was his idea to keep it from daddy because he knows his behavior! He told me to leave that to him!" Tobi practically sang.

"Great, add kidnapping onto our sentence..." Kakashi said pitifully.

The group chuckled at the thought.

 

***

 

The meat had been in the smoker for a while and Tobi sat in the kitchen watching everyone work with a smile.

"Caramelize onions? That doesn't sound very healthy." Gai said, looking at his paper.

"Oh you just have to sauté them." Tobi said simply and walked to the stove. "It brings out the natural sugars in it and makes them taste sweeter." Tobi poured some olive oil in the saute pan and waited for it to get hot. He dumped the contents in the pan, smiling under his mask at the sizzling noises it made. Using the handle to jerk the pan, he flipped the onions skillfully.

"Can I try?" Gai asked, smiling and Tobi offered him the handle.

Gai promptly threw the onions on the floor. Gai and Tobi stared at the onions blankly and Kisame doubled over laughing.

"Gai this isn't the Olympic onion tossing competition! Why are you throwing them across the room?" He asked and Tobi turned the stove off.

"I just... I just cut all of those onions." Kakashi said sadly and Hidan walked in to see a lump of onions on his kitchen floor.

"Fuckin what is going on?" He asked and Deidara shook his head.

"Gai can't sauté for shit, hm."

"No shit. Gai, the fuckin shit has to be in the pan for you to sauté it. Low oil. High heat. For fucks sake, Gai." Gai laughed awkwardly.

"Well, it must be because I am so used to lifting weights I didn't think of the force I was putting into it. I'm sorry everyone!"

"I don't want to hear you're sorry." Kakashi muttered, going back to cutting the onions. For whatever reason, Tobi looked nervous.

"U-uh... You're holding the knife wrong." He said anxiously and Kakashi looked up at him with a dry expression.

"Do you want to cut the onion, Tobi?" He asked and Tobi nodded, relieved. He made his way to the table and opened his knife kit, grabbing his chef knife. With skilled precision he cut the onion into thin slices quite easily. "What the hell?"

"Tobi is a culinary arts major. You didn't know, hm?" Deidara said, seeming to brag FOR Tobi. Tobi blushed at the attention from his Senpai and it almost caused him to cut his finger. Luckily, no one noticed and he cut the rest of the onions in record time.

"Hey Hidan, I was snooping-" Sasori started.

"-Wow, what a surprise, hm-"

"-and I couldn't help but wonder, why do you have a picture with two Mexicans randomly in your living room?" Deidara blinked at the question. What a weird thing to ask someone.

"Well, Sasori, a lot of people have pictures with them and their parents." Hidan responded with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh." Sasori blinked. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were adopted."

"Adopted?" It was Hidan's turn to look confused. "I'm not fuckin' adopted. They're my real parents."

"Hidan... You're Mexican?" Kakashi asked slowly and Hidan crossed his arms.

"Where the hell else am I getting my devilishly good looks?"

"But..."

"He's albino." Itachi said and Hidan sighed and shook his head.

"Hidan doesn't like being called albino." Deidara said quietly.

"It doesn't mean he's not albino. I was just giving them the answer." Itachi said back and Hidan crossed his arms.

"I'm not fuckin albino. I don't have health issues. I'm just... pale as hell." Hidan said and Itachi tilted his head to the side. "Okay. Fuck you very much. I'm albino. Are you happy?"

"I'm just amazed that you're Mexican." Kisame piped in and Sasori nodded. "If anything I thought you were Italian."

"What? Why the fuck would I be Italian?"

"You have that... Guido thing going for you." Kisame said motioning slicking back his hair. Deidara chortled. He thought the same thing. "And you don't like shirts."

"Guidos are tan though." Hidan said and Kisame's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"So are Mexicans, yet here you are." Hidan seemed to accept that and nodded once.

"So..." Deidara cleared his throat. "You're a native Spanish speaker?"

"My first language, **_princesa_**." He said, putting extra emphasis on each syllable of the word, rolling the r harsher than necessary. It had its desired effect and Hidan's grin grew. Deidara's cheeks were bright red and he just nodded quickly and didn't speak further. How he loved teasing Deidara.

 

***

 

Hours later, Jiraiya had left and all of them were so exhausted from doing menial tasks in the kitchen they just wanted to go to bed.

"Come on! You lameasses don't even want to play a fucking board game or something?"

"What board game do you have?" Deidara asked flatly. "Because I've yet to see a single board game." Hidan sighed.

"Fine. I guess it's bed time. Everyone pick a buddy. I have a lot of rooms but not THAT many rooms." Tobi was overwhelmed with the possibility of sleeping next to his senpai and in a brief moment of panic, he turned to Sasori.

"Would you like to be my roommate?" He asked, Sasori nodded and Deidara frowned at that. What the hell was that about? Sasori **_and_** Tobi didn't want to room with him? Ouch.

"Alright, doll face. I'll show you to your room first. Follow me everyone." Itachi was confused as to why he had a designated room above all else. Everyone trailed after Hidan up the stairs and he pat a door and opened it. Itachi peeked inside and smiled. There was a crib in his room. "It's old as shit, but it'll do for a night."

"Thank you, Hidan." Itachi said and bowed his head slightly. As Hidan led the rest of the group down the hallway, Kisame nervously stood by Itachi. "Did you want to be roommates?" Itachi asked and it seemed to embarrass Kisame more than he thought it would. Especially being a completely innocent question.

"I-If you don't mind. Kakashi and Gai are probably... rooming together. You know?" Itachi nodded slowly and motioned for Kisame to follow him into the room.

"Okay here's room number two." Hidan said after opening the door. "I don't give a shit who goes in here. It's a full sized bed. The last room is a twin and an air mattress."

"You guys can have this room." Sasori said to Kakashi. Kakashi shrugged and Gai followed him into the bedroom. "Come on, Tobi."

Once everyone was in their designated rooms, Deidara stood in the hallway with Hidan, crossing his arms.

"You gave out my bedroom." He said and Hidan walked over and snaked an arm around Deidara's hips.

"I know. But I was hoping we could talk?" He said quietly and Deidara pouted at Hidan but nodded and Hidan's smile grew.

 

***

 

"I must say, I had no idea Hidan could have such a nice house!" Gai exclaimed and Kakashi nodded. They both got changed fairly quickly.

"You're telling me. I have no idea why I'm so exhausted though. I feel like I haven't done anything at all." Kakashi said, frowning.

"Nonsense, Rival. You did plenty!" Gai assured and climbed into the bed. "Now come on and join me in this surprisingly comfortable bed so we can go to sleep and hopefully wake up energized and ready to continue our work for the well anticipated baby shower!" Kakashi sighed and moved his and Gai's bag to the other side of the room and got into the bed. He laid down and Gai smiled at him.

"What?" Kakashi asked and Gai almost giggled.

"Nothing, Rival. We are just sharing a bed."

"You say this like we've never shared a bed before." Kakashi responded flatly.

"Well, it has been a rare occasion since our getting together." Gai said and softly rubbed Kakashi's cheek. "I am happy to be sleeping next to you, rival." Kakashi's cheeks colored.

"I'm happy to sleep next to you too, Gai. I hope you know that." He said and shut the light off on the night stand. In the dark, feeling Gai's body heat was much more intimate than when the light was on. Kakashi's body was hyper-aware of Gai and suddenly, he was too nervous to be tired.

"Well come here, Kakashi, you know I'm a cuddler." Gai said and pulled Kakashi into his chest, spooning behind him.

"No, you don't sleep on your side, usually Gai. This is going to get uncomfortable. Get on your back." Kakashi said and Gai made a noise of protest but turned anyway, Kakashi was right. With that, Kakashi laid his head on Gai's shoulder and cuddled into his side. Instantly he felt warm and a grin stretched on his face. "Better?"

"You know me so well, Rival." Gai said in a purr, without really meaning to. The tone of his voice sent a chill down Kakashi's spine and before he could control himself, he was kissing Gai. Gai made a sound of surprise but quickly cupped his hands on Kakashi's cheeks and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. Kakashi's tongue licked against Gai's lower lip and pushed passed his s lips to brush against Gai's own. Gai shifted so he was holding Kakashi even tighter and firmly held Kakashi's head in place by the scruff of his neck.

In the darkness, all that was heard was the sound of their lips smacking together and desperate noises of need. Kakashi's hands started rubbing up and down Gai's chest and finally, Gai cracked.

"Stop, Kakashi." He whispered and Kakashi quickly recoiled his hand as if he'd been burned. "I am enjoying this way too much."

"That’s... the point?" Gai chuckled and hugged Kakashi tightly.

"I wanted there to be more romance than being in Hidan's spare bedroom."

"You're going to blue ball me because you don't want our first time to be at Hidan's house?" He felt Gai nod. "We don't have to go all the way..."

"Kakashi," Gai began and Kakashi was already pouting, Gai had used his name so he was serious. "The first time I will be intimate with you I want to be very special. Please, allow me to woo you, rival." Kakashi smiled even though he was disappointed because he knew this meant a great deal to his boyfriend. Hm, strange to think of his lifelong best friend as his boyfriend.

"Okay, Gai. You better woo me good." Kakashi teased and laid back down to Gai's side.

"I wouldn't do anything less than the best for you, Rival."

 

***

 

"Shhh. Sasuke. It's okay." Itachi softly rocked the baby back and forth as Sasuke made pitiful whines, forcing himself to stay awake for no reason. "I'll give you the moon at night, I'll give you the stars to light your eyes. I'll give you the sun to make just one more dawn, so another day may come. I'll give you my heart and soul, I'll be there to catch you when you fall. When you ask me what I'll give to you, oh I'll give it all." Itachi sung softly, almost saying it like poetry. Kisame sat on the bed and just stared at the way Itachi catered to his little brother and he wasn't sure if his heart wouldn't burst on the spot. He had it so terribly bad for Itachi and each day, Itachi did something that further screwed him.

Eventually, Sasuke was lulled to sleep and Itachi put him down gently in the crib. He gave the baby a once-over and smiled, satisfied. He turned to Kisame and blushed slightly. He completely forgot Kisame was even in the room.

"You're a good mom." Kisame said fondly with a hint of a tease. Itachi rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag and quickly got changed. He noticed Kisame was already in his pajamas and he was polite enough to turn his head so Itachi could get changed.

This room had a large bed, probably a queen sized. The thought of sharing it was anxiety inducing at the same time as it being one of the greatest blessings Itachi and Kisame ever received.

Itachi looked at Kisame's sleep clothes. A muscle shirt and a pair of shorts. He couldn't keep his eyes off of Kisame's arms. He knew Kisame was muscular, but seeing him in a shirt that gave such a good display of his muscles was enough to make him swoon. He quickly forced himself to look away, Kisame's body was like a gods and he couldn't keep teasing himself or this would get awkward and fast.

Kisame also had the same problem. Itachi wore baggy clothes to bed. A shirt a size too big and drawstring pajama pants. There was nothing about what he was wearing that was sexy, yet when he saw Itachi wearing them with his bulky glasses after taking out his contacts and his hair that laid loose on his shoulders and back, he couldn't keep his eyes away. Itachi was so cute.

Itachi walked to the wall to flick the light switch off and Kisame just stared into the dark.

Lying in bed with him would be difficult but Kisame was adamant this would work out. It had to. Something had to work for him so Itachi would think of Kisame as being perhaps a potential dating partner? Jeez, Kisame could feel his heart hammering against his chest and it got worse once he felt the bed dip, his mind blurred and it was difficult to think about anything other than Itachi being a foot away from him.

"Goodnight Kisame."

"Night 'Tachi." Kisame strangled out and gripped the sheets. This was going to be a long night.

 

***

 

"So why did you want to room with me and not Deidara?" Sasori asked after him and Tobi had gotten changed. Sasori had simple blue pajama pants and a long sleeved shirt. Tobi had a matching set of Hufflepuff pajamas.

"Rooming with Deidara-senpai made me nervous." Tobi said seriously and stared at the ground intently. Sasori raised an eyebrow and noticed that Tobi was still wearing his bandana that covered his face.

"Why?" Sasori asked and Tobi shrugged and stood up, standing in front of a mirror, he started to untie his bandana and once he was done he left the fabric on the dresser. He turned to face Sasori and Sasori just stared in response. There wasn't a look of horror on Sasori's face, only one of interest.

"Because I look like this." Tobi said finally and Sasori frowned deeply. He was unaware Tobi felt self-conscious at all.

"You look fine." Sasori said honestly and Tobi tilted his head to the side. "Seriously. Just because you have scarring on half your face doesn't mean you look less attractive." If someone else said that, it would've probably been considered flirting. Sasori said it so factually that it was hard to take it as a compliment. It would've been like thanking him for letting Tobi know what temperature the room was. "Why does it matter what Deidara thinks?" Tobi shrugged.

"He's my Senpai." Tobi answered, but he sounded unsure. He sat on his bed and Sasori sighed, shutting the light off and sitting on his own. "You like Deidara too, don't you?" Sasori's heart stammered and he quickly laid down.

"Goodnight, Tobi."

"Goodnight, Sasori."

 

***

 

"Okay so what do you want to talk about, hm?" Deidara asked flatly and Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Straight to the point, aren't you, princess?" Deidara glared at him and Hidan just scratched his head nervously. "This is going to sound crazy."

"Everything you say is crazy, yeah." Deidara deadpanned and Hidan shrugged and nodded, this was true enough.

"I'm just going to talk and probably make an ass of myself but hey, what else is new? I just figured... I have to tell you everything."

"Oh?"

"Yes, now fucking pay attention, I'm not going through this a second time." Deidara frowned but raised an eyebrow, willing Hidan to go on. "Deidara, I like you. I really fucking like you. I like so much shit about being with you and you're fuckin' fun to be with and you're... you're like me in some ways and I like that about you. I don't want to not be with you." Deidara's face was red and he tried his best to look unimpressed and crossed his arms tight.

"I'm sensing a 'but' in that statement, hm." Deidara said and Hidan sighed.

"My goddamn college professor. I won't lie, I like him too. I want to fuck the shit outta him." Deidara tensed up instantly and Hidan knew that there was probably a better way to say it. "But I realized I want to do that with you and it's weird."

"What do you mean?"

"I want you both. At the same time. I know it sounds greedy and I'm sorry but I just can't help it. Shit, my feelings for you aren't changing. They're still there, fuck, they're still there and fucking annoying because I like you so goddamn much. This is something I want to do with you. Just like... Think about teach', he has like this three-way shit going on... Don't... Don't fuckin' listen to me. Alright? I-It's okay if you don't want to, it's dumb, I'm... I am more than fine being with only you if that's what you want-"

"Give me your phone." Deidara demanded, holding out his hand. Hidan raised an eyebrow and handed Deidara the phone. It wasn't like there was something that Deidara hadn't seen already on it. Deidara went directly to the messages from Kakuzu and scrolled up to get to the sexting. For whatever reason, this made Hidan extremely anxious. Deidara clicked on a picture of Kakuzu and actually examined him. He closed out of the picture and looked at another one.

"He is hot." Deidara concluded and Hidan smiled slightly. "I don't know... I'll think about it? How do you even know if he would even be interested in me, hm?" Hidan walked over and pulled Deidara into a tight hug.

"Who wouldn't be interested in you, babe?" He tilted Deidara's chin up.

"Hidan..." Deidara whispered and Hidan's eyes raked over Deidara's body and Deidara made a low growl.

"Do you want something, princess?" Hidan asked and let his hands cup Deidara's growing erection. "What has you getting horny, princess?" Hidan shifted Deidara on the bed further to climb on top of him. "Are you getting hard thinking about being fucked by two guys at once? Is that what it is? Do you want me to fuck your pretty mouth while he fucks that tight hole of yours?" Deidara whimpered and struggled against the pressure in his pants. "God you're so hot. If only Kakuzu could see you now." Hidan said as he unbuttoned Deidara's pants and yanked them down.

"He can. You've used a camera before, haven't you?" Deidara asked with a smirk. Hidan bit his lip.

"You're bad, princess." He said and grabbed his phone. "Oh, I can't wait to send him a picture, but what should the picture be?" Hidan tucked some hair behind Deidara's ear to look at him better. "Let's try a nice innocent one first to see his response?" Hidan moved away from Deidara to yank his shirt off while Deidara took off his own.

When Hidan pulled Deidara in for an embrace, he leaned in and bit Deidara's neck, and took a picture. While he continued to suck on Deidara's neck, he moved the phone so he could see the picture and smirked against Deidara's flesh. Deidara's expression was flushed and his eyebrows were pushed up in bliss. Hidan was impressed that he managed to get himself into the picture as well, very visibly biting down hard on Deidara's neck. Hidan straddled Deidara's hips and pulled away. Deidara was grinding against him as he messed with the phone to send it to Kakuzu. His smirk was wide and he couldn't help but roll his hips against Deidara's. He needed to get out of his pants, it was painful.

To Deidara's dissatisfaction, Hidan climbed off him to get his pants off and the cool air made him shiver.

 

***

 

Kakuzu heard Hidan's message tone go off the moment he entered his bedroom dressed in only a towel.

_'Don't do it, don't pick up…having anything to do with that boy will only lead to bills…lots and lots of bills…mainly court bills because you are his professor.'_ He thought to himself.

And yet, his hand as if it had a mind of its own, picked up the cell phone and opened the message.

He was not expecting what he was greeted with.

_'Looks like they're back together…why is he sending me this?'_ he wondered to himself. He quickly typed back in the message.

_'You know how to suck on a neck, good for you. What do you want?'_

Instantly he was agitated with himself, what was it about this kid that wrung him out in so easily?

The next video was much different than the first. It was taken from Hidan's perspective. He was looming over Deidara, the camera cast down on the blond. Hidan ran his fingers across Deidara's chest. He pinched Deidara's nipple and Deidara whined at the sensation. After going agonizingly slow, the video ended with Hidan running his hand down and gripping Deidara's cock and giving it a tantalizing slow rub, making Deidara buck his hip and moan off the camera. With that, the video faded to black.

Kakuzu was again, slightly embarrassed with how quickly he opened the text. He watched slightly entranced with the angling of the camera...was this supposed to be suggestive as to what Hidan wanted to do with him? The thought both humored and enamored Kakuzu. As if he’d let anyone... _anyone_ top him. There was only one person he allowed, and well...he’s beyond off limits with the addition of being his best friend. He shook his head trying to rid himself of memories of the past, as cringy as they were. He closed his eyes and inhaled the image of Hidan still in his mind, unwillingly he felt his cock twitch. Growling he responded.

_‘Nice view but unrealistic, even if the sounds are...pleasant.’_ he sent back to Hidan.

A few seconds later another chime was heard to let Kakuzu know there was another video. In the next video, it was out of focus for the first few seconds and there were soft noises heard. When the video finally focused, Deidara's hair was easily seen. From that point, the camera moved back and Deidara's head was more focused.

Hidan's fingers laced into Deidara's hair and from that point it was obvious where Deidara's head was and it only grew more apparent when Hidan layed down to allow the full view of the camera to show Deidara's mouth wrapped tightly around Hidan's cock. Being so close to the receiver, Hidan's breathy moans sounded louder than they would have normally. Hidan jerked his hips up and Deidara swallowed down more of his cock. Hidan's fingers tightened on Deidara's hair and the video was ended from that point.

Kakuzu’s eyes were glued to his phone as he watched the video that was just sent. The pretty little blonde looked very pleasing and seemed to know what he was doing. He briefly wondered how the blonde’s lips would look around his own cock. His thoughts were halted by Hidan’s moaning.

He shuddered at that sound, a low growl escaping him. The brat sounded... _delicious_. He then began fantasizing the little zealot making those noises while Kakuzu pumped in and out of him, and gasped when his own hand found a way to his fully hard manhood. He quickly typed a reply before he gave into his own thoughts.

_“More accurate this time.”_

The video that followed was rather short. Deidara's legs were spread out, giving the camera a full view of him. He laid on the pillows with his hands above his head, his expression needy and his cheeks were flushed with want. Hidan's fingers rubbed against his opening and Deidara shivered. Hidan added a finger and Deidara's back arched slightly.

"You don't have to prep me, hm. I like when it hurts." Hidan gave a throaty chuckle and the video ended.

Kakuzu looked down when his phone went off. He continued to run his hand over his length as he watched the video. He was surprised at the tingling sensation that was started at the base of his spine as he stared at the blonde on his phone. He heard the the breathy command and growled as his imagination began with the possibilities of entering the blonde dry.

He thought about sending a reply but he knew at this point, he was too far gone to give a reply that he felt comfortable not being teased by the damn little zealot.

The next video popped up on Kakuzu's messages and it was a close up of the head of Hidan's cock pushing against Deidara's hole. Deidara was whining for Hidan to hurry up and in one swift movement, Hidan pushed inside Deidara causing Deidara to cry out and his cock to throb. The rest of the video was Hidan roughly thrusting inside Deidara with Deidara moaning and making noises. The video ended with a deep purr of Hidan's voice, moaning out a,

"Kakuzu~"

Hearing Hidan moan his name caused blood to rush through Kakuzu and he saw white; his body on fire, waves of heat washing over him. He came with a gasp, his orgasm coming in spurts, and his tongue had the taste of electricity on its tip.

On his high of adrenaline and ecstasy, he pictured disheveled white hair and an impish smile. The corners of his mouth quirked up slightly and whispered

“Uwoduhi, Hidan.”

And closed his eyes, letting the rest of his orgasm take effect.

 

***

 

"You aren't going to record anymore?" Deidara asked through moans after Hidan tossed his phone to the side.

"Fucker isn't responding anyway and I just want to cum. God recording you like that... I'm not deleting those videos, princess." Hidan said, pulling out from Deidara and flipping him over and shoving his face down into the pillows and roughly pushes back into him.

"Fuck! Hidan!" Deidara cried out somewhere between a moan and a scold.

"Sorry babe, texting Kakuzu like this really excited me. Don't be surprised if I keep you up all night~" Hidan said with a smirk, then bit his lip in pleasure as he thrust in an out of Deidara.

"Hidan~ Are you just going to be picturing Kakuzu the whole time, hm??" Hidan scratched down Deidara's back and Deidara hissed.

"Not the whole time...But I think you like thinking about being fucked by Kakuzu, don't you? You want both ends filled? To be used by a fuck toy?" Hidan smirked widely at Deidara's heart rate he felt by touching his back."You're getting turned on by that, aren't you? I love what a slut you are. Bonita y rubia, pura tenía que ser... sabes princesa a veces te pasas de perra."

Deidara grit his teeth and clenched the blankets underneath him and Hidan was smug to know that Spanish still worked on him. With a wince, Hidan could feel Deidara tighten around his cock with his orgasm. Hidan's head fell back with a loud grunt as Deidara's tightened hole brought him to a much stronger release than he anticipated. His fingernails dug into Deidara's hips and he gave a few final thrusts to make sure he completely finished inside Deidara before pulling out slowly and heard Deidara whimper.

"Don't get too comfortable, princess." Hidan said through heavy breaths. "I plan on fucking you again tonight."

"Who said I'll let you, hm?" Deidara said, muffled through a pillow. Hidan smacked his ass hard and loud, Deidara yelped and jumped up.

"I don't recall saying you have a choice." Hidan said seriously, then smirked. Deidara turned to face him with a bright red face and bit his lip. Hidan chuckled. "You really are a slut, aren't you?"

"Shut the fuck up, Hidan." Deidara said, embarrassed. Hidan rolled his eyes and picked up his phone. "Did he text back?"

Hidan didn’t respond immediately which worried Deidara…had they gone too far with it? Would Hidan get in trouble? His thoughts were quickly dissolved when a goofy grin began to blossom on Hidan’s face.

“What, what did he say, un?” Deidara asked slightly agitated that he hadn’t shared.

Hidan looked up, his eyes absolutely bright with laughter and…hope?

“He got jealous!” he said a little too loud in Deidara’s face, causing him to startle.

“What? How could you be so sure?”

“He texted back _‘I see your limited attention span claimed another victim’_ …he sent that after I didn’t send anything back over ten minutes ago!” Hidan said slightly shoving the phone in Deidara’s face to prove his excitement was legitimate. Deidara looked at him strangely and asked.

“You’re sure? It just sounds like someone who’s done with your shit, un.”

“Fuck you, I know him…it’d be easier in person because I’m starting to be able to read the old fuck, but…I am really sure he was…insecure for a second? I don’t know…but it was out of character for him, definitely…” he trailed off.

Deidara wanted to be jealous…he _should_ be jealous…and yet, seeing Hidan gush over a simple 9 worded text, was one of the sincerest moment’s he ever witnessed with the cocky albino. This teacher seemed to really make him happy, giddy almost…Deidara could understand that. That is what he reluctantly felt with Hidan, as much as tried not to.

His mind wandered off to Jiraiya…Hidan was right, he was in a relationship with a man and a woman at the same time. There he had living proof in front of him, downstairs, Monday through Friday, that polygamous relationships can work…but has it ever been done with three men before? Who’s the heart of the relationship? Would there still be room for loving him?

He was taken out of his thoughts briefly when he felt Hidan’s hands start rubbing his nipples and the bites that were beginning on his neck. Regardless of how incredibly risky it was…he was willing. Willing to put himself out there to not one, but two different men; he closed his eyes and leaned into the affection that he was being showed. Hidan. Was he worth it?

He knew the answer already, if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have been willing to bare himself not once, but twice.

 

***

 

Kisame was woken up by the sound of soft whimpering. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, and looked over at Sasuke. Man this kid had a way of not sleeping; he already woke up three times. Begrudgingly he picked up his phone and looked at the time.

4:15am.

He guess this is what Itachi had to go through all the time as he looked over to Sasuke…who was sleeping peacefully. Wait. What? He heard the whimper again and looked down at Itachi who had a vice grip on his pillow.

“Mom…dad…I’m sorry…” he mumbled into his pillow, but Kisame still heard it.

Their past conversations came flooding into Kisame’s memory; Itachi’s parents…they were dead. That meant Itachi was currently…his body began moving on auto pilot. He gently laid down beside the brunette. Kisame could feel his blood pressure in his ears as he slowly reached out his hand and began to run soothing circles on Itachi’s back.

Kisame wasn’t expecting him to turn over and seek more comfort from the direction the hand had come. What was once the pillow in Itachi’s grip had now become Kisame’s shirts, it wasn’t long until Kisame felt hot tears leaking onto his chest. 

Kisame’s heart clenched inside his chest, he had no reason that Itachi was still mourning so intensely, and seeing him hurt, hurt him too. He reached his free hand around Itachi and began to run his hand along the long dark tresses that had completely escaped the messy bun they had been put in before sleep. He carefully whispered ‘Shh’, anything to comfort Itachi and not wake up Sasuke.

After what seemed like hours, Itachi finally began to calm down, his nightmare subsiding leaving him having an occasional hiccup here and there. A small smile now coming to his face where a frown was there for quite some time, with a subtle sigh he smiled. Kisame’s breath hitched and world stopped at what he heard come off of Itachi’s unconscious lips.

“Kisame.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Long enough wait guys? We're both so sorry, Smoresies and I. We've been going through so much in our personal lives that we haven't been able to keep up with writing, one of us had a major depressive episode, one of us moved and is going is having life beat them up...it's been a lot, and we're sorry. We just wanted to let you guys know you or this story hasn't left our thoughts and that the updating should get back on track very soon :). 
> 
> Cherokee words in this chapter:  
>  **Anitsu:** Boy  
>  **Uwoduhi:** Beautiful 
> 
> 1) Did you miss the story?  
> 2) Are you surprised at Hidan's ethnicity?  
> 3) How are you liking the kakuhidadei?  
> 4) Disappointed by the lack of kakagai smut?


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